Reddit Reddit reviews Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents

We found 4 Reddit comments about Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

Parenting & Relationships
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Parenting
Parenting Teenagers
Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents
Helping Your Transgender Teen
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4 Reddit comments about Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents:

u/poesii · 30 pointsr/ftm

First off, you sound like an incredible step parent and I’m excited for you to be able to support your stepkid fully when they do decide to come out to you. Before I delve into recommendations for dealing with them, I want to suggest that you seek out your local PFLAG chapter (if there is one). They often run support groups for parents of trans kids and are great places to swap resources and advice.

As far as breaching the subject, it depends on how your stepkid is but I would advise against directly asking but it seems like you know not to do that anyway. A good subtle way to bring it up may be to find a piece of (not negative) news about trans people, or else a piece of media about trans people, and talk about it in a positive light but in a natural way. Like, if you never talk about interesting stuff you’ve seen or read then obviously it would be a weird thing to suddenly do.

You could also leave pages about supporting your trans kid open on computers/tablets if you have a shared family device, or even buy a book like this one (my mom’s favorite) and leave it somewhere conspicuous, although that may be too forward haha. I like the idea of leaving Trans Tape or KT Tape around but it’s possible that they don’t know what that is and won’t connect the dots.

Maybe you could also take them shopping for clothes and casually suggest checking out the men’s section (if they don’t already get clothes there and like to dress in masculine clothes).

Just like. Stuff like that which would make it clear that you are a safe person to come out? But also, speaking as someone who came out to my parents at 15 knowing full well that they would be accepting, it’s still really scary and hard to bring up even if you know you will get a positive reaction. It never feels like the right time, etc. If you wait for your stepkid to come to you even after you’ve done stuff to make it clear that you’re safe, you may be waiting a long time. It’s important to also give an invitation for them to come out without making it feel like you’re interrogating them, which is tricky but you seem to get that and maybe that’s why you’re here haha.

I and probably lots of other people would be happy to bounce ideas back and forth with you, and to follow up on stuff as the situation progresses.

u/shablamniel · 14 pointsr/ftm

Hi,

I'm not a parent, but I can imagine this is, in many ways, a challenging situation to work through with your child. Let me assure you that you're already doing a great job, just by reaching out and trying to educate yourself.

I have not yet started to medically transition (take testosterone, etc.) so I can't give you too much specific information on that, although it looks like u/RigilNebula has already given you some good advice. However, I have mostly transitioned socially, meaning that I have asked the people in my life to use my real name (Daniel) and to use the correct pronouns when referencing me (in my case, I'm okay with both he/him and they/them). I'm also out to my parent(s). So, I'll mostly address the emotional and social aspect of transitioning, particularly as it relates to relationships with parents. I've also included a few resources at the bottom of my post.

But first, some more general, subjective information. I can't speak for all trans people anymore than can I speak to the specifics of the relationship between you and your child (and please note, I will be referring to your daughter as "your child" herein. I hope that's not upsetting to you, but I do this because if your child is really your son, calling him your daughter could be very hurtful. I will also use the gender neutral pronoun "they" for the same reason) The following is just my perspective, but ultimately you'll need to have conversations with your child about this, and while it will definitely be difficult for both of you, keeping lines of communication open is one of the most important things you can do for your child.

Which segues pretty neatly into my main point. If I could ask anything of my parents, it would be that they listen to me and make me feel listened to and assure me that they love me for me, not because of my gender. That's really it, for me.

For some context about my personal situation: I was raised by a single father, who I now live with, in part because he needs help with chronic health issues. My mother died when I was too young to remember her. One of the most painful truths I will ever live with is that I will never know for sure whether my mother would still love me, even though I'm transgender. This is all very personal, and not completely relevant to your situation, so forgive me for over-sharing. But I mention this because I was offered a perspective on this very issue by a therapist, which I think is one every parent of a transgender child should hear.

My therapist told me that for most parents, there's a time before you know your child's sex, or when your child is still a baby and gender roles haven't quite taken hold yet, when you love them completely, and you love them outside of gender. That's a bit abstract, but think of it this way: you loved your child before you knew they were athletic, before they got good grades, before they were popular, before you knew about all the unique and lovely things that make them your child. And it sounds like you may have loved your son before you knew he was your son.

And if that's true, your child needs to know that.

There's an awful lot more that can be said on the subject, but I'll leave it here for now so I don't bore you to death. I work semi-professionally as a diversity educator, so I'm a bit of an open book on these issues, and I'm happy to discuss this further with you if you have specific questions or want more information on anything I've mentioned here.

As promised, here are a few resources that might be helpful to you. And here's a cute picture of a panda, which might also be helpful.

Oh, one last thought: I'm not sure if you're in the U.S., but if you are, I would really recommend seeing if you have a PFLAG chapter near you. I've had great experiences with them. You can check whether there's a nearby chapter here.

Resources:

u/william_k_s · 2 pointsr/asktransgender

As far as the parents things goes; are they willing to listen? If so, then there are a couple of books about being the parent of a trans kid that they might find helpful. This book in particular I’ve read and enjoyed, my mum eventually read it too and I think it helped It’s this book .
They could also reach out to any local PFLAG groups as many have parents of trans kids, and even some have specific groups just for parents. Often being able to talk to other parents can really help.
I would also start looking into a gender therapist. They would be able to help you, they would be able to help your parents, and in the future if you do want to start HRT, having a gender therapist will be very beneficial, especially if you’re going to start underaged.
Good luck!