Reddit reviews Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child
We found 6 Reddit comments about Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
I'm basing most of my assumptions on attachment theory and I'm fairly certain you and I have similar attachment styles.
They have recommendations in there for anxious attachments and I think specifically for us they recommend getting into self-help and using some form of mindfulness therapy to deal with anxiety. Inner Bonding and Vipassana meditation are what have helped me the most.
I really can't recommend therapy enough though. A good coach helps a lot if you can commit to 6-12 months.
Here's my take on things. I'm in a similar position to you. I'm clean now, but spent way too long smoking way too much and still accomplishing plenty, being seen as a high achiever, etc.
Every time I would quit - for a month or longer, I'd eventually do the same thing you described. Think I could moderate and before I knew it, I was out of control again.
Here's the thing: I've come to believe that marijuana was not my problem, but only a symptom of it. My real problem was numbing - and marijuana is a very effective numbing agent. I finally realized that what was behind the impulse to pick up and smoke, was the impulse to numb and avoid feelings and uncomfortable mental states.
I think it can be helpful when trying to let things go to explore what is underneath the urge to 'check out' and smoke.
There are those in the mental health field that suggest that shame is actually at the root of all numbing/addictive behaviours. I tend to agree. Here are a few resources that I've found extremely helpful in getting to the root cause of my numbing impulses and truly healing myself:
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473347900&sr=8-1&keywords=healing+the+shame
https://www.amazon.com/Inner-Bonding-Becoming-Loving-Adult/dp/0062507109
Good luck!
Yeah that therapist is a dick. Don't go back and see her even after you are sober a year.
You (like so many of us here) have an addictive personality. I am the same way with food weighing and tracking, I get obsessive about it and cut my calories so low it is dangerous.
Do you have other options for therapy since you have the tendency to get so intense about things? The possibility that cycling becomes your new running is very real. I'm literally copying and pasting a response someone left me on the thread "Day 2 & grappling with permanency" because it addresses the addictive personality that underlies the behavior. Hugs to you!
Wisdom from @thisismisterl:
Here's the thing: I've come to believe that marijuana was not my problem, but only a symptom of it. My real problem was numbing - and marijuana is a very effective numbing agent. I finally realized that what was behind the impulse to pick up and smoke, was the impulse to numb and avoid feelings and uncomfortable mental states.
I think it can be helpful when trying to let things go to explore what is underneath the urge to 'check out' and smoke.
There are those in the mental health field that suggest that shame is actually at the root of all numbing/addictive behaviours. I tend to agree. Here are a few resources that I've found extremely helpful in getting to the root cause of my numbing impulses and truly healing myself:
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473347900&sr=8-1&keywords=healing+the+shame
https://www.amazon.com/Inner-Bonding-Becoming-Loving-Adult/dp/0062507109
Also, this book helped me immensly.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0062507109?pc_redir=1404658036&robot_redir=1
Oh my goodness thank you for taking the time to share all of that!
I am very interested in this. Often when we are working with affirmations or new beliefs it is like forcing the new positive belief over the old negative one. And people can have a very hard time with that, not believing the new chosen belief/affirmation because the old one "competes" in a way.
What you are describing sounds a lot like some of the therapy techniques of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, and Inner Child Work.
CBT: states we have a hierarchy of types of thoughts and beliefs, ranging from shallower/more on the surface, "automatic thoughts" which are based on more deeply held "core beliefs" - "I'm not good enough" or similar, and they are all interconnected, and the automatic thoughts we have fleetingly throughout the day, or our inner monologue, represents these more deeply held (and often flawed/dysfunctional) beliefs about ourselves (ex "I'm unlovable"), others (ex. "Others will hurt me, so respect the worst"), the world (ex. "things always go badly for me"). CBT just works on fixing the thoughts, not with figuring out where they came from. I personally find this approach lacking. I needed to understand why I had negative thoughts and beliefs, not just try to change them.
Psychodynamic therapy involves going backward to identify where in childhood our beliefs and coping mechanisms and ways of relating to ourselves, the world and others came from, to gain understanding of the source and then modify as needed.
Inner Child Work is very similar to what you are talking about and its about relating to that hurt "child" part of us that didn't get what they needed in childhood and now feels hurt and scared (etc) and how to step in as our own "loving parent" and to reframe these experience and provide to ourselves through compassionate inner dialogue and self care what we needed then and now.
Pete Walker has a good website on this and what he refers to as "emotional flashbacks"
http://pete-walker.com/pdf/emotionalFlashbackManagement.pdf
Also coming to mind is a book called "The Presence Process" by Brown who gives a detailed program for "integrating" old stuff by going backwards and identifying where our negative beliefs come from.
https://www.amazon.com/Presence-Process-Journey-Present-Awareness/dp/1897238460/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520080673&sr=8-1&keywords=the+presence+process
In my experience you don't have to be overly particular about how far you can go back and how precise you can be. Even if you can identify a general theme or feeling, and track back to when you recall that feeling in your childhood to identify where the belief might have come from: ex,: "My mother always checked my homework, and that made me think I must be stupid or untrustworthy" - then that's enough to realize where something came from and start to undo it, saying to yourself, "No, I was fine and smart. I got all As and some Bs. My mother was just overly concerned with how our family appeared to others due to her own insecurities. That had nothing to do with me. I am smart and I am trustworthy."
Again, thanks for sharing all you took the time to write, and I think if you are interested in this sort of thing there are others resources that cost less than $5000 you can look into do do similar work.
"Healing your aloneness" by Chopich and "Inner Bonding" by the same authors are also good books with a similar theme.
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Your-Aloneness-Finding-Wholeness/dp/0062501496/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1520080700&sr=1-1&keywords=healing+your+aloneness
https://www.amazon.com/Inner-Bonding-Becoming-Loving-Adult/dp/0062507109/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0062507109&pd_rd_r=AACBA3RGXQS6G568WF8W&pd_rd_w=WEflm&pd_rd_wg=99z8l&psc=1&refRID=AACBA3RGXQS6G568WF8W
My therapist taught me a 4 step process to do this when something happens that triggers me feeling those old negative beliefs:
That process was immensely helpful to me to journal on events to rewire my negative beliefs that were based in old experiences.
Namaste!
(edited to add links)
Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing your Inner Child
How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You're an Adult
The Inner Child Workbook
Affirmations for the Inner Child
Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child
Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to your Inner Child