Reddit reviews Murphy's Laws of Songwriting

> I'd much rather write and have a professional singer with professional studio equipment sing it.

A lot of guys do that. And I probably will too, least that's my goal when my skills are up to it. But I'm glad you told me that, if that's your goal then you should want to get better. A hobbyist isn't going to be willing to put in the work.

Anyway, after listening to em all I would give yourself more credit as a singer. A few vocal lessons with the right teacher could get you singing so good you'd surprise yourself.

Of the 3 originals you posted, all 3 have some pretty common issues that can be addressed. I'm not going to go line by line because really the lines can be arbitrary.

• Word rhythm - believe it not, the accentation(or lack thereof) in a syllable creates a rhythm that you can use to make more powerful lyrics. I just read about this a couple weeks ago in my rhyming dictionary but basic prosody rules apply. If you need a line to feel stable with the other lines, match the rhythm. If you need to create instability, change the rhythm (shorter or longer). Stability in word rhythm is how you get the sing-along effect.
  
  
• Rhyme - You can tell you wrote these as a teenager because you must have been coming up with the rhymes off the top of your head. A better approach I've found is to brainstorm some words that have to do with your hook. Then go to your rhyming dictionary (not a bullshit online one, no matter what anyone else says), and pick all the rhymes that seem to fit your theme. A good rhyming dictionary will also teach about the other types of rhyme other than perfect rhyme. You can also use this to create stability/instability, perfect rhymes are stable, the more dissonant sound the less stable the rhyme.
  
  
• Rhyme scheme - Setting up more a pattern to your rhyming will make it easier for the listener. See the above about rhymes but try out these rhyme schemes as there about the most popular in music today: ABAC, ABCA, ABCB
  
  
• Song structure - You did a better job than most posters here of having a chorus that sticks out. However, the songs on the radio these days almost always have a pre-chorus. Back in the day it was more optional but these days a pre-chorus build that has a hook in it is the way most hits seem to work
  
  
• Verse development - Here all the rules of story telling apply. You want each line to move your story along with a definite beginning, middle, and end (especially with country which it sounds like you're most close to). This is something else you can determine before you write the lyrics. I use a box method and a typical development could be I-You-We. Or even Aristotle's Pain-Fear-Catharsis. The way you were doing it, it didn't seem to be moving very far.
  
  
• Detail, detail, detail - Ralph Murphy says that our job as story tellers is to get the listener engaged in a story that never happened, with characters that don't exist, in a place that never was, and make em believe it because it relates to their own story. A lot of us make the mistake especially when we start out as using music as a diary, that's fine but that doesnt' make people want to listen to your song over and over. The trick is to use lots of details that can relatable to other people. So details are objects or typically nouns that help paint a picture in the eye of the listener. Use them liberally in your verses, sparingly in your choruses. The chorus is where you talk about how you (or the narrator) feel(s)
  
  I'll use one of the songs as an example of some of this stuff:
  
• hook/title: Just Another Broken Heart
  
• When I read that I see another non-unique way of singing a sad bastard song. One of the hardest things about our job is saying the same old thing in a fresh way
  
  
• rhyme schemes
  
• Your first verse sets a AABAA (counting assonance as rhyme), the next verse is ABBAA. And you go to ABAB in the chorus to mix it up, good job on mixing it up there but you want to keep the verse rhyme patterns the same. Also, try to stay away from couplets when you want to be taken seriously. AABB can sound corny.
  
  
• structure
  
• You have a Verse/Chorus/Verse/Chorus/Verse structure. Not one of the standard structure. Again, pre-choruses are the thing these days. And your first verse is the 3rd verse. I don't know if your first verse is strong enough for that. Additionally, is there a counterpoint idea that could balance the sadness of the rest of the song? Remember, contrast is the name of the game in songwriting.
  
  
• verse development
  
• the first verse deals with not wanting to wake up to the reality and face the pain. I like that. The 2nd verse deals with the fear of what you'll find. That's okay but you've already indicated that somewhat in your first verse. You're just restating it. And then the 3rd verse is a repeat of the first. And I don't know if your first verse is strong enough for that.
  
  ..k so I'm getting to have a wall of text here so I'll stop there. I think you get the point. The biggest hurdle an aspiring pro songwriter has to make is the realization that listener's don't give a shit about you. They care about how your song makes them feel. If you can elicit emotion in the right way you may been on to something.
  
  I would recommend, if this is something you're legitimately considering pursuing, that you consider joining Taxi.com. They're a company you can join (for a fee) that will pitch your songs to the majors. They can also give you advice on finding a studio to produce your songs. But more importantly, they'll give you reviews of your submissions for actual industry pros. At the very least you could learn a ton from their forums (http://forums.taxi.com) and watching some Taxi TV.
  
  Here are the books that I've probably learned the most from all most of my critique is based on:
  
  Writing Better Lyrics
  
  Murphy's Laws of Songwriting
  
  The Craft of Lyric Writing
  
  But that's just my 2 cents as a random guy on the internet.

My pleasure! Ralph Murphy is a boss, met him for the first time my last trip down to Nashville. I would highly recommend a few cheap/free resources. Ralph Murphy's Laws Of Songwriting, Writing Better Lyrics - Pat Pattison (You can't really tell but both of these are hyperlinks, so go feel free to click on them), and www.coursera.com offers a free online lyric class. SAC memberships are like $35 for students, and then you can attend workshops free.

I think you can totally write downer characters, but again, give him a redeeming quality. Give us a reason to root for him.

As far as playing. You don't need to be a John Mayer or Elton John. A lot of the most successful writers I know are mediocre at best guitar players. If you can play acoustic guitar in time you have all you need as far as guitar skills. I mean the more you know the better, but you can get by with the basics. A bigger factor for the artist thing is having the "it" factor. It's impossible for me to tell from a recording if you have it or not. I know I don't have the frontman "it" factor. But when you see it you know. It's the confidence, the charisma, the ability to connect with an audience whether it be 3 drunk dudes in a bar or thousands at the ACC. I wouldn't concern yourself with the guitar stuff.

All the best!

Get yourself a copy of Murphy’s Laws of Songwriting. I had a songwriter in Nashville recommend it to me, as well as other NSAI members. They call it the Nashville Bible and it breaks down all the elements that make a hit song.