Reddit reviews Enneagram Transformations

Hi, Type 4 as well.

This book (Enneagram Transformations) is brilliant at looking at the integrations and using concepts like positive affirmations to help wire the brain in a positive context.

>now it's gotten to the point where I judge others harshly for not being as "special" as I am

From my understanding this is our Jealously for what we perceive we dont have within ourself. This is an important point to remember.

The said book above or anything really that will help reinforce the positive..

Self-esteem and self-confidence will develop only from having positive experiences, whether or not you believe that you are ready to have them. Therefore, put yourself in the way of good. You may never feel that you are ready to take on a challenge of some sort, that you always need more time. (Fours typically never feel that they are sufficiently “together,” but they must nevertheless have the courage to stop putting off their lives.) Even if you start small, commit yourself to doing something that will bring out the best in you.

As i mentioned above about "what we perceive we dont have within ourself". This is important because this is where all the change start, and it CAN be as simple as just stop being judgemental. The less we do it, the less our brain will be wired to think like this. I talk from personal experience. Being a Four.

Im a type 4 too###

I too used to judge very Harshly for others that were not as Unique or special ..this led me to be very arrogant and superior... for me i just decided this was something i didnt like about myself. Being judgy was at its core, (subconsciously) secretly coveting what others had. This all ties into the Four's fantasy world, of what or who we think we are (or Ideal self)...

I just had to start accepting who i am. Embrace my uniqueness but at the same time, accept that it is perfectly ok to be like everyone else. Im no better than this person or that. Realising that i don't need to always be sooooo different, special etc. If anything, this realisation has really helped me not be so harsh on others, and most of all im more loving and accepting of myself. (We are all a Mirror)

Advice###

> I'm not sure how to stop and it's not as easy as just stopping. Advice?

Your already on your way to stopping. The mere fact that your thinking about this, and wanting to change it is the first step.

Identification and Ownership.
"You cant change what you dont own"
Now you've realised this. It becomes a choice to stop or to continue consciously. So i ask, how do you think you could stop this negative behaviour? It doesn't matter if its right or wrong, what idea appeals to you? ..Follow that, and see what happens.

Some other points about the Type Four###

• Accept that wholeness and realness exist now in the present moment
  
• Practice self-appreciation based on what is present and not what is absent, on what is rather than what isn’t
  
• Resist domination by strong and fluctuating feelings while acknowledging their authenticity
  
• Sustain a steady course of action even in the presence of intense feelings
  
• Appreciate the ordinary instead of deeming it as boring
  
• Disconnect your self-esteem from the need to be special or extraordinary

> Yeah, I do have a lot of anxiety. I just pressure myself to be perfect.. seriously don't ask for an answer to this, because I have no idea.

Yeah, you're right – those are the sort of questions we look toward our enneagram type to answer. Sorry about that.

> I would feel nervous and like they might hate my work. Especially because what I write (no matter how often I'm told it's liked or good), I just.. I just feel uncomfortable, like my ideas are weird.

> When I'm needed, it makes me feel wanted. I like to feel wanted, because then it's like I'm also cared about. But I don't do things for others to be vain. I am pretty insecure.

Do you relate to any of these? source

• Twos try to escape their fear of being unloved by constantly doing things for others. They see themselves as thoughtful, well-meaning, and generous, although others may sometimes see them as intrusive and self-deceptive. To get others to love them, Twos believe that they must always be selfless and virtuous, so they sacrifice their own needs and desires for the good of others. If others still do not give Twos the love they want, their disappointment and anger must also be denied and repressed. Thus, Twos become caught between feeling love and feeling rage. Over time, suppressing their negative feelings takes its toll on their health and relationships and they lash out at the very people whose love they so desperately want.
  
  
• Threes try to escape from their fear of being rejected by seeking the affirmation of others through personal excellence. They see themselves as competent and worthwhile, although to others, they may seem attention-seeking and arrogant. If Threes sense that others are not responding to them, they begin to project an image that they believe will be more desirable. Thus, Threes disown their true self piece by piece and invest their energy in the roles they play until they lose touch with their feelings and any sense of who they really are. Terrified that someone will see through their facade to the growing emptiness inside, they may betray themselves and others to save their image.
  
  
• Fours try to escape from their fear of being flawed and defective by throwing themselves into their feelings. They see themselves as sensitive and intuitive, while others may see them as overly touchy and too ruled by their feelings. Fours believe that they will find a solution to their emotional turmoil by endlessly replaying their problems in their imaginations. As they go around and around, they stir up powerful emotional crosscurrents that draw them further inward until they lose all perspective on themselves, undermining their ability to deal effectively with life. In time, their emotional conflicts and difficulties fan the flames of their self-doubt and self-hatred, and they withdraw into a darkening world of torment and despair.
  
  ---
  
  Also, here are the health levels for type 3. Do you relate? source
  
  > # Type Three—More Depth by Level
  
  > ## Healthy Levels
  
  > Level 1 (At Their Best): Self-accepting, inner-directed, and authentic, everything they seem to be. Modest and charitable, self-deprecatory humor and a fullness of heart emerge. Gentle and benevolent.
  
  > Level 2: Self-assured, energetic, and competent with high self-esteem: they believe in themselves and their own value. Adaptable, desirable, charming, and gracious.
  
  > Level 3: Ambitious to improve themselves, to be “the best they can be”—often become outstanding, a human ideal, embodying widely admired cultural qualities. Highly effective: others are motivated to be like them in some positive way.
  
  > ## Average Levels
  
  > Level 4: Highly concerned with their performance, doing their job well, constantly driving self to achieve goals as if self-worth depends on it. Terrified of failure. Compare self with others in search for status and success. Become careerists, social climbers, invested in exclusivity and being the “best.”
  
  > Level 5: Become image-conscious, highly concerned with how they are perceived. Begin to package themselves according to the expectations of others and what they need to do to be successful. Pragmatic and efficient, but also premeditated, losing touch with their own feelings beneath a smooth facade. Problems with intimacy, credibility, and “phoniness” emerge.
  
  > Level 6: Want to impress others with their superiority: constantly promoting themselves, making themselves sound better than they really are. Narcissistic, with grandiose, inflated notions about themselves and their talents. Exhibitionistic and seductive, as if saying “Look at me!” Arrogance and contempt for others is a defense against feeling jealous of others and their success.
  
  > ## Unhealthy Levels
  
  > Level 7: Fearing failure and humiliation, they can be exploitative and opportunistic, covetous of the success of others, and willing to do “whatever it takes” to preserve the illusion of their superiority.
  
  > Level 8: Devious and deceptive so that their mistakes and wrongdoings will not be exposed. Untrustworthy, maliciously betraying or sabotaging people to triumph over them. Delusionally jealous of others
  
  > Level 9: Become vindictive, attempting to ruin others’ happiness. Relentless, obsessive about destroying whatever reminds them of their own shortcomings and failures. Psychopathic, murder. Generally corresponds to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
  

Hello Gianna! Thank you for responding—and I know that my comment was somewhat intrusive, but I would like to say that often times in the Enneagram behaviors can be misleading. There are many ways that behaviors of types overlap, so it's important to also examine the motivations behind those behaviors. For example, both type one and type four have their own brands of perfectionism.

> I've never really considered type 4 because being a perfectionist has always been a core aspect of myself.

The type of perfectionism that a type four experiences is contextual whereas the type of perfectionism a type one experiences is more all encompassing: it shows up in their diet, in their posture, in their movements, in their facial expressions, and in their desire to always be inline with the rules. Type four has perfectionistic qualities in regards to specific aspects that they regard as part of their identity—in truth, all types experience perfectionism when it comes to an aspect of their life that they take great pride in. However, for a type one, perfectionism is the result of fear; fear of being condemned by others.

> I've always felt different but I've never thrived off of the feeling of being different like the 4s I know.

Type fours experience being different as a fixation, not so much as a source of energy. A type four who is hyper-focused on being different will drift into the unhealthy territory of that type. Type fours who realize they are different, and accept that as being something that connects them to all other whom are also different, will enter a growth arrow towards type one—what I am trying to say is that I think you are a very healthy type four.

> I feel like the "envy" that you picked up in the video could of been the 2 in me wanting to make Kaylia happy and nurture her talent.

It's actually funny you should mention type 2 tendencies when under stress. Type fours tend to go into a people pleasing aspect of type 2 when they are under stress—it is the stress arrow of their type.

Edit: I added a paragraph separation here to more clearly separate these thoughts.

This was actually the major point that led me to believe you were a type four. I have recently been reading through Enneagram Transformations and what you said was almost a picture perfect repesentation of this passage:

> REMEMBER THAT FOURS TRY TO ESCAPE from their fear of being flawed and defective by throwing themselves into their feelings. They see themselves as sensitive and intuitive, while others may see them as overly touchy and too ruled by their feelings. Fours believe that they will find a solution to their emotional turmoil by endlessly replaying their problems in their imaginations. As they go around and around, they stir up powerful emotional crosscurrents that draw them further inward until they lose all perspective on themselves, undermining their ability to deal effectively with life. In time, their emotional conflicts and difficulties fan the flames of their self-doubt and self-hatred, and they withdraw into a darkening world of torment and despair.

> FOURS CAN ESCAPE THEIR TRAP by acknowledging and releasing their strong attachments to their feelings. As they do so, Fours learn that their feelings do not die, as they had feared, but that other capacities and talents become available and can be acted on. The more they interact with reality, the richer their emotional life becomes. No longer the prisoners of every shifting mood, they find that their practical accomplishments grow. Fours thus discover that they are not only intuitive and creative, but also capable and strong.

The bold section reminded me of you. I think that you are a very high functioning four rather than an average type one.

> I wouldn't say that I have a flashy and vibrant personality, and I like to be acknowledged but part of me has inherently disliked feeling different and has wanted to fit in, but only in the sense of being understood.

But, you dwell on being different (or not different, in your case), that is a big flag towards type four. I'm not really certain what you mean by the bold section of your reply though – could you please clarify/provide an example of what you mean?

There is something else I've read that might help clarify things – a quote from Enneagram Institute about the similarities and differences between types four and one. Their site seems to be experiencing technical difficulties at the moment, but the location of this information can usually be found here. I've quoted a copy of what is on that page though.

> Since Ones and Fours are so different, it might seem strange that they can be confused. The confusion seems to arise when a One (who may be going to Four under stress) begins to think that he or she is a Four. Invariably, Ones who misidentify themselves as Fours focus almost exclusively on the traits of the unhealthy Four and not on the type as a whole. Because they feel melancholy, depressed, and alienated from others, they may convince themselves that they must be Fours. If Ones have been having more severe difficulties, they may be “shunting” to Four more continuously to avoid falling into even more unhealthy Levels of type One–a far more serious problem. At such times, Ones are typically guilt-ridden, feel worthless, and are subject to excruciating self-contempt and self-hatred. (They may even felt suicidal). Their confusion would clear if they were to look at themselves historically and see both themselves and the Four as a whole.

> In the average Levels, Ones usually attend to their responsibilities first, and deal with their feelings later. Their lack of focus on their feelings is actually one of the main causes of their not infrequent depressions. (It is also worth mentioning that Ones are one of the types more vulnerable to depression.) Fours, on the other hand, want to sort out their feelings first, and deal with their duties after they have worked through their emotions. As a result, they may have difficulty mobilizing themselves to meet responsibilities. Most Ones would not give themselves permission to “indulge” their feelings in this way for very long. For lower average Fours, non-productively dwelling on their feelings can be the rule rather than the exception.

> Despite these differences, there are similarities. Both tend to be perfectionistic and dissatisfied with things as they are. Both are often frustrated with themselves and their environment, and can be perceived by others as fussy, or picky. Both can be very particular about their environment and the “rules” that they want others to observe in their personal space. (“No one comes in here without removing their shoes.”) Both types can be angry: average Ones are frequently critical and irritable, but usually over others’ inefficiency or failure to follow agreed upon procedures. Average Fours are often critical and picky over others’ lack of awareness of their sensitivities. The may feel irritable about others’ apparent coarseness. Similarly, Fours can also become resentful when they feel that others’ do not appreciate their depth and creativity. If upset in this way, Fours attempt to punish the offenders by coldly withdrawing emotionally or even physically. They refuse to engage in further communication. Average Ones do not withdraw from people. On the contrary, they press themselves and their opinions on others with increasing urgency as they become angrier at what they see as the irresponsibility of others.

> It is also possible for an occasional healthy Four to be mistaken for a One; such a misidentification would, however, be a compliment to the Four since it indicates that he or she has integrated to One and is living with purpose beyond the self. Fortunately for them, some Fours actually do integrate and begin to manifest the reason, moderation, and attraction to objective values of healthy Ones. Further, some Fours may well be teachers and in a teaching situation be called on to move beyond their feelings and interior states. But a Four who has genuinely integrated some of the healthy qualities of type One is still a Four—and besides having either a Three-wing or a Five-wing, other important characteristics, will continue to be present in the Four’s overall personality. Contrast a Four such as Anne Rice and a One such as Martha Stewart or a Four such as Tennessee Williams and a One such as Arthur Miller for more insight into these types.

Do you feel as though you relate to that at all?

I apologize again for all of this – it probably isn't how you wanted to spend your day. In the end, you are of course the arbiter of your self, and what I am saying here are merely a result of my own perceptions and evaluations. I am not conclusively saying you are a 4, though I might be (perhaps too strongly) suggesting it.

Thanks for taking the time to read through this. I really need to work on shortening my posts down a bit. Take care!