Reddit reviews How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

How to be an adult and How to be an adult in relationships

You should get him these

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0199781559/ref=pd_aw_sbs_5?pi=SL500_SY115&simLd=1

^ this talks about how men became the stereotypical brawny man.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0553386735/ref=pd_aw_sbs_4?pi=SL500_SY115&simLd=1

^ this talks about women's bodies and the changes they go through (I'm thinking of getting this for me)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1570628122/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?qid=1417541607&sr=8-3&pi=AC_SY200_QL40


^^^ especially this last one talks about how to have meaning fun relationships



My fiancé says: get him a dildo he'll be happy.

They aren't textbooks, but they do have information to learn in them.
Here are a couple of things on my reading list:

Why People Die By Suicide by Thomas Joiner

How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo

Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg

Hey Ladies!

So there's a couple of books I'd like to share. For me personally, continuing to look at deep issues in my life is helping me as I search for my Ms. Right. I, too, am still looking. I like these books because they help me clarify what I'm looking for.

And, cause I'm safety girl, the last recommendation (the de Becker book) is a great one about trusting our intuition, about assessing human behavior and predicting what someone might do. I wish that one was required reading, heh, cause I feel we all could benefit from reading it.

Richo, How to Be an Adult An amazing book on setting boundaries, caring for one's self. I totally bristled at the title at first, but this stuff is really great. Richo takes a Buddhist/Jungian/integration perspective that I feel I have been searching for my entire life, fwiw. Which brings me to my next recommendation:

Richo, How to Be an Adult in Relationships Enough said, it's a great book.

de Becker, The Gift of Fear de Becker is an expert in security--another list of ways we can learn to trust our intuitions, our "gut" to keep ourselves safe.

How I carry myself, my inner life, really affects what happens in my environment, I feel. For example, I totally flirted with a hot girl on a bicycle the other day--she stopped and came back to talk to me! I felt like a million bucks. However, I got skeered and didn't ask for her number (doh!). My "excuse" is that she looked about 22 (and I'm 34, perhaps a bit too much of an age gap for me). But damn, it felt good.

As an introvert, it can be difficult to "turn it on" and be outward-directed and friendly to people, but it's getting easier with practice. And I have a beautiful lambda necklace I like to wear sometimes, to hopefully signal my sapphic nature to the ladies. ;)

This question is too vague to answer.

That said, the book:

How to be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

has been a very helpful text for me. It has a snarky title, but it's a very useful book.

Any possibilities with alcohol abuse on her part? My ex would turn away from kisses so that I could not smell the wine on her breath, she also kept general intimacy at bay for the same reasons.

I suggest focusing on yourself for a bit in order to pull it together. get a counselor for yourself first. You need to turn that porn addiction into a running addiction or something like that. Best bet is self improvement mentally and physically and then work in some couples counseling after you have had a few sessions yourself.

Here are a couple of book suggestions:

http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Adult-Relationships-Mindful/dp/1570628122/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369773610&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+be+an+adult+in+relationships

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-That-Lasts/dp/0802473156/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369773641&sr=1-1&keywords=the+five+love+languages

You and her should take the online 5 Love Languages test today, have that handy for your first session with the counselor.

I hear you :) It hurts. I know you are strong enough to be true to yourself.

And to answer your question:

I stopped recognizing myself. I became so anxious, and jealous that one time I became dizzy, and almost fainted from the extreme emotions that were coursing through my body, when I was confronting a woman my (ex)boyfriend was cheating on me with. (Whoa... That was kinda intense to write! Looking back, it seems wild that I was in that kind of state... But, like I said, I stopped recognizing myself) I was so angry. I eventually realized months later, after a night of begging him to stay with me that I had a say in this, too. He wasn't the only one who could make decisions in this relationship, and this wasn't working for me. I let him go. I remember laughing, and crying as I walked along the beach. "I don't have to fight anymore.. I don't have to fight anymore..." Best feeling ever. Seriously. :)

The strength I draw on comes from self love, and self respect. I've always tried to treat my loved ones with the utmost care, and I sense from the way you have described your situation that you do the same. Like you just want everyone to be taken care of, and happy. Yet, why did I not count myself amongst my most loved, and cherished? If I am exhausted, and frail from taking everyone else's needs into account but my own, I am actually going to end up helping no one. Simply because I am too exhausted.

An absolutely amazing book on healthy relationship building, that I would highly recommend is called: How to be an adult in relationships. I'll give you three guesses what it's about? ;)

I wish you so much strength!

This is going to sound really corny & self-helpy (yea, I made it a word) - How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo. It is not at all your typical "self-help" book despite the instructional sounding title. It is a blend of psychology and mindfulness teachings that give tremendous insight into the nature of relationships.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Adult-Relationships-Mindful-Loving/dp/1570628122

A noble mission that we share. I've probably given out 10 copies of How to Be an Adult in Relationships, which I've found to be an easy to understand and helpful model for what a healthy relationship looks like. I'm in one now, and if I had known that a relationship doesn't have to be maddening labyrinth of excrement, I would have gotten out of the dysfunctional one pretty early. I even gave a copy to my cousin for her wedding present.

No problem. Here is a link to the book:

https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Adult-Relationships-Mindful/dp/1570628122

I can totally relate to what you're feeling. The sense of loss that a person I had known for 20 years ended up doing something so terrible and in such a hurtful and torrid way has been the hardest part. The trick is to name what is making you sad (angry or afraid) -- not just the divorce and not just the betrayal but your loss of companionship, or intimacy or just knowing that the person you loved was someone else -- or never even existed. For me its mourning the realization that I projected an idealized version of my STBXW onto the person she really was and fooled myself. I'm grieving not just the loss of that person but the realization that there never was such a person.

Once you can name it you can start to grieve it. The author of the book describes the process of being present in the hole of your loss. In time it will be a portal to some kind of self discovery. I can testify that such a process does start to happen. To me, the revelation that she wasn't ever who I thought she was and that I was fooling myself was a real wake up call.

I now see myself doing the same thing over and over in my life -- feeling a need to make my projects at work or my friendships more significant than they really are. I haven't turned the hole into a portal yet but I'm starting to see that the grief work leads to personal discovery -- I discovered something about myself and am using it to identify my shortcomings.

When I talk with my shrink it makes the sessions far more valuable. I'm prone to idealize things, what tools can I use to catch myself in the act and stop transferring my issues onto the people and things in my life.

I'm sorry you're in the spot you are but nothing can change what happened. You can use this groundless broken moment in your life to see yourself in a new light and rebuild your life with a better knowledge of yourself. That's a blessing -- even if its a blessing you'd rather not have.

Some folks here have good advice. I have this issues for sure. There is a good book called:

https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Adult-Relationships-Mindful/dp/1570628122

I personally am open to the idea that my current relationship may fail one day if I dont work at it. But I have to work at it. If I dont, who else will. I try to open honest, and check in with my partner. Be honest with feelings and really try to forgive her and myself for the wreckage. Thanks

I've found this book to be helpful in not only my relationships but how I act towards people in general. http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Adult-Relationships-Mindful/dp/1570628122

not that specific but some books that have helped me in my identity and emotions and improved my life

the broken way

how to be an adult in relationships

I’ve heard the road back to you (enneagram book) is amazing

soul cravings

I don’t really read a lot of the typical christian literature, I found I can’t really relate to the women on the covers and their stories or life stages

Dr. Laura’s books might be worthwhile

also probably some good sermons on the subject

I have some of these myself, I think they are hard to get on your own without some type of therapy or support group. I sure like this book, maybe it'll help you too.

I really like David Richo's stuff. I read him in high school when I was trying to better my self esteem, get ready for life after moving out, and learn how to be a good partner. His book "How to be an adult in relationships" is really good.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Adult-Relationships-Mindful/dp/1570628122