Reddit reviews Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
We found 3 Reddit comments about Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Family counselor here, and step dad of 2. I am sorry to hear your family seems engaged onto a negative spiral right now. As you probably know already from your background in child development, the core of everything is about attachment. When the family members are securely attached, parenting becomes easier. From what I read though, it seems that your SS isn't in a secure attachment with your husband. This become even more difficult when you are a custodial parent because no matter what you do, you can only influence your half of the family dynamics.
So as a step-parent you are unfortunately in a situation where your influence is even less meaningful. But it's not meaningless nonetheless, quite the contrary. From what you wrote it seems you had a great positive influence at first, but things eventually moved into a negative dynamics.
If you still love your husband and want that relationship to work (and especially in the context of being pregnant also!) I am not sure disengaging is a viable option on the long term. It will only deepen the rift and make the attachment even less secure, which means that kid's behaviour isn't going to get easier. So IMHO I think you need to work on re-attaching: from you to your SS, from your SS to you, from SS to his father and from you to your husband.
This is especially important also because your SS is 12 which means he gets into puberty, a very difficult time for both the family and him. He needs you even more so! To help you with this, should you decide you want to give it another shot, here are some resources: Hold on to your kids from Dr. Neufeld, and perhaps investigate vulnerability as a way to reconnect to your step son. If you need more specific advice let me know. Good luck!
Enter your postal code to find comm centres and times near you for free drop-in programs geared towards babies.
https://www.ontario.ca/page/find-earlyon-child-and-family-centre
(I'd like to include my 2cents here also: go and expose your baby to social environments as time out of the house, but just don't feel pressured to do so. There is this notion in our culture that we must 'prime' our babies to socialization when nothing could be further from the truth. What they actually need is a long term relationship with a fully attached, fully loving caregiver(s). I think this should be required reading for all new parents: https://www.amazon.ca/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0307361969/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536941112&sr=8-1&keywords=hold+on+to+your+kids)
OK back to our regularly scheduled program. Have fun out there!
ITT: engaging in hook-up culture is the norm and actually defines you as a 'strong independent' woman.
OP I understand where you're coming from, and believe the issue is synonymous with familial separation. In other words, the more separated from the family a person becomes, the more easily influenced they are by outside forces. But if you and your wife have a cohesive, steadfast relationship with your daughter where she values the same ideals as you, you shouldn't have to worry so much about outer cultural pressures.
Our culture values separation through a variety of mechanisms. (1) Separate the child from the parent as early as possible (by putting them in preschool/ daycare/ regular school). (2) Remove the authority from the parents, and place it in the hands of peers. (3) Create social culture through the use of popular media like tv shows and movies.
If you sufficiently prepare your daughter to handle the outer stresses of a world you disagree with, through real bonding, intelligence, and love, then the ideals you wish to impart will also be held close. I highly recommend this book, which should provide you with all the tools you need.