Reddit reviews Based on a True Story: A Memoir

A moth goes into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "What's the problem?"

The moth says, "Where do I begin with my problems? Every day I go to work for Gregory Vassilievich, and all day long I toil. But what is my work? I am a bureaucrat, and so every day I joylessly move papers from one place to another and then back again. I no longer know what it is that actually do, and I don't even know if Gregory Vassilievich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and this seems to bring him much happiness. And where is my happiness? It is when I awake in the morning and I do not know who I am. In that single moment I am happy. In that single moment, before the memory of who I am strikes me like a cane. And I take to the streets and walk in a malaise, here and then there and then here again. And then it is time for work. Others stopped asking me what I do for a living long ago, for they know I will have no answer and will fix my empty eyes upon them, and they fear my melancholia might prove so deep as to be contagious. Sometimes, Doc, in the deepest dark of night, I awake in my bed and I turn to my right, and with horror I see some old lady lying on my arm. An old lady that I once loved, Doc, in whose flesh I once found splendor and now see only decay, an old lady who insults me by her very existence."

"Once, Doc, when I was young, I flew into a spiderweb and was trapped. In my panic, I smashed my wings till the dust flew from them, but it did not free me and only alerted the spider. The spider moved toward me and I became still, and the spider stopped. I had heard many stories from my elders about spiders, about how they would sink their fangs into your cephalothorax and you would be paralyzed but aware as the spider slowly devoured you. So I remained as still as possible, but when the spider again began moving toward me, I smashed my wing again into my cage of silk, and this time it worked. I cut into the web and freed myself and flew skyward. I was free and filled with joy, but this joy soon turned to horror: I looked down and saw that in my escape I had taken with me a single strand of silk, and at the end of the strand was the spider, who was scrambling upward toward me. Was I to die high in the sky, where no spider should be? I flew this way, then that, and finally I freed myself from the strand and watched as it floated earthward with the spider. But days later a strange feeling descended upon my soul. Doc, I began to feel that my life was that single strand of silk, with a deadly spider racing up it and toward me. And felt that I had already been bitten by his venomous fangs and that was living in a state of paralysis, as life devoured me whole."

"My daughter, Alexandria, fell to the cold of last winter. The cold took her, as it did many of us. And so my family mourned. And I placed on my countenance the look of grief, Doc, but it was a masquerade. I felt no grief for my dead daughter but only envy. And so I have one child now, a boy, whose name is Stephan Mikhailovitch Smokovnikov, and I tell you now, Doc, with great and deep shame, the terrible truth. I no longer love him. When I look into his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I see when catch a glimpse of my own eyes in a mirror. It is this cowardice that keeps me living, Doc, that keeps me moving from place to place, saying hello and goodbye, eating though hunger has long left me, walking without destination, and, at night, lying beside the strange old lady in this burlesque of a life I endure. If only the cowardice would abate for the time needed to reach over and pick up the cocked and loaded pistol that lies on my bedside table, then I might finally end this facade once and for all. But, alas, the cowardice takes no breaks; it is what defines me, it is what frames my life, it is what I am. And yet I cannot resign my self to my own life. Instead, despair is my constant companion as I walk here and then there, without dreams, without hope, and without love."

"Moth," says the podiatrist, "your tale has moved me and it is clear you need help, but it is help I cannot provide. You must see a psychiatrist and tell him of your troubles. Why on earth did you come to my office?"
The moth says, "Because the light was on."

____
^(This is from Norm MacDonald's book Based on a True Story: A Memoir.) ^(It's a great book,) ^(you should buy it.)

Not an understatement.
“Dostoyevsky by way of 30 Rockefeller Center . . . the best new book I’ve read this year or last.”—The Wall Street Journal

https://www.amazon.com/Based-True-Story-Norm-Macdonald/dp/0812993624

I highly recommend his book. The term 3-dimensional chess is overused, but it honestly does apply.

September 20, 2016.
256 Pages.
Also available as an audio book.

http://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/220620/based-on-a-true-story-by-norm-macdonald/9781524703189/
https://www.amazon.com/Based-True-Story-Norm-Macdonald/dp/0812993624
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/based-on-a-true-story-norm-macdonald/1123308211

I think i've listened to each podcast episode like 15 times now. This is going to be so good.

here you go buddy

Seems like it

Based on a True Story: A Memoir

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0812993624/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_zh5hybVT64329

Daniel Kellison has gone rogue. After taping the season 3 cold open, Kellison turned to Norm, "I'm fucking sick of this schtick. I'm talented too," he bitched, "and you are wasting my range cramming me into this box." Norm, displeased with Daniel's rant, got up and left without even a mutterance. Mr. Kellison grew weary. He did not know how to take it. Norm's stoicism had broken his spirit. You might be somewhat surprised, as he was equipped to handle Adam Eget's incessant bitching. For in those occasions, Kellison would simply stick a bottle of Bacardi 151 in Eget's suck-hole. Like a pacifier, that would always shut that coke-nosed baby the hell up. But Norm, he's a complex man. Daniel did not know how to treat such a situation. He stayed up for 2 weeks straight -- just about worked himself to death -- thinking about how he would write, direct, and star in his very own youtube podcast, alongside his trusty sidekick Fred Stoller. But first, he'd need a set. "Where can I find a cheap set to use for my show?" he wondered. As you can imagine, it wouldn't take Kellison long to realize that the answer was right under his very nose. He's not hyper-intelligent by any means, but he was standing in the middle of the goddamn studio. He was bound to notice the fucking talk show desk 10 feet in front of him. Fucking retard. Anyway, long story short, he failed miserably. He had gravely overestimated his abilities. Absolutely defeated, he decided to try to win back Norm's affection. But Norm took his disloyalty as an assault on his soul. He had apparently grown despondent. In his mind, Daniel Kellison had been his right hand man for years. They had an open and loving business arrangement that allowed the two to speak freely about such matters. It wasn't the content that irked the ole chunk of coal; rather, it was the fact that Daniel had hidden this from him for 3 fucking years. You see, Norm had previously suspected that Kellison thought of himself as more than just a suit. Mr. MacDonald recalled how in season 1, Daniel would do pirouettes in front of the cameras when they weren't rolling, much too shy to be filmed. But by season 2, he finally got the courage to pursue his dreams. He used his industry connections to get a minor role in a straight-to-internet indie flick. Cuckhold Sessions 38, alongside rising star Adam Eget. The short opened to mixed reviews, but one critic commented "LMAO those bitchbois cryin cuz they wifys getin fed dat nigga dick". After seeing his performance, Norm was so moved that he decided he would give Daniel a shot at a comedy role he was writing. It was a promotional piece for his new book, Based on a True Story: A Memoir, by Norm MacDonald. Eager to ride this newfound wave of success to fame, Kellison obliged. But what he didn't realize was that this was Norm's subtle way of giving him a leg up, just as the Sandman had done for Norm. MacDonald, a virtuous and notorious empath, was able to cast aside the feelings of despair as his closest business associate refused to bare his soul to him. He surmised that he had overestimated the depth of their relationship. It was disheartening, but at least he knew where they stood in that regard; a silver lining. Once he had mentally addressed the 800 pound gorilla in his own mind, everyday became a little bit easier than the previous. Finally, he was approaching normalcy, or at least as Norm's version of normalcy. And then they filmed the cold open...

So knowing the backstory now, I'll loop back around to how this ties into Daniel Kellison photoshopping those photos:

He did it because he wanted to cheer Norm up. Hoping that if Norm saw what it would look like if he had talk show host David Letterman on Norm MacDonald Live, then Norm would return from hiatus to finish season 3. However, Daniel made multiple errors in execution. First and foremost, the fucking idiot didn't even use the actual Norm MacDonald Live set. Huge giveaway. Secondly, he used a stock image of an Egret instead of co-host Adam Eget. And lastly, he didn't bother to find a picture of Letterman in an interview. It looks like he just used a paparazzo's photograph of Dave walking to the bagel shop. So either there was an inside joke that we didn't pick up on: possibly an Adam Eget hates Jews reference? Or Norm saw right through his ruse. I thought the latter and Norm has now confirmed it.