Reddit reviews How to Survive the Loss of a Love

A good book is How to Survive the Loss of a Love.

It’s a cheesy book from the 70s, but it helps. xo

Edit: it looks like it’s online here.

Excerpt from How to Survive the Loss of a Love Paperback – by Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield, Melba Colgrove- 208 pages

How To Survive The Loss Of A Love was a really good book I read after the death of my husband. Each page is a short simple idea with a poem on the opposite page. I highly recommend it to everyone.

I am 15 months into my ongoing healing process from the greatest loss of my life, so I'd like to share some things I've learned:

Rushing into another relationship is unsound advice, and most likely to hurt you and the next person you prematurely involve yourself with.

The best thing I can tell you is that healing from a loss is not like getting a cut on your flesh, where there is consistent and predictable healing. If healing from a physical wound is a straight line, then healing from an emotional loss is a jagged, swirling journey, where you sometimes take one step forward and 10 steps back. Don't get frustrated by these setbacks--just understand that the timetable for healing is not set, and trust in the heart's ability to heal:

"When an emotional injury takes place, the body begins a process as natural as the healing of a physical wound. Let the process happen. Trust the process. Surrender to it." --from "How to Survive the Loss of a Love"

Don't make any rash life-altering decisions, don't turn to drugs or alcohol (which only postpone or subvert healing), give to those who are less fortunate than you, and surround yourself with family and friends that love you unconditionally.

Here is a link to the book quoted above, which I wholeheartedly recommend:
http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

And another I'm in the midst of reading, which, so far, is also exceptional:
http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284

This is a beautiful recounting of the Buddha's journey to understanding suffering:
http://www.amazon.com/Heart-Buddhas-Teaching-Transforming-Liberation/dp/0767903692/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1411858603&sr=8-1&keywords=heart+of+a+buddha

And this is a pocket book available for free from the Amida Society:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2040437.Heart_of_A_Buddha?from_search=true

For me, feeling her "fade away" from my memory was so hurtful that I would hold on to the pain to keep the memories fresh. That is not conducive to healing. What helped me was creating a document (I used Google Docs so I could update from anywhere), and whenever a sweet memory surfaced of something she did, said, or was, I would write it down. It provided a catharsis--like a treasure chest of everything she was. I no longer compulsively read it, but it is comforting to know it's there, and has definitely helped my healing process.

For the first six months of my loss, I could barely leave the house. Since I love movies, I started trying to find ones that contained people being kind to one another (they are very rare). They helped me in reconnecting to and believing in kindness again, and I found myself watching some of my favorites just to get myself to sleep at night. I compiled a few into an IMDb list:
http://www.imdb.com/list/ls056580941/

Take care of yourself
--D

Source: Losing my dear wife--the sweetest, kindest person I've ever known.

I had a similar situation with my ex a few years ago. If it comes to that, this book actually helped me keep perspective. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0931580439/ref=mp_s_a_1?qid=1367624883&sr=8-2&pi=SL75

Best of luck.

https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

As someone who has had to ask for help many times in my life, I think you should look into counseling. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. Hopefully your brother is seeing someone, but I think it would be best if you did, too.

Even though I am an alcoholic, surprisingly, when things are really down. Like I'm super depressed, something kicks in and I find some kind of strength deep down. Something ethereal kicks in and I know that life would get 10x shittier if I drank. This shit has to be processed. It's going to happen at some point in your life. Like that kid's song "Can't go under it, can't go over it, can't go around it. Guess I'm going to have to go through it."

You are strong. You are way stronger than you even know. We are a resilient species.

I don't know what you're going through. I'm lucky I guess that I drink myself silly when I'm lonely, suffering from anxiety, bored, happy, because I am sad. But when something traumatic happens, I guess it's something that I have to do. I have to feel it. That desire is there, but you have to fight it. You can fight it.

I don't know if this is helping you or not. I'm sending you my thoughts, prayers, and good vibes. Hopefully you'll find comfort in that, human to human.

Also, along with the counseling that you really need, I really recommend this book. It is a book that helps deal with grief. It's half psychologist/psychiatrists' advice/thoughts and half poetry. They have it at most libraries. How To Survive the Loss of a Love I promise it's not mumbo jumbo. My copy has helped me with being dumped, family dying, and even moving.

Also, make a list of all the people who have your back. Don't say no one. You don't mean that. You have people that love you. Instead of focusing on everything that's going wrong in your life (which is a lot) try to physically write everything that is going good in your life. Put those lists on your bathroom mirror or somewhere you'll see them everyday. Read them out loud. These are all the things that I've been telling myself while I struggle with my addiction. They don't help everyday. But they help shift my focus most days.

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

Sappy, silly even trite and yet still remarkably helpful.
Takes a truckload of time but healing does take place.
Best to you.

I don't claim to be an expert on this but I can certainly identify with you. I am going through something extremely painful too and my feelings are very similar to yours.

One thing that strikes me about your situation is that, as far as i can tell, he basically stopped his relationship with you 3 months ago.
That really is not an inordinate amount of time to be in pain about a breakup....especially after being together for a year and a half.

It's just going to take some time and it sucks.

There are a few things that are standard ways to cope with this kind of pain.

Spend time with friends..... try to see other guys and give them a chance to win you over.... do things that you enjoy and try to take up interesting things that are new.

You could consider psychotherapy or antidepressant medication.

And there's a famous & classic book on this situation that might help you. It once really helped me.

The title is.... How to Survive the Loss of a Love

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

I really hope that you feel better soon....and I'm sorry that you are going through this

I am going through a similar process and am still healing. Be gentle with yourself. Rest. Learn to forgive. Know that healing takes time and that there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. There is an end. You are alive, you will survive.

Some active things to do to heal that I've found useful.

• Choose which of your friends to talk to and tell about this carefully. Talk to ones who don't silver-line the relationship and tell you to heal. Don't talk to toxic friends. There are no absolutes in healing.
  
• Read self-help books. How To Survive The Loss of a Love and The Velvet Rage both have helped me.
  
• Meditate. Use Headspace. Lie down and listen to meditation for healing after a breakup
  
• Journal for as long as you have feelings in your head. Get them down. Make sure to include both positive and negative thoughts. Stop journaling when it feels like you aren't writing down anything new.
  

Not sure what you are moving past but this book was recommend to me when I was in a bad place after a break up by someone who used it after giving up alcohol (love can describe things beyond romantic relationships)

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

I just got out of a very serious relationship and I'm completely broken beyond words can describe. I got a book last week called How to survive the loss of a love and read it anytime I feel helpless - I actually gave her my original one when we met for closure yesterday and bought another last night. It's really been helping. I love this girl with everything I've got and things just didn't work out. I feel your pain, things will be ok, the hard part will be over soon. If it was meant to be, it would have been. Pick your head up and be strong, most importantly, never let someone else control how you feel.

Edit: The book - http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

Not gender specific, but How to Survive the Loss of a Love helped me (a female).

When it happened to me, my sister recommended a book that's like $3 from Amazon "How to Survive the Loss of a Love". Little gems, one per page. Some made me cry, some affirmed that I was getting through, some just confirmed I was normal. It's a process, so it takes time. This guidebook helps.

Resist the urge to virtually stalk. It will get better. 3 months out will be better than 1 month, 6 months better than that. It's been 4 years for me, and the anger just dissolved one day at about 2 years, though I was happy much sooner than that. You will be too.

https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1473266264&sr=1-1&keywords=how+to+survive+the+loss+of+a+love

Read this https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330641753&sr=1-1 or this https://www.amazon.com/Heal-Broken-Heart-Days-Day-/dp/0767909089/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330641711&sr=1-1

Good therapy - it's good that you're seeing someone, good books ( I heard this one is good https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439/ )...

Also, perhaps be light on yourself, and tackle one thing at a time?

There are also some books about emotional eating, and figuring out different ways to deal with bad emotions.

Buy him this book:

How to Survive the Loss of a Love

This is a truly famous book... It's short....each page is basically a whole chapter...

It's very good and it helped me a great deal

There's a link to it on Amazon (below)

Read the reviews....The vast majority are incredibly favorable... But of course some are not.

I hope it helps him...and you !!

Link:

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439