Reddit reviews Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs

Get a lawyer. Under no circumstances should you leave your house or take your children anywhere without some kind of separation agreement in place.

That being said, you're better off investing the time and money in marriage counseling and individual therapy for both of you. It is a rare marriage where only one spouse contributes to the downfall.

It will be much cheaper emotionally and financially to give counseling a real effort.

At least that way, if things can't be repaired there, then you can initiate divorce with a little clearer conscious.

You also might want to check out a book called Love and Respect and see if you can identify your marriage in the first couple of chapters.

As far as putting benefits in a trust, that's not going to work. In most states, your wife is entitled to 50% of the net marital assets. You can also still be ordered to pay for healthcare, school, child support, etc. over and above the 50% division of property. Once the property has been settled and divided, you are free to put the remainder in a trust for your kids if you so choose. A family and estate lawyer can better guide you on those issues.

Find a new councillor asap... dating others while married sounds like a horrible idea, and is considered adultery. The best book I have found and one I would highly recommend from personal experience is love and respect

I wonder if he has read this book called Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

This sounds like an interesting theory. Just to check, are you talking about Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs? (Your link in the first comment just linked to a bible passage).

It sounds like he's proposing that men (in general) care more about being respected and women about being loved, which is why this is what Paul exhorts people to do. I don't know whether I believe this for people as a whole, but anecdotally, it certainly seems true of my own parents.

The first thing that I notice is that both of you are using the attacking "You" type statements. And neither one of you have actually stated what you actually need from the other person.

What behaviors would you like to see from him? How do you FEEL? Are you scared? Angry?

I see two people in full armor exchanging barbs... And highly recommend that you get someone better than me to help open up real communication.

Also, might I recommend "Love and Respect" - you may not be staying together, but this will help you navigate your new coparenting relationship. https://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desires-Desperately-Needs/dp/1594153205

I'm so sorry you both have been hurting - and have hurt one another - in these ways. I'll pray for you both.

First, please seek marriage counseling together from a professional counselor. They will have the best perspective, advice, and recommendations for you.

I think y'all have a great opportunity here, and could wind up with a legendary marriage, but there's a tough road to that outcome, and would need a lot of rebuilding trust, friendship, and respect. Your best shot at that would be with a qualified, professional guide.

I also think you're right that this is open and could go either way. In view of the scriptures, the marriage is already broken, and you are both free to leave it. You're also free to stay and fight for it - I appreciate that you're open to trying.

A book recommendation, not on the topic of marriage after infidelity, but thematically appropriate for the emotional disconnects you've described: Love and Respect. Again, you'll get better recommendations from a professional counselor, but IMO the dynamic explored in this book is one you'll need to get on straight if you've any hope for thriving as a married couple.

Sounds like you feel disrespected...

This book is seriously amazing. See if she will read this book with you. It was an eye opener for me because I didn't understand that men NEED to breathe in respect like they breathe in air.

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desires-Desperately-Needs/dp/1594153205

It changed the way I treat not only my husband, but all the men in my life like my father and brother. I just make sure to show them respect, and if they react to me with anger I can now say "Did I do something disrespectful, because what you said felt unloving." It's been amazing for communication.

AND be honest. Tell her you're at the end of your rope, and if something doesn't change you are afraid you'll leave her, and that it's not your ideal situation, but when you constantly feel disrespected you feel suffocated, and something needs to change.

Good luck!

Edit: women don't usually win custody battles anymore. I have seen a lot 50/50, and I have joint custody with one of my kids (blended family over here) and it's pretty evenly split. Our schedule looks like 50/50, but I will take our LO when he's at work so she's here more often than there simply because of his work schedule.

We used a parenting consultant, though, which helped things go smoothly. Things were a mess when it was just us and the lawyers.

Hopefully you guys will be able to work it out without needing to split up.

This book might help: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desires-Desperately-Needs/dp/1594153205

Marriage has hard moments, yes, but that doesn't mean you give up and stop showing your spouse you love and respect them.

It's OKAY for you to have needs, and ideally your husband would try to meet your needs, and you his.

It's also okay for you to meet your own needs. If he can't love or respect you, your marriage will become dead and unbearable, and likely end in divorce.

It's like a plant...it's a growing, breathing thing and if you stop watering it, it'll die.