Reddit reviews Goodbye to Shy: 85 Shybusters That Work!

Yup that makes three of us, I'm sure there's more people in this subreddit like this.

I know I have lost friends and relationships over this thing, so here's the conclusions that I have reached, please correct me if I'm wrong because I also need the feedback:

• It's all about being social nowadays isn't it? social media, social networks, everything is SOCIAL now, the internet used to be the one public place where we could hide in but not anymore, we're living in introvert's hell in a way, good thing there's places where we can meet where we don't have to take pictures of ourselves and can just write anonymously right? (thank you for this reddit)
  
  
• I think all introverts at some point realize that even though we have been like this since we were born, the world as it is right now is not made for the introvert but for the extrovert. Being social is seen as a quality whereas being withdrawn is seen as a defect of character, I never knew what the world was like for left-handed people until now.
  
  
• We are introverts till the day we die, we are never going to like being social as much as the next guy but that's ok because we hold a lot of wonderful and amazing things in higher regard than becoming socialites. That being said I don't think introverts want to be stigmatized as social outcasts (everyone wants to feel included) so until people become more tolerant about it we have to work on our social skills but without straining ourselves unnecessarily.
  
• As it is pointed out in this neat little article right there on the right hand side of the screen there's a difference between being introverted and being shy, so we have to work on dealing with the shyness (if we have it) as much as possible, perhaps it is a matter of raising self-esteem or as it is now more aptly called: self-compassion.
  
  
• In some other cases it may be a matter of learning how to trust people more, even strangers (I know it takes me a while to warm up to people) so we can talk to them as easily as we do to the people that we have known for years.
  
  
• We have to work on our people skills, social etiquette, emotional intelligence, perhaps learn how small talk even if we hate it (I know, I know, boring conversations we can't relate to, etc.)
  
  
• BUT we also have to learn the limits of this: first and foremost that we cannot ever become extroverts, so if we can't get it 100% right in social situations and can never learn to enjoy socialization as much as the rest of society THAT IS OK, if we can educate the people that love us into understanding us, they will eventually learn to tolerate what they may perceive as shortcomings. Socialization is not our biggest strength but we have many others and we have bigger fish to fry.
  
  
• Finally, I believe it is important to present yourself as you are, yes "faking it till you make it" is an invaluable tool that can take you very very far, especially if avoiding social situations is becoming an obstacle in your career or love life, but if you fake it all the time (especially with people you are intimate with) and create a false persona, eventually you're gonna get tired and the mask is going to fall off and although it is unfair, people are going to be disappointed.
  
  Better to be with people that know you are an introvert and know that you are trying your best, than with people that only like you because they think you're an extrovert and as years go by, come to realize that you are not.
  
  THAT being said, I wouldn't begin courting someone by stating that I'm an introvert, I might as well say that I'm shy weirdo, not very sexy (of course, this may change in the future).
  
  (I brought enough grammatical errors for everyone, please don't get excited about pointing them out, English is my second language and I'm at work so I can't proofread what I just wrote)

I read ShyBusters yesterday.

Her recommendation was that voice training wouldn't help nearly as much as acting lessons (which involve voice projection, experimenting with different roles in front of an audience, etc). I'm looking into it.

A few books I found really helpful:

• How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes
  
  
• Goodbye to Shy by Leil Lowndes
  
  
• Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane

Hi there! Overcoming chronic shyness is a fairly big issue and tough to cover in detail in the comments. In answer to your question, I have helped shy bartenders overcome chronic shyness -- and the most fundamental ingredient is in the desire to overcome it, which it sounds like you have. May I recommend an excellent book on this subject by a very smart and levelheaded lady named Leil Londes. Her book is called Goodbye to Shy, and she really does give sound practical advice that works:

https://www.amazon.com/Goodbye-Shy-Shybusters-That-Work/dp/0071456422/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526116042&sr=8-1&keywords=goodbye+to+shy&dpID=51FVY7BcweL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

(Note: I'm not an affiliate or anything like that.)

But I've also recently written a book that touches a good deal on this stuff:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1980521174

Thank you for dropping by.