Reddit Reddit reviews How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

We found 80 Reddit comments about How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

Healthy Relationships
Interpersonal Relations
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
How to Talk to Anyone92 Little Tricks for Big Success in RelationshipsEnglishFirst EditionPaperback
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80 Reddit comments about How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships:

u/MohsAkh · 10 pointsr/cscareerquestions

You'll see this one recommended a lot :
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It's a classic and for good reason. I always find myself going back to it. In fact there are quite a few books I'd argue that build upon it

Another very good one is by Leil Lowndes called
How to Talk to Anyone. It gives a lot of useful tips on how to make conversations exciting and vibrant.

Also, John Sonmez's books are really good too because they focus on communication skills from a developers point of view. I really liked these because it also teaches how to develop your career and start your own brand:

u/skoncol17 · 10 pointsr/DDLC
u/TheRenaissanceG · 9 pointsr/dating_advice

Read Leil Lowdnes "how to talk to anyone" its a really good book that I've used to help people who struggle with that. One technique for instance is paying attention to what people say. If someone says, "man this rain is probably fucking up plants at home." Guess what they may want to talk about? Plants. One big thing I also learned was be interested don't try to be interesting. Let me know what you think. Check the link to her book below.


u/lynn · 7 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

How much effort do you put in to helping other people figure out where they're going wrong? Have you seriously tried to help other people when they're fucking themselves over or otherwise making bad decisions or when they're doing something that you recognize as a social faux pas?

I doubt it, because I have -- and still do, when I absolutely cannot stand watching somebody make an ass of themselves -- and if you did you would recognize how few people actually want help. The vast majority of the time, a person's reaction to somebody trying to offer social skills that they are missing is defensiveness or attack.

I understand your frustration. I have had a lot of it myself -- "why didn't they just TELL ME I was sending the wrong message???" -- but I understand that:

  1. It's rude to criticize others. Telling somebody what they're doing wrong is rude, especially if you don't know them well. People try not to be rude; it makes them uncomfortable. It's unreasonable of you to expect people to make themselves uncomfortable in order to help a stranger in whom they have nothing invested, especially when, from their perspective, the creepy dude is more likely to be a danger to them than to turn out to be a good friend.

  2. Monkey spheres. If you look honestly at the way you think about the people whose help you want, you'll notice that you're not thinking about what they want, whether it's from you or from life in general. They think the same way about you: what do they have to gain from helping you, when they could just walk away? If this bothers you, recall that you do it too. We all do; it's human nature.

    You're expecting something from people, but you're not offering anything in return. Change your thinking -- instead of focusing on what you want from them, focus on what you have to offer. Learn about what makes people like each other and incorporate that into your behavior. I like the book How to Talk to Anyone -- you can look through it and find the tips that seem the easiest and then move up in difficulty from there. Practice for a while and really get each one down before you try another. There are all kinds of other books like that one and plenty of information online also. Google "how to talk to people", "how not to creep people out", "how to make people like you", "body language", "eye contact", stuff like that. There's a metric fuck-ton of information available.
u/dacows · 6 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Forcing yourself into anxiety-causing situations can actually strengthen the disorder. You can't heal a broken hand by whacking it with a hammer. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is needed to change the way your brain approaches social situations. If a therapist tells you to "face your fears" then he doesn't truly understand the problem and you should find another therapist.

I used the audio series from the Social Anxiety Institute and it really opened my eyes about my behavior and ways of thinking. Poke around their websites (socialphobia, sai). It's a good place to start.

Also: There are lots of books out there on how to prepare for/act in social situations. I've read many of them and the one I highly recommend is How to Talk to Anyone. It's a simple layout, a fun read, and it's full of good tips and tricks.

u/insertnickhere · 5 pointsr/relationship_advice

You're exactly the sort of person who will eventually stumble into the seduction community. You could do worse, but first, some warnings...

  1. It's like any other group: A belief in self-superiority because of knowledge that the public at large does not have that they regard as valuable. That doesn't actually make them any better.

  2. Do not start playing a character. Of all the advice, all the routines, all the lines, there is no substitute for having an actual personality. Yes, you can pretend to be someone you're not, but that means whenever you're around that person, you have to pretend to be someone you're not. How long can you keep that up for? You're not a secret agent. Be yourself, but be the best version of yourself.

  3. Be prepared for the arms race. You are now in competition with many other men (dozens at a party, thousands to millions in your city, billions worldwide). You are going to win some and you are going to lose some. Be prepared for both. In your case, it's winning that's going to be harder to deal with: It's the unknown. Embrace the unknown.

    That said...

    > How do I overcome my inexperience?

    AndyNemmity said it: Practice.

    > Should I ever tell women that I'm inexperienced? (I tried this once and it might've put her off.)

    I would say, yes, you should; if nothing else, when asked, but I don't recommend bringing it up. This is really your call. Different people will react in different ways. It's going to take some time to learn what those ways will be.

    > What should I do about my emotions showing up like yesterday?
    I think my self-esteem problem comes from my inexperience, but is there anything I can do specifically for that problem?

    You are not going for 100%. You are going for 5%. Out of 20, 19 are practice. Act on your emotions as soon as you get an inkling of them. Regret lasts so much longer than rejection.

    > I'm starting to use dating sites. Do you have any ideas for my circumstances? (Maybe I should look for a short-term relationship, or more women in the 18-22 range, or older women?)

    Every word counts. Give people something to build on. Make sure your profile has lots of things to talk about. You are awesome. You make awesome into a verb. Be as positive as possible: Nothing has ever gone wrong in your life.

    When you reach out to someone, make sure that there's something obvious to respond to. Ask an open-ended question about their profile. "Hi, how's it going?" is good enough in real life, but sucks online.

    > Is it wrong for me to turn down interested women? (Like the "love" case above, but maybe I should just do it anyway. That doesn't seem fair to anyone.)

    It might be right for you. This is something only you can decide. Is a relationship with this woman an improvement in your life? Maybe, maybe not.

    > Should I learn/accomplish/do something to stand out of the crowd?
    I try to strike up a conversation before asking someone out to get some comfort in learning a little about them. Is this a bad approach? It probably limits my options.

    If you have everyone's attention, you are making an impression on anyone you might be interested in. This is a two-way street, so while it's powerful, be careful.

    You should have something interesting to talk about. Otherwise you're just one of the masses, and blending in isn't going to get anyone's attention.

    I'll also mention that you might consider getting one of your female friends to set you up. This is likely to be a lot less game-playing. Maybe you want to play games; games are fun, after all, and you probably don't want something too serious right now. You probably don't even know what it is you want. If you do know, tap into your social network.

    > If I'm the one keeping a conversation going (by asking questions, introducing topics, etc.), how likely is it that she's not interested?

    Very likely, but that isn't your fault. We live in a self-centered society. The best you can manage is pay attention to the things other people say (do not talk to just girls; talk to everyone), and tie back into it later. Someone who is actually paying attention will be genuinely surprising.

    On the downside, then you may well become the bored one.

    > Are there any books that could help me? Assume I've never read any on this topic.

    It sounds like the major issue you're having is picking up on signals. For that, I would recommend starting with The Definitive Book of Body Language; skip to chapter 15, but read the whole thing. I've also seen advertisements for You Say More Than You Think but haven't read it; that might be useful. Really there are any number of body language manuals out there. Read at least one, preferably more.

    Consider reading either some of the book by Leil Lowndes (in particular, I'd recommend How to Talk to Anyone), or The Rules of the Game; both will get you started just talking to people. I would favor Leil Lowndes' work just because she seems less sketchy (though she did co-write a paper with David DeAngelo).
u/jforres · 5 pointsr/LifeProTips

I read a really great book that has helped my social anxiety immensely. It's called How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes. It gives you really simple tips that improve your social skills... And thinking about these tips will give you something to think about other than how awkward you are, which also helps.

u/dynamictangle · 5 pointsr/communication

Here is something I typed up previously. The book I am writing will talk about most of this stuff. I'll be posting some articles I'm writing about communication here soon. For now, my old post. I endorse these books:


So this is a bit of an area of expertise for me. I'm actually a writing a book about communication and it is kind of a skills book, but not as you might traditionally think of one. I can tell you more if you like, but don't want to bore you.

Here's the thing with skills books when it comes to communication...most are ok, some are even good, but most are essentially the same...they put together some combination of "do these things" and "do not do these other things" and market you a book that ultimately isn't going to help you a whole least not to communicate better in the aggregate. (How to Win Friends and Influence People is an example of this.) I call these any "Do these 10 things to communicate better" books. There is no magic list of skills that if you just learn these things, you'll communicate better. Communication doesn't work like that.

That said, there are a few decent enough communication "skills" books out there that are worth your time. It really depends on the type of communication skills you're looking for...for example, there are books out there entirely dedicated to how to give a good presentation (say, at work). There are books on conflict resolution. There are books on persuasion. All of these, which I don't think is what you're looking for only give you part of a very big puzzle. As far as more general communication books there are a couple you might consider:

(A note that most of these are not likely to be at your local library, but if you as your local friendly librarian how to they could get you one of these books, they can probably easily help you. Ask! Librarians are awesome! Also, most of these should be available on Amazon for not much money.)

  1. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
    Author: Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
    A book with an overall good perspective. A little sappy and cloying at times, but in general the intentions are in the right place with this one. Could come off as a little bit squishily academic, but an ok read and a good perspective.
  2. If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?
    Author: Alan Alda
  3. (From M*A*S*H, The West Wing, and much more)
    I'm actually reading this book right now and it is a funny take on Alda's life and work and he relates his stories through (and about communication). Alda is actually pretty smart about communication and comes at it differently than most anyone else on this list. Funny and witty, what you might expect from such a great actor and comedian. Definitely worth reading.
  4. Simply Said: Communicating Better At Work and Beyond
    Author: Jay Sullivan
    More about work than other contexts but good advice overall. I only skimmed parts of this one so can't speak to every aspect, but appeared to be decent enough quality when I reviewed it.
  5. The Art of Communicating
    Author: Thich Nhat Hanh
    Different from the others on the list, this one is written by a Buddhist monk who takes a more spiritual view of communication. It is a good philosophical approach. I found parts of this book enlightening. It is not scientific-ish enough for me and it makes no claims to be. It is a philosophy book on communication, but an easy, accessible read and worth your time.
  6. Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
    Author: Kerry Patterson
    A good enough book if you're looking to navigate conflicts/difficult conversational things at work or in relationships. Deals more with the challenging aspects of communication, but for what it is, good enough advice.
  7. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
    Author: Liel Lowndes
    Similar to the book above, but more about making conversation with people. As far as these types of books go, this one is ok enough and actually has some good advice on things to try when attempting to communicate with others.

    Books like Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, which comes up when you look for communication books should be avoided entirely. That book, and other books like it, are trash. You might as well get your advice from Cosmo.

    Sorry for the length here, but like I said, this is an area of expertise. I hope you found this helpful. I can answer questions about any of these books if you like.
u/psykocrime · 4 pointsr/relationship_advice

> TL;DR: I'm 22 and have only had one relationship. How do I meet new girls to date? Specifically, how do I approach them in a bar/club and during the day?

A couple of thoughts to help you out:

First, remind yourself of this "Guys are just really ugly girls." (It's a metaphor OK, don't go too far with it) and ask yourself if you're comfortable talking to strange (to you) males? If the answer is "no," then you need to work on the basics of conversing with others. So, start with the basics:

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes

How to Instantly Connect with Anyone by Leil Lowndes

How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends by Don Gabor

If you've got basic "conversation / small-talk with strangers" nailed, then there is a fair amount of good material out there on how to start conversations with girls; and how to interact with them in a positive way. See:

The big honking list of openers put out by TSB and the books The Game, The Mystery Method, and/or The Pickup Artist.

Robert Greene's The Art of Seduction is a valuable read as well.

FWIW, I think you'll get more useful answers to a question like this on /r/seduction. /r/relationship_advice seems geared more towards managing an existing relationship, whereas /r/seduction is heavily focused on the "initiation phase." There is a TON of material out there on how to overcome anxiety about approaching women, TONS of stuff on how to be a better conversationalist, stuff on how to amp her attraction for you, etc., etc.

Two links that might be of use to you:

New to Seddit?

Fast "You Are New"

Good luck!

u/DyceFreak · 4 pointsr/faimprovement

That's a really good one. I also read How to talk to anyone which is along the same lines.

The book that started my FA awareness and journey of self improvement was No more mr nice guy

u/1enigma1 · 3 pointsr/socialskills

If you're walking in opposite directions the general procedure would be:

  1. Make eye contact. This requires looking into her eyes at the Goldilocks point of neither too far away or too close. If you hit this and actually make eye contact (e.g. she doesn't ignore you or immediately look away without looking back) then move on to #2

  2. Smile. This too is a bit of an art as there are different types of smiles but suffice it to say it's a somewhat slowly developing smile that's sincere. For more on this I found Leil Lowndes explains it best.

  3. Ice breaker. Realistically this could be pretty much anything from "Hey" to a comment about her scarf, dog, or a warning that a bus is about to crash into her. You know small stuff.

    If you happen to be standing in line or walking in the same direction you can try starting from 3 then 1, 2 although she might be a bit bewildered as to why you are talking to her.

    From there it's pretty much just establishing rapport with the explicit goal of getting contact info so you can meet with her again when she's not so busy and if you don't get this you may never see her again. Keep in your mind of course that last bit since even if you feel that you made a fool of yourself she's likely not going to remember you past that day if you fail.

    PS To get some confidence/experience talking to strangers it might be helpful to get a job or volunteer for something that makes you exercise this skill. Working at a bar/restaurant, doing external calling for political or fundraising campaigns, or just joining a public speaking organization (e.g. Toastmasters) can help here.
u/LiliBlume · 3 pointsr/LifeProTips

This tip is from the book "How to talk to anyone", it's a pretty good book, it has lots of tips like this one.

u/CaptainAlone · 3 pointsr/faimprovement
  1. Don't mention when you lost your virginity, hehe.
  2. If you haven't read it, consider reading How to Talk to Anyone.
  3. Treat it like a science experiment. Every time you talk to a girl, try something in particular. Try it on a few girls. Note whether it works or not, and if it doesn't, then remember that and adjust your approach.

    Note: I've only just started the book, but so far I'm already liking the tips and insights it's providing me. I'm practicing my smile timing constantly now.

    Also, take my advice with a grain of salt, it's not like I have huge success with women, but these are the steps I'm taking to try to improve.
u/IMAROBOTLOL · 3 pointsr/ForeverAlone

OP, I definitely know that feel and then some. I would suggest however to keep practicing on girls while you're training. Just like many people did not naturally grow up to be in exceptional physical shape, many people did not naturally grow up to be exceptionally socially competent. However, a person can train to improve in both.

Find books/ebooks/PDFs on how to talk to people, on how to 'be an alpha male', on how to talk to women. Subscribe to /r/seddit, r/askseddit, /r/faimprovement, and maybe /r/socialskills. There's tons of resources on the internet now for people like us.

A side bonus of reading up on seduction and everything is that over time it helps with your general attitude and confidence with people. Whatever confidence you develop in merely talking to attractive people of the opposite gender will carry over into other areas of your life.

So a few key things that have helped me immensely:

u/KorgRue · 3 pointsr/webdev

All of these sound primarily like communication issues. Specifically, not communicating a detailed timeline in which you can accomplish the assigned work at your skill level. Even your writing style indicates a lack of effective communication skills (Poor sentence structure. Lacks coherence.). These soft skills are vitally important in being successful in highly technical fields.

Here are some tips on improving your communication with coworkers:

This book is also decent:

I would focus your efforts there, and approach your next opportunity with more positivity. A bad attitude about the work and the industry will cripple your career prospects, so you need to move past that.

u/con_carne2 · 3 pointsr/socialskills

How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships. It's basically an updated version of How To Win Friends and Influence People. Really helped me a lot.

Good luck!

u/musicsexual · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn

"How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is a book that is decades old, but still useful. It's probably the most famous book of its type ("how to talk to people"). Literally over a dozen million copies have been sold. Check out some of the reviews on Amazon.

"How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships" by Leil Lowndes is also a great book. I have read part of this book before and it offers extremely useful tips. It's also easy to read as the author provides great anecdotes to explain the tips and to help you easily recall them. This one is more recent than Carnegie's book, which was published in 1936. I believe this book would be a better read because our society/culture is a little different from what it used to be back in 1936. Still, some claim that there are timeless pieces of advice in Carnegie's book, which is true but if you're only getting one, I'd get this second book instead.

u/SilentLettersSuck · 3 pointsr/seduction

That's me. I can't talk to anybody, really. I never have shit to say and most convos end fast. Whether it be a relative, a friend, a girl, professor, anything.

I've been trying to practice on cashiers and just random people I see around but I really just can't think of anything.

Been thinking of buying this book:

u/AnOddOtter · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn

A few books I found really helpful:

u/asdd1937 · 3 pointsr/teenagers
u/fusion_core · 3 pointsr/socialskills

I believe is this book "How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships" instead? I have read the "how to win friends and influence people" It is absolute amazing.

100% agree with you!

u/CelticMara · 2 pointsr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

Star Wars (Episode IV: A New Hope) was the first PG-rated movie that our parents let us see - after much begging and cajoling. They accompanied us because "PG" means "Parental Guidance." I was thrilled when I heard my dad laughing at the funny parts.

The whole movie just... grabbed my imagination and soared! It was fun, it was adventure, it was strange worlds, it was completely unlike anything I had ever seen, it was a cute guy, and it had a sassy lady who I thought of as the absolute standard of feminine beauty.

I had a red Han Solo tee-shirt and a Darth Vader digital watch. Digital watches were the coolest thing ever back then. I eventually outgrew the tee-shirt (after the decal had gone through enough washes to render it nearly white), and the watch strap eventually broke, and the batteries eventually died. I might still have the vinyl album of the music from the soundtrack around here somewhere.

If you can imagine, Star Wars itself fell out of popular favor for a while (at least with clueless middle school kids), which saddened me. But I still and always would love it.

For a while, I felt like I had a nerdy little secret. For a while, I felt like a misfit. Upon reaching adulthood, after the sequels had made it popular again, I thought that that kind of fandom was just for children, so I should leave it behind.

Then I found Timothy Zahn's novels and realized that Star Wars is for all of us. I cherish my books. In fact, I packed my lunch for work tomorrow in my Star Wars lunchbox. That's right. I'm a grown up woman with a Star Wars lunch box.

I like gift cards, but if you prefer, this book is under $10 when bought used.

But I want IT!

Thanks for the contest. What a walk down memory lane!

u/warrenyang · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

How to talk to anyone:

Gives you some tips on how to talk to people. The tips won't make you sociable but it will give you confidence on how to approach certain situations and the more practice you get, the better you'll be at it.

u/cerebrum · 2 pointsr/IAmA

> 92 tricks to talk to people.

Do you mean:
'How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships'

u/shakedown_st · 2 pointsr/faimprovement

Nice man, you really blasted through that book with speed. I like your review and agree mostly with it, especially about the porn issue. I know it talked about "your partner" a lot, but I didn't think this was a bad thing. For me, it was more changing my thought process because I knew if I ever did get in a relationship, that's how I would've acted. Changing my thought process away from that would be helpful not just in a relationship, but in all aspects of life.

I think your conclusions listed there are exactly what you needed to take away from the book.

Now for step 2, I recommend How to Talk to Anyone or How to Win Friends and Influence People. Either one is solid. A lot of the content is common sense or not applicable, but I'd say a third of it I apply now and have internalized in daily conversation. And sometimes, it's just good to review the fundamentals. You can probably get through the book in two days, I imagine. ..And then, Step 3 is when the fun begins.

u/Bukujutsu · 2 pointsr/Nootropics

I'd highly recommend this book. The name may give the wrong impression, it's not typical pop-garbage at all, the advice is solid from someone knowledgeable and experienced. It's worth investing the time, it's an easy and fun read, because if you actually put them into action, practice and refine them, which shouldn't be a problem for you, they're fairly simple, the could really increase the quality of your relationships to people outside your close friends and family:

Also, make an effort to engage in more activities that don't require a genius level intellect, that don't cause you to feel alienated. Do you play video games? Or what about board or card games? There are all sorts of social events going on, groups.

u/drjones2er · 2 pointsr/entj

I had this exact same problem when I was your age. At that stage in my life, I read a lot of books on body language- which helped SO MUCH! Realize that 80% of communication is NONVERBAL (including tone of voice). If you are experiencing social anxiety, these books will help make you look more confident- and from there you kind of fake it until you make it. If you don't necessarily have anxiety, they will help you to correct some of the ways in which you are communicating to come across a little better.

Going from there, I realized if I read books specifically about seduction body language- my social skills overall would immensely improve. I know it sounds silly, but as ENTJs we need to learn how to be more "playful" or whatever and these books actually changed my life- at school, work and dating.

Anything by Tracey Cox is good. She has three books: Super Flirt, Super Date and Super Sex (the last one is basically just sex tips- so use at your own risk).

Also, this book was amazing and did wonders on communicating in general:

Again, start out with basic body language and move up to seductive body language- even if you're not trying to seduce. I know it sounds crazy crazy but it totally helped me. You'll definetely develop the social skills you need. Hope this helps.

u/HartPlays · 2 pointsr/Filmmakers

There’s a book that helped me not only at the professional level but also helped my charisma in personal relationships. It’s called “How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships” by Leil Lowndes. It contains a bunch of tips and tricks to be more confident, charismatic and actually listened to, and after reading even parts of it, I went out and tried the tips and they actually helped a lot. I don’t know if you are the same as me, but doing this tricks and making them a habit helped so much for me. I think it’s worth a shot. On amazon for $9.73 right now.

u/finalDraft_v012 · 2 pointsr/AskWomen

The best thing you can do is read books on the art of Conversation. Another user already mentioned the big one, "How to Win Friends And Influence People". That was an invaluable read to me; another good one that helped me a LOT is "How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships". These books really really helped me...I used to be a social recluse with no understanding of social skills. They're quick reads but it can take years to digest and internalize...the more practice you get, the more comfortable you'll be. I even started making a game of how long I could keep others talking about themselves without saying anything about myself, as I practiced. Good luck!

u/crassmix · 2 pointsr/socialskills

This book helped me a lot, it helped me understand interactions and how to keep them going. Needed this boost to help during conferences. Good Luck its not easy, specially for someone that hated small talk.

u/lustaholic · 2 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

Sounds like you could level up your interaction skills!

I am particularly fond of The Charisma Myth. The thesis of this book is that people are at their most charismatic when they have ample self confidence, which comes from having high self esteem. I have low self esteem and low self confidence, but the majority of this book details how to improve them. Not only has the book helped me be more charismatic, it has had a profound improvement in my psychological/emotional well being!

I haven't read this one yet, but I bought and it is next on my reading list. How to Talk to Anyone explains techniques for even the shyest introvert (like me) to come out of their shell and have interesting thoughtful discussion with strangers.

The fact that you made an effort to put yourself in a situation with a bunch of strangers is quite impressive! Now work a bit on your communication game and you'll grow into a better and more powerful you.

u/Opioidus · 2 pointsr/asktrp

That book is solid but a bit outdated, it was written in 1936 for Gods sake! This one is much better:

u/tmoreau24 · 2 pointsr/EngineeringStudents

Don't worry about GPA unless it's super low (I mean under 2.6 or 2.5). I have a 2.8 GPA and I'm a senior this year and I have two internships on my belt with an interview with the company of my second intership and plenty of references for future jobs. Yeah I might not be able to compete with people in my class when it comes to GPA but when it comes to being social, talking with people, and working with a team, I excel unlike the rest of the people in my class who have no social skills at all. I'm sure this matters more, in fact my boss looks for that first then GPA. Don't worry you'll find one as long as you apply yourself and work on your social and interview skills. I recommend you read these, they helped me greatly when talking to people:

How to Win Friends & Influence People Special Anniversary Edition-Paperback

How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

u/Inherit · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

I've generally found that written and audio material by Leil Lowndes to be quite useful.

Her book How To Talk to Anyone categorizes different types of conversation (for example: one-on-one conversations, phone calls, dinner parties), and breaks down small conversational aspects of each category into discrete chapters (e.g. how to enter into a small group holding a conversation, how to ask what the group is discussing, how to start small talk, how to resuscitate a dying conversation, etc.). Each chapter also has a small TL;DR portion that summarizes the chapter's contents into a paragraph or two.

If you can get a hold of it, she has CDs under the "Verbal Advantage: Conversation Confidence" moniker with (mostly) the same information as in the aforementioned book. Although I'd still recommend the book over the audio CDs (as I believe it's probably cheaper and easier to reference), there's a specific set of CDs called Listening to Win which discusses the nuances of listening as a tool for more effective conversations.

u/tckz · 2 pointsr/askseddit
u/johnec4 · 2 pointsr/self

i think i heard that the book talk to anybody is good.

u/Shotsnshots · 2 pointsr/seduction

Yes, actually it does mean what you think it doesn't. Instead of pointing to the problem, point to the solution. Instead of saying "'re an idiot because you took her out and didn't escalate, didn't kino soon enough..." Why don't you contribute something constructive? Put out a field report that's filled with good concepts. When someone's stuck, be a bro and help them become a better person.

I'd recommend reading this, it should clear things up.

u/atheist_trollno1 · 2 pointsr/ForeverAlone
u/areyn7 · 2 pointsr/IWantToLearn

I found this helpful:
After I read it, I wrote out all the headings on index cards and used them to memorize the tips. If I was foggy on one of the headings, then I could just look up that specific info to refresh myself.

u/Garlaug · 1 pointr/sweden

Tja. En smideskurs i silver eller en smedkurs är toppen. Du ska verkligen pröva. Det är väldigt roligt och du kan tillverka saker som du kan ge bort. Det ger hög tillfredsställelse. Tänk att du ska försöka göra något regelbundet. Dvs gå till ett ställe där det finns folk som brinner för något som du själv gillar. Då är det lättast att hitta polare.

Om du är den som pratar om andra personer så är det ju inget hinder att bryta lite tankemönster. Genom att uppleva saker så hittar du något annat att prata om som du säger. Tänk såhär: "Vet du vad jag råkade ut för på stan. Kramade en kompis och då sa hennes mamma att hon också ville ha en kram, men sedan gick hon därifrån och det visade sig att hon inte var hennes mamma, utan bara en tant som gick förbi!" Vips så har du levlat i din konversation. :)

När det gäller backpacking så är det ypperligt att åka själv. Jag vet att det är näst mardrömslikt att göra det själv. Men jag LOVAR att du kommer inte ångra dig om du gör det. Se det som "exponering" en utmaning utan dess like. Om du inte kan motivera dig, gör det bara för att kunna prata om det sedan. Så tänkte jag när jag gjorde lumpen! Fungerade skitbra. Börja borra lite på nätet. Chatta lite med folk på forumet mm. tror jag stenhårt på. Kanske till och med kan hitta resesällskap där.

Baka är king det med. När du en gång blir inbjuden till något, ta med dig något du bakat. Typ en snygg burk med kakor, eller en toscakaka etc. Det gör att du sticker ut från alla andra och det flockas folk till. :)

Här är en länk till det som min polare hoppade på: Det är mer inriktat på att hitta en partner. Men det är så mycket mer.

Läs lite böcker som uppvärmning: Bok 1, Bok 2
Dessa böcker kickar upp din förmåga supermycket. När du pluggat på lite, gå ut och testa. Du har ju aldrig något att förlora. Visst det kommer vara obekvämt, hjärnan skriker av rädsla, men det är som att köra bil. Plötsligt så är inte bilen ute och kör med dig utan du kör bilen. Hjärnan adapterar och förändrar sig.

u/DiscreteOpinion · 1 pointr/seduction

Read this: How to Talk to Anyone

Googling "How to talk to anyone pdf" may be helpful if you can't buy it.

u/Piqsirpoq · 1 pointr/writing

This exact idea has been done ( The author specifically describes her book as the "twentieth first century version" of Carnegie's book. Not that this is the only book to do so.

u/Studsmurf · 1 pointr/AskReddit

np, I'm halfway through reading an ebook version of How to talk to anyone. pm me if you want a copy of it.

Some of the stuff I already did unconsciously. A lot of the things in the book are extremely good, and I can already see results in both my confidence and in other peoples reactions.

Also there are a lot of stuff in the PUA (pick up artist) books like The Game but you should assume that they take it too far. If you do read PUA stuff I would remember the points and not the pointers.

u/ProtegeAA · 1 pointr/LifeProTips

This book is super helpful:

How to Talk to's helped me greatly!

u/ChrisRich81 · 1 pointr/godtiersuperpowers

How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

u/depresseddog · 1 pointr/IAmA

I like cargenie and this is my all-time favourite for communication. Many more books worth reading. If you are really in the basis take a full communication book and workcourse on psychology.

For meditation, I started with a quite "newbie" book. Don't laugh! It was the relaxation and stress reduction workbook by Matha Davis. Simple, but awesome.

u/poopinyourpants · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Apologies for this blatant attempt at hijacking the top comment, but this is a pretty decent book on the subject. I'm sure you can find a free pdf of it with minimal digging.

u/Katherine_the_Great · 1 pointr/AskReddit

"I met [our host] through [mutual activity]. What about you?"

This book is a tad corny, but it changed me from a socially awkward penguin into a socially awesome penguin.

Also, BODY LANGUAGE IS KEY. If you are nervous, you will tend to 'close yourself' by crossing your arms, tightening your shoulders, looking away from people, etc. To 'open' your body language, think about the movements you make when you hug someone you like. You open your arms, turn your body and head toward them, smile a little, and turn your hands and palms a little more outward, exposing the palms. This is a 'vulnerable' position that shows you are not a threat.

Finally, make eye contact and smile, not awkwardly, but a little, to show you are happy to be there. Eye contact: if you haven't met someone yet, make eye contact for two seconds. If you are talking with someone, make more eye contact.

u/RanTheRedCedar · 1 pointr/OkCupid

Audible, but right now I'm doing 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Don't do it in audible. Get the book. The concepts are sometimes large and not being able to reread it is annoying.

Before that I did How to Talk to Anyone and that was good as an audiobook. Basically How to Win Friends and Influence People but with modern day examples.

u/FecklessPhilanderer · 1 pointr/seduction

Put yourself in the position to be approached.

Go to the cafe instead of reading at home, go out to a show instead of dancing by yourself in your frillies, go to the market instead of buying frozen food from the chain store.

Have something on your person that someone can very easily comment on and physically place your body in closer proximity to the guys who seem interesting.

Then think about all the sexy things you want to do with him, steal glances at the stuff that turns you on. At this point biology should take over and you'll do something sexy that catches his eye. You don't have to really offer a lot initially conversation wise, if you're feeling frisky he'll feel it and just babble on while basking in your sexy feminine energy.

Nerdy awkward girls can be extremely sexy if they are turned on enough and really enjoying the moment. Besides, being initially awkward and demure is a turn on for most guys.

Read How to talk to anyone for seriously killer tips and tricks to improve your conversational ability.

u/prettyhow · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Conversation skills can be developed like any other. Read this book. It was written several decades ago (she mentions a Rolodex in one anecdote), but most of the tips are still applicable. It's really a Dummie's Guide to Conversation.

u/flashbang123 · 1 pointr/asktrp

You need to start somewhere...start chatting with everyone and keep things platonic (guys and girls), then try flirting a little with girls, then when you feel confident and can feel the ebb and flow of conversation, ask a girl out. Everything you do in life is some kind of exercise, the more you do it, the better you will get at it. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Maybe read this or something along these lines.

u/crazymusicman · 1 pointr/IWantToLearn

i really enjoyed the book "how to talk to anyone" by liel londers (here). I just practice those tips and after a short time things just flow. this book changed my life

u/ceebee6 · 1 pointr/datingoverthirty

I think that you're going to have to try a bunch of things and see what you enjoy. It sounds like you haven't had the opportunity or drive to develop outside hobbies, and I'm going to venture a guess that during primary and secondary school you were raised in a culture that encouraged studying and very little else. So, now's the time to figure out what you like.

If you're somewhat into reading, I'd recommend The Girly Book Club. I'm a part of my local chapter, and it's a great way to meet fellow introverts and make some friends. Looks like there's a local chapter in Stuttgart:

Others have already mentioned using to find some groups you can join. Here is the link to the Leipzig, Germany meetup groups. Pick a few that sound interesting to try out.

Other ideas would be finding an organization on campus to get involved in--it could be related to an interest or career development. Volunteer somewhere for a cause that interests you, such as helping at an animal shelter since you love dogs. Take fitness classes or local cooking classes. Pick up photography. Learn to go hiking. Go geocaching. You can do a quick Google search for hobby ideas to get a list of things, and then try the ones that sound somewhat interesting to you. Also try a few things that you normally wouldn't--you never know what you might like!

As for the social skills, the good news is that they're skills and so you can learn and improve if you set your mind to it. There are videos, books and articles about things like body language, how to be a good conversationalist, how to connect with people more easily. Pick up a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's a classic for a reason. How to Talk to Anyone is also a good read.

u/csiscool · 1 pointr/UIUC

Edit: I would note that I definitely agree with the other posters' comments on hard work/merit of your work. That's a big element! I just thought I would address your question from another angle, since they already covered the other important elements. :)

Original comment:

Academia + research involves a fairly significant element of relationships and/or politics, which may seem insincere. You could look into books on navigating relationships and/or office politics. Many extroverted or popular people fake it until they make it. That is, treat everyone as if they are already your buddy, and soon they will be.

I’ll list a few books below that are solid regarding navigating relationships and politics... but I would also note that different environments have different politics. (academia has different politics than a corporation, for example)

And if you don't like politics or managing office relationships, you could start your own business. I don't know whether you are an introvert, but I think introverts benefit from owning a business, because there is no stress from trying to anticipate office politics.

Good luck!

Helpful books: (I recommend “How to Talk To Anyone” to start)

Introvert entrepreneur blog:

u/dbees92 · 1 pointr/latterdaysaints

I remember I used to be so afraid of talking to girls! And that I really wanted to date and to kiss girls ASAP.

If I could be in your shoes again, I would realize that all I had to do to talk to girls was to be friendly and take the initiative...

Things like: "Hey, how are you today?" or "How was your week" and then when she says "Oh, it was fine" or "It was ok" just ask a follow up question or two, then let it go. Repeat every time you see her (Or anyone for that matter) and you will find you have a lot of friends including her.

As to wanting to date and kiss and all that, well I'm in college now and I have some friends who have only kissed 1 or 2 girls in their whole lives and I'll be honest, I am a lot more jealous of them than they are of me.

Also, if you really want to be an expert in talking to girls/people, get and read these two books.

how to win friends and influence people

92 ways to talk to anyone

Good luck out there ImAmormonDontJudge! You have a lot of great times ahead of you.

u/Zegmar · 1 pointr/askseddit

I'm thinking of this book, this book and this book

u/axolotli · 1 pointr/gay

seconded that you should try to suck it up for a moment and introduce yourself to people (yes it sucks, but you'll survive) - a few of the most helpful books I've ever read in my life were on small talk (How to Talk to Anyone
search "small talk books" and breeze through one of two. it will dramatically improve your social life, work life, friend life! (whether you go and chat them up, or if they come and talk to you :) it has made my work life 100x better.

u/kinknosisuk · 1 pointr/BDSMcommunity

Leil Lowndes - How To Talk To Anyone

I wanted to talk to people. Turns out I just didn't have a lot to say to most people.

Now where kink is concerned I possibly overshare and lost any sense of shyness a long time ago!


That book tells you how conversations work. Yep, you still have to walk into a room, sit next to someone and say Hello.

But you've got people you've spoken with before.


To help with the anxiety aspect, get yourself a Ball. Do this for a month.

Anxiety and Panic Management

Next time you're there and not sure, imagine the ball, go talk to someone.



At munches and play events - send a message over fetlife to the organizers asking about meet and greet.
There is usually someone to show you around and they will introduce you to people.

A good meet and greet will really help you start a conversation.


If you feel more comfortable online, after you've met people make sure you add them or accept friend requests.

Most people respond positively to "Hi I'm new. Are you guys on Fetlife" by telling you their Fetlife name and will add you.

Don't worry if you can't remember their name. Ask them to add you. Use a bit of humor with that when you do.

Drop them a message after the event. You'll have read How to Talk to Anyone. But keep it clean, remind them who you were or if you talked about something interesting mention that and ask them a relevant question (it gives them both a reason and something to write a response about).


Finally, Fake it.

Imagine what a confident, friendly, chatty person would do. Pretend. Do that.

If you can think of a friend that does that, copy them.

Give it 6 months and you will be fine !



u/woodwindy · 1 pointr/socialskills

It’s called “How to Talk to Anyone” Written by Leil Lowndes. Here is a link on amazon

I just randomly grabbed it from the bookstore, and it was surprisingly helpful! I recommend just going down to your library or local bookstore to check out self help books because they actually helped me a lot. These books make you think too about how you carry yourself and make you aware of your bad habits, and how to turn them into good habits.
Hope this helps :)

u/mobius_striping_inc · 1 pointr/Anxiety

You mentioned tools, there's a book I read "How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships" and that's exactly what it does, it gives you tools for how to talk to people. It's basically a handbook on how to socialize.

u/TragicEther · 1 pointr/ADHD

My psych highly recommended this:

I plan on getting it this week

u/TrendingCommenterBot · 1 pointr/TrendingReddits


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u/diabloenfuego · 1 pointr/AskReddit

If you like to read about stuff like this, try "How to talk to anyone" by Lyle Lowndes. The title and premise/self-help style may seem kind of cheesy, but it's really useful if only so that it helps point out the things you may have noticed but don't keep in mind during day-to-day conversations.

I'm not sure if you ever have moments where you can ramble away a perfectly cogent thought, but pay attention to those times when you stop 'thinking' and put those words together in a smooth, receptive manner that is very much in context with the current scenario. If you can do that all the time, or very frequently, then I think that will help you the most. Two things that may help you:

  1. Best advice I've ever gotten from a lady-friend and this is her advice to all men everywhere: Take it down a notch. Just one. So however/whatever you were planning on doing/saying to that girl? Just take it down one notch (there are times such as big events one-time-scenarios where you can maintain normal notch capacity)

  2. Sometimes the most important thing is not saying something, or stopping to formulate your thoughts for a moment. There are times I'll want to burst out into conversation with the immediate response that comes to mind...over time I've learned to sort of filter myself unless I'm a bit excited. Sometimes, it's classier to say nothing or to do something subtle rather than say the first thing that comes to mind. Sometimes it's good to store that thought for a later moment in time when it's better formulated or when it is even more prevalent in a conversation. This can make circular conversation far easier and it's always impressive to link the current topic with a previous one with said audience (it shows you pay attention, that the discussion is more relevant than they possibly realized, and that engages people).

    P.S. Engage.

    Also, a current book I'm reading to sort of see the patterns people play out is "The Games People Play" by Eric Bernes (I think I got his name right). This book was sort of a breakthrough on psychology and the way we interact with each other. At the very least, these two books can give you ample information to communicate with people about human communication.
u/Seicair · 1 pointr/AskReddit

I'm in a similar situation, only I'm ten years older. Exacerbated by a cult upbringing that left me subconsciously distrustful of anyone outside the cult, and after leaving it I have two friends. A guy I work with that I'm not very close to anymore, and my ex-girlfriend who's my best friend.

I'm in therapy, and one of the things he's suggested is reading this book-

I'm not sure how much it's helped, but it at least is helping me understand other people and why they do the seemingly meaningless things they do. I guess I'd recommend it.

u/RcskaSedd · 1 pointr/seduction
this book is good. It also have some good tips to learn.

u/johnny_77 · 1 pointr/seduction

Alright man, I realize that I was lucky in the genetic lottery to have a foundation to work with, but I am in the middle of the scale. I'm definitely not one of those guys who is just beautiful, I gain weight easily if I don't watch what I eat, and I certainly wasn't doing myself any favors by the way I dressed. What I'd say, even if you're at the total end of the scale on the ugly side (which I doubt, everyone's their own harshest critic), but it's possible, is you still have things that are within your control. You can't control your face, but you can control your weight, how you carry yourself, how you conduct yourself, and how you present yourself.

For fitness check this out:
You don't need to join a gym or anything like that either, it can help motivate some people, but for me I wouldn't go because I'd procrastinate just getting there. Now I jump-rope at home and do a variety of pushups/pullups one day and dips/rows the other. I'm hitting my legs/cardio with the jump-rope and my entire upper body between the others, I rarely spend over 30 minutes a day, and I don't leave the house.

How to carry yourself: This is a great Ted Talk on the subject:

Also, taking into consideration how to carry yourself and moving into how to conduct yourself, this book covers both subjects very well, I highly recommend it:

And as far as presentation goes, you don't need to break the bank, just check out /r/malefashionadvice and get a primer on how to buy clothes that fit well. This is also a great look at how to have a wardrobe that seems varied on the surface, but is actually quite minimal and affordable:

Also, one thing you can't do on your own is getting a good haircut. Find a barber and spend the extra cash, it's amazing.

Side-note: If you have any physical disabilities or deformities, that's really beyond the challenges I've had to deal with. I'd imagine all my advice is still applicable, but that it would definitely make things much harder, so I'd suggest finding a forum with people who are more experienced when it comes to such things.

u/RobOFLMAO · 1 pointr/IWantToLearn

"Hang by your teeth"

Picture yourself as a circus performer swinging high above the ground. Then picture yourself doing that, but holding onto the bar with your teeth. This will align your entire body into good posture. Every time you walk through a doorway, picture yourself hanging by your teeth. Source.

u/SquirrelOnFire · 1 pointr/AskReddit

$10 book (or zero if you're a pirate) can change your outlook on conversations.

u/the_honey_monster · 1 pointr/dating_advice


I love to talk but it wasn't always this way. I would highly recommend just practicing. I have found the following books to be really useful aids in my learning to be a better conversationalist:

  • How to talk to anyone
  • Drop the pink elephant
  • How to win friends and influence people

    Here are some really basic tips for getting people to talk.

  • Ask 'How do you spend most of your time' rather than asking about work / hobbies. They will tell you what really interests them.

  • If you're stuck how to follow up on an answer, just repeat the last bit. For example - Them: 'O, I love making songs in my spare time' - You : 'Songs?'. They will then tell you all the songs and you can follow this up in more detail.

  • Don't go on a date without having read the news. Know whats happening in the world. No one likes to talk about the weather, so make sure you've got your fallback.

    As for you last point about 'I actually don't know what to bring up to even trigger a question about myself.'. There is a great quote :

    > “No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.”

    You should get away from this notion. I try to not talk too much about myself, you want to show interest in them rather than trying to impress them with yourself. They will naturally ask you questions when they think of them, try not to focus on steering the conversion to a interest of yours. Another big point is, if you find a common interest, don't let them know instantly with a 'ME TO!'. Keep quiet, ask them about it and at some point drop a few subtle hints that you know of the subject. They will be much more impressed that you share an interest but don't feel compelled to scream it instantly.

    I hope this helps a little :)
u/FrequentTable · 0 pointsr/stenography

Thanks. You might be interested in this:

u/AtmaJnana · 0 pointsr/SmarterEveryDay

edit: Really? Downvoted for directly answering the question. Stay classy, reddit.

u/Harmonic_Minor_Shred · -5 pointsr/seduction

How To Win Friends is old news mate.

Sure the principles are timeless but many parts of the book are dated.

92 Tips is a better book. More detailed than How to win Friends is more modern. Whenever anyone mentions that i send them to this one to replace it.

Models is good too. Chekc out the Way of Superiour Man By DAVID DEIDA. GOOD SHIT MATE>