Reddit reviews Mind Over Mood, Second Edition: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think
We found 36 Reddit comments about Mind Over Mood, Second Edition: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Taylor Francis
\> How do some of you deal with this sort of thing?
go to T H E R A P Y
Seriously. I did two years of monthly sessions with an extremely good therapist to learn not just to heal from the trauma but to learn the emotional skills my Christian parents refused to or were unable to teach me.
\> What can I do to calm myself down.
For $25 you can buy Mind Over Mood which includes many techniques to fight this sort of panic. In the meantime try box breathing.
It is okay to be afraid, it is okay to be sad, it is okay to be angry. When these feelings intrude into your actions and make life worse for you, it is a good sign that you would benefit from talking to a therapist. I believe in you. You are competent and strong. You deserve to be happy.
Hi there!
I'm so sorry to hear about your anxiety. I can definitely relate as I also struggle with panic attacks and anxiety and the infertility treatment process has been challenging in that regard.
This reply will be long, but hopefully helpful. I'm also on mobile so bear with me re: formatting/autocorrects...
If you need to take mental health breaks I recommend doing so. I've taken a few- a month here or there over the last three years and it can help. But, if you take a break you should also be doing what you can to address the anxiety itself, otherwise a break won't help.
If you don't address the anxiety on its own terms, returning to treatment will bring the anxiety back with it.
If you haven't already, find a therapist or counsellor who deals with anxiety and (if possible) who understands and works with infertility. Most fertility clinics will have a list of therapists they recommend.
If you don't have the financial resources for a therapist there are cognitive behavioural things you can do on your own to help. I recommend doing these even if you do have a therapist as they can provide coping tools in the moment you are having anxiety.
There are a number of apps that can be helpful. Anxiety BC (a government sponsored mental health resource in Canada) had a great mobile app with a number of tools for anxiety and panic attacks. You can find it here. It is geared toward teens and young adults but is usable and applicable to people in all stages of life. You just might see examples that mention school stress etc.
Pacifica is also a good free app with anxiety tools. As is Stop, Breath, Think (which focuses on mindfulness). All of these apps are free. They have in app purchases but the free resources are more than enough.
There is a desktop and mobile compatible site I use sometimes when I know I need to work on breathing. http://xhalr.com you can use the settings to time the length of inhale, paused and exhales to your comfort level. I recommend 4-2-6 or 6-2-6 seconds. The interface is minimalistic and soothing. I use it at my desk when I feel panic coming. Many people find this kind of breathing can alleviate panic attacks like you are experiencing.
If, like me, focusing on your breath when you are already in a panic attack makes things worse not better, try a grounding exercise. I use one I call "5 things". You can say it out loud if you have privacy or you can do it in your mind while you are in public.
To do this, simply focus on 5 things for each sense. So, you say to yourself. "What are 5 things I feel?", and list them. "I feel the fabric of my pants on my thighs, I feel my feet in on the ground, wind on my skin, i feel tingles in my hands, etc" just any 5 sensations you feel in your body. Then 5 things you see, hear etc. Repeat as necessary.
There are also some workbooks you can get and work with on your own if therapy isn't an option.
My therapist recommends reading Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy to get a sense of the basics of cognitive behavioural therapy. This is an older book (1980's ish) but is a good foundation. Not everything in the book will apply to everyone, and no book should be considered a replacement for working with a qualified professional, but I find them helpful for adding to my mental toolkit.
A doctor once gave me Mind Over Mood which is a helpful workbook with concrete exercises to get you practicing CBT. This can be very helpful.
**edited from desktop to add links
Not OP but Mind Over Mood was the book I used during and after my CBT in university.
Mind Over Mood - it's written for clients/general reader, but is great for a therapist to read learn how to teach CBT, from from basic identifying moods and thoughts to changing deep seated core beliefs.
​
https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421
You're welcome. My dad's a G.P. and he got copies of these for every one in my family. They are amazing.
Other good ones to look at are:
And for a refreshingly new approach:
TL;DR: practice learned optimism, self-compassion, gratitude.
I - Learned Optimism
> And It's not 'aprroval' that I really wants, It's respect.
Mmmh, I think that's just a way to rephrase it, really. It's ok to want approval, or attention, or respect, or whatever you prefer to call it, because we all do, to an extent.
A lot of people are all about improving self-esteem and being confident in order for your life to come together and for you to start having what you dream of. I don't agree with that. As you said, you "can not see [your] own good quality", and that's the problem here.
I think what might help you accept yourself and feel better in your own skin is looking at self-compassion and learning to reframe your thoughts. Reframing your thoughts is crucial because it is what determines whether you get stuck with a "I'm worthless, I can't do anything and everything sucks" attitude, or if you can switch that around to "Well, this may feel crap, but I can do X and Y pretty well, and if I've managed that, I sure can manage to start on Z and get good enough at it."
There's a couple of books I would recommend for reframing your thoughts: Learned Optimism, by Martin Seligman, who looks at the nature of our thoughts (are we more pessimistic or more optimistic) and in which areas we could benefit from being more optimistic so that we learn to switch our thoughts around and feel better and more motivated to start or carry on difficult tasks.
The other book is Mind Over Mood, by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky, which offers hands-on practical exercises to learn to reframe your thoughts, with a dash of science sprinkled in-between each exercise.
II - Self-compassion
The other point I made about self-compassion is a little more difficult to accept, mostly because compassion can have a not-so-great connotation attached to it, where you feel like being compassionate makes you weak or self-indulgent and you try to avoid it. As a result you can be very tough towards yourself and others, which results in self-hatred, constant self-berating, self-criticism, etc because you think it makes you strong not to make concessions. There's research that shows that these things don't actually really help, and they are what actually makes you appear weak to others.
Self-compassion will help you become kinder to yourself and recognising that those things you're criticising yourself over happen to everyone. You become more understanding of your emotions and mind in the moment, as well as that of others, and it helps you become less harsh towards yourself and others. With less self-criticism to take care of, you have more time to appreciate what you like about yourself, and it will give you a boost to try new things and get better at what you want to practice.
It becomes a strength because you become less and less affected by bad events. It helps you become more resilient as you don't constantly blame yourself for everything, or blame everyone else for everything because you can't accept criticism. It helps you becoming more at ease with your own feelings of failure or inadequacy, which eventually lessens those feelings. Another thing to bear in mind is that it is not self-pity or self-indulgence. True self-compassion isn't "oh I had a crap day, I'll just have this tub of ice-cream", it's more of a "oh, I felt ashamed for getting angry at this person, but this is a normal emotion to have and that doesn't make me a monster. This person also got angry at me, so clearly we're all in this together and that's ok. I will take a deep breath next time and try to be more patient".
Kristin Neff is my go-to person for self-compassion, and she has a great book that explains the science behind self-compassion, as well as exercises you can follow to improve your own. She also has an Audible book with a bunch of meditation exercises to help you become more self-compassionate.
III - Gratitude
> Everything feel like a big hollow for me when I see someone I know 'have their own life', It's illogical to think this way but It's been plaguing me years and years.
Focus on yourself. Focus on your progress, focus on making your own grass green instead of looking at how much greener the neighbour's grass is. Of course yours isn't as green, if you spent as much time watering it as you do staring at your neighbour's grass, it'd probably be as green!
Practice gratitude for what you have, learn to cherish the process, rather than the results. You don't see how much sweat, blood and tears have gone into someone's "ideal life". It might look like they have it all figured out, but you might not see how much they hate their job, or how difficult things have been with their spouse, or the fact that one of their close family member has cancer, or the number of hours they poured into their code trying to fix bugs, or practicing an instrument, etc.
Look at what you have, and cherish the fact that you had a good night's sleep in a comfy bed, or that your favourite author just released a new book, or the fact that it'll be a nice walk to work under the sun. All these small things amount to a lot, and they will help you realise that your life isn't so bad after all, and motivate you to try things or keep at things you are finding difficult.
You're amazing. You have a shit-ton on your plate, and to me, it looks like you're kicking ass. Try to cut yourself some slack.
You can do some types of therapy on your own. There's cognitive behavioural therapy workbooks you can pick up. The one I've used is Mind Over Mood, to help with my depression, but I'm pretty sure it would work for what you're feeling, too.
There's also mindfulness, which I think has a lot of overlap with CBT, you might get something out of that too.
What you're doing sounds awesome, and I think it will take off sooner or later. If you want to vent or whatever, feel free to PM me :)
/hugs
The best thing about your question is that you kept it open enough to get lots of advice, and every piece of advice given is personal and specific enough that it can range from everyday blahs to the throes of intense grief.
I personally don't feel like I have the insight to offer. I definitely have the grief. I went through a series of random traumatic events that I have not recovered from quite yet (though actively working on it), and I think the wisdom that comes from trauma reaches you when you've grown from it and are far enough away from it that you can look at it from a healthy perspective.
If you don't have the perspective, then you're just not done with it yet. That's ok too, you'll get there.
My only recommendation is [mind over mood] (https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1462520421/ref=cm_sw_r_em_apa_i_1B6lDb31MRK4Y). It is the best resource for personal growth of you can't spend hundreds on valuable therapy. You don't have to be driven over by a monster truck of despair to benefit from it either.
Also not OP, but I have found Feeling Good and Mind Over Mood to be excellent sources for learning CBT.
yes! try the book mind over mood
I am not a medical professional. I am not even a medical amateur.
But a book on CBT that was recommended to me by a therapist is Mind Over Mood.
It's more a 'workbook' sort of thing, with exercises.
I agree with needing to seek help first. Step one is definitely to take her to a psychologist. Therapists and Psychologists are not the same thing - a psychologist does more than therapists can do and holds a degree in advanced psychology (therapists may not have one). You can do a quick Google search to see the difference between them, but I do highly recommend finding a Psychologist.
As far as book recommendations, I think it's probably not wise to give her just anything (especially books that may contain anything that reminds her of her trauma) until she figures out what is most comfortable to her. It's really best right now to let her make those choices.
What I can recommend are some books for anxiety or depression (she may be feeling both or just one or the other), or "feel-good" kinds of stuff:
There are other good books out there that have been recommended in other threads on this subreddit, but IMO these are not a bad place to start. If you really really want to get her something, you may want to stick to the first two suggestions and other books like them so she can have some feel-good "breathe easy" kinds of books until she feels she's at a point where she might want to try doing a workbook.
I also found this doing a quick Google search and it looks like it has some good articles: http://www.pandys.org/recommendedreading.html
But the first thing you should absolutely do is help her find a psychologist. Go to Google, type in your city name and Psychologists. Look up the people you find to make sure they are licensed psycholgists, not LCPC's or anything else. They need to have "PsyD" next to their name to be a licensed clinical psychologist. Start calling offices and see if anyone is accepting new patients.
Edit: As an aside from book recommendations: Jigsaw puzzles and paint-by-numbers are other good no-brain-required activities that she may like to do. It keeps her focus on an activity so she isn't stewing her thoughts on anything else (negative or otherwise), and requires very little effort and energy (which may be in short supply for her right now). You can buy jigsaw puzzles for $10 or less from most stores, or go to places like Goodwill and other charity stores where they typically sell them for $.50-$2.00.
Along with u/SeanSchram7326 's comment about getting your friend to take responsibility and what I said about making that decision, you should get her to read Mind Over Mood. It's a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) book that is often used and prescribed by therapists.
The fundamental concept of CBT is working through the individual thoughts of a person and finding out everything about them. Where does this thought come from? Is the thought helpful/harmful? Is the thought rational? Would you think this about others? etc. By understanding and diagnosing your own thoughts, you can understand how to control them and how they affect your "mood".
For example, I used to get really down about how bad I was doing in uni. I wasn't doing as well as I did in high school or as well as my friends. I was scared that some of my professors and friends would think that I didn't deserve to be there, or didn't deserve to be on certain committee's I wanted to be on. This really affected my self esteem and confidence and just made me feel shit about myself. I told this to my boyfriend (who was working through the book himself) and he asked me "Would you think that about me?" and I thought that even though he was struggling more than me, I would never think that he didn't deserve to be there and it would be stupid and ignorant for someone else to think that. We worked through the thought in more detail and in the end of was no longer convinced that my professors and friends would think that. And it made me feel better.
It's the closest thing she'll get to therapy without going to therapy. It's no way a replacement so she should try and plan for getting a therapist in the future. And even though you don't have to work through the book with her, you can remind her and ask for updates on how her progress is going. It'll be nice to have someone to "report" to so she can get a measure of her progress. You know yourself that the job of a friend is not to be a therapist, but to be a supporter. Cheer her on.
Mood is intimately tied with thoughts, behaviors, and your environment. The most effective way of changing moods is to change the way you act and the way that you think. A lot of the suggestions that I have seen here are for actions that would likely improve your mood, and at least some are for ways of changing the way that you think about money which could also help improve your mood.
If you want to approach the mood issue more head-on (not via improving the money issue), I do have a suggestion for you. Read Mind over Mood by Greensberger and Padesky (here is an amazon link, or it might be available at a local library or used bookstore - I recommend the 2nd edition over the 1st, but the 1st is also great - I learned a lot from it before the second edition came out), and work through the exercises. I got it 8 years ago as a tool to use with cognitive behavioural therapy with a psychologist, and it is also great for working on by yourself. I still refer to it occasionally. Feel free to PM me if you have questions about the book or the method.
CBT is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It helps you reality check your bad/negative thoughts patterns and or behavior. If you can't afford a workbook you can look up free CBT templates to use on a computer or print and write on. Lots of great free info online about it and how to work through CBT sheets.
I recommend the book Mind Over Mood.
https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421/
This one is frequently used by the clinicians where I work with their clients.
Theres a workbook called "Mind Over Mood"
https://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/1462520421/ref=dp_ob_neva_mobile
Unfortunately, I was not introduced to it until I had been admitted but this helped shut down the black and white aspects of life. Stoicism has been another great help. Lastly, but no less important: excercise. Do anything physically to keep the body from going stagnant and the mind will follow. Hold Fast.
Hey man, you do what you can. There are people who don't have to deal with depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts that aren't nearly as willing as you to give optimism a chance. I'd say you're doing a great job. I don't want you to just tell me what I want to hear, I appreciate your honesty.
I can't pretend to understand your struggle with depression, the love of my life is pursuing clinical psychology and I've learned through her that mental health is incredibly complex and it affects every aspect of ones' life.
I really appreciate you sharing your situation with me, and like I said I appreciate your honesty. If I may, I'd like to recommend some reading you might be interested in. Mind over mood is a book geared towards helping someone (anyone really, you don't have to be diagnosed with anything to find it useful) build skills that assist in living a healthier, happier life mentally.
I appreciate your perspective on all of this, though it is admittedly pessimistic I think pessimism is very important. Pessimists see problems, Optimists see solutions. We need pessimistic perspectives to find problems, we need optimistic perspectives to solve them.
I'm glad that despite our differences in perspective we can have this constructive conversation. I know I can come off as abrasive sometimes or so I've been told. I hope that wasn't the case in this conversation, because I think you were being very genuine. Either way, thank you for being so polite, stranger.
I suffered from depression and an anxiety disorder for so long. I sought treatment and it never really helped. Eventually I just accepted that this is what my life would be. And I probably would have stayed that way until a couple of years ago my son got sick and one of his doctors told me that I needed to get my shit together.
I finally found a doctor who helped. He practices cognitive behavioral therapy and we use the book [Mind Over Mood] (https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481045313&sr=8-1&keywords=mind+over+mood). Don't get me wrong. It's tough. I've worked really hard on it. In fact, when I started losing a lot of weight, someone said "wow, that must have been really hard work" and I thought "No! The six months before when I was relearning automatic responses to dig myself out of depression were hard. Weight loss was a walk in the park compared to that."
When I started with my therapist he mentioned my weight, but it wasn't a primary concern. Exercise is a big part of cognitive behavioral therapy, so I did that early on. Basically I committed to taking a lot of walks. After about 5 months I bought a fitbit (which is a great behavioral tool) and since I was tracking exercise I though I might as well track calories. I saw how much I was eating and then cut back.
But none of the weight loss would have been possible without dealing with my depression first. I hope you can find a program that helps.
You're right that you ain't dying like cancer patients and I'm barking up the wrong tree in making such comparison.
What you described, I've observed with my bipolar SO in the leading months after a major episode. The biggest impact is loss of confidence, energy and motivation, this dark cloud follows her everywhere. She's constantly fighting the bad signals coming out of her brain and sometimes I'm at loss how to support her amid these constant barrage of bad thoughts.
> I know it's only a matter of time before it turns to crap
Try a baby step, say taking a long walk 3 times weekly. Is there something that prevents you from such activity? Check back after a week if this endeavour saps your energy or motivation. There are small dreams and big dreams, each begins with one small step. At times when life is tough, learn to give yourself some small win to get past each day.
Try reading the "Feeling Good" by Dr David M Burns. It contains a number of techniques you can try to cope with debilitating illness. I use it off and on, like for instance it is unrealistic to have a good day daily each week (if anyone could, write a book and I'll buy it immediately), even for normal people. So what constitute a good week?
There is also "Mind over mood", has good reviews. Haven't read it yet, if you find this book useful, do share it here.
May be hard to focus on reading when mind ain't there. Ask a friend to read it together with you, or audiobooks? I too had my fair share of reading, then going through some exercises in the book with bipolar SO (who obviously doesn't like reading and thinks she knows the gist already after reading one chapter).
I think that you're going to need to get your anxiety under control before going to any school is really going to work out. Yes, it is possible to do an all-online degree but what are you going to do then? You'll need to work in an office or facility. Instead you might have to visit people. You'll have to go to meetings. Better to address it now. The next bit of advice I have for you is not to let your parents overrule what medical professionals are saying you need. So, start the drugs again and allow a couple of months before you decide that they aren't working. If there is no change, other drugs should be tried and perhaps you should ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. You should be seeing a therapist if you can since they can give you tools and exercises to help manage your anxiety. If that's out of reach, there are books you can get that provide a version of the same thing. Here's one. Here's another one.
If you have a doctor (like a GP) ask them for a recommendation/refferal, if you have friends/family who have had success with therapy, ask about their therapist or how they found them.
There are places online that are like Yelp for doctors which can provide user based feedback on how effective a therapist is/was.
There are also places online that offer online therapists. I can't vouch for how good they are but a lot seem to boast real therapists at a discounted cost.
There are hospitals and NGO's that are set up to treat people who have certain issues (like addiction, depression, anxiety). Call and ask them for recommendations.
Look around for support groups that help people with your issues. Go to them or ask the people who run them who they recommend for individual counseling.
Maybe there's a sub on Reddit for your city/town that you could ask.
Look up kinds of therapy. There is psychiatry, psychology and using a combination of both. Psychology has different kinds of therapy too CBT (which has been show to be effective for depression), EFT, Gestalt - the list goes on. Read about their differing approaches to get an idea of what is best for you.
(If CBT is of any interest, you can read this [book] (https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421/). It's a workbook and the emphasis is on the work. There are lots of exercises that provide real help right away but it takes time so be patient.)
Anyway, once you have names, you can meet or more therapists for a consultation and see how you feel about them and what they offer. Your gut will tell you a lot. If it isn't a fit, no big deal, keep on looking.
For context:
My path was to ask my GP for help and be told I should eat better, sleep better, not drink or smoke weed and get exercise. Fair enough. All of those things fuck with your mood and disposition.
I struggled and couldn't get that all to work but I felt better after a while so I figured I was good.
Then I crashed again and asked for help again. I got bumped up to a counselor that the GP referred me to. He told me to eat better, sleep better, stop drinking and smoking weed, do exercise and gave me some books to read.
I did some of that for a while and then had a HUGE crash.
I figured I was depressed. Took a bunch of bullshit quizes online to self-diagnose. Then I looked up therapists in the area I was in. There was a mood disorder clinic that specialized in depression, etc. that was for people in crisis. It was all psychiatrists.
And, elsewhere, I found a counselor that was reviewed really well online from some random site (I wasn't very fastidious in my research owing to the personal crisis).
The mood people needed a referral so I contacted my GP. I didn't ask for help this time. I told him. I was in crisis, I had tried other strategies. I needed to escalate my care.
He gave me a referral.
I saw that psychiatrist and, lucky for me, he was amazing at his job and figured out I had bipolar 2 instead of depression (it's often misdiagnosed).
Meanwhile, I was on a waiting list for a therapist and she finally became available. I worked with her and she was amazing.
I had seen three psychotherapists before but she was the one who made the biggest difference.
I'm good now. With a combo of meds, therapy, meditation and (you guessed it), eating/sleeping/exercising right without drugs or alcohol, I'm having a pretty great life.
That's just me and my path. I only mention it to show that it can be a struggle to get the help you need but it is so worthwhile.
I wish I'd put my foot down 15 years ago.
It can be a weird process. It can take time. It can be awkward.
But there is nothing more important than fighting through all that to get yourself a better life and better way of being.
Even when I worked with therapists who didn't get to the heart of my problems, I learned SO much about who I am and how to cope with things.
When you think about it, you only learn how to live, fight, love, overcome, etc. from the few people in your family and maybe a friend or two if you have some really close ones.
It makes so much sense to me that I reached out for other sources and support and thoughts on how to live life.
There's no problem or any shame in any of this. It's the most important thing to value in your life.
When you're talking about dealing with your issues, you're talking about understanding yourself and learning how to be the best version of you. If you put work in on this stuff, it changes the filter that you look at life through. And that means it changes your life completely and changes it for anyone who is in your life too. I'm a better partner now. A better friend. I'm better at work.
Feel free to reply anytime to let me know how you do with all of this. I'm more than happy to offer any thoughts down the road.
I did a government-funded program called Bounce Back here in BC, Canada. I believe it's based on a UK program called Living Life to the Full. I also really liked the book Mind Over Mood. I used their old workbook, but it sounds like they've got a new edition, too. Depending on where you live and the resources available, there may be some CBT therapy or self-led resources available, too.
In short, though, the process basically involves:
Self-help CBT books have been shown to be as effective as thousands of dollars of visits with a therapist. As long as a person commits and does the exercises, it can really change things around.
In addition to seconding your book rec, I'd recommend also "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in 7 Weeks" by Seth Gillihan, and "Mind Over Mood" by Greenbereger and Padesky. Also "Rewire Your Anxious Brain."
(these stats are based yesterday)
0) I guess be more active?
end of the day:
ps. Do you mind paging me when you make these threads? if that's ok =D.
I enjoyed doing this. You're a great person!
My ex wanted a divorce after 12 years ... we had 3 kids. Things started off ok, we traded off weeks... the kids seemed to be adjusting ok. She then went and took a job in another city and moved with the kids (all of that was ok per the divorce decree, just not out of state).
It has been very hard. I only get them on weekends 1, 3, 5 ... it breaks my heart to be away from them for so long. They aren't adjusting too well. Each time I say good bye is difficult ... tears all around. Talking to them every night is not the same. That being said, we've been working hard (the kids and I) to build a better relationship. I have a better relationship with my youngest than I did while married now ...
If you take off you will regret it. Moving past the punishment mentality is a must ... and it is difficult. Then there is the "I don't want to do jack" phase ... I'm in that now ... being productive is a chore ... but it must be done. You have to push through. See a therapist if you need to ... hold your kids and just remember that there still exists a relationship with each of them that is worth fighting for ... they aren't broken. They need you. They want you. They love you. You need to push on so you can be there for them. You will have time for yourself when they are with their mom ... but work to make that time worthwhile and productive.
Lastly, don't hate yourself for your thoughts. Thoughts can be changed. Until they become actions, they are not concrete things ... change your thoughts, change your perspective.
Have a look at the following two books, recommended by my therapist:
A therapist I used to see recommended to me the book/workbook Mind Over Mood which I have found very helpful. I don't always use it but it's actually really really helpful. There are charts to track your moods from day to day, exercises that help you find links between your behaviors, thoughts, and emotions.
I was originally very skeptical of a "self help" book, but it's really nothing like I expected. It's even kind of fun because I enjoy filling out worksheets quite a lot.
Beyond that, it's hard to pinpoint one thing that has helped me. It's been a long journey and I'm never going to be completely done. A lot of my progress has just come with time. It took a while to find the right medication and the right therapist. I always knew that diet and exercise would help, but it didn't really click until about a year ago. Even just biking to work or walking my roommate's dog is enough to get my blood pumping.
Don't give up on the journey just because it's hard, or because you slip up. It is hard, and it is worth it.
Sometimes just talking can help. If you ever want to chat and share stories, send me a message! It's good to share stories.
Good luck and much love.
Sometimes we all need to offload some baggage. If you ever want someone to message, feel free to message whenever.
I've been through around a decade long depression. I get it. If you need more concrete help, I recommend looking into a mindfulness and/or CBT practice. I used these two books on recommendation of my psychologist.
It helped, eventually. Took a little while, and I still slip up. There will be a few days or even weeks where I don't practise and I slip into another episode. Then I pick it back up. It gets easier to pick back up each time though, and the periods of relapsing get shorter.
https://www.amazon.ca/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421?SubscriptionId=AKIAILSHYYTFIVPWUY6Q&tag=duc12-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=1462520421
This sounds just like me at your age. The problem isn’t your body though, it’s your sense of self-worth. It doesn’t matter what you look like, anyone can have a great sense of self-worth, and then even people with completely normal physiques can still hate themselves. The problem is how you think of yourself.
Firstly, the best thing you can do is to visit a good counsellor (unfortunately it’s a varied field, so you’d need to do a little research). If I’d spoken to a good counsellor when I was your age, it would have done me the world of good. But I was so shy and introverted I couldn’t have gone to a counsellor back then. If you’re the same, and the thought of finding and visiting a counsellor fills you with dread, then you can still do a lot of good work helping yourself on your own.
The best book for this (recommended by mental health professionals) is Mind over Mood, by Dennis Greenberger, and Christine Padesky. It follows the psychological counselling method of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which is probably the most scientifically well-attested form of counselling around at the moment.
The book really helps you to figure yourself out and learn what you can do to improve your situation and stop yourself getting stuck in negative thought spirals. It’s not for people with clinical psychiatric conditions – that needs professional attention. But if you’re struggling with negative feelings of self-worth like you’ve said in your post then it can really help. I’ve read through a few chapters myself and completed some of its exercises, and even just doing a couple of them have been enormously helpful for me. I really wish I’d known about it myself when I was your age.
Whether or not you decide to see a counsellor yourself, I would highly recommend that you get a copy of this book and at least read the first chapter and complete the first exercise. I would say that ordering yourself a copy of this book is genuinely the best thing you can do for yourself right now.
I like this one:
Mind Over Mood, Second Edition: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462520421/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_SK1yCbK1J7KDR
Mind over Mood is a good one.
Edit: David Burns is a big name in CBT and it looks like he wrote a book just for anxiety called When Panic Attacks.
what you re saying is interesting and is aligned with the school of toughs of CBT: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Fundamentally, this method teaches you to challenge your negative thoughts, rationalize them and replacing them by new thoughts that are not distorted and are closer to reality. What you re doing is identifying you negative thought patterns (internal dialogue), rip them from your brain and create new and more rational brain paths. This requires consistent and persistent work. The good news is: if you work hard at it, you can rewire your brain thanks to neuroplasticity. Here's a book that can help you guys a lot: Mind over Mood. https://www.amazon.ca/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421
[mind over mood] (https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524532567&sr=1-1&keywords=mind+over+mood+second+edition) is a book which I recommend heavily. It uses the latest research and CBT to help you control your mood, thought and actions. It has exercises which you can do to help you become aware of your moods- awareness is the first step in getting better.
Mind Over Mood might be something worth looking at: https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421
To say I have been fantastic at getting through the book is a lie, but it's a workbook style book that teaches you that your environment and feeling of self worth are not the same thing. It hammers home the idea and the practice to disassociate those two things so that you can more quickly bounce back from negativity in your environment. The idea that you messed up happened. There's nothing you can do at this point besides making whatever wrongs you made right. What this book would advocate is to acknowledge that the environement (your mistake) does not quanitify you as a person. You still have worth, and to not link your mistake to your worth.
It's also great for ADHD peeps as it's not meant to be burned through in a single read. It's meant as a semi long term work book to help shift that mentality.
Unrequited feelings are always hard to deal with. Many of us have been there. The best thing that helped me was to find hobbies to keep me busy and to unfollow the girl on on social media or avoid social media altogether.
If I were in your situation, I would not go on the church retreat. I know that I would not be able to handle that situation well. Honesty is generally the best route, I'm sure your grandparents would understand why you might not want to be marooned with a girl that broke your heart, but I don't think that it would exactly be reprehensible to come up with some other excuse why you cannot attend the retreat.
I can't help but to think that you might be having trouble with intrusive thoughts and low self opinion. What has helped me with these issues has been mindfulness meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy. Both of these can be done on your own, with only the help of the internet or books. You might find seeing a therapist helpful, but that can be expensive.
Some books that have helped me have been Mindfulness in Plain English (free online), The Miracle of Mindfulness, and Mind Over Mood (the older version can be had for around $5).
You can also find guided mindfulness meditations on YouTube and Soundcloud. Sam Harris and Jon Kabat-Zinn have some good ones. Additionally, you can find free materials on CBT online as well if you look.
Please remember that all of us here on /r/stopdrinking are cheering for you. We will always be here to help if you need it. Keep checking in with us if you think it helps. We would love to know how you are doing, good or bad.