Reddit reviews After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, 2nd Edition

Do what you think is right. Ultimately it doesnt matter what anyone else says because you will make the choice. You have support here though.

A book that might help you through this time is after the affair. I've included a link below. This is particular to married couples but it really doesn't matter. You have invested yourself.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0062122703?pc_redir=1405853910&robot_redir=1


Good luck and stay smart.

http://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0062122703

This book should be referenced on the sidebar or something....It's a good book, you'll be able to relate to how things make you feel. Unfortunately it's written as men being the cheaters (because a large percentage of the time they are)...but the emotions are still the same. Good Luck.

There's a great book called After the Affair which helped me out in coping when I've had this happen to me in the past. It was recommended to me by my therapist and I'd highly recommend it as a way to understand what you're feeling and to help with healing.

He says he has moved on, doesn’t miss her, and wants to just forget it even happened. Well, easy for him to say! When I made the comment that our marriage will never be what it used to be (in the beginning), he got upset.

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This. He doesn't get to decide that. HE did this to you, it's not some personal embarassing thing he can just shrug off. It shook your relationship and your trust in him to its core.

It is a fact that your marriage will never be what it used to be!

Tell him that he needs to take responsibility!

Make him read the book https://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0062122703

and do couples counselling. Tell him this rather than asking, and tell him that if he refuses to do anything differently, you can only assume that he hasn't changed, ie he's still lying and expecting to get away with minimal work while you deal with reality. Which isn't good enough, or indeed your problem to take care of.

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I'm very sorry for what you're going through, rooting for you!

The best: https://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0062122703

Please dont. If she is doing trickle truth she is not serious about reconciliation. Ypu need to talk to her about withdrawing truth. If she is serious about reconciliation then there would not be trickle truth. Have a talk with with her. If you really want to know. Tell her you need the entire truth and if she cant be truthfull she is not serious about reconciliation and you need to consider this.

Do not go down this path of reconstructing data to catch her. It will be you driving yourself mad not her helping you heal. There will be nightmares, panic attacks, and flashbacks. Dont do this to yourself. If she doesnt want to make it right and help you heal then tgis path will just bring you pain.

Maybe she needs help. Counseling. I gave my WS a copy of After the Affair that made him want to start living a truer life and try but I couldnt do it. Idk maybe I am just weak. Sometimes I regret not standing by him and trying. But it may help her open up.

https://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0062122703/ref=asc_df_0062122703/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312400961658&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2112329543727029390&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9031808&hvtargid=pla-453694254427&psc=1

Your husband's reaction is not unusual, but what is unusual is his continued resentment over three years. Usually, harboring that much bitterness leads to a rapid deterioration of the marriage until it is unsalvageable. How did he catch you? What were the circumstances of you being discovered? And how emotional did the affair become?

There's a great book I recommend for partners learning to forgive their unfaithful spouses, entitled (interestingly) "After the Affair":

https://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0062122703/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1474551400&sr=8-1&keywords=after+the+affair

But bottom line, we are here to support you. Your husband either can, or cannot, accept who you are. There's no going back - there is only moving forward.

Please, tell us more about what happened.

It's definitely more than that. My IC loaned me a book to read, After the Affair by Janis Spring. My WS has been reading it too. We are finding it very helpful, and I highly recommend it, especially if MC is not an option. It's $11 on Amazon, and they might have it at the library (https://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0062122703/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=after+the+affair+by+janis+spring&qid=1567124389&s=gateway&sprefix=after+the+aff&sr=8-1)