Reddit reviews Conquer Me: Girl-to-Girl Wisdom About Fulfilling Your Submissive Desires

Sometimes what you want is not what you need. Try reading Conquer Me by Kacie Cunningham, if you haven't already. She describes "conquer me feelings" as "the submissive's internal demand for a show of strength." I felt validated by this book, as I like him to be nice to me, yet really need to see those moments of strength/domination come from him.

Erotic Awakening and The Fearless Submissive are good podcasts.

http://www.eroticawakening.com/podcast/

http://thefearlesssubmissive.com/webpage/category/podcast

And a really good book is Conquer Me.

https://www.amazon.com/Conquer-girl-girl-fulfilling-submissive/dp/189015976X

Hi. :) First and foremost, let me set the expectation that you aren't going to change him into a Dominant. No one has the right to try to change their partner (kinky or vanilla), so that's already off of the table. Either he is or he isn't; but the good news for you is that it sounds like he at least has it in him!

So your task isn't so much to convince him to do dominant things, but instead it's to bring out his natural dominance. Remember, he's got to feel it in the moment too or it's just not real. He wouldn't want you to fake an orgasm, and likewise you wouldn't want him to fake dominance.

How do you bring it out in him? By you being submissive. You control yourself and your own actions, and if you want him to take that control from you then you need to give it to him. Show him that you willingly, desperately, want him to use you in your favorite ways. Let yourself relax and enjoy the bliss of submitting to him even if he doesn't understand it yet.

Practice being submissive to him. When he does something that makes you feel dominated, show him how much you deeply enjoy it. Shout "Yes!" with gusto when he gives you a little spank. Do it even more when he's aggressive during sex. Show him just how much it gets you off when he manhandles you, and soon he'll start to enjoy it even more. He'll feel the surge of power that we Doms get when we feel in charge. His primal instincts will feed off of your cues and he'll get into the swing of it, if he's truly got the wiring for it.

Be patient, as well. This isn't some Hollywood situation in which a single night of passion will flip a switch and suddenly the relationship will be awesome forever onward. It's a mutual learning process for both of you; in fact, even with experienced D/s people it's still a mutual learning process for the rest of our lives.

Kink requires deep trust, constant communication, and clear expectations on all sides. Honestly you need those three things to come naturally with him long before rough stuff in the bedroom will really mean what you want it to mean.

There are a ton of websites and books out there that you can start pulling information and ideas from. I'll recommend my favorite: Conquer Me was written by a female sub for female subs, and I truly recommend it to everyone (especially, ya know, female subs). It's not really a how-to guide nor collection of naughty stories, as much as just the author explaining her perspective as well as sharing the perspectives of others. It's written very sweetly and is an easy read once you get her conversational tone.

Lastly: Welcome to our little subculture! :) You'll find that there is a huge variety of perspectives and philosophies here, so be prepared to cherrypick the concepts that resonate with you and don't worry about the rest. The whole idea is that as long as something is safe, sane, and consensual.... if it makes you happy, it's okay. :D

I really enjoyed conquer me. She puts into words things I hadn't been able to. It was also nice to read about someone who has similar desires and fantasies as mine.

>Sometimes what you want is not what you need. Try reading Conquer Me by Kacie Cunningham, if you haven't already. She describes "conquer me feelings" as "the submissive's internal demand for a show of strength." I felt validated by this book, as I like him to be nice to me, yet really need to see those moments of strength/domination come from him.

Thanks, I'll check it out!

I love love love this wearable board game concept my Sir created for me. Here is my post I made explaining it.

Also, I totally get what you are trying to articulate. I found this book very useful when trying to explain those feelings to my SO: Conquer Me

http://www.amazon.com/Conquer-girl-girl-fulfilling-submissive/dp/189015976X

"Conquer Me!" is really nice for understanding Subbie girls and our needs.

However, the book for you is probably "The Loving Dom", its a great book on both how to manage the relationship, and how to play and what all the toys are for. My Master loved it.

Also HEAVILY recommended is Kinkacademy.com, a payed (but they have some free) educational website with all sorts of videos. It has been very valuable for my Master and me.

As for the side question, that means that you are normal. Full lifestyle 24/7 couples, though respected in (at least my) community, are not the norm. However, even though I am 24/7, I have a lot of non-bdsm sex, because it's want my Master wants at the time.

TLDR: "Conquer me", "The Loving Dom" and kinkacademy.com will help you a bunch, also look at Fetlife.

Would love to win this book although it's not going to be the most interesting.

this one would also make me very happy