This book helped me with CPTSD following an abusive childhood https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B00HJBMDXK/ref=pe_1007802_166382322_TEM1DP

1. Fuck your family, that behavior is not okay. I've had similar reactions from some people in my life and I no longer interact with those people. Your family hypnotized you into believing that you don't need help, because they couldn't cope with their own emotions. It's also possible that one or both of your parents are also ASD/ADHD, this stuff is genetic, so a lot of this could be them coming down on you the way they come down on themselves. But you're not going to save them from themselves, you need to get away from them.
   
   
2. For me, it's 100% around coping energy. All the weird little idiosyncratic behaviors I have? They're the skills I intuitively developed over the past few decades to help me manage my coping energy, which is a finite and precious resource. As long as I have coping energy I can generally deal with stuff - but when I run out, even little stuff like taking a shower becomes incredibly challenging. Big stuff becomes impossible.
   
   
3. Burnout happens when you've got low/no coping energy but keep trying to push through it. Eventually you build up a debt of coping energy that starts to interfere with your day-to-day functioning. It's crucial to become an active observer and protector of your coping energy reserves.
   
   
4. This means: pay attention to what makes you feel recharged and pay attention to what makes you spend coping energy. For me it's even little stuff - I realized recently that the aversion I have to walking around things in my path is due to the CE cost. Stepping around a box all day left me totally drained by evening, and I couldn't deal with shit.
   
   
5. So my advice to you is to make a list of the things that restore your energy, and make a list of the things you know drain your energy. Quantify it if you can. Then, of the things that drain your energy, identify the ones you still have to do no matter what - these define your minimum coping energy needs. The rest, give yourself permission to figure out how to avoid ever having to do again. This doesn't make you lazy, it means you're managing an invisible scarce resource that informs every part of your life and nobody else gets to have an opinion about that.
   
   
6. Find a way to start spending more time restoring your energy, find ways to say no to the things that cost your energy. Spend a good length of time in this state. You will soon start to feel better - don't push it! You're burned out, you can't start pushing the minute you get above 0 because then you just burnout again. (I learned this the hard way).
   
   
7. It's going to piss off people who have expectations around your behavior. You can explain to them or not - but you don't owe them explanations. If you must live with family it's probably best to let them know what's going on and let them know that whether or not they believe you it's very real to you, and that it's going to inform your behavior moving forward. Tell them that their comments are hurtful, though, so that if they choose to continue they're making an informed decision to hurt you.
   
   
8. Get this book: https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD-ebook/dp/B00HJBMDXK/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
   
   I hope that helps, and welcome to our family! :)

There's more to overcoming trauma than than knowing the cause, although that is very useful as a starting point.

I can highly recommend a book called CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. It's not primarily about meditation, but more of a comprehensive cookbook of approaches and advice. I would also seek the services of a therapist on at least one occasion: they can talk you though things in surprisingly helpful ways that are really hard to achieve on ones own.

In terms of meditative approaches there are quite a few that I have used.

One aspect is release of the pent-up emotional energy related to the event (i.e. to release feelings I have in the present moment that are indirectly related to the experience). This is called 'catharsis'. The method I use to access catharsis in a generalised way is to stick a small object to a wall, like a grain of rice. Sit a few feet away and try to hone your attention in so that you are /only/ paying attention to the grain of rice and none of your attention is allowed outside the object. For me, this induces a sensation in my body that corresponds to the difficult emotion -- in my case its sadness and it starts with a feeling around my eyes like cutting onions along with watering of the eyes. I sit with this for a meditation period, balancing my attention between the breath as a means of soothing myself and the difficult sensation itself.

Shinzen Young has some top-quality descriptions of how to do this particular balancing act. Thanissaro Bikkhu has some fantastic guided mediations, including a particular one about using the breath as a way of balancing and soothing difficult sensations called ['Allowing the Breath to Spread'](
https://www.dhammatalks.org/mp3_collections_index.html)

The other part is re-processing the memory itself. An approach I have taken is to get into a concentrated state through concentration on the breath, then turn the mind toward the memory and start sifting through the memory itself repeatedly, looking for particular parts of the memory that are remembered in an unusually high level of detail. This is because traumatic memories are laid down in a different way than normal memory, and this difference is noticeable.

I'll give you an example from my life otherwise it's hard to explain what I mean : I was bereaved suddenly, and one of my traumatic memories was the moment that I learned of the person's death. At the exact moment that I was told they'd died I was looking at a particular object in the room, and as a result the traumatic portion of that memory was encoded into a vision of a piece of a wicker chair about 2" square. I can remember that image with startling, nearly photographic clarity, whereas everything else in the memory is a fuzzy blur. Calling to mind this 2" square image also recalls everything I felt at that moment. I found it by casting my mind back to the experience and then moving forward and backward in time until I found the most uncomfortable part of the memory, and then looking around within the memory to find the most salient part of it. I then needed to work with this memory to gradually re-experience and release the associated emotions.

Some of this re-processing was done on MDMA which allows one to access memories that otherwise have too intense of an emotional charge to be brought fully into awareness. You may also be interested in Ayahuasca, this allows re-procesing of deeply buried wounds in a way that is extremely difficult to achieve via meditation.

Hi. I'm in a relationship with a woman who was repeatedly raped as a child as well.

She currently identifies as asexual, but also expresses a lot of curiosity about sex, so I am not certain that is going to be her lasting sexuality.

I strongly recommend that you do a lot of reading and learning about the effects of childhood trauma, especially on human sexuality.

Amazon: The Courage to Heal by Bass and Davis is a good place to start.

Amazon: The Sexual Healing Journey by Maltz is the best reference directly, and includes some beginning non-sexual steps to enable the survivor to begin reconnecting physically.

Amazon: Sensate Focus in Sex Therapy is a step-by-step guide to taking a survivor from severely uncomfortable all the way to intercourse. It is aimed at the therapist, but valuable reading for the partner as well.

Amazon: Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Walker is another excellent reference, as it addresses specifically the type of PTSD brought on by repeat, inescapable trauma, especially during childhood.

I think your library should include each of these.

Also, as a veteran of a sexless marriage, currently in the divorce process, I strongly advise that you wait to marry this woman until after you and she are successfully having sex -- this is an important component of a marriage, and one that you and she need to know is going to be successful, healthy, and not re-traumatizing for her.

Please consider checking out the book C-PTSD from Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. It is a really powerful. It will help you understand what is the root cause of borderline personality and help you understand how to heal it.

Basically sensations or thoughts arise that flash you back to a childhood conditioning event and then you relive the situation and feel the emotions of your inner child. You become trapped in a state of fight or flight.

When I mediate I frequently have to check in with my inner child and give them some Love to help them be peaceful though the mediation.

While it is possible to meditate with a fierce inner critic and a scared inner child, it is a monumental task. But if you get in touch with your inner child and begin the process of healing they will become much more peaceful and your meditation will deepen.

Here is an example of an inner child healing technique:


+-+-+-+-+-+-

Inner Child Healing

Start by imagining yourself as you were when you were 4 or 5 years old. Use a photo initially if it is necessary. Then as your adult self imagine checking in with that inner child that you have identified. Go to them. I think you will see that your suffering is at root their suffering. Give them unconditional love. Hug them, talk to them. Sit with them. Soothe them. Tell them that now that you've found them you will strive hard to always be there for them. That you're inseparable. Develop a deep relationship with yourself in your heart center.

Do this frequently. When you wake up, when you go to sleep, several times during the day. Go to your inner child when you're feeling down, anxious, stressed, depressed. Heal their wounds. You can't fix what happened but you can reassure with love that they were in an impossible situation and give them the love to help them rise above it. You're getting a chance to re-parent your inner child.

After you begin to build a foundation of Self love you can then expand the practice to have your inner child bring yoy photos (which are more like snapshots of memories) of the events that were terrifying for them. And you can use inner child healing to tell them how unfair that situation was, that they are not wrong to feel this way, but now that you have found them that they are safe and loved.

After a month or so this exercise morphed on its own to just directly loving myself (adult self loving adult self). I started to be my own best cheerleader and friend. My inner critical voice too has changed to one of unconditional love.

I really hope this helps 🤗💜🌈

<<Props to John Bradshaw and many other beautiful healers for this inner child healing technique>>

I just started this one as it was reco'd either from an older post in this sub or a video I watched online. Sorry I can't recall, been on information overload lately. It has a chapter, chapter 5 to be exact, that was reassuring to me because it addresses the "others had it worse" mentality - titled: What If I Was Never Hit.

Book Title: Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

Author: Pete Walker

I have it on kindle, but I kinda wish I ordered a physical copy.

If I recall correctly, people with mental illness are overrepresented in the psychology field. I found that both funny and depressing. It's probably weird but I've found it really efficient to have a bunch of open-ended questions to email a psych professional if I'm considering working with them. The answers they give tell me enough about how they approach their work and their life to know if I'll click with them, if I might not, or if I should run as far and as fast as I can in the other direction.


I liked the concept of "good enough parenting" I came across in Walker's Surviving to Thriving as far as parenting goes. I agree fully that it doesn't take a perfect parent to be a great parent, and that has a great explanation of it. Walker has a chip on his shoulder with certain expressions of PTSD and is a little too touchy-feely for me, but my fiancee enjoyed a read through of it. I think I'm just too prickly if people get too warm-and-fuzzy on me without being "approved" first.

Haha. I'm not a psychologist, but like you I have extensive, shall we say... "practical" experience. My dad is a developmental psychologist, though, and an INFJ, and I grew up immersed in the concept of psychology as a web of connections between behavior and stimuli, and naturally developed a love for it. Later when I had to deal with my own emotional... stuff... from growing up, that came in very handy to guide myself through the process of recovering from CPTSD and a host of other bullshit. My fiancee had a very similar experience growing up (though hers were less covert than mine), and helping her through her own process (she's INFJ, so there were a lot of the "similar but not at all the same" moments of confusion interweaved) has been reintroducing the same topics and allowing for deeper thought into them for me.

My experience with it before I had to handle my own recovery allowed me to DIY it until I was comfortable enough with therapists for therapy. TBH I still prefer to DIY when I can, most psych professionals really struggle with how fast I move and don't "get" my brain quite as well as I do. As a kid I wanted to be a psychologist to the criminally insane (I was a weird kid), these days I'm much happier with the practical application of philosophy and psychology in my own life and helping others figure their own shit out too.

Thanks, I appreciate that. I try to be as clear and as useful as I can, but sometimes my Ni gets a little too far ahead of me and I suddenly have a novel to edit down. It does pretty well by me most of the time, though, so I guess it can stay. Haha.

I'm reading a really insightful book called Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. PTSD applies well to people who have experienced a short-lived traumatic event, like a motor vehicle accident or natural disaster. C-PTSD, however, can develop in response to prolonged, repeated experience of interpersonal trauma in a context in which the individual has little or no chance of escape, such as childhood abuse, domestic violence, or captivity. Growing up with an alcholic parent can most definitely cause C-PTSD, in my opinion. I wonder if this might be something you want to read and see if you relate to? And if you're not already seeing a counselor/therapist regularly, I have found for myself that truly makes the biggest difference. I really hope you feel better soon. PM me if you ever need to chat. :)

*edited to add a link to the book.

> I'm 28

Consider yourself lucky. I am also in my 40s, like the other person who responded to you. The sooner you know about your codependency, the better. I saw several therapists who never said a thing about it, until I finally met one who did.

> I was diagnosed with OCD

Very common for codependents. A good book that discusses OCD and codependency is "Complex PTSD" by Pete Walker:

https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD-ebook/dp/B00HJBMDXK

Totally!!!

I strongly recommend this article: http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/emotionalFlashbackManagement.pdf

His book is also enlightening and very soothing and healing, although it can be hard to read and triggering, of course.

http://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD-ebook/dp/B00HJBMDXK

I know from experience it's terrifying when you flashback. For me it happens for instance when I get hurt, for a silly thing, like getting hit in the knee with a table. When this happens, I deeply feel that I'm not allowed to complain, and I feel so damn lonely... It's horrible. I don't have any conscious memories about this, but I'm 100% sure it is a flashback of some kind.

Hope this helps!

EMDR is a therapy for trauma, and there are actually numerous reputable therapies for working through trauma including somatic practice, neurofeedback, and EFT tapping. I would also recommend this book if you have any childhood trauma or neglect: https://www.amazon.com.au/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD-ebook/dp/B00HJBMDXK

A lot of people don't recognise that they have childhood trauma because they think trauma means things like sexual or physical abuse. However, trauma can also result from what we didn't receive as children, not to mention many people suffer from subtle forms emotional abuse that go on repeatedly for many years.

This one:
https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD-ebook/dp/B00HJBMDXK

> There is a fantastic book by Pete Walker about C-PTSD

This one?

Hi there,

It's pretty common for kids to block out bad childhood memories. Think of it as a survival mechanism. Although you don't remember the events, you still suffer the effects. You may want to read about C-PTSD and see if it feels relevant. If so, this book by Pete Walker is outstanding (and not to sound like a salesperson, but it's free atm if you have Amazon Prime).

Good luck,

-Dee

Meredith Friedson has a psychologist write-up specifically directed to exJW needs.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10943-014-9946-8

I would also recommend Pete Walker's book on CPTSD https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD-ebook/dp/B00HJBMDXK

First of all I would tell you you're not a bitch.

Then I would send you here: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B00HJBMDXK/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

And here: https://www.amazon.ca/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=pd_aw_sbs_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0143127748&pd_rd_r=7e90c6c3-cd8d-11e8-a739-33eb8bfc8d81&pd_rd_w=fvtUY&pd_rd_wg=5Jpj5&pf_rd_i=mobile-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=A3DWYIK6Y9EEQB&pf_rd_p=3fa2d334-7ab1-47df-a46b-3a607fd250e3&pf_rd_r=W87BC8E2G23BJCBYYWYJ&pf_rd_s=mobile-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=W87BC8E2G23BJCBYYWYJ

They're awesome. Really amazingly helpful.

If you enjoy learning from reading, this book helped me more than any other thing in overcoming what you described in your post.

Good luck.

Books:

• Treating Trauma Related Dissociation
  
• Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation.
  
• Trauma and Recovery- Judith Herman, M.D.
  
• Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness
  
• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
  
• Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma
  
• Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame: A Relational/Neurobiological Approach
  
• Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation
  
• The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology)
  
• Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma
  
• It Wasn't Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion
  
• Amongst Ourselves: A Self-Help Guide to Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder
  
• The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook
  
• The Stranger In The Mirror by Marlene Steinberg M.D.
  
• Rebuilding Shattered Lives: Treating Complex PTSD and Dissociative Disorders
  
• Dissociation in Children and Adolescents: A Developmental Perspective
  
• Feeling Unreal: Depersonalization Disorder and the Loss of the Self
  
• Dissociative Identity Disorder: Diagnosis, Clinical Features, and Treatment of Multiple Personality (Wiley Series in General and Clinical Psychiatry) 2nd Edition
  

Lost memories and lost time are a symptom of CPTSD- Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's a form of PTSD that affects people that had difficult or abusive childhoods. Usually with recurring or constant incidents of abuse or trauma. It's different that regular PTSD because the child is not going through normal development, not learning the skills they're supposed to or going through the normal childhood and adolescent milestones because their environment is too chaotic. Remember that there are many non-physical forms of abuse. The coercive and shameful ways of Mormon parenting can fit the bill depending on the parents dishing it out. Go lurk at r/CPTSD and see if the posts there feel relatable.

For anyone relating to this comment, I suggest reading or listening to this book. I'd suggest listening to the audio book first, then getting a print version and really digging into it. The audio book is very cathartic.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HJBMDXK/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Written by an ACON:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00HJBMDXK

Fluffy but useful:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00TZE87S4
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0425273539

Implementation details:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0753806703

Together, the above have helped me establish that a lot of my behaviour and painful experiences until the recent past were essentially the fight-or-flight system being triggered by stimuli related to fear conditioning. The painful memories are indelible, but the cortex can train the amygdala to "hold-your-fire" enough of the time that life can be enjoyable and rewarding, even though there will still be times when the cortex is too tired/weak to keep things under total control - but even then, it's possible to "just sit with the pain" and accept it, rather than try to avoid it and cause more problems. Good luck!

I know what you mean about that head space. I know some really fucked up things happened when I was a kid, but I never considered myself abused. Until recently any criticism of my parents resulted in being told something like "They love you and want the best for you". or "Always trust and listen to your parents". It's like I was given a new way to see the world around me and it's like my entire life is unraveling. I'm reassessing everything. All their actions both the good and the bad stuff and their overall intentions. I agree it's like Stockholm Syndrome.


Thanks and good luck to you too.


This book is really helping me. I highly suggest it.

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HJBMDXK/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o00_?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I've been reading Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving which was a book I'm pretty sure I found when someone on this sub recommended it. One of the ideas presented in this book is your inner critic versus your outer critic. Your inner critic is the voice inside of you that tells you that you're worthless. Your outer critic is the voice inside of you that tells you that other people are worthless.

Having childhood trauma, such as being raised by an N, will tend to increase one or both of these critics in your mind. Basically, your childhood was so traumatic and you need something to blame. So either you suck, or the world sucks (or both). People who respond to childhood trauma by developing a strong outer critic are the ones that tend to become narcissists. "No, it's not me that's wrong here, it's everyone else."

It's also directly influenced by your fight or flight response (The book actually discusses 4 options rather than the usual two, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn). Having a stronger fight response also tends to go along with becoming a narcissist yourself.

Personally, it sounds all pretty logical to me. Of course I'm really simplifying a good deal of this book into a few paragraphs, but that's the basic idea I've taken home from it.

This isn’t the greatest book I’ve ever read, it can be cheesy at times but this dude has been there and it helped me stop and think about my negative thought patterns and why I was so hard on myself. It is full of insight, but you have to pick and choose which parts work for you. It’s evidently available in pdf for like $3 if you’re interested. My therapist has recommended it to others, if you want a professional endorsement. Don’t give up on yourself, you are so much more than you believe, so much more than your parents made you think you are.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HJBMDXK/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1