We found 3 Reddit comments about It's Easier Than You Think: The Buddhist Way to Happiness. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Listen, unless you have tremendously significant assets, don't bother getting proof of adultery. All you'll do is torture yourself. Most courts don't care anymore; they'll more or less automatically grant a petition for a grounds divorce only to the extent of granting a no-fault divorce.
Sometimes grounds can affect distribution of assets, but typically only when waste has been shown. And in your circumstances (as they seem) waste generally means a significant expenditure of funds on behalf of another person.
It's so odd--people seem to want to learn the worst. All we do is hurt ourselves. My advice: don't do it.
You've experienced a shock. Perhaps a confirmation of suspicions. Give yourself some time; talk to people you trust. Then simply let the relationship go.
I realize it may seem like there's no future, like you've wasted years, like you've been profoundly hurt. But you can, not only survive, but recover from this. And go on to live a gloriously happy life.
You're young; you have so much time.
What saved me were a number of books. The Power of Now. And It's Easier Than You Think. A couple of meditation apps.
The Power of Now talks about living in the moment, about ignoring/learning to stop thoughts that hurt you. The same way you'd never mistake an eye twitch for yourself, you can learn not to mistake a "brain twitch"--i.e., a thought that serves no purpose other than to hurt you--as yourself.
It's Easier Than You Think offers an introduction to Buddhism--in chief, to the idea that all suffering is caused by desire, and when you learn to stop wanting, you also learn to stop causing yourself pain.
Meditation is designed to focus on the now, on the idea that right at this minute you are okay, and that all your fears about the future and whatever regrets you may feel are imaginary, in that you simply are creating them with your own thoughts. It's all about focusing on your breathing, and every single time your thoughts stray (as they do for everyone) you simply learn to bring your thoughts back to your breathing. It is far harder than it seems. And in trying to do it you learn to control your thoughts and you distract yourself from fear and pain.
I am telling you: what you're talking about is no longer your relationship, but survival. And surviving divorce requires every ounce of concentration. It is like fighting a bear, and every single day you survive is a victory.
Also, I personally have decided that no matter what I am trying to be kind and good through this whole process. You don't have children, so really you're pretty lucky. You can set yourself free from someone who didn't want to be with you and find someone who does.
Maybe try exploring who you are via a site like 16personalities.com. It offers a simplified (quick) version of the MBTI, which is one of the first personality tests. It has problems, but as an introduction to who you are--and the kind of person you might want to be around--it has worked wonders for me and many others.
Ultimately you will forgive yourself; you'll realize it's not your fault that you loved someone. It's her fault for not recognizing and valuing what you were offering. Ultimately blame no longer will matter.
There is so much more I could say, but this is not the end. It's the beginning. You're just feeling so much pain and shock you don't realize it yet.
I am rooting for you. It is so hard to love, to survive a relationship, to survive a breakup. But it is survivable, and in so doing you will learn. Divorce can be an incredibly educational experience.
If you ever want to talk, this is an alt, but I do use it regularly. And I always will offer empathy.
Pain, like everything in life, is impermanent. The notion that it is permanent is what is daunting. Once you accept that this situation, like every other in your life, is temporary and will come to pass, it will be a lot easier to deal with.
I don't have any delusions about reading a book curing you, but it might make it easier. Read this:
It's Easier Than You Think has Buddhist framing, but it's really about chilling the fuck out in everyday situations, something I needed to hear at the time.