Reddit reviews Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men

Glad that you wrote; I think that’s the first step, and it’s not an easy thing to admit, so the fact that you realize you need help and want to get it is huge.

I have a very short temper myself, and I have completely blown up over inconsequential things; looking back, it’s really ridiculous, if not embarrassing, reflecting on things that have set me off. My anger has ruined relationships and has severely damaged my current one (we're trying to work it out); I've said some nasty, demeaning things to those I truly love; and, while I haven’t hit my wife, I've sometimes hit things, so I’m scared that I could lose that small bit of self control that restricts my violence to inanimate objects.

We have small kids, and probably the lowest point of my life was a day where I wasn't actually angry: I was playing with my 3-year-old, and he asked, “you’re not mad today, Daddy?”

I am by no means “cured,” and it’s definitely day-by-day, sometimes moment-by-moment, but some things that worked for me:

• Admitting I have a problem, like, for real, and finally wanting to do something about it, like, for real. Took me quite a few years, and I wasted and lost a good bit of time.
  
• I'm a reader, so currently reading Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life. Biggest thing so far is realizing that I don't get angry, I am angry.
  
• Forgiving my past (hard... therapy inevitable, which is also hard for me to admit). My childhood and young adult life were not that pleasant, and are, I think, the cause for much of my present-day anger. Like you, I'm not necessarily angry at my wife, but I project my anger about other things onto her. Unpacking my past is difficult and somewhat disturbing, but it does help me to understand why I'm angry. I need therapy to actually learn how to get over these things.
  
• Talking to my wife. This was/is not easy, but it has helped for me to realize the extent of my anger and has also helped to let my wife know that I don't hate her. Counseling is also inevitable here for the same reasons as above; however, it has helped us tremendously in communicating our feelings, particularly as they evolve, rather than bottle them up and then have them explode. This sounds like relationships-101; however, it's not always as easy as it sounds.
  
• Every day, I wake up and still have to make a conscious decision that I'm not going to let things bother me, that I won't let the anger consume me. If you're religious, you might pray; if you're not, you might meditate. Sure, it's still okay to get mad about stuff, but at least for me, it's more about not letting it get to the point where it's this uncontrollable rage.
  
• When I start to feel anger, sometimes physically looking away or getting out of the room for a second helps me to disconnect from the moment. Often, it's during this disconnect that I realize I've either caused the situation (and have no right to be angry in the first place) or that it's something very trivial and not worth it; sometimes, I even can laugh about it.
  
• I've started writing things down (e.g., things that bother me during the day and what I can--or maybe can't---do about them). I think this has been big for me because I typically will just keep these inside and let it stew/pressurize. Sometimes I write these thoughts privately, sometimes publicly. It also helps me to eventually do something about what's bothering me.
  
• I get outside and at the very least take a walk for 30 minutes every day; if I'm particularly bothered by something, and sometimes even if I'm not, I'll run or do some aggressive physical activity. Healthy body, healthy mind, so to speak.
  
• Talking to others who have the same issues (whether in a class, support group, etc.) has also helped me to know that I'm not alone.
  
  Didn't mean to write so much, but I understand what you're going through and have been there, am sort of still there. Good luck to you, and don't be afraid to reach out for help!

This kind of thing has come up on reddit before and [this book](http://www.Beyond.com/ Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1569246211/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_hXGfzbNR78E1C) was recommended by some self-proclaimed working on it/reformed dads.

I read a few books already, including this one I recommend: Beyon Anger: A Guide for Men.

Unfortunately there is no anger management class in my area. I used to have a t-shirt saying: "My anger management class pisses me off", although I have never been to one :P

Meditation was actually recommended by my psychologist. She believes it can help me with other aspects of life as well, like less anxiety, less stress, more productivity, etc.

Thank you for you comment. I wasn't aware there were so many different kinds. I'll educate myself a bit more in the process.

I suggest you write him a letter expressing everything that you feel, and you put it in this book. Put the book somewhere he will find it. In the letter let him know that if he needs to talk to you about this, that you're there for him.

Just in case...