Reddit reviews Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us

First off: gender is a continuum, not a dimorphism. It's very important to remember that, or you may and up vacillating wildly between two extremes unwilling to find a comfortable expression somewhere in the middle.

Beyond that though, I don't think anyone can tell you where you fall on the spectrum. Almost everyone's experiences, and ways of coping, differ.

My best advice is to really open your mind to the options you have to express and embody your own personal gender, and then read a lot. Read blogs, watch videos, get some good books (I recommend Hello Cruel World or Gender Outlaw, Whipping Girl (a big heavy, but hey, you're on reddit!), and most importantly force yourself to think about it. Really think about it, without shame or fear, and see what feels right.

Find people who you can talk to, in real life or online, about it. The experience of having to explain your feelings to someone who doesn't share them is a really effective way to figure it out for yourself. A therapist would obviously be great for this of course, but if you're not in a position to find one a close and non-judgmental friend is great too.

Also, consider writing a diary, journal, blog or letter to share how you feel with a theoretical friend/confidant. Again, the process is much more important than the result.

Experiment! Try presenting as female, in big ways or small. Try imagining how everyday life would feel different as a girl. Is it "more normal" or exciting and transgressive?

It's not an easy thing to figure out, and there really don't seem to be any shortcuts. But the comfort of understanding yourself is well worth it.

Here's my list so far. It's a mix of FTM-specific, general trans, and gender studies books, including essays, memoir, and more academic works. In no particular order:

Gender Trouble by Judith Butler


Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us by Kate Bornstein

Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation by Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman


Nina Here Nor There by Nick Krieger

Female Masculinity by Judith Halberstam

Nobody Passes - Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity edited by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore


Whipping Girl by Julia Serano


How Sex Changed: A History of Transexuality in the United States by Joanne Meyerowitz

Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green

Queer Theory, Gender Theory: An Instant Primer by Riki Wilchins

PoMoSexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality edited by Carol Queen

Genderqueer: Voices From Beyond the Sexual Binary edited by Joan Nestle

From the Inside Out: Radical Gender Transformation, FTM and Beyond edited by Morty Diamond

Second Son by Ryan Sallans

Why are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots? by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore

and the must-read fiction:

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg

I'll edit this if I can find any others, I'm probably missing a couple. Been a big non-fiction reading year for me!

EDIT: Edited to add links, and a few more on my wish list I haven't picked up yet.

Letters for my Brothers: Transitional Wisdom in Retrospect edited By Megan M. Rohrer, M.Div. & Zander Keig, M.SW.

That's Revolting!: Queer Strategies for Resisting Assimilation edited by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore

Transgender Voices: Beyond Women and Men by Lori B. Girshick

Just Add Hormones: An Insider's Guide to the Transsexual Experience by Matt Kailey

The Testosterone Files: My Hormonal and Social Transformation from Female to Male by Max Wolf Valerio

Sorry I thought of two more that are a little more political, they are "Gender Outlaw" by Kate Bornstien and "Whipping Girl" by Julia Serrano.

https://www.amazon.com/Gender-Outlaw-Men-Women-Rest/dp/0679757015/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1466321943&sr=8-1&keywords=gender+outlaw

https://www.amazon.com/Whipping-Girl-Transsexual-Scapegoating-Femininity/dp/1580051545/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1466321964&sr=8-2&keywords=whipping+girl

If you're a GSM, or know any GSMs, it becomes clearly obvious that much of it is nurture. Even if you're not or don't know anyone, you should read about it if you're interested. I'd suggest this and this