Reddit Reddit reviews How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

We found 12 Reddit comments about How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

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Healthy Relationships
Self-Help
Conflict Management
How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids
How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids
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12 Reddit comments about How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids:

u/IndigoFlyer · 13 pointsr/MensLib

"How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids"

I recommend this book with one caveat - both the husband and wife are not that sympathetic. However, read it and learn from their mistakes. It's a good diagram of the ways couples fall into bad gender roles once a kid is born.

https://www.amazon.com/Hate-Your-Husband-After-Kids/dp/0316267104

u/submissive_wife_2014 · 11 pointsr/BabyBumps

I'm reading a book that address this very issue and I want to give it to all first time parents! I haven't finished it yet, but the advice so far has been spot on. I wish someone would have warned me how much having a baby would cause me to resent my otherwise wonderful husband's lack of initiative around the house.

How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316267104/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_OYVwzbT03S88C

u/TotoroTomato · 10 pointsr/BabyBumps

Wow, in what world is that acceptable?? You’re his partner, not his mom and he is (presumably) a grown-ass adult!

I’ve heard a lot of horror stories from new moms who thought their SOs would step up once baby arrived. They didn’t. If he knows you will just do everything for him he has no reason at all to change - this is a great deal for him!

If I were you I’d start working on evenly splitting responsibilities immediately, way before baby comes and there is even more work and shorter fuses due to less sleep. Maybe make a list of everything and split it up according to both of your preferences? He needs to understand that this is his work, it’s not your work that he occasionally “helps you with” when you nag him.

You may find this book helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Hate-Your-Husband-After-Kids/dp/0316267104

u/tobiasvl · 8 pointsr/beyondthebump

Dad here. I suggest you do it. Let go of your concerns for his disregard of the schedule, let go of the reigns, and also let go of your worries, and anger towards him, and forget about the baby for a short time. Have a baby vacation. Go away on a weekend trip with your friends or something. If your baby takes a bottle, of course; maybe you'll have to wait a little if the baby is super young.

Your husband will learn that your days home with the baby aren't free time, and he will also hopefully learn that you trust him. He will learn to care for the baby if he absolutely has to one day. And you will hopefully learn to trust him, and that the baby will survive a day without you. Your marriage will hopefully be stronger for it.

I'm lucky enough (judging by the comments here about the cost of daycare) to live in a country where new parents get a year of paid leave. My wife took the first 8 months, and she was crazy by the end of it. I don't think I ever thought she had it extremely easy, but the four months I stayed home with the baby after that were eye-opening. It was so much work. And I became a proper co-parent. Of course four months is a long time that's not feasible for most people, and I had the time to make my own schedule, but a weekend or so will likely open his eyes too.

I also recommend this book (or similar ones, there are probably others like it): https://www.amazon.com/Hate-Your-Husband-After-Kids/dp/0316267104

u/CamouflagedPotatoes · 5 pointsr/Mommit

I'm gonna shamelessly admit that I bought this book because the disconnect was getting pretty bad for us. It's helped me understand some things and change our relationship for the better. Of course, you have to talk about the stuff in the book. Hopefully your SO isn't so insecure about himself that the title of the book pisses him off lol

https://www.amazon.com/Hate-Your-Husband-After-Kids/dp/0316267104

u/ali_fetch · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

I’m also a FTM and I haven’t read it yet, but I saw this book at the store the other day and it actually has pretty good reviews. If you’re into reading, it might be good! It’s supposed to have practical advice about communication etc.

u/ladypixels · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

My husband has ADHD. And yes, he sometimes forgets things. But ADHD is not an excuse to be a jerk.

The problem I see with your husband is not that he forgets to put things away or throw them away, it’s that he doesn’t recognize how this affects you. “It’s just a cup”...but it isn’t just a cup to you! It’s cup after cup on top of all the other little things and it adds up! He needs to at least be willing to acknowledge how this affects you, and apologize and try to do better. It sounds like the therapist is enabling his behavior.

One thing that I think helps my husband and I (because we both can be messy) is to have company over every week or 2, because it forces us to clean up our messes so our house isn’t embarrassing. Maybe this is something you can try to start. Don’t clean up after him, let it pile up for over a week so he can see how it adds up! If he doesn’t see the stuff he left all over the house, start piling it up on his side of the bed or somewhere that it’s in his way. I mean ON the bed so he can’t go to bed without touching it.

One thing that I think you might try is, ask him to set aside 20 minutes a day and use that time to go around the house together to pick up messes. Put it on a calendar, ideally with reminder notifications! When you have ADHD, you don’t just give up on being a properly functioning adult, you find ways to work around your shortcomings! Use technology and post it notes or whatever else it takes.

My husband always forgets to carry the laundry up or down the stairs when I ask him to. It can take days. I don’t give in and do it...I have an endless supply of underwear and he doesn’t. But sometimes I will move the hamper so it’s right in the doorway and he’d have to basically trip over it to get in our room. My next step is getting him to use the same technique to remind himself.

What does your husband spend his time doing? Do you get as much free time as he does? I bet not. These are really important issues to work through now because it’s going to get much more difficult after the baby arrives. There’s a book I’ve heard a lot about that I think touches on division of labor a fair bit..you should check it out. How to Not hate Your Hisband after Kids

u/Pygmyslowloris · 1 pointr/beyondthebump

That sucks, your husband is being selfish and unreasonable. There’s a really good book called “How to not hate your husband after kids” how to not hate your husband after kids You should check it out.

You should’ve really sit him down and talk about these issues and definitely see a counselor.

You in a really annoying situation, stay strong mama you’re doing great!

u/Sic-Bern · 1 pointr/beyondthebump

Way to go on the counseling decision! It is helping us figure out where we get stuck and when arguments crop up. My mom gave me this when I was still pregnant. The book is How to Not Hate Your Husband After Kids.

It’s helpful that it exists. Kind of fun to flip through and think at least I’m not the only one.

u/Not_Jane_Gumb · 1 pointr/AskMen

Buy your fiance a copy of this book. It's about conflict in marriage after childbirth, but applies to any life-altering stage of relationships, which marriage certainly falls under.

u/maiasaurus9 · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

I also recommend How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids by Jancee Dunn. I think it's better to open communication and set expectations about sharing work before baby gets here. https://www.amazon.com/Hate-Your-Husband-After-Kids/dp/0316267104