Reddit Reddit reviews And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives

We found 22 Reddit comments about And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

Books
Healthy Relationships
Love & Romance
Self-Help
And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives
Three Rivers Press CA
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22 Reddit comments about And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives:

u/inkblot81 · 56 pointsr/Parenting

I don't have any answers, but I wanted to confirm that this sounds like what happens to all parents. There's no way having a child wouldn't fundamentally change your lives and your relationship, let alone your home. The fact that your son was adopted is immaterial. It's good you're in therapy, and you might see if your wife would consider couples counseling.

There's also a helpful book called "And Baby Makes Three" by John Gottman: https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Makes-Three-Preserving-Rekindling/dp/140009738X

Lastly, this might seem silly, but on one of those evenings where you and your wife find yourselves with nothing to do, you could try the 36-questions relationship exercise. https://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

u/KennyBrocklestein · 24 pointsr/predaddit

I've been there. You have to realize that she's got a hurricane going on inside of her. Some people internalize it, some people externalize it, and it sounds like she is the former. It sucks. It's OK to be honest with her, but do so from a place of empathy for what she's going though (and with the knowledge that you can't possibly know what it's like for her). It's not that pregnancy gives someone a free pass to check out of their role in a relationship, but it can be scary as hell, and people deal with that kind of fear differently.


Talking to a therapist or counselor might well be your best bet here, because (a) you say you're experiencing depression, (b) you can vent without feeling like you're attacking your partner and (c) those feelings of fear and inadequacy about being a husband and father are things therapists have dealt with in other soon-to-be fathers, and they can definitely help you overcome them.


My situation may be very different from yours, but I definitely had some of the same fears you do. I once heard somebody say that childbirth is the most amazing thing that's happened to every single person on Earth. Fatherhood is the same. Just because your fears are common doesn't make them any less valid or painful. Talking to someone can help you get real context and understanding of them and keep you from making a decision in the moment that might have long-term consequences.


Once the baby is here, you might also check out And Baby Makes Three, which deals with how to maintain your relationship after the birth of a child. A good friend is a therapist and frequently recommends it to new parents.

u/adelime · 19 pointsr/BabyBumps

I'd highly recommend reading "And Baby Makes Three" by John and Julie Gottman. Or, they also have a workshop called "Bringing Baby Home" which is wonderful prenatally or postpartum.

The few things we did with my first that was VERY helpful, was:

  1. We set one time every week to check in, and that stayed consistent. We do a Sunday lunch together as a family, and asked, very deliberately "How are you doing?". This was awesome because it meant I didn't bring things up in the heat of the sleep-deprived moment. If it still bothered me by Sunday, I brought it up.
  2. We figured out what Three things we needed for our own mental health. For my husband, that's a shower, exercise, and sunlight (also, sleep). For me, it was a four hour stretch of sleep, getting outside, and space when I'm "touched out".
  3. Hearing "You're right, it's not fair, you are taking on more than me" was the most relieving thing I had heard at any given point.
  4. (in retrospect) Muddle through, be as kind as you can, and it'll get better eventually.

    I found that most executive functioning, communicating well, maintaining my ability to laugh at myself were nigh impossible in the toughest of times. We totally got through it, but we didn't have the connection we do now. I anticipate that with trying to manage the needs of two little ones, my own, and my husbands, we're in for another rocky number of months, but I do feel confident we'll reach the other side.
u/Whydoifeelsick · 10 pointsr/daddit

A year without sex sounds fucking crazy to me. Sex was extremely painful for me after giving birth for about 4 months until I fully healed...but I would try at least once a week and usually finish off with a blow job. My MIL always tells me, my husband was there before the baby and he'll be there after the baby has started his own life so it's important to take care of his needs too.

That being said, being a new mom is fucking weird you have this new little person that you love to death and all these crazy hormones raging through your body, if she's breast feeding her body is producing lots of estrogen which makes "down there" dry as a desert. You don't feel like you looks sexy...sleep deprived yada yada yada. If you want sex instead of just asking for it, make her dinner and clean the house or do something else special for her. Here's a book that may help. http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Makes-Three-Preserving-Rekindling/dp/140009738X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368333502&sr=1-1&keywords=And+baby+makes+three

u/mariposa_7819 · 9 pointsr/beyondthebump

I just read “And Baby Makes Three” which has some good ideas for communication for new parents- May help some with the parental stress parts
amazon link

u/chelseans14 · 7 pointsr/BabyBumps

this book was a really big help for us, we haven’t given birth yet but reading that helped us have some really good conversations that we were dancing around and to understand what was happening and why.

u/satoukum · 5 pointsr/beyondthebump

I enjoyed "And Baby Makes Three" by John Gottman. It's about nurturing your relationship with your spouse.

(Full title is: "And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives")

u/grumblecake · 5 pointsr/daddit

Men need space, but as a new father he needs to manage his responsibilities first. Whether he goes out too much or too little is a matter for your relationship alone; it doesn't matter what the rest of us do.
You are right to feel confused about his behavior. Becoming a father is a huge emotional shift and he may be retreating a bit in order to digest this new chapter of his life. Be that as it may, the two of you really ought to discuss it so that he knows how you feel when he goes out and so that you understand why he wants/needs to go.
There is a fantastic book about coping with the changing needs of your family when the child arrives called And Baby Makes Three by John and Julie Gottman. I strongly recommend it to all new parents and think it will equip you and your husband to overcome your present obstacle and others down the road.

u/mrsnosythecat · 5 pointsr/waiting_to_try

I totally get it! I think about pregnancy and babies and kids all day, every day. To keep me mostly sane, I try to use my time to prepare and research. It gives me something to occupy my mind without losing it about waiting. That said, I spend my fair share of time browsing baby clothes on the internet lol.


As far as recommendations for materials:


  • I definitely suggest Motherly. They have articles for every age and stage of having a baby, from preconception to preschool and beyond, with posts split by trimester or month of baby's life. They especially have a lot of nice info for getting pregnant, estimating baby's due date, etc.

  • This documentary is my favorite I've watched so far. I have never wanted to be pregnant more in my entire life than I did when I watched this. I've rewatched it two or three times.


  • I've not gotten that far in And Baby Makes Three, but I really enjoy it so far.


  • The Fifth Trimester is another good one, especially if you know you'll be returning to work after baby. It's aimed more towards moms with professional, corporate careers, but contains advice I think would be useful to any mom or woman who is thinking about becoming a mom.


    As far as taking the edge off of the fever, I keep myself busy with research and materials, home improvement projects, and trying to maintain a healthier lifestyle and an exercise routine. I also have a small stockpile of baby items I've purchased here and there along the way. Personally, I enjoy having something tangible to remind me what's at the end of this wait. Hope this was helpful!
u/SalemMama · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps
u/k_tiara_von_lobster · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

John Gottman's And Baby Makes Three is a great guide to preserving your relationship with your SO. Husband and I read it together, and we found it very reassuring and helpful. It started several thoughtful, productive conversations about our expectations for this journey and how we will support each other through it.

u/NoButMaybe · 2 pointsr/beyondthebump

I highly recommend “And Baby Makes Three”.... it addresses a lot of the stuff that happens in that first year after baby, and really helped me figure out how I could better voice my concerns and things that make me angry without things turning into an all out fight. It turned out I was able to control my SO’s reaction when I was upset or annoyed based on how I communicated my concerns. In fact, I lost my copy and just reordered a few weeks ago for a quick refresher. HIGHLY recommend.

Link: https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Makes-Three-Preserving-Rekindling/dp/140009738X

u/deceasedhusband · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

Not exactly a parenting book per se but it does deal with the transition to parenthood and parenting:

https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Makes-Three-Preserving-Rekindling/dp/140009738X

u/lomuto · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

Counseling is great (if you find a counselor you like), another idea to complement it:

Read a few books together on the topic:

- The Second Shift

It is structured around parents who both work outside the home -- but you also have a second (and third) shift working in the home, and it might help shift his perspective and spur discussion.

All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood by Jennifer Senior

Baby Makes Three

Disclaimer, the only one I've started reading yet out of the three is The Second Shift. I'm really just sharing my plan with you :P

​

Another thing that has helped in my relationship is making specific, concrete requests, and putting them on a schedule.

So, for you it could be:

- I will need a nap multiple times a week due to first trimester exhaustion. Can you either watch the kid or arrange childcare when I need this rest?

- He should bring you a treat once a week as a token of the stuff you're giving up (flowers, special dessert, organic rasperries, foot rub, give him a list of things that would float your boat).

u/withbellson · 2 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

I have this book on my Amazon wishlist for when we actually manage to get pregnant. I know some couples who are kind of like you describe, but I (perhaps naively) believe that my husband and I have some psychological tools that other folks don't have so I hope we'll come out OK. We'll see.

Honestly, you could probably take another year or two to actively process this and come up with some strategies as a couple (though I think planning for something only gets you so far -- gotta be in it to really figure out how you'll react and course-correct if necessary). 30's still young and so is 40. I'm 35 and if we get pregnant soon my husband will be 49 when we have our first.

u/superherowithnopower · 2 pointsr/Christianity

Did you recently have a baby? If so, you might be interested in this book: And Baby Makes Three. It's focus is on preserving your marriage before and after the shit hits the fan when baby comes along (and how do baby launch their poo so far in the first place?!).

A good friend of ours recommended this when we were pregnant with our first. The principles Gottman and his wife lay down in that book have been essential to keeping our marriage intact at times.

There's also, more generally speaking, Gottman's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I haven't read this one yet, but it's apparently a more in-depth and general treatment of the principles that have helped us from the And Baby Makes Three book.

You might consider picking up one of those and either reading it on your own and working to apply it yourself or, ideally, working through it with your spouse and see if putting their suggestions into practice can help. It's cheaper than professional counseling, at least, though I don't want to discourage you from going that route if you feel you need it.

Regardless, I'll remember you in my prayers!

u/[deleted] · 1 pointr/Mommit

There is a researcher who had done numerous studies on successful couples and the behaviors that make their success. His name is John Gottman. He is the real deal! He also uses his work to write books for the general public. Sometimes his books are cheesy, but they are full of advice that actually works.

Hilariously, I can't get my hubby to read any of them, but I read and practice the good habits, and I find that he learns from me whether he is aware of it or not :)

I just finished "And Baby Makes Three". It might be relevant to your situation. Here is the link on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/And-Baby-Makes-Three-Preserving/dp/140009738X

u/johnsmith66 · 1 pointr/AskMen

I've heard good things about a book called "And Baby Makes Three." Here is a brief summary:

>Having a baby is a joyous experience, but even the best relationships are strained during the transition from duo to trio. In "And Baby Makes Three," experts John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman teach couples the skills needed to maintain healthy marriages, so partners can avoid the pitfalls of parenthood by:

> Focusing on intimacy and romance

>
Replacing an atmosphere of criticism and irritability with one of appreciation

> Preventing postpartum depression

>
Creating a home environment that nurtures physical, emotional, and mental health, as well as cognitive and behavioral development for your baby

>Complete with exercises that separate the “master” from the “disaster” couples, And Baby Makes Three helps new parents positively manage the strain that comes along with their bundle of joy.

If you want a detailed discussion on what to do to keep your marriage fulfilling after having kids, I strongly suggest that you read that book.

u/roarlikealady · 1 pointr/beyondthebump

Well done! I’m so glad you were able to talk about it.

If it helps, Dr John Gottman has researched and written extensively about marital conflict management and communication. My husband and I are really getting into his book about the transition to parenthood. Check it out.

Sending you the best!

u/midairmatthew · 1 pointr/Fatherhood

Hey! My partner and I have a three week old. I'm definitely not qualified to offer advice yet (or caught up on sleep), but here are three books that I'm very thankful to have read.


Great advice on how to keep your relationship healthy:

And Baby Makes Three


How to be awesome during pregnancy/labor/delivery:

The Birth Partner


Evidence-based info on how to calm an infant--don't let the cheesy title fool you. I can't imagine what the last couple weeks would've been like without reading this:

The Happiest Baby on the Block

u/Scruter · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

I'm training to be a psychotherapist so I am biased, but I really think couples therapy should be standard when you're going through a big transition like this - you're smart to identify growing resentment as a threat to your marriage, and it's best to address it early on before it become truly toxic. Too many people wait to go to couples therapy and by the time they do, it's past the point of no return. The marriage expert John Gottman talks about resentment being the #1 killer of marriages, and also wrote a book about maintaining your marriage after a baby called And Baby Makes Three. It would be a good idea to read that book and maybe How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids, which I've gotten many recommendations for. Good luck!

u/lifelovers · 1 pointr/beyondthebump

"And baby makes three" - I've been enjoying that one. I also like his other relationship book - I think he and his wife are very wise and fair.