Reddit Reddit reviews Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child

We found 12 Reddit comments about Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

Books
Self-Help
Abuse Self-Help
Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child
Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused As a Child
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12 Reddit comments about Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child:

u/aradthrowawayacct · 20 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

Childhood sexual abuse and assault, like he experienced, is often a huge issue for people's sexuality later in life. Especially when their body responds to the sexual stimulation as a child, even if they didn't consent to it (and that is extremely common)

It can be harder for boys, because of societal beliefs that they should be happy and grateful for this kind of sexual attention from adult women.

There are a lot of therapists who help people heal from sexual trauma like this, and some great self help books out there too, if he wants to go that route.


Edit:

This is my go-to list of rape recovery and sexual abuse recovery self-help books, including some of the precious few books for male victims, as well.

The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-by-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault by Aphrodite Matsakis

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The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz

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Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines

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The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Laura Davis & Ellen Bass

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Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child Laura Davis

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Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect by Ruth Cohn

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

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Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew

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Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuseby Mic Hunter

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Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys by Michel Dorais

u/LendMeYourFace · 4 pointsr/TrollXChromosomes

The way you asked sounded like you questioned if they were telling the truth. I've had people question my story using similar words, and many others haver reported similar experiences with similar questions. We get told that if we don't remember the abuse, nobody noticed what was going on with us, or nobody believed us then we are lying and we are making things up :| Anyway back on point, get ready for data overload:

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For learning how to support CSA survivors

Tips for talking to survivors of assault

This is for reporters but there's some good bits in there

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Adverse childhood experiences and how they affect people throughout their lives including life expectancy

Adverse childhood experiences the TedTalk

Why adults have a hard time remembering the abuse that happened to them as children

This is really damn common, I experience it myself. I only have a couple memories of my father sexually abusing me, but other things suggest that more than that happened. Also the younger a child is, obviously, the less they'll remember later on. How many of us remember anything from age 2, 3, or 4?

A far less academic explanation of repressed memories

A personal story of repressed memories

EVEN MORE from the society for traumatic stress studies

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u/Kenzietheearthling · 4 pointsr/adultsurvivors

You're not alone! It took me a full year to finally verbally say what happened to me. 27f who was also sexually abused by father.

Therapists ARE expensive, but some who really care will work with you. Mine charged me what I could pay and recommended books for me to go over when I couldn't visit.

Facing Codependence by Pia Melody was one that really helped.

Me and my husband just got a book for the partners of the abuse survivor called: Allies In Healing https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060968834/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_lzyszbBKEK35Z

And by the same author there's a highly recommended workbook that I'm also about to start called: The Courage to Heal workbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000GG4ZKE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_aByszbBD5KJW2

Always trust that your mind and body won't lie to you. I can always tell it's real because I get BODY memories, and those can't be faked. Numbness or dull pain/pressure in my vaginal and anal area, throat and breast... Look into "inner child" work on YouTube.

I hope some of this helps!!

You're not crazy! You're a survivor ❤️

u/maryjanesandbobbysox · 4 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

The book, Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child by Laura Davis is an excellent book for partners/spouses.

https://www.amazon.com/Allies-Healing-Person-Sexually-Abused/dp/0060968834

u/kjimbro · 3 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

In terms of books, you should check out Allies in Healing. It was recommended to me a decade ago by a therapist and it was an absolute game changer - both as the partner and partner of someone with a history of childhood sexual abuse.

u/Jonseroo · 2 pointsr/AskMen

I found this useful.

I spent my 20s in relationships with people who had been abused. It was rather trying, but I didn't love them any less, or not want to be with them.

You absolutely can be in a relationship. Good luck.

u/[deleted] · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

I am a psychologist, and the book Allies in Healing is really helpful. It's the only really extensive book I know of that is specifically for the partners of childhood sexual abuse survivors. I highly recommend it.

u/daclamp · 2 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Dude, surfactants.

So, about your problem, I had a similar issue with dudes. But instead of getting all shaky and weird, I just got violent. Like, excessive play fighting. It was weird. My therapist helped me work through past trauma with a method called EMDR and she recommended this book which may or may not be relevant for you, but it helped me.

u/folgaluna · 2 pointsr/secondary_survivors
u/survivoratx · 1 pointr/adultsurvivors

I found my therapist searching specifically for those that had experience with sexual abuse and trauma. I managed to get really lucky on the first try and even found one that took my insurance.

Based on my experience with my therapist, you absolutely should find someone specializing in this type of subject. They will have insight, experience, and training to properly guide your recovery that other general counselors may not.

As far as time length goes, 10 sessions is a good start, but will likely not be enough. I've been going weekly since November, and still have a lot of work to do. The good news is that most therapists/counselors will work with people who can't afford to pay the full amount.

The fact that you are willing to get help is a HUGE step, and you should be proud of yourself for making it. You have started the path of recovery. It's going to be rough as hell, but in the end you'll wind up a better person for it.

As far as techniques, the main one my therapist is using is a 6 question test when you get triggered. When it happens, answer these questions immediately. Write them down, put them in a journal, whatever works for you:

What am I:

  1. Seeing?
  2. Hearing?
  3. Smelling?
  4. Tasting?
  5. Sensing?
  6. Feeling?

    Do it every time. Even if it's the same answer over and over. You may start to notice a pattern.

    For example: A woman was triggered in the middle of traffic one day, and she couldn't understand why. She did the questions, and she and her therapist figured out that it was the smell of diesel fuel that was doing it. Her abuser was a mechanic.

    Once you being to understand the things that trigger you, and why, you'll start to be able to manage them better.

    And lastly i'll leave you with a book that was recommended to me for couples. You and your husband both should read this book, as it will give you both insight into yourself and the recovery process.

    The book is called Allies in Healing, and you can get it on Kindle or physical copy. It's helped my wife understand what i'm going through, and what to expect.