Reddit Reddit reviews Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion

We found 9 Reddit comments about Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

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Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion
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9 Reddit comments about Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion:

u/WhiteTigerZimri · 6 pointsr/ExChristianWomen

I think it's normal to struggle with guilt when leaving religion because conservative Christianity controls people through guilt and shame, primarily. It takes time to really deconstruct fully and let go of the guilty feelings. However, if the guilt doesn't go away, I'd definitely recommend finding a good secular therapist who can help you work through it. Reading books like "Faith Shift" by Kathy Escobar and "Leaving the Fold" by Marlene Winell really helped me. There are also some great Facebook groups like Exvangelical and Living Life Unfundamentalist where you can find likeminded people.

u/bjlmag · 5 pointsr/exchristian

You can visit the [Secular Therapy Project] (https://seculartherapy.org/) for potential help. The book ["Leaving the Fold"] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BD5ILAW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1) could also be helpful for you.

u/LukeTheApostate · 5 pointsr/exchristian

Oh boy. I have been almost precisely in that same place. First, lemme link you real quick to Marlene Winell's Leaving The Fold. It answers, in a sense, the question you have now and the other ones you're likely to.


From my personal experience, what happened to me next was this. I discovered that religion teaches that people are states. Ossified, unmoving statues; sinners until saved, saved forever, virgins until sex and then never virgins again, etc., etc., etc. In reality- and this blew my fucking mind- people are processes. We are just a running piece of software that constantly modifies itself or is modified by its environment. What's "good" is not "obedience to an old book" but "what is functional." What is effective. What makes more people happy, less sad, more healthy, less unhealthy, what makes me better at being human and happy and good for other people. And it doesn't matter what worked 2000 years ago. It doesn't matter what worked yesterday. What matters is what I can do today to make myself happier and healthier, and my friends, and other humans.


And if I fuck up- which is inevitable- the response is to identify why and try to figure out how to stop it from happening again. Because mistakes aren't evil.

u/ChatGarou · 4 pointsr/exchristian

There are psychologists who specialize in religious trauma.
I can't afford therapy, but I've found this book quite helpful- Leaving the Fold

u/vadarama · 3 pointsr/exchristian

Echoing the recs of exchristian.net and Dr. Marlene Winell, particularly her book Leaving the Fold, which is accompanied by a workbook full of personal assessments and writing prompts. I've read it a couple times over the handful of years since my deconversion, and I'm only now working through the exercises (about to complete Chapter 4 to review with my therapist this weekend). Check it out!

u/babycrazers · 2 pointsr/excoc

Man, I could have written every word of this myself. At some point I found this book and it was somewhat helpful. Not earth shattering, but still illuminating. It helped me put into words and really pinpoint some of lasting effects on my mental and emotional health. Mostly it was comforting to read that what I was experiencing was, in many ways, a totally predictable reaction to that kind of environment.

Just realized I'm a little over ten years out now, too. I think I've come to find a comfort in the "doubt." I've managed to build something of a new framework -- just without religion. For me it's not about right and wrong...it's about our nature as social creatures. There are things that build up those social connections, and things that break them. That we all have an ever-evolving set of standards that help us live with each other. That being together is our animal nature, and without that we're bound to feel miserable.

IDK, just thinking out loud here. You're not alone though.

u/cyranothe2nd · 2 pointsr/AskWomen

I used Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I couldn't afford a therapist at the time, so I read a book about deprogramming from cults called 'Leaving the Fold' and it seriously helped.

The point of the book is that religious indoctrination works by imprinting certain messages on your mind that often bypass reason and go straight into your emotional core. They're hard to shake, but with time and attention they can be left behind. You start by recognizing

  1. the Event that precipitates one of the messages

  2. what the Message is

  3. then, replacing it with a contrary message

    An example:
    The Event is that a guy asks me to have sex. I feel guilt and shame, but also obligated to respond in the affirmative because I caused him to desire me.

    The Message is stuff like "If you cause a man to lust, you've incited him" and also guilt-inducing stuff like "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"

    Messages that can replace that are things like, "It is okay to have sexual desires. That's normal and healthy." and also "Wait. Take a moment to get in touch with your true feelings. Do you desire this person?" and "You are not obligated to have sex with people you don't desire. Their desire is their problem. You didn't create it and you aren't obliged to solve it."

    It takes a lot of time and attention to ferret these things out. However, it really really helped me--like, within a few months I was doing so much better.

    The worst thing about fundamentalism is how it divorces you from your natural feelings and instincts--you aren't "allowed" to feel your feelings and so you suppress a lot of stuff. It still takes me some time to register what I'm feeling (esp negative emotions) but it is so much better now.

    Anyway--sorry for the long reply. I enjoy talking about this with others who are going through similar!
u/FattierBrisket · 1 pointr/AmItheAsshole

NTA. Whoo boy. I have been exactly where you are...it sucked. It sucked SO HARD. We didn't have the internet back then either (I'm old). I hope reading the comments in this thread has helped you know that a) you're NOT at fault here and b) you're in great company. I don't have any useful suggestions for you under your current circumstances (the people saying "play along until you're 18" are probably right, but I don't know if I could have so I can't ask you to, y'know?). I will recommend a book, though, either for once you're out of the house or if you are ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you can hide a copy where your mom won't find it. It's called "Leaving the Fold" and it's a pretty fabulous psychological text/workbook for people who grew up in strict religious households and have suffered trauma as a result (which is absolutely a thing) (I'm glad to see that a few comments called your mom's behavior emotional abuse, because it is). Here's the link if you're interested. Best of luck!!! Hang in there. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BD5ILAW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

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Edited to say: If links aren't allowed in this sub (I'm new), please let me know and I'll remove it. Thanks!

u/plaitedlight · 1 pointr/TooAfraidToAsk

Its great that you want to help her, you sound like a kind friend.

I think its important to know that she's reckoning with a big loss (loss of faith/world view, disillusionment w/ parents and other authority figures, loss of her prior sense of who she is) Loss like that means grief. Its ok if she's angry and sad and confused. Its not ok if she's drowning in those things and can't make her life work. If that's the case, she needs professional help asap.

The good news is that most of what she missed out on is now available to her. Nobody does everything in high school; everybody tries new things in college. She just may have more new things to try. Encourage her to get involved in the stuff she feels she missed out on. Join clubs, play intramural sports, sign up for newspaper, listen to music, read books and fanfic, date (responsibly), etc. Do some of these things with her; try some things new to both of you, normalize having new experiences.

Encourage her that she isn't alone in this situation. LOTS of people have had the same experience she is having. She can find them online and irl. Try out a Recovering From Religion support group or see if your campus has a Secular Student Alliance.

Check out the ~~#~~ExposeChristianHomeschooling #ExposeChristianSchools hashtags on twitter. Listen to some podcasts together: Exvangelical; Life After God; The Life After. Check out some books: Pure; Faith Unraveled; Leaving the Fold

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However hard this time is for your friend, it will be easier because she has your support and encouragement.

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(Source: I was a homeschooled evangelical; and then, eventually, I left the faith and found myself.)