Reddit reviews Angelic Wisdom concerning Marriage Love (Hyperlinked Works of Emanuel Swedenborg Book 29)
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On marriage and sex as related to Christianity, I can suggest this work: https://swedenborg.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/swedenborg_foundation_conjugial_love.pdf
I published it as an ebook here: https://www.amazon.com/Angelic-concerning-Marriage-Hyperlinked-Swedenborg-ebook/dp/B008GP1262
Besides this, it sounds like your experience as a child has shaped how you feel now, engendering a negative reaction with men. I would perhaps address that first before entering any serious relationship. Talking it over and letting it go would be the first step, otherwise it will continually affect you.