Reddit Reddit reviews Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

We found 43 Reddit comments about Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

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Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You
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43 Reddit comments about Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You:

u/xxaos · 63 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

He has been trained and manipulated since childhood to always give in to her, that her wants and feelings are more important than anyone else's including his own. That she is always right.

That he was willing to move away is a hopeful sign, and that he ignores half of what she says. But he is still in the FOG and his normal meter is off.

If you have not checked out the book list, it has many resources that could help. You may want to read 'Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You '

u/not-moses · 18 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

Here are some excellent books on narcissistic parenting and its upshots (all available on, etc):

Nina Brown's Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents

Eleanor Payson's The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family

Lindsay Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

Elan Golomb's Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in the Struggle for Self

Susan Forward's Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (a bit long in tooth now, but still useful) and Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

Kimberlee Roth & Frieda Friedman's Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem

(I've read -- actually deeply studied, using each as a workbook -- all of them, and feel comfortable recommending them.

Further, the dynamics of growing up in such families are strikingly similar to what happens in cults. If one is conditioned, socialized, habituated and normalized to a particular form of abuse (before one can recognize the abuse as such) in childhood, it is often the case that one will grow up to seek intimates who are likely to repeat the same form of traumatization to which they were normalized as children. In my case, I took my unconscious -- and unprocessed -- abuse into a series of cult and other co-dependent workplace and relationship situations. If one understands what happens in cults, one often gets a very clear picture of what happened in their own families of origin with narcissistic parents.

u/CyanJustice · 17 pointsr/relationships

> I tried to explain it, but they all seemed really concerned about my ex who was having constant panic attacks over being “abandoned.” Everyone tells me that even though she made mistakes, she deserves some kind of closure and that I’m a monster for treating her the way I am.
> mom is angry that I’m letting her keep having panic attacks.
>My mom had invited her. When I realized she was at the front door, I snuck out a back window before she could find me and drove away. Now my mom is saying I’m not welcome at home until I talk with my ex.

This is some class A emotional blackmail BULLSHIT. From your mom and your friends, no less! She cheated on you and deserves nothing. Your method of leaving (saying "it's over" with no words) was way better than blowing up, like you said. You got to avoid begging, crying, and pleading that might have kept you in the relationship. I can't believe those closest to you are dismissing that cheating is abuse and are pressuring you to soothe her bruised ego. No. She is having "panic attacks" because she is an entitled princess who can't have her cake and eat it too. The injustice of this is maddening; I'm really pissed for you, OP.

Stand your ground and hold your head up high. Repeat to others: "I have no desire to contact her. It is over because she cheated on me, and that's all there is to it." Your mom can't be trusted right now because she tried to force you to be in contact with her. Hold onto the friends who aren't pressuring you tightly. Remember you're not crazy or unreasonable! I highly recommend the book Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward in case you want some reading material.

u/east_end · 16 pointsr/relationships

Here's another one that's relevant: FOG; Fear, Obligation and Guilt. Poor OP has been dealing with this nonsense for so long she's caught up in a fear of disagreeing with her mom, a sense of obligation that she should fit into her designated role and feelings of guilt when she does not.

OP, have a look at Toxic Parents by Susan Forward ( I think there's also a pdf available).

I strongly agree that now is the time to break this cycle, as you're about to start your own mother and child story :) Good luck!

u/miparasito · 13 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

It takes a truly manipulative person to try and make YOU feel horrible, guilty, freaked out, scared, and like the bad guy because HE cheated. He's saying no but I CHOOSE you like he's doing you some big favor.

  1. Please get some sleep. Everything is 1000x worse on no sleep.

  2. Look for the book Emotional Blackmail.

  3. His current situation is not your fault. It may or may not be something he can help but you aren't responsible for his actions or feelings.

  4. But seriously. Get some sleep.
u/sezzme · 11 pointsr/offmychest

This has "alcoholic mind-game" written all over it.

Get a copy of the book "Games Alcoholics Play".

>I recap the situation for him in the morning and he gets fucking pissed at ME like I fucking did something wrong and then when I tell him his hostility is groundless he says it's not groundless if he wants to be hostile

And for this, get a copy of "Emotional Blackmail" AND this book as well.

>In all honesty my BF is a great guy he just does stupid shit and thinks that he is somehow immune to his own policies just because he is himself. If I did to him what he did to me last night and this morning, we'd be broken up already, no question.

This is exactly the kind of statement often spoken by women who later end up in serious domestic violence situations.

Do your homework, get informed, study the recommended books before taking any further action with your boyfriend.

u/Ingish · 8 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Where ever you go there you are.

My answer is less about dating than it is about abuse in general.

You will probably fall back into unhealthy habits with people you are in relationships with unless you examine why it got so bad in the first place. People tend to repeat old habits and seek out similar relationships. However, if this was just a one time thing, you might not have any problem at all.

It's horrible that someone abused you and controlled you and hurt you. She was wrong. I'm sorry you had to go through whatever happened.

I don't know what sort of relationships you've had in the past, if you have a history of abusive relationships or not, and I don't know how your parents treated you or each other.

I'd say do what makes you feel right. If you need time, you need time and if you want to date you can date. If you have two conflicting feelings, than share these with the person you are dating.

Here are some questions to think about:
Do you feel like you can identify what went wrong in the past relationship concretely, like specific instances?
Why did you stay with them, how long did you stay and why did you stay so long?
Do you know what assertiveness is and how good are you at practicing it?
Do you feel you are responsible for other people's feelings and happiness?
Do you have clean boundaries when it comes to people hurting you? What are your boundaries and how do you communicate them?

Abuse is systematic, is builds up slowly, usually as you invest more (say by moving in or having children) and it can be hard to spot and easy to fall into old patterns.

I recommend this book:

And this website:

You have people around who can help on reddit, there is also reading on the internet. I don't know what type or how bad the abuse was but there are counselors out there who can help you protect yourself by developing boundaries and learning what is reasonable to expect as being responsible for emotions go. You may not need them, however they are out there.

I wish you the best. hugs

EDIT: Oh and it's ok that you still have feelings for someone. It's normal. What is important is that you take care of yourself first though, your own food, shelter, stability, desire to get up in the morning, having friends and work and hobbies and living life to the full in general is what is best for you right now.

u/Hacksaw86 · 8 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Yes, I spent a short time in therapy to deal with an emotionally abusive dad. It helped me really come to terms with the fact that bad people can be parents too. (That might sound like a silly realization but it really helped me, as I couldn't really grasp what I had done to deserve getting stuck with him as a father). A few books my therapist recommended helped too:

There's also /r/raisedbynarcissists, which might be a good place for you to talk to people who can understand what it's like to have an emotionally abusive parent.

u/nomorerainonmyparade · 7 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

Look for reciprocity - any relationship, romantic or platonic, will have its gives and takes. There will be problems, but you should both be willing to work it out. I used to go from 0-100 in relationships and place unrealistic expectations on others. They're not mind readers, and a lot of them don't understand the aftermath of relationships with Ns.

It's normal to be paranoid, but there are people out there who legitimately want to help and be friends. They may just think that you need to hear that you are loved and supported. Some people use "love" flippantly, some don't. It's harder to wait and see where a relationship goes and much easier to cut and run, but running because you're afraid will kill some potentially good relationships.

Ns teach their children to fear others, to fear being known, because everything will be used against you. Healthy relationships are not like that, but you do need to figure out how to identify other people's boundaries and create your own. For me, if friends said "hey, you don't need to pay rent", I'd probably make the offer to pay or chip in every couple of months or so just to be sure, or say something like "if that changes, please let me know". Ns will never "treat others how you'd like to be treated", but others will, and that might be what your friends are doing. At the same time, be aware of manipulation through fear/guilt/obligation by friends. Some know they're doing it, some don't.

These helped me:

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

u/aradthrowawayacct · 6 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

> she has threatened to expose me many times in the past when I've talked about ending the relationship.

This is very manipulative behavior, and unhealthy for your child.

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You might be a good resource for you.

This isn't fixable. You need to find a way to leave.

u/[deleted] · 6 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

People will only treat you the way that you let them treat you. You have to stand up for yourself, and that feeling of sickness and queasiness you get in the pit of your stomach is a result of that new experience. At the end of the day, you owe it to yourself and your integrity to stand up for yourself.

Here are some things your can say:

"I cannot forget what you have done to me. I do not expect an apology, but from this day forth, if you want me in your life, you will never abuse me again."

[After they have treated your poorly], "I do not appreciate how you have treated me."

"Just because I am your [son, daughter], that does not give you the right to abuse me."

Here are some books that you would benefit from reading. Read these books in the order I have laid out for you.

  1. Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

  2. Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

  3. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

    The first book will teach you how to identify and defend yourself against the primary tool of an abuser: emotional blackmail and manipulation. The second book will help you understand and defend against toxic people, especially family members, in your life. The last book will help you quiet the noise of over-thinking and second guessing yourself as a result of the abuse.

    As a teacher and a victim of emotional blackmail, toxic family members, and an Nbrother, I know that right now your life feels like it is out of control and you want it to stop right now. However, read those books, be patient, and allow yourself to heal. Your emotions are healthy. You are not a robot.

    If you cannot afford the books, feel free to message my inbox and we can figure out a way to get you the literature that will change your life.
u/elmay · 5 pointsr/lgbt

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I found Toxic Parents to be very useful in my own journey.

Also, by Susan Forward, Emotional Blackmail is quite good and helped me get out of the most dysfunctional relationship I've ever been in.

u/codedface · 5 pointsr/exjw

I’ve been in a similar situation with my parents (very toxic). I cut them off for a while as protection which is very different than a perceived moral shunning. To shun someone because they are gay or an act in privacy is not hurting someone. The irony is that shunning usually targets very loving people. There is a great book I suggest called Emotional Blackmail. I highly suggest reading to help sort things out and understand the difference between having to protect yourself from shunning do to a difference in thought. Good luck!

u/WasabiHoney · 4 pointsr/AskWomen

"Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You" by Dr. Susan Forward

I've always had problems in the relationship with my parents. This book helped me understand that I can control how I respond to their behavior and get out of the "FOG" they created.

u/deepestbluest · 3 pointsr/self

As an add-on to the above, BUY THIS BOOK: Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Foward

It will shed an enormous amount of light onto what you've been experiencing. You have no obligation to this woman and she is manipulating you into feeling an incapacitating amount of guilt regarding a situation you handled like a mature adult.

I was in a similar situation (just exited it, actually). Broke up with a woman I'd been seeing for a couple years, yet didn't completely sever contact because she didn't feel it was right. That was a HUGE mistake. She spent the better part of a month just unloading guilt and sadness onto me, to the point in which it began to consume my being. Believe me, it's worse when you were in an actual romantic relationship with the person, they have a lot more ammo.

You owe this person nothing. You can choose to go no contact, and this is what YOU MUST DO if you value your sanity. It seriously is the only option. I learned this the hard way after disconnecting and reconnecting half a dozen times.

Please feel free to message me if you have any questions. Heck, I'd even send you my copy of the book if you want.

u/Spitfire_1990 · 3 pointsr/childfree

> My friend guilts him to stay

This is called emotional blackmail, it's a repulsive form of domestic abuse, and your friend and her husband need help ASAP.

In the meantime he needs to check out this book:

u/ci1979 · 3 pointsr/JUSTNOFAMILY

I'm sorry this fact is being used against you :(

I'd recommend this book should you be so inclined

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

u/MasterDetectiveCheez · 3 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

Books I recommend: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and Emotional Blackmail.

As for finding a therapist, I would use your insurance provider's search and look up the offices and generally they should have a list of areas of expertise covered by their therapists. You want to look for descriptions like Adult Children of Alcoholics/Addicts, Codependency, Family Issues, and when he calls he can give a brief description like you mentioned in your post. They should be able to direct him to a counselor to set up a first appointment. Also, think of finding a therapist like finding a partner. The first person he meets might not be the best fit, and he doesn't have to keep going to them if he wants to find someone he feels more comfortable with.

Good luck to you both!

u/bunnyish · 3 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

You are being abused, disrespected, and manipulated. Saying "sorry" doesn't make any of the things he has done to you okay AT ALL.

Two things:

  1. Check out this book about emotional blackmail- I was able to check it out from my library. It's a great read.
  2. Your options are either couple counseling to learn how to communicate in a healthy, respectful way or you should gtfo because a person who loves you should not also want to hurt you so bad it cuts to the bone.

    TLDR: If things don't change, don't stay.

    "Love is not enough for me- love is hurting- if it screams when you hold it."
u/panic_moonwalk · 2 pointsr/raisedbyborderlines

Susan Forward is the person who came up with the concept of the FOG, if I remember correctly, and she writes about it a lot in Emotional Blackmail, which isn't explicitly about BPD but does touch on the tactics used by all abusers and manipulators. It's really useful if you want to know more about FOG on its own.

u/KafkaOnTheTrial · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

Toxic Parents and Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You. This kind of behavior usually doesn't start when a person is in their late 20s. The first book gives great insight on this. The second book gives clues on how to recognize when people are trying to manipulate you in a different ways and gives a lot of non-confrontational response strategies, it's a great book to read in general and I always recommend it to my friends.

u/AskEmily · 2 pointsr/ihaveissues

Parent-child love can often involve loving each other, but not liking each other. It's what happens when you know someone so deeply.

How do you think your parents will react if you decide to stay in Australia? You should be prepared to answer some tough questions about how you intend to support yourself.

Toxic Parents

Emotional Blackmail

u/RestrainedGold · 2 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

My therapist has a great line to use for when someone is making their problem your problem:

I am confident that you will figure it out.

That is it. When they complaint about BIL needing a ride: I am confident that....

When they complain about FIL having to drive: I am confident...

When they desperately come up with another irrelevant excuse: I am...

Don't try to make them see your point of view. They don't care. This inconveniences them. From their point of view, there are no positives, its all negatives. Don't waste the energy. Just use this as your mantra. Memorize it, and lean on it hard. His decision is final.

In fact: My decision is final is the other mantra that will cover all other complaints on this matter. Again, just repeat, don't explain. They wear us down in the explaining.


Book recommendation: Every one of their tactics is clearly defined as emotional blackmail in this book. Your husband has options other than riding their guilt train.

u/CaptZ · 2 pointsr/BPDlovedones

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do but take it. The people closest to you, which should matter the most, won't believe it and just thing they are crazy. Just internalize it all. I do have one book that could help you deal with anything like this in the future.

Emotional Blakmail

u/princess_robot11 · 1 pointr/DecidingToBeBetter

Here are some books that I have read and have found to be helpful. Check to see if your library has them.

Toxic Parents

Emotional Blackmail

Running on Empty

u/planet12 · 1 pointr/domesticviolence

I'll give you one more recommendation - a book.

"Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You" by Susan Forward.

Reading this book, I was going "yup, she did that. Yup, that too. And that. And that. Yep. Yep. Uhuh. Hang on, was she using this as an operating manual or something?!"

It aptly chronicled the techniques my ex used over the years to break me down to the point where I would accept the physical violence from her. It also pointed out how it worked, and why I bought into it.

u/nmfiamlov · 1 pointr/raisedbynarcissists

this one is a true life saver:

i read it and it is a very clear read. i read it and have been no contact now so i haven't actually tried out the techniques.

u/vickster339 · 1 pointr/atheism

This is a terrible situation which good fortune has kept me from having to personally endure... That being said, eggshell walking time is for when you are a voluntary Easter Sunday house guest. Your house, your wife's hospital room, or wherever you and your wife gather is your domain as a couple. If your domain as a couple has not had any rules up until now, I would suggest the time has come to lay down some law. Because it seems to me that the wrong people are walking on the eggshells in this tragic of instance.

What kept you from losing your patience the moment your wife became genuinely distressed by emotional terrorism and torture? I doubt you would stand by and allow your wife to be physically tortured right in front of you, why would emotional torture be treated any differently?

Be calm, collective, thoughtful, loving, and decisive as possible less the time comes you can no longer be any of those things. Arm yourself with knowledge if you haven't already:

Should you and your wife draw lines in the sand together, know that it is a natural thing for a man to draw his own a little further out and a little longer.

u/OMNEG · 1 pointr/AskReddit

"Emotional Blackmail" helped me learn to deal with a lot of people in my life and may give your GF some ways of dealing with her sister. Her sister is definitely using emotional blackmail to manipulate and get attention from your GF.

u/Ulnari · 1 pointr/TrueAtheism

You seem to be afraid of your mother's emotional response to your actions.
She is using emotional blackmail to control you. I would recommend to read a book about this topic (e.g.

u/Polly_der_Papagei · 1 pointr/polyamory

Read this book on emotional blackmail!

That is exactly what she is doing.

Reading it helped me a ton when fighting this behaviour.

u/ilovecloudsandbears · 1 pointr/raisedbynarcissists

I agree with rapunzel1111 - record if you can, and get used to keeping detailed notes regarding who said what. I have been to several counselors who didn't believe in narcissistic personality disorders (NPD) and proceeded to blame me for the issues in my relationship with Nrents. If you have the ability to select a counselor you want, look for ones that have experience with N-personalities, N-related disorders, or even do an initial meet-and-greet to discover if they have ever counseled anyone else who was victimized by a narcissist (this will also indicate whether or not they believe NPDs exist). Some counselors who are far away are open to Skype or phone sessions.

It's important to recognize that many health professionals don't want to weigh in too early, and many N victims can present issues of their own which may or may not be the same as the N. It's also the difference (at least in the US) between some counselors and actual mental health professionals - professionals (especially those employed by the government) can only make decisions based on behavior they have actually witnessed. We have gone through this with a family member who will act normal when a professional is present.

Anger is a natural reaction to many situations, so start by acknowledging it and allowing yourself to be angry (essentially self-validation). Say, "I'm angry about x. It's ok for me to be angry about x." Be angry, but try to move it in a positive direction by determining why you're angry and what can be done to alter/fix/avoid the same trigger in the future. It's also natural to go through periods of anger as you remember abusive things/actions/situations and process through them.

It's possible to become what you hate, so I would encourage you to not allow anger to simmer or grow into rage. If you haven't already, try journaling as well to help clear your head and ensure you are moving towards healing.

These books are good starting points to help you work through how to best love and forgive yourself while separating from toxic and/or Nrents:

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents

u/LittleRedBugs · 1 pointr/bipolar

Edit: To advise you, just do you. If they don't respect you for being yourself, you can't change them. You can change yourself. Find a moral code that suits your fancy and live by it. Read books about relationships. I recommend "Emotional Blackmail", I'll link it in the next edit.

Edit Link:

My ESP-game is super strong. The girls break it off with me. I never have to call it off, ever. It's peaceful. I genuinely love women, and any relationship I get into I go into full fledged intending to become soulmates with this other being. Once I realize we don't want the same things...ESP game muy brotha.

u/BellicoseBaby · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes

There is an excellent book on Emotional Blackmail. It would be very helpful if the two of you read it. I grew up in a similar family, and even though most of the information in the book wasn't entirely news to me, it helped me see the manipulation clearly. This helped ease the pain their calculated comments would cause. Setting boundaries isn't just about being clear about your expectations. It's more about knowing a healthy way to stand your ground in the face of such an emotional attack. It really helped me.

u/SalemMama · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

Check out the book Emotional Blackmail. Don't take her shit and be firm in setting boundaries. She can't make you feel guilty unless you allow yourself to fall into her twisty manipulation. Speaking from experience. Good luck!

u/Punky_Grifter · 1 pointr/relationships

Another thought. You are dealing with issues at the crossroads of communication, self esteem, fear of hurting people, and being hurt yourself. Here are a couple of useful books:

Emotional Blackmail Read it with the lens of what is being done to you and how you employ these tactics too.

I Need your Love, is that true It is about the entwining of "needing" to be loved with how you "need" to be treated. And how we are all poisoned by the idea that we need to never be wrong and need to be special at all times.

Also picking up a good book about non-violent communication can be very helpful. That tactic is about trying to address the subtext to communications. We say that we want one thing, but really it is more about what that one thing represents.

u/acbain · 1 pointr/exjw

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

>A practical guide to better communication that will break the blackmail cycle for good, by one of the nation's leading therapists, Susan Forward.
>"If you really loved me..."
>"After all I've done for you..."
>"How can you be so selfish..."
>Do any of the above sound familiar? They're all examples of emotional blackmail, a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten to punish us for not doing what they want. Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. They know our vulnerabilities and our deepest secrets. They are our mothers, our partners, our bosses and coworkers, our friends and our lovers. And no matter how much they care about us, they use this intimate knowledge to give themselves the payoff they want: our compliance.
>Susan Forward knows what pushes our hot buttons. Just as John Gray illuminates the communications gap between the sexes in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and Harriet Lerner describes an intricate dynamic in The Dance of Anger, so Susan Forward presents the anatomy of a relationship damaged by manipulation, and gives readers an arsenal of tools to fight back.

u/Foxsbiscuits · 1 pointr/selfhelp

Emotional Blackmail
Fantastic book. Understanding the trap is half the battle.

u/bagheera10 · 1 pointr/raisedbynarcissists

Have you read this one? My MIL is an N and my SO found it really helpful.

u/AskTigress · 1 pointr/Advice

Let's explore ways you can start to break this "bond" without debilitating guilt.

  1. Find someone to rent out your room. Use that money to supplement the amount you were contributing to the mortgage.
  2. Don't live with your mom/sister anymore. The less pressure you get on a daily basis, the easier it is to distance yourself from the bullying/pressure.
  3. Use the federal refund to get yourself a second car. This will give you the freedom to go to school, work, or drive away from your family. Do not waste it on the fence. This does not serve you at all, nor does it guarantee that she will make any money from it.
  4. Your mom says she doesn't want to take care of your sister (that's on disability), but is actually not letting her take care of herself by getting a job. She is selfishly sabotaging your sister's future for her short term benefit. Her behavior is practically guaranteeing that you'll take care of your sister while your mom cashes the checks. Another reason to get out of the house. This will force your mom to make decisions she needs to, but isn't forced to right now because you are filling in the gaps.

    How do you deal with the guilt? Here's a book on emotional blackmail with tools on how to identify and deal with it.

    — Ask Tigress
u/specialkake · -2 pointsr/relationships

Psychiatric help ≠ counseling. She doesn't need pills, she needs help with her self-esteem, amongst other things, probably. Try reading about emotional blackmail. (Relevant Book)