We found 7 Reddit comments about Forgive for Good. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Practicing forgiveness has really helped me deal with feelings of hurt and resentment. Well, that's not true. Practicing forgiveness actually changed my life, not just "helped". It gave me new perspectives and tools to understand myself and others, and how to regulate my expectations, emotions, and reactions toward negative situations/people.
Forgiveness doesn't mean condoning what happened. It means releasing yourself from being trapped by what happened. It is a gift you give yourself (and maybe others). You can forgive someone without ever talking to them again.
Forgiveness is a Choice (Robert Enright)
Forgive for Good
Not at all. It’s extremely hurtful and insulting when your in-laws act like jerks after the birth of a child. I’m dealing with some other personal stuff (career), and my shrinkologist recommended the book Forgive for Good which, despite my initial skepticism, has been super helpful both in dealing with the stress in my professional life and in moving past the residual angst I feel towards my in-laws. I definitely recommend it. It’s a quick read and worth the time even if you’re not a self-help book kind of person.
The explanation hinges on whether you are prepared to accept the existence and function of the subconscious or unconscious portion of the human mind. If you can accept it, there is a very adequate explanation (largely not accepted by mainstream medicine) that has fallen out of favor, though has never been disproven.
Obviously, if the pain is caused directly by injury or disease that can be explained with clinical diagnostic, then the pain is caused by that injury or disease. However, where there is no obvious explanation for the pain, the pain may be caused by stress or essentially, your own brain. What is pain caused by the brain? Psychosomatic illness or symptoms. What is the psychosomatic illness caused by? Suppressed or repressed anger -- the most powerful emotion. Why would the brain cause you pain? To offer a distraction from your unsolvable or inescapable problems or let downs in life that you may consider inescapable, to, in essence, allow you to function.
The brain frequently picks a 'favorite' site to locate physical psychosomatic pain. I carried my psychosomatic pain in my shoulders/neck for many years, and after a back injury, my brain then 'preferred' to locate my psychosomatic pain in my back instead. Long after my back injury had healed, I still had un-explainable back pain (like 3 bloody years later!).
Please let me explain (and sorry for the wall of text, oof).
Sarno^(1,2) believes that the purpose of psychosomatic symptoms or pain are to offer a distraction, to relieve the person suffering of emotional pain, by substituting physical symptoms instead. The bigger the stressor, the more unsolvable, the more intractable, the more emotionally painful it is, the greater the risk is of developing psychosomatic symptoms, and the greater the resulting psychosomatic pain.
Psychosomatic illness or symptoms causing pain are largely unconscious, as in not under any direct voluntary executive conscious control, reactions to strong emotions, particularly anger. This doesn't mean the pain is made up, it means, we aren't even aware its made up, and cannot certainly just pretend it away. The pain is very real, the muscle tension is real, the symptoms are real. The cause, however, is not organic: it is our own brain.
How does the brain cause pain? As Sarno^(1,2) points out, there are studies that show that enervated muscle tissue suffering from psychosomatic pain actively has lower oxygen content. Sarno believes that the brain is capable of utilizing the autonomic nervous system to deprive target tissues of blood flow, and hence oxygen. Nerves that are deprived of oxygen are capable of generating pain.
Massaging the affected areas may increase blood flow, and hence, temporarily alleviate the tension symptoms.
What do psychosomatic symptoms include? They can include muscle pain, particularly lower back pain that doesn't have any obvious cause, depression, anxiety, sleep problems, IBS, fibromyalgia, among others.
Freud is largely credited with documentation and early work on this, however, his insistence that psychosomatic illness was as a result of repressed sexual feelings missed the mark.
Later work (by Sarno^(1,2), Hanscom^(3), Schechter^(4), Schubiner^(5), and Kellerman^(6)) has shown that suppressed or repressed anger or rage is the primary emotion that drives psychosomatic illness. Why repress rage? Because those of us who act on it and lash out end up ostracized, in fights we may not win, hurting people, losing our jobs, or ending up in jail. Thats why. As social animals, we evolved to repress rage.
How does suppressed or repressed anger or rage work? According to Kellerman^(6) ,Sarno^(1), and Luskin^(7), subconscious anger is generated when we experience let downs, stress or our 'wishes' or expectations in life don't get met. Note this is normal: we either (1) don't get what we want, (2) don't get what we want the way we want it, (3) in the amount we want it in, (4) or when we want it.
The anger may also be the result of grevious insult or injury, caused by accidents, abuse, crime (assault, rape, or murder of family member or loved one), see Luskin^(7).
Certain personalities of people, as Sarno^(1,2) pointed out, seem to be at higher risk for developing symptoms of psychosomatic illness. People who suffer from 'goodism', or want to do the right thing and internalize anger very readily may suffer moreso from psychosomatic symptoms.
According to Hanscom^(3) and Sarno^(2), symptom relief provided by massage therapy, accupuncture, chiropractic manipulation, physiotherapy may simply be providing temporary relief of the pain caused by psychosomatic illness, but in the end all of these are possibly a placebo, and do not treat the cause (again, if the cause is not an obvious injury or clinically diagnosable disease).
One way to rid yourself of the anger causing the psychosomatic symptoms is to forgive those who have transgressed against you or caused you emotional suffering. As Luskin^(7) points out, many people who suffer from anger and hurt, decades later, caused by grevious injury or injustice, gain better emotional peace of mind by forgiving.
The more I read about it, the more I am fascinated by anger as an emotion.
The only Luskin book I've read, "Forgive for Good", is primarily for those who continue to struggle with anger and bitterness and can't seem to let go of terrible wrongs from the past. Still, it's a great book for developing a better understanding of the power of forgiveness, and I'd recommend it to anyone who struggles with forgiving others.
There is a book... Forgive for good.
Hasn't quite gotten me to get over what some bad teachers did to my kid but has brought me some small peace.
I found this book to be very useful in learning how to forgive. I highly recommend it.
Forgive for Good - Frederic Luskin
I posted something similar a while back. I've since run across the book 'Forgive for Good', by Fred Luskin. I highly recommend it, it's helped me so much to reframe and diffuse my anger and bitterness. It took me several months to read it all, just because practically every sentence seemed to apply.