Reddit reviews Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love
We found 7 Reddit comments about Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Used Book in Good Condition
i'd recommend reading the book that Dorothy Tennov, the woman who coined the term, wrote about it. it's called Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. it very eerily mirrored my own experiences.
whenever i've been romantically infuated in the past, it was, as u/celestialism stated, creatively inspiring. it was a productive time for my writing, especially. unfortunately, it was also heartrending and soul-crushing because i'd constantly feel anxious and sick with worry. i wondered what was so wrong with me that my feelings were unrequited. and what other girls had that made them more appealing to him (probably because they weren't as desperate-seeming). i stayed on my computer all day in case he happened to get online. it was bad. after 2.5 years of this, he decided he want to date me. and eventually i began to realise that i had idealised him. i had done him a disservice and projected on him everything that i wanted him to be. the "chase", the unrequited nature of it all was what i'd craved. and now that i "had" him, i didn't know what to do. i didn't feel i had something to work toward. luckily, i wisened up and grew to love him for who he actually was, but it was not a "omg my life is complete now and i never need anyone or anything else in my life" fairy tale like i thought it would be.
my advice to you is to remember that he's a human being as well and very flawed, just like you and me and everyone else. try not to depend on him for all of your happiness. try to let things happen naturally. if you're anything like me, you just want to feel like you have something to live for. so, find hobbies and passions and spend time with family and good friends. because romantic love, and limerence obviously, is oftentimes ephemeral. best of luck!
If you aren't obsessing about him 24/7, I'm not sure you have limerence either. You owe it to yourself to study the condition. Here's a link to a book you might want to read: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Limerence-Experience-Being/dp/0812862864/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1541953120&sr=8-1&keywords=limerence&dpID=41Vygi%252BIW4L&preST=_SY344_BO1,204,203,200_QL70_&dpSrc=srch
Tennov's book "Love and Limerence" (she coined the term in 1979, btw, just sayin'), is pretty good. Amazon
Wow, sounds so sad it is heartbreaking. Vent away.
You seem to have two big issues, your family and your limerence, which may be mutually reinforcing.
Normal advice would be to go no contact with LO, but in your case I'm not sure, as you are in such a delicate situation with real danger to self and others.
Or would suggest professional help, but sounds like you've tried that too. Any therapists tried Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) with you?
Maybe start reading about limerence to get some perspective on the condition:
Love and LImerence by Tennov
​
Living with Limerence website
​
Please hang in there, things could get much better as the situation changes (which it inevitably will). Try to look to the future.
Also please do not put much stock in psychological diagnoses as they are just labels.
Hope this helps, and do not hesitate to post what is on your mind.
This might be helpful too: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Limerence-The-Experience-Being/dp/0812862864
r/https://www.amazon.com/Love-Limerence-Experience-Being/dp/0812862864
​
Go read it. Then read it again. Then contemplate the implication, and read it again.
​
There is no concrete thing "love", it is an abstract notion that is highly subjective. Learn to remove it from your vocabulary, and replace it with more representative terms. Do you want a girl to be infatuated with you? Do you want a girl to admire and respect you? Do you want a girl to jump your bones? Each of these have different paths to take, and have their own difficulties to overcome; some may not even be possible.
​
Vague ambiguities and purposeful direct language are contrary ways of speaking that change not only how others perceive you, but in how you think and construct ideas yourself.
​
"she missed an opportunity of an amazing dude that would've treated her like a queen bur oh well". Many women don't want to be treated how you think they'd get most benefit. What did you really lose? If you lost a women who had no ability to judge a good man from trash, what does it say about her character? You lost your opportunity to have someone that has no virtuous merit; you lost nothing of value.
​
When you start acting in a way that distinctly projects your character and intent, then anyone you "lost" was of no value to begin with. It's also a very solitary path to lead, because people do not want to have a giant spotlight shined on them.
This is a subject I've researched recently for school; I'm not sure why you would insinuate limerence affects only "anti-social losers." If you want the first source of research into it: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Limerence-The-Experience-Being/dp/0812862864
It affects a large number of people of any age or gender, regardless of relationship status (it affects married people too). Introversion/Extroversion also does not seem to be an important factor according to the research.