Reddit reviews He: Understanding Masculine Psychology

Yes, although you may come to view that sensation as potentially dangerous to the relationship, at least I do. That's not to say that those feelings are bad, it's just that when you experience them, you may be learning more about yourself than the other person.

If you have ever crushed on a friend that you have known for a while, you have a great laboratory for looking at this- you can superimpose your current vision of them with your prior vision of them, and learn a great deal about what you emphasize when you crush on someone, and learn a bit about who and what you want to be yourself in doing so.

That head-over-heels feeling is wonderful, and nourishing- but it's important not to let it distract you from the complete humanity of the other person, and lead you to unrealistic expectations or standards for them. You need to interact with the actual person, rather than the idealized version that you are projecting onto them. I think it also tends to be unsustainable, and a great relationship will mature into something less intense, but possibly more profound.

I found Jung's notion of anima- particularly as described by Robert Johnson to be compelling thought on the subject. Also the notion of Limerence as described by Dorothy Tennov. These are great sources for navigating beginning relationships, but also exceedingly useful when you want to process- but not act on- attraction.

I think aspects of it are uniquely gay but not all of it. Love is a powerful emotion and longing (which is what is described) is not uniquely gay. The details of how he affected the rest of my life and why are uniquely gay. I actually like The Velvet Rage quite a bit but there are areas where I think he attributes certain traumas as uniquely gay when they are actually just common experiences with gay details. Read some Robert A. Johnson for a good counterpoint. He writes about male psychology and except for "Balancing Heaven and Earth", you'd never know he's gay. Start with "He: Understanding Masculine Psychology"