Reddit reviews God Behaving Badly: Is the God of the Old Testament Angry, Sexist and Racist?
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So it's all just a metaphor? Hard to buy that.
There are a couple of books on Amazon that address this topic, however. One is called Is God a Moral Monster? and the other is titled God Behaving Badly.
The best advise I can offer is to check out God Behaving Badly it has been a great read and helps level out your concerns or point in the right direction for them at the very least. A lot of the verses that seem sexist need to be studied very closely if we really want to understand the full meaning.
One basic and yet over simplified point. God created women second. That's totally not an inferiority thing. Seriously, if men were the first draft women are the improved second draft. I know this issue is a lot deeper then that but men and women were created in God's image and He has a plan that requires both men and women to fully recognize it and bring it to fruition. Prayers headed your way. God bless you in your search.
So I found 2 books. Nothing specific on Genocide but 2 of the books go on to defend the old testament. All of these are on Amazon.
God Behaving Badly: Is the God of the Old Testament Angry, Sexist and Racist?
Is God a Moral Monster?: Making Sense of the Old Testament God
Edit: Got rid of one link.
I admit I didn't look at all the verses, though the ones I did look at seem to me only to demonstrate that we can only apply words and human standards to God analogically.
Also the book [God Behaving Badly] (http://www.amazon.com/God-Behaving-Badly-Testament-Sexist/dp/0830838260), deals with many of these verses explicitly. All it seemed to me to show was that God either allowed people to use their free will (Who will do it? I will!) or that his response to us changes as we change because his nature is unchanging (I will destroy them men repent I will not destroy them).
Ok that was longer than a few moments, but here we go!
Well, for one thing, we have to understand that there is a vast cultural rift between 2012 America/Canada/Europe/whatever and the 1500ish BC Middle East.
Some of Old Testament regulations regarding slavery, marriage, etc. may seem harsh to us, but compared to the brutal cultural norms of that era, they were actually quite liberating. For the Bible to say that women, children, slaves, and foreigners had any rights at all was a revolutionary idea.
Still, the Old Testament commandments were not necessarily intended to illustrate God's vision of a perfect society.
Rather, they were intended to restrict evil as much as was reasonably possible within a somewhat barbaric culture (though they might say the same of our culture in many ways!), and ultimately to show them that their own attempt to perfectly follow every part of the law was hopeless- that as lawbreakers they needed a righteousness that went beyond mere behavior modification. That's where Jesus comes in.
Here is a link multiple links to a talk by Dr. John Dickson (PhD in Ancient History) that touches on a lot of your concerns (specifically violence in the Old Testament):
Part 1 http://www.rzim.org/resources/listen/justthinking.aspx?archive=1&pid=2531
Part 2 http://www.rzim.org/resources/listen/justthinking.aspx?archive=1&pid=2532
Part 3 http://www.rzim.org/resources/listen/justthinking.aspx?archive=1&pid=2533
Part 4 http://www.rzim.org/resources/listen/justthinking.aspx?archive=1&pid=2534
And here is a gigantic unorganized pile of some other somewhat relevant links. I can't absolutely vouch for everything, but they should be generally helpful.
http://www.toughquestionsanswered.org/2011/11/30/what-about-genocide-in-the-old-testament/
http://str.typepad.com/weblog/2009/08/did-god-condone-slavery.html
http://www.thevillagechurch.net/the-village-blog/what-are-christians-to-do-with-old-testament-law/
http://carm.org/why-do-christians-not-obey-old-testaments-commands-to-kill-homosexuals
http://carm.org/bible-difficulties/genesis-deuteronomy/stone-woman-not-being-virgin
http://carm.org/slavery
http://carm.org/bible-difficulties/genesis-deuteronomy/you-may-buy-slaves
http://www.toughquestionsanswered.org/2011/02/02/was-the-mosaic-law-meant-to-be-permanent/
http://carm.org/why-do-christians-not-obey-old-testaments-commands-to-kill-homosexuals
http://www.toughquestionsanswered.org/2010/08/13/does-god-condone-slavery-in-the-old-testament-part-1/
http://carm.org/bible-difficulties/genesis-deuteronomy/stone-rebellious-son
http://carm.org/questions/about-bible
http://carm.org/questions/skeptics-ask
http://carm.org/god-of-old-testament-a-monster
http://carm.org/bible-difficulties/genesis-deuteronomy
http://carm.org/introduction-bible-difficulties-and-bible-contradictions
Also, here are a couple of books you might be interested in. I have not personally read them, but I've heard good things.
http://www.amazon.com/God-Behaving-Badly-Testament-Sexist/dp/0830838260/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0801072751?tag=apture-20
I hope that helps! Thanks for your honest and respectful questions. :)
There is a book called "God Behaving Badly: Is the God of the Old Testament Angry, Sexist, and Racist?" by David T. Lamb. Met the guy at a Young Life seminar and he is very interesting. I suggest you give that a read.
https://www.amazon.com/God-Behaving-Badly-Testament-Sexist/dp/0830838260