Reddit reviews Lost Connections: Why You’re Depressed and How to Find Hope
We found 23 Reddit comments about Lost Connections: Why You’re Depressed and How to Find Hope. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Excellent Condition
Yeah dude that is an especially tough position to be in. Human touch alone is super important to your health, having someone to hold can do so much good & caring/taking care of someone is almost like caring for yourself.
Having someone who cares for you can do wonders & put salve on all your wounds. The cruel joke of course is that you won’t be able to attract a girl until your feeling confident & secure again. The problem isn't that you are an inherently unattractive or worthless person, but that you aren’t doing the things which will lead to success for you.
I worked overnight for a few years & it really is isolating. It’s hard enough to meet people & maintain platonic/romantic relationships, but when you are on the opposite schedule it’s so much harder. What opportunities do you have to meet people? No matter what you have to offer people have to see you & know you to appreciate it. Do you have any interests you are willing to pursue on the weekend? A pottery class, cooking class, yoga, or BJJ? (Check coursehorse or meetup).
Nordstrom rack is a great way to step up your clothes game on the cheap, put in your sizes & sort by price. If you can get yourself out there a good haircut & nice clothes will make people more receptive & that feedback might encourage you to get out there even more.
Your relationship with family isn’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t good in it for you to mine. The grass is greenest where you water it. My father died a few years ago & it left me gutted, but it was a lot easier because at 23 I realized the relationship I wanted with him, invested the time to make it happen & said all the things I wanted to say. Unfortunately when he died I inherited my mentally ill addict sister who almost broke me while I was trying to keep her alive before I realized how toxic and manipulative she is (faked her own death when I stopped giving her money & made me wonder if she really was dead for 3 months, she also intentionally “lost” all the paper work when my dad died & made me cold call the entire state of Florida for 3 days trying to find his body, refuses to settle the estate & has cost me 50k in the past 3 years). ^sorry ^for ^the ^tangent , ^but ^man ^can ^a ^sick ^and ^malicious ^person ^cause ^a ^ton ^of ^pain.
Anyway man, the way you are feeling is 100% predictable & 100% normal. You aren’t getting the things a person needs to feel happy and healthy, 9 out of 10 people in your situation would be depressed too & after a few years they would feel hopeless too. There are changes you can make though, and even small ones will add up until you reach the tipping point.
Don’t forget and don't doubt that you have value, just because you aren’t meeting people who can see it don’t think that you aren’t a worthwhile person with a lot to contribute to the world & a lady’s life. In the meantime ask yourself what types of things you do/ can you do to validate yourself/make you proud of yourself? Setting even minor goals & securing even minor accomplishments replenishes your willpower & makes it easier to do the things which are hard. You are worthy, you are valuable & you can do things to prove it to yourself & feel proud.
I think this book would be good for you, https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Connections-Uncovering-Depression-Unexpected/dp/163286830X it talks about what people need in their life to be healthy. Add the things you can by yourself & a girl will notice your value eventually. ^oh, ^and ^get ^a ^dog, ^they ^will ^love ^you ^& ^you ^can ^make ^friends ^at ^the ^park.
Sorry for the wall of text, I’d like to talk to you more & I threw a lot out there I case I don’t, of you do reply you should probably keep it shorter than I did lol. Don’t forget you have a lot to offer, there is a lot of you that you can share with the world to make it a better place. You can help yourself by volunteering your time to help others. Have a good day dude! I’m glad you shared! You are a good dude & you can build a good life.
I found a really good recent book about Deppression. Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions 2018 by Johann Hari
Hari suffered from Depression for decades and tried all the pills, but finally he began investigating the pills, what they really do, why they don't work, and how to avoid that.
Anyone interested in learning more about depression should read Lost Connections by Johann Hari.
>One point to add though. There was a time in my life where I was diagnosed with clinical depression; this isn't anything unique as it seems to be quite endemic in western culture right now. Thankfully, I was working with someone who presented me with an option, either I could take pills or engage in regular exercise. From their investigation, they had found studies that showed supposedly equal outcomes from both approaches.
In regards to depression, it is as you say, endemic in the west. There was a good podcast on the Sam Harris and Johann Hari on this: https://youtu.be/cewwNrkBe-E
They discussed his book Lost Connections, which I intend to read at some point. His conclusion was that the modern west despite being wealthy is completely dehumanizing and the brunt of this has fallen on white Americans. He's a progressive liberal himself, but he did honest journalism here.
Your #1 point is valid but most of the people who have them have had them for a while and as we have to take a leap of faith, aren't mass killers. It's the new purchases (say six months) that concern me. Your #2 point is also a real goddamn thing. There's more and more evidence that modern society is unhealthy for humans. we can't go backwards but we can have compassion, community and recognition that the screen is no substitute for real life and real interactions. Johan Hari wrote a book about it. https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Connections-Uncovering-Depression-Unexpected/dp/163286830X
If you haven't come across this book, I highly recommend: Lost Connections
I, too, would never recommend anyone stopping medication. My father suffered a psychotic break and then severe depression, and he would have been institutionalized without antidepressants. I know many people for whom they work effectively. I've never tried them, and maybe should have. I believe, though, there are other approaches, even though it's taken me years to learn that alcohol shouldn't be one of them. I'm glad you've learned what you have about the connection.
There is a great book that talks about some of this. I have read the first few chapters and have found it very interesting.
Lost Connections by Johann Hari
As someone who was your husband in almost this exact situation a few years ago, I hope my own insights will help:
The periods of my life when WoW consumed everything else were always characterized by these things:
In terms of what actions to take, firstly, be encouraged by his willingness to go to a counselor. Not every guy is self-aware enough to want to change. That's a great sign that he sees his own issue.
Second, educate yourself on what's really going on, and for that I'd recommend both of Johann's books (I swear I'm not getting paid haha). This will help you avoid blaming the game, and focus on the emotional issues that drive him there. https://www.amazon.com/Johann-Hari/e/B00NEUY9BY/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1
Third, listen to any clues as to the real cause, i.e. his career disappointments, his desire for something more meaningful to spend his 9 hours a day on besides accounting, etc. and consider your own ability to be a driving force to move that boulder.
Just taking the time to seek help here is evidence that you really love him, so he's got a good thing going already!
Best of luck to you both!
https://www.amazon.ca/Lost-Connections-Uncovering-Depression-Unexpected/dp/163286830X/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=lost+connections&qid=1555507359&s=gateway&sr=8-1
This is why.
Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression--and the Unexpected Solutions
situps maybe? Walks?
you may be able to smart small and build it up. regardless you should be able to meditate. Perhaps going off the zoloft then adding in 30 minutes of meditation will offset your hypothyroid symptoms enough that you can work out again.
I had an awful experience with that ssri, and ssris in general. If you're the kind of depressed person who feels super fatigued all the time, I think they can basically make it worse. allegedly zoloft is supposed to be slightly more stimulating than the others but they're all kind of iffy compared to the way I started feeling when I started a daily workout/meditation routine. YMMV
https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Connections-Uncovering-Depression-Unexpected/dp/163286830X
I know I'm pretty late to be commenting on this post but I feel like you might enjoy reading one of my favorite book, if you enjoy reading, I suppose.
You may have already checked it out but if not will you please please give it a shot? If you can't do it for yourself, I would be especially grateful if you.
would do it for me, the stranger on the internets.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/163286830X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_ad8XDbFDZQJP9
Lost Connections: Why You're Depressed and How to Find Hope https://www.amazon.com/dp/163286830X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_.uh3DbQAW7J1H
Have you read or listened to anything by Johann Hari? Your statements are quite similar to what he says about depression. The book he wrote about it is literally called Lost Connections.
Here is an article summarizing Johann’s book.
> If these questions are answered in an imminent manner, a colleague (while working the hotline, at least) will start the process of contacting the police to perform a 5150 psychiatric hold.
This often does more harm than good (mentally and in the US also financially) and leaves the suicidal person worse off than before. Read the recent thread titled Mentally healthy people put too much hope in suicide prevention hotlines, which was written around the time of Anthony Bourdain's death. It contains a lot of comments from people who had negative experiences with suicide prevention hotlines. I hope that if you at all care about your work, you read about these and think about what impact you can have on people (which isn't always positive) and let these experiences help you become a more compassionate hotline worker.
Because frankly, you don't sound all that compassionate. More like a detective who emotionally manipulates people into staying alive and/or giving you answers that are sure to result into getting themselves locked up, after which you pat yourself on the back, thinking "Well, that's one more life saved!" and then move on to the next one. There isn't much humanity or compassion to be found there. Do you even see these people as people instead of a nuisance or just a job that needs to be done? If not, perhaps you should consider working in a different line of work.
Oh, and you might also want to read the book Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression - and the Unexpected Solutions, which was written by Johann Hari and first published earlier this year. For his book, he made use of the most recent studies about depression and challenges many of the existing notions about depression and suicide. In other words: some of your views may possibly be outdated and the book might help you get up to speed or at least make you aware of a different perspective that you may not ever have thought of.
A few things have helped me finally start the weight loss / health journey....
A couple books
childhood disrupted
https://donnajacksonnakazawa.com/childhood-disrupted/
and lost connections
https://www.amazon.ca/Lost-Connections-Uncovering-Depression-Unexpected/dp/163286830X
By working hard on understanding my childhood trauma, and the way my brain was wired... And also learning about depression, the societal causes of it, and the fact that depression isn't usually caused by malfunctioning brain chemistry but most often by DEPRESSING life circumstances (lack of social connection, meaningless job, lack of control in the workplace, too much individualism, not being connected to nature etc etc). I liked the anology of low seratonin to stretch marks. You find low seratonin in depressed people post mortem, but assuming it's the cause is kind of like assuming stretch marks are the cause of obesity. Taking responsibility for yourself, and your life circumstances is way more empowering than just assuming you suck or you have shitty genes.
I learned that alcohol, food (binge eating delivery food), and being sedentary were ways to anesthetize myself from my depressing life. Once I realized that my life was depressing, and I will always be depressed and overweight unless I change the circumstances in my life, it became MUCH easier to go to the gym, and the stick to a healthy eating plan.
When I wake up early to do some cardio, or I go to the gym to do deadlifts after a 12 hour day (so easy to be like, nawwwww). I do it because I love myself (Maybe not love myself, but I'm working on it haha), and I deserve it. I don't do it because I have to, I do it because I DESERVE IT.
Learn to love yourself, or at the very least to stop hating yourself and be neutral towards yourself, and then lifestyle habits become much much easier to implement.
It's a little after 2pm EST and I'm all done with my work. I can't leave until 330pm at the earliest. I guess I'll play some WoW at work.
I started reading Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression - and the Unexpected Solutions last night. It's by Johann Hari, who also wrote Chasing the Scream: The First and Last Days of the War on Drugs, which is a fantastic book - I recommend it to everyone. But anyway, I started reading this book about depression, and it went into detail about antidepressants and how the research shows that they aren't nearly as effective as we think they are. Of course, as a person who's been on antidepressants since I was eleven, I was angry reading about this. Like irrationally angry. It made me start considering getting off of antidepressants completely. I tried to talk to fiance about it, but he said I was being very irrational and impulsive and refused to discuss the matter with me, which made me even more angry. I was able to calm down eventually, but man, it really got to me.
I have an appointment with my psych doc in about ten days. I'm going to share with him that I want to start tapering off of my meds sometime soon. I mean, I don't even know who I am off of the meds, I've been on them for so long. I'm going to have to come off of them eventually. Why not now/soon?
Everyone here should check out https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Connections-Uncovering-Depression-Unexpected/dp/163286830X by Johann Hari, I listened to the audiobook while driving and at the gym. It makes the argument that focus on brain chemistry (its you and your brains fault) is misguided, and that we need to really look at the environment and social connections we don't have in the modern living environment. A nice complement to this I also just listened to was Tribe by Sebastian Junger, who covers the same thing, using examples regarding soldiers following war and PTSD, as well as the happiness of Native American warrior tribes, as well as other groups of people.
This book answers that question perfectly:
https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Connections-Uncovering-Depression-Unexpected/dp/163286830X/
https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Connections-Uncovering-Depression-Unexpected/dp/163286830X
Good luck fellow traveler.
I believe the figure above came from Johann Hari's Lost Connections which is fairly well reviewed at Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Connections-Uncovering-Depression-Unexpected/dp/163286830X
https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Connections-Uncovering-Depression-Unexpected/dp/163286830X
If you believe big pharma those I guess are facts and logical but I mean it's not like they don't have an agenda to get their products selling the most it can!? FYI the chemicals you talk about causing depression aren't really linked to depression it's an untested hypothesis that big pharma picked up and used to convince us. Is it really the case that way more of our population has this chemical imbalance or that we are being lied too?
An overwhelming percentage of the time, it's the placebo effect actually helping the person, not the chemicals in the drug. Instead of cheering on the pharmaceutical industry making money off of our depression from a fucked up society, we could actually address the isolation and alienation that causes the depression to begin with. Not to mention, the huge list of appalling side effects that actually do impact the body from the drugs.
This book opened my eyes, and made me feel more sane about my own (past) depression:
https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Connections-Uncovering-Depression-Unexpected/dp/163286830X