Reddit reviews Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men
We found 14 Reddit comments about Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Read Boys Adrift by Dr. Leonard Sax. It's an amazing book on the subject. He has one called Girls on the Edge that I just started and it's killing my heart.
I highly recommend Boys Adrift, which has an entire chapter dedicated to video games.
Generally, the book addresses some of the reasons that boys have become disengaged from our modern culture and turned to video games as an outlet. The author is somewhat critical of games (based on the research), but nonetheless adopts a moderate approach. If I recall correctly, the author suggests that there is a clear and direct correlation between students who game over 6 hours per week and decreased academic performance. (The causation versus correlation point is not clear, but the evidence is nonetheless compelling.) Additionally, the author discusses different gaming genres and suggests that some are better than others.
I'm a former gamer myself who had to quit primarily due to family and relationship obligations. However, after reading this book and other resources, I've become more and more convinced that modern, competitive online games (particularly shooters, like Overwatch, my achilles heel) are grindy time sucks that are hard to put down. Although "skill-based" in the sense that you are developing skills to improve at the game, the competitive system effectively grades you on a curve, so it's a constant time-based arms race to maintain your position and increase your rank. That sense of improvement and achievement is what keeps you coming back for more, and it all takes time -- lots of it. And in the end, what do you have to show for it?
In moderation, games are fine, like all things. But these competitive online games do not encourage moderation. I'd tread carefully here. Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss further. I'd be curious to know what game it is that he's so fixated on playing more. I'd also want to understand why he wants to play more and what he is hoping to accomplish or seeking to achieve.
The education system is failing our boys and young men. Because it is primarily run by women, the education system is tilted to benefit typical female learning abilities, while chastising the boys' way of learning. We can see the results of such a system today. Boys are significantly more prone to drop out of high school and college. The female population in most universities is much higher than that of males. Here's the kicker: a lot of universities have programs and departments that are set up to help women go to college and stay in college--but these opportunities do not exist for men.
This book outlines perfectly well the problem and it proposes a few solutions. However, these solutions cannot come into place, unless we as a society get to work together to change the system.
http://www.amazon.com/Boys-Adrift-Epidemic-Unmotivated-Underachieving/dp/0465072100
With the caveat that I haven't read any of these yet, but when I found out I was having a boy I looked for similar recommendations and this is my reading list:
(I got caught up in reading childbirth and infant care books, which seem more pressing. If anyone has actually read any of these, I'd love to hear your opinions, especially if it can help me prioritize them.)
There is a book by a Dr. Sax called "Boys Adrift" that had a lot of research about this subject.
http://www.amazon.com/Boys-Adrift-Epidemic-Unmotivated-Underachieving/dp/0465072100/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376947109&sr=8-1&keywords=boys+adrift
Then let me hijack your comment to recommend the book "Boys Adrift" by Leonard Sax (The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men).
He talks about the lack of motivation in males and brings it down to a few key points (that include over-medication).
As a father of a three year old boy, this book has been really informative (just the right amount of science for me!) and I recommend it for other parents and potential-parents (don't drink from plastic bottles while you're pregnant with a boy!)
If you're in you're under 30 and lack motivation, it might be worth finding enough to at least listen to it on Audible. If you prefer dead-trees or bits, it's on Amazon.
Not sure if its the one he's referencing, but check out.
Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men
Please don't listen to someone who wants to change the topic to the familiar litany of feminist complaints, OP. As a parent of boys, you need to think about them, and remember how vulnerable they really are.
You are right to worry about their sexual self image. But that is just part of the bigger problem that much of society is very hostile to men and boys and is dismissive of their problems. The comment by etrnloptimist that you are responding to is a good case in point. That person is suggesting that because most CEOs are men that your sons are not worthy of concern. Preposterous.
Boys have a lot of problems now that few people seem to want to do anything about. Boys underperform at school at all levels compared to girls. They have more learning disabilities and behavioral problems. They mature more slowly and this is often not taken into account in schools that are largely run by women for girls. They have very few male role models in the classroom. They are 4 times as likely to commit suicide than girls, and are much more likely to suffer violence. They often receive no protection in schools from bullying by girls, both physically and emotionally. Boys are told in many ways that their behavior and the things they like to do are inferior compared to girls. When they get to be teenagers they will be treated as potential rapists and abusers, even though statistics show that more dating violence is committed by girls than boys.
As a parent, your first responsibility is to be informed of the problems. Here are some books I've read that I can recommend:
Why Boys Fail: Saving Our Sons from an Educational System That's Leaving Them Behind by Richard Whitmire
Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men by Leonard Sax
The WAR AGAINST BOYS: How Misguided Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men by Christina Hoff Sommers
The Minds of Boys: Saving Our Sons From Falling Behind in School and Life by Michael Gurian
While the focus of these is on education, the root causes are largely the same as the issue you raise.
BTW - I am the parent of 3 boys.
I have read "Why Gender Matters," but I think you need to read the most recent book from Leonard Sax because there is a subtle but important shift in his theory about (gender) role models. His most recent research has focused on the troubled boys: "Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men."
http://www.amazon.com/Boys-Adrift-Epidemic-Unmotivated-Underachieving/dp/0465072100
The fifth factor in the book is "Revenge of Forsaken Gods," i.e., many boys today are missing male role models due to absentee fathers. But Sax concedes that a compensation mechanism may be found through other male role models in the community. Of course, this task should not fall upon a child. If gender role models are important, then a responsible single parent or same sex couple raising should seek out such a role model (whether a relative, church leader, or neighbor), but that implies a biological mother or father is not absolutely necessary (although it is easier).
Thanks for the book suggestions! (If you use the formatting help button (to the right of the "save" button) you can add hyperlinks to your titles. In your case: Boys Adrift and Girls On The Edge.) Cheers!
I strongly recommend Dr. Leonard Sax's book "Boys Adrift."
http://www.amazon.com/Boys-Adrift-Epidemic-Unmotivated-Underachieving/dp/0465072100
Especially for any fathers here, concerned about these excellent points raised by JayGatsbyFan.
I agree that The Myth of Male Power is basically the MRM bible - read it first. However, my favorite book - by far - is Is There Anything Good About Men?: How Cultures Flourish by Exploiting Men. Also, if you have a young boy I suggest Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men for it's medical advice.
I...wasn't expecting to find myself talking to a reasonable person on Reddit. I'm a little scared, now.
> Well it seems like I have to read a bit more about nature vs. nurture.
Unfortunately the nature/nurture debate is rife with gender ideologues (feminists, antifeminists, etc) and that makes it difficult to wade through what we're told and discern what is true, and what is not. When someone comes out and says "women usually prefer X, because of biological characteristic Y, they're often criticized as being called sexist (as the Telegraph article linked above demonstrates). This has lead to a lot of bad research getting put forth as "fact".
My general rule of thumb? If it is unflattering toward men/women then it's probably true. For example: "Men have a greater tendency toward violence than women". This is both unflattering, and true. Or, "women generally prefer men who have higher income/social standing than their own when it comes to partner selection". This is also unflattering, and (usually) true.
> having different standards for female and male education
Different standards, certainly not. The sticky subject comes up when we examine how education has undergone a change in the last 30 years which has increasingly favored the way that girls learn and put how boys learn at a disadvantage. I recommend reading Boys Adrift if you'd like to know more.
If you are interested in further reading on these subjects in general I suggest the following people, topics, and resources:
As for the pay gap, here is an article from the Huffington Post which will give you a good start on a deeper understanding of why it exists and why "sexism" is not the cause.
Have a great day!
Read the following two books by Dr. Leonard Sax
Boys Adrift - https://www.amazon.ca/Boys-Adrift-Epidemic-Unmotivated-Underachieving/dp/0465072100
Girls On The Edge - https://www.amazon.ca/Girls-Edge-Cyberbubble-Obsessions-Environmental/dp/0465022065/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=J7MABB5PHM632QKWHD2Q