Reddit reviews Adult Coloring Book Designs: Stress Relief Coloring Book: Garden Designs, Mandalas, Animals, and Paisley Patterns

Your past is horrible. It is not something easily forgettable. This is not something that will ever go away. It is really good that you are going through therapy and starting the healing process from it, but alcohol is not a good way to cope with these traumas. Have you talked to your therapist about the alcohol? Have they tried giving you medicine for your anxiety? You are justified in how you are feeling. Let me say it again: You are JUSTIFIED in how you are feeling. You are justified in feeling 'crazy' because your Nmom has been abusive and a threatening force for all of that time period. Please don't go down the path of drinking alcohol to cope, it is not safe, and it doesn't help at all in the end. There are a bunch of coping mechanisms online to help stop panic/anxiety attacks that are safe.
Click on this and this for some coping mechanisms for when you have anxiety or panic attacks.

Another thing you can do (I currently do this, and it is really calming) is color. Get adult coloring books, some crayons or pencils, and just draw. It is the most relaxing thing ever, because you are focusing on one thing. I also play music, so i won't be distracted by outside noise or the thoughts in my head. You can get coloring books that have [curse words] (https://www.amazon.com/Art-Not-Giving-Fuck-Disregard/dp/1533360308/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1468414560&sr=8-10&keywords=adult+coloring+books+curse+words) in them, or some generic pretty ones and they are all pretty!

Hang in there, OP. It will get better soon.

Any one of these amazing adult coloring books for spoonies!

Or Hawkman, Batgirl/Harley Quinn, Fallout Power Armor... if you're feeling funky!

You sound angry about your new President.

Stock up on these. They'll help you get through the next 8 years.