Reddit reviews Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts

This is an excellent book that goes to great depth to explain the problem, how we all suffer from it, and what can be done about it. Highly recommended.

Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts https://www.amazon.com/dp/0544574788/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_GOAozbP594PHG

I disagree that them not recanting is strong evidence.

People don't like to be wrong or admit they made a mistake, etc. People will often double down on their stories instead of admitting they made a mistake.

This is a great book on the subject:

Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0544574788/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_vrLJDbFYWM4SX

I remember feeling the same way when I first started learning things, it's painful to realize how extensive the deception goes. One thing that's helped me understand the lies and how the cult is run without thinking it's some huge conspiracy is to try to understand our brains capacity to self-deceive and rationalize horrible things, some have more to lose, others are better at self-deception. If you enjoy reading I would try Mistakes Were Made But Not By Me or if you prefer videos you can search YouTube for videos with Carol Tavris. It will get easier but the frustrating thing that remains is that none/most of your family will accept that they're being lied to by watchtower, they are more than likely to say you're lying or have been lied to about the information you're learning.

> why does everyone then say to keep some cash in your port for good buying opportunities?

The confluence of several cognitive biases leading people to believe this demonstrably bad strategy is the superior one, which is also why this sub is occasionally riddled with broken logic around the related concept of DCA. e.g. "So, I like the mathematical certainty that DCA provides that over time, I'll end up with a lower cost basis."

• They've not experienced a significant downturn - or, better, started investing just post financial crisis and are financial geniuses
  
• They haven't actually done a rigorous analysis of their strategy historically versus other approaches, instead relying on fault intuition and recent market phenomenon
  
• They don't understand what risks they are taking
  
• Mistakes were made, but not by me.
  
• Biases including, but not limited to, anchoring, self-attribution, hindsight, gamblers fallacy, choice-supportive, observational, regret aversion, confirmation/in-group, etc.
  
  The brain is loaded up by default with things that make you a bad investor. "Everyone" is a bad investor. You, however, don't have to be.

I'm not sure whether I'm the best person to give advice on this subject. My wife and I married at 19 & 23, respectively. When we married, we both expected that we'd have kids one day. We absolutely couldn't afford them for the first few years, so never discussed it. Then one day, I pointed out to my wife that we probably could afford kids if we wanted them. She asked, "do you?" I said, "not really, you?" She said, "no." That was our long discussion on the subject. Since then, our only regrets have been 1) that she took my name to make it easier for the kids we never had despite that I never encouraged her to do so and 2) that I waited far longer to get a vasectomy than I would have in hind sight. So, we never really had to go through the long introspection you will likely need (and kudos for thinking about it rather than just breeding as expected by society with no consideration first).

But, here goes anyway.

My first observation from your post is that you sound more sure of your partner than of your feelings regarding having children.

If you are the type to haul off on your own and cogitate to arrive at a final decision with no input from others, then the advice of /u/thr0wfaraway may be good advice for you.

However, if you are more like me, you may want to debate the issue with your close friends and/or family. Discussing the issue may help you make up your mind. If so, why not include your potential spouse in the decision?

After all, this is the person you may be choosing to be your one single closest relationship for the rest of your life. If you're sure of him and not of your desires or lack thereof for children, why not work together to arrive at your respective decisions. You may find from discussions that you ultimately disagree. If so, the issue is showstopping and will probably terminate your relationship. But, if you discuss it together, you're more likely to reach agreement.

And, even if that decision is different than one of you might have arrived at on your own, the self-justification process in the human mind is likely to keep you reaffirming that decision anyway, for good and for bad. For an explanation, read Mistakes Were Made (But, not by me).

There's no single right answer here. There's only what's right for each of you. Why not work together to find out that right answer for each of you and see if you both agree at the end of the process?

\ Don't judge me too harshly for our youth at marriage. She was more emotionally mature at 19 than I was at 23. She also instinctively understood what took me a couple of years to learn, once you sign that document, as spouses, you are each others' immediate families. All others (unless and until you do have children) are now your extended family. This is far more than a legal distinction. This does and should become reality with all due speed. No one is closer to you than your spouse. You become life partners taking on whatever life throws at you, which is likely to include at least some shit from each of your respective families. One of your jobs is that you must each defend each other from your own family's shit.

I'm currently reading "Mistakes Were Made But Not By Me" and it's shedding a lot of light on this phenomenon. Cognitive Dissonance is terrifying.

> Even when he gets discovered, he'll try to justify his actions instead of adjusting his behavior.

I have to admit, I haven't seen that side of him, but again, that's something that's true of all of us.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0544574788/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1479435411&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=mistakes+were+made+but+not+by+me

Good point. This reminds me of a book called, "Mistakes Were Made, But Not By Me."

I'm looking for Govt 9 principles of american government

ISBN-10: 1337099783

and

https://www.amazon.com/Mistakes-Were-Made-but-Not/dp/0544574788/ref=sr_1_1?crid=297KMI6Y6NT0D&keywords=mistakes+were+made+but+not+by+me&qid=1551079914&s=books&sprefix=mistakes+we%2Cstripbooks%2C197&sr=1-1

edit: fulfilled thanks!

I often recommend "Mistakes were made, but not by me". It's a wonderful discussion of cognitive dissonance and how and why this could easily be true.

I believe this book is a more relevant read than the previously recommended 'Demagoguery/Democracy' book.