Reddit reviews For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men

Oh man, that must've been such a let down with the dick pics. Nowadays, I love stuff like that and wouldn't be able to stop thinking about him all day at work waiting for 9pm when the kids are in bed! A few years ago I would not have reacted that way.

It sounds like a lot of emotional connection outside of the bedroom. She could simply not value sex the way you do. A lot of people don't prioritize it.

Have you talked to her about your need to feel wanted? This is a great book I read about 9 months ago that really opened my eyes - For Women Only.

For Couples Only: Eyeopening Insights about How the Opposite Sex Thinks https://www.amazon.com/dp/1601422482/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_EKaRCb6MB2VQS

For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women https://www.amazon.com/dp/1590525728/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_cLaRCbGR5S6BY


For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/1601424442/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_.OaRCbY9XF1HD


The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0013A0B4Q/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_QPaRCbFGGBDA7

The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061142840/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_5PaRCb9TSAB0K

It sounds like he still has a long way to go, but if he really is getting better, as you say, then I'd say he definitely loves you. If he didn't, there wouldn't be much incentive for him to (try to) give up pornography or masturbation. So that's good.

One thing he definitely needs to work on is thoughtful communication with you. Lying to you, whether about using pornography at all or about the reasons for his ED, is not helping. Does he know about your struggle with an eating disorder? The health of your body image is crucial, and he should be making every effort to respect that.

He needs to be kicking his PMO habit, which--trust me--has nothing at all to do with you. It's not your fault. It never was. It never will be. That's his problem, he needs to own it, and if he ever blames you for it, know that he's either wrong or lying. You never make him sin; that's on him entirely.

One thing that might help your communication (it helped my and my wife's communication a lot, both when we were dating and a few years into our marriage when we felt we needed a refresher) are the books For Men Only and For Women Only (available as a two-volume set here). (Point of order: I haven't read the "revised and updated" version, but the originals were very illuminating when it came to our communication.)

This isn't a problem that goes away overnight, unfortunately. Marriage doesn't fix it (he probably expected it to before you got married). Even if he's trying his damnedest, he'll likely still have struggles. The hard part, for you, is that it means he'll need lots of forgiveness--not leeway, but forgiveness.

If he's not really trying, he needs someone to hold him accountable. That doesn't have to be you, and I understand if you don't think it can be you (for whatever reason). But find a friend of his that will talk to him, or your pastor, or someone, because he needs help (even if he won't admit it).

For Men only and For Women only are great for you both to read!

Apparently your father as serious Madonna/Whore complex and has infected you with the same mentality. Unfortunately, you will need seriously tackle this problem.

>Men with madonna/whore complexes are men who so buy into the myth of an infallible, asexual mother that they look to recreate her in their life partner. Since their mother image is so perfect and devoid of all whorish traits, anyone who does anything to break this idealized model must automatically fall into the whore category.

>They compartmentalize all women into two categories, the “madonna” like their mother or the “whore,” Ginger or Mary-Ann, not being aware that most women have traits of both the madonna and the whore coexisting in them to varying degrees. It’s hard for them to accept any middle ground. In very extreme cases, any woman who seems to enjoy sex too much period becomes a whore in their eyes. The problem is, every man and every woman has a social civilized side to them and a primitive, savage side, and both sides demand feeding. So while the madonna satisfies a man’s social needs as mother to his children and lady he can take around on his arm with pride, he finds his primal side incredibly bored and unfulfilled by the vanilla sex he has with his madonna. Even if the madonna wants to try to be less vanilla in the bedroom he won’t allow it because he has an illusion to preserve, and if she breaks it she is no longer the reincarnation of his mother. So he then finds himself seeking out women to fulfill the whore role for him, whether in porn, in prostitutes, in freak mistresses.

http://therawness.com/madonnawhore-complexes-part-3/

Many women do not realize having sex for a man is the way for displaying love and affection from his wife. it is not one of the ways; it is THE way. Unless you overcome your erroneous ideas about sex your marriage will not last and you will not be able to form any serious relationship with a mate. I suggest you seek a psychology counseling,preferably a Islamic or Christian based counselor., to overcome your problems with sexual intimacy.

>Your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life.
Shanti Feldhahn - For Women Only

http://trueagape.net/2012/07/for-women-only-by-shaunti-feldhahn-chapters-5-6/

Honestly, you need some serious mentorship. I highly suggest Athol Kay's "Married Man's Sex Life" and consider hiring him as a coach. I used him and it helped really fix a lot of issues.

atholkay.com/

(Note: He is cheaper than a marriage counselor (useless) IMO.)

his book:
https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

If you want to look at his website consider: www.atholkay.com

Another book for your wife to read is: "For Her Eyes Only"

https://www.amazon.com/Women-Only-Revised-Updated-About/dp/1601424442/

Dude, your wife just had a baby...it's going to be hard for her to adjust (physically and emotionally) to that. Life will be different, but you can still have a good sex life. Make sure you communicate your feelings to her and tell her it's important to you to have a good sex life because it helps you connect...not just for pleasure.

If she's resistant to that communication then I would suggest some couples therapy. You can also check out the books "[For Men Only] (https://www.amazon.com/Men-Only-Straightforward-Guide-Inner/dp/B0035G04Q6)"
for you, and "For Women Only" for her.

It's a view of men's and women's perspective on life, love and sex. It helped me better understand how most women view sex and how that's different from myself. My SO also found that she understood my needs better and our sex life has improved tremendously.

Just wanted to reiterate some of what CritFailingLife said. As a woman, I've also noticed that the less I have sex, the less I feel interested, and sometimes my boyfriend and I have to sort of "restart" my sex drive. We both know that, though, so it's not too contentious to talk about it or to sort of "go through the motions" to get back into it. I didn't realize other women (or people in general) have this issue until I read this thread, but I'm not surprised.

I don't think anyone should feel like they are obligated to have sex, but at the same time I think sex is an important part of a relationship, and it's not right to go on forever (or for a long, long time) without having sex and expect your partner to just suck it up. I absolutely agree with what everyone else here has said--you should not go looking for it somewhere else because that can be the death knell of your relationship.

However I also really agree with what others have said about how you should wait until a neutral time and talk it over with your wife. Communication is everything. It helps my boyfriend and I understand each other and take care of each other, so it's good in itself. As a bonus, I also feel most likely to want to have sex when I feel my boyfriend and I really understand each other, so that's just another reason to talk things through.

Ask her why she thinks she's not very interested in sex. Ask her what role she thinks sex does or should play in any relationship, and in your relationship specifically, especially over the long term. Ask her if there's anything new she'd like to try in bed, anything she'd like you to do differently. She may be shy or reserved about some of these questions (I have no idea--it varies from person to person) but at least it can get her thinking about it.

Finally, awhile back my boyfriend and I read these books (one for men, one for women) together. They are Christian-based, and we are not Christians, but we still found them very interesting. You're supposed to read them separately from each other (hence the titles) but we actually read both together, taking turns reading to each other while we did other things around the house, and it sparked so many great conversations.

We didn't agree with every single thing in the books but they had a lot of good points, and there were some chapters on sex, and how men and women sometimes approach it differently. I thought it was very helpful--I felt like I understood my boyfriend better after reading it. I'm not saying that every man and woman fits the pictures painted in these books, but I expect many do, so maybe that would help too.

This is totally normal. I'm generalizing here, a lot of people will fight me on this, but they can get over it. As a man, you should know that men are competitive. It looks bad on you when she doesn't try with her appearance. When a man walks around with his SO dressed nicely, it shows other men that he has done well. If a man walks around with a woman that doesn't try, other men judge that. Guys don't like to admit to this, but it's true.
For advice, this is a really touchy subject. Yes, women can wear whatever they want and don't have to care. Maybe take her to a fancy restaurant and dress really nice. Maybe then she'll feel the need and you can make it known how beautiful she is. Or just tell her you think she is beautiful no matter what and she should show others her beauty. Just don't pressure her to change the woman you fell in love with. Good luck!
Edit: Source http://www.amazon.com/Women-Only-Revised-Updated-Edition/dp/1601424442