Reddit reviews Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation

I'm glad it helps. :)

Actually, this is mildly cathartic, having an outlet for all those "should've, could've" thoughts...

Involve others with more experience.

• If you need to choose a school, ask on /r/lgbt.
  
• When it's time to find a therapist, ask on /r/asktransgender.
  
• When you need to tell your parents, or even just need to decide whether to tell your parents, find a local peer group (GSA) with whom to practice the discussion.
  
  Learn about your community.
  
  
• Read "The nearest exit may be behind you", "Gender Outlaws: TNG", "Whipping Girl", "Transgender History". These will not be your problems, or necessarily your life, but you will find your people in them and a connection to an otherwise foreign community. (It sucks to be trans, nobody understands.)
  
• Find opportunities to participate in queer culture. Being T is not the same as being LGB. It's tempting to pull away, since yours is an issue of identity and not one of sexuality (and they really are extraordinarily different). Resist the temptation, be a part of something, force your way in and tolerate the inconsistencies, it will be worth it.
  
  Heal thyself.
  
  
• Your attitude and self-awareness is awesome, but your background and environment is not. I had a virtually identical home life (one fewer younger siblings, but the rest aligns right down to the lawyer parent!), and even after I "got over" it, it took years to really put the internalized prejudices of my youth away. Don't rationalize it away, don't be hard on yourself when you can't just get over it.
  
• Go to therapy. Find someone you really click with, and who you feel understands you, and invest the time and trust in that relationship to make the most of it. Don't tell them what they want to hear, tell them what you feel, and remember that they fully expect you to be totally wrong about your own feelings the first few times. Figure it out together. You should be able to get this nearly for free at the right college, make the most of it.
  
• If it feels awkward, you're doing it right. Cut yourself some slack, everyone has a hell of a time growing up and finding themselves, and thanks to your situation you'll be doing at 19 what most work out at 12. It's ok. Laugh at yourself, reflect and learn, and move on.
  
• Find a fringe benefit. If you dwell on gender dysphoria, it can seem pretty shitty. If you mire yourself in transition, it can seem like a thankless, endless slog. Find something to be excited about, find a part of yourself to enjoy, and don't feel guilty about it. :)
  
  
  Finally, and most importantly, you do belong.
  You don't have to be presenting in your preferred gender to go to a support group. You don't have to start HRT to comment on a board. There's a pervasive sense among trans folk that there are real trans people out there and we're not they. But the moment you recognize this part of yourself you're a part of our world whether you like it or not, and all of us feel just as different. Smile, introduce yourself, and share aspects of yourself among friends who have those same parts and who are just bursting for the opportunity to talk about it with anyone who understands.
  
  Sigh, I could ramble on, but I need to get back to work... I guess I can sum it up in promising, cross my heart, the world is a beautiful and wonderful place, and you're going to love it out here. :)

This comic is by Katie Diamond and Johnny Blazes, taken from the anthology Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation. I highly recommend the book to anybody who likes this piece - it is full of everything from prose to poetry to graphic art that captures a cross-section of trans/genderqueer identities from my generation.

I have no good advice, but the book Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation contains several essays from FtM drag queens. Maybe you'll find it useful?

I have many! Here are a few:


Gender Failure by Rae Spoon and Ivan Coyote This is the book version of the authors' live show that toured in 2012. They both are nonbinary, and the stories they tell are about that.


Second Son by Ryan Sallans Ryan has been a role model of mine for a long time, so I was really excited to get his book. It's a pretty basic transition memoir, but he has a really great voice.


Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein This one is a classic, and one I wish I had read much sooner! It's a transition memoir, but she also has some awesome discussions about gender in general too. Also, check out The Next Generation which is a collection of the work of trans* writers and artists.

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg I think everyone should read this. It's a memoir/fiction sort of thing, and gender and transition are shown to be much more complex than in other transition memoirs. This one is quite old though, so maybe your library already has it?

Lastly, I will suggest Red: A Crayon's Story, which is basically the sweetest story about a blue crayon that was given a red wrapper by mistake.

Not doing summaries/reviews, cause it's late and I'm tired. On request, I suppose. Mostly books, with a couple docs and a few blogs.


Less theory, more personal experiences:

• Stone Butch Blues (fiction)
  
• S/He
  
• 3 to Infinity: Beyond Two Genders
  
• Gender Failure
  
• Neutrois Nonsense
  
• Asexy Sex
  
• (a)sexual
  
  Actually Theory:
  
  
• Not Your Mom's Trans 101
  
• My (new) Gender Workbook
  
• You and Your Gender Identity (The author also has some videos)
  
• Any of the videos or articles Zinnia Jones does
  
• As Nature Made Him
  
• Whipping Girl
  
• Queer Theory: An Introduction
  
• Gender Outlaw
  
• Gender Outlaws (same author, different books)
  
• Transgender Warriors
  
• Sexing the Body
  
  And a couple links I make it a point to share whenever I can:
  
  
• Trans 101 (for trans people
  
• there are some things I need to tell you

Here's my list so far. It's a mix of FTM-specific, general trans, and gender studies books, including essays, memoir, and more academic works. In no particular order:

Gender Trouble by Judith Butler


Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us by Kate Bornstein

Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation by Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman


Nina Here Nor There by Nick Krieger

Female Masculinity by Judith Halberstam

Nobody Passes - Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity edited by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore


Whipping Girl by Julia Serano


How Sex Changed: A History of Transexuality in the United States by Joanne Meyerowitz

Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green

Queer Theory, Gender Theory: An Instant Primer by Riki Wilchins

PoMoSexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality edited by Carol Queen

Genderqueer: Voices From Beyond the Sexual Binary edited by Joan Nestle

From the Inside Out: Radical Gender Transformation, FTM and Beyond edited by Morty Diamond

Second Son by Ryan Sallans

Why are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots? by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore

and the must-read fiction:

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg

I'll edit this if I can find any others, I'm probably missing a couple. Been a big non-fiction reading year for me!

EDIT: Edited to add links, and a few more on my wish list I haven't picked up yet.

Letters for my Brothers: Transitional Wisdom in Retrospect edited By Megan M. Rohrer, M.Div. & Zander Keig, M.SW.

That's Revolting!: Queer Strategies for Resisting Assimilation edited by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore

Transgender Voices: Beyond Women and Men by Lori B. Girshick

Just Add Hormones: An Insider's Guide to the Transsexual Experience by Matt Kailey

The Testosterone Files: My Hormonal and Social Transformation from Female to Male by Max Wolf Valerio

Essay time! This and this are kind of like the primer essays for 'so you're questioning, now what'. They answer a lot of questions about the experience of gender dysphoria and how it is through someone's life as well as help to reframe the situation in various ways, would strongly recommend.

Books wise, I know Whipping Girl gets recced around a lot - whether you're MtF or FtM, it has a lot to offer and is pretty good. Gender Outlaws is another great read that is pretty current / up to date in terms of what it offers and has a ton of perspectives on the situation that you might find handy. I would also highly recommend Trans Bodies, Trans Selves as a great resource to pursue.

Edit: Couple more! Check out The Genderbread Person for a quick handy look at the different ways to think about gender identity and what it means, and if that interests you then you might also be interested in the accompanying book, Guide to Gender.

> I have personally found the idea of real life experience as a requirement to be stressful, and frankly insulting to the actual life that I lead every day.

1. Isn't the concern that you will be given the hormones and discover that perhaps you are actually gender variant as opposed to trans? Male puberty is not easily reversible... it's part of why FTM are more successful (generally) at "passing."
   
2. Have you changed your outward expression to at least resemble a more "masculine" appearance? Or is the problem for you more an issue with the binary gender system?
   
3. Have you read Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation
   
   It has a lot of really wonderful personal, real-life, stories from members of the trans and gender queer community!

linkstorm incoming~

Just off the top of my head, here are some masterposts of transgender resources on tumblr:

http://helpcorgi.tumblr.com/post/78335665263/sexuality-how-to-come-out-to-your-family-with

http://germball.tumblr.com/post/74084140769/trans-resources

A lot of that is related to passing (binding, makeup, etc), but there's also some very good articles and infographics in there, including a post about YA books with LGBTQ and trans characters. I will offer a word of caution regarding tumblr, though--though there's a lot of good resources sprinkled throughout the site, the site is also home to "social justice warriors," i.e. people who take social causes to absurd extremes. For example, "feminists" who claim that men can't be raped and mock/attack male victims of domestic/sexual abuse, people who send death threats to other people simply for wearing an article of clothing from a different culture, people who want to abolish language classes because they think learning another culture's language is demeaning to that culture, people who think other people should be fired for forgetting their pronouns, people who make posts like "I hate all cishet people and they are all [insert absurd, prejudiced comment here]."

In addition, here is a link to The Gender Book, a very good resource on trans identities:
http://www.thegenderbook.com/

This wiki is devoted primarily to asexuality, but there is also information regarding genders in it:
http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Main_Page

More links:

http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2012/03/the-genderbread-person-v2-0/

http://freethoughtblogs.com/zinniajones/

http://tranifesto.com/

http://katebornstein.typepad.com/

http://www.amazon.com/My-Gender-Workbook-Something-Entirely/dp/0415916739

http://www.amazon.com/Gender-Outlaws-The-Next-Generation/dp/1580053084

http://neutrois.me/

http://www.reddit.com/r/genderqueer

http://nonbinary.org/

http://practicalandrogyny.com/

Here's another free book about gender: http://www.guidetogender.com/

They're from Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation by Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman. It's an essential anthology in my opinion!