Reddit reviews Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate: A User Guide to an Asperger Life
We found 6 Reddit comments about Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate: A User Guide to an Asperger Life. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
> I don't want a diagnosis via internet forum, but does it make sense to go against my therapist (who won't ever diagnose me with Asperger's because I can communicate OK with him one-on-one) and pursue a diagnosis from a specialist?
Yes, it absolutely makes sense. I've seen so many reports from others who have been in a similar situation, diagnosed multiple times with various conditions, with the possibility of Asperger's/autism repeatedly dismissed on superficial grounds, as if the mind isn't full of layers, many of which are hidden beneath the surface.
> Could it be that I flew under the radar for so long?
Indeed. Especially as a woman, there's a strong bias to attribute your behaviors and qualities to anything other than Asperger's. This bias exists both in general culture (for example, hormones are used to explain away so many female behaviors without any real consideration) and in the culture of the mental health profession (largely due to the original research decades ago focusing on male children, almost completely ignoring both females of any age and adults of any gender).
I'm a male myself, but it wasn't until recently, when the profession started to wake up to the possibility of Asperger's being just as prevalent in women as it is in men, that I started finding resources that I really connected with. Thus, I suspected I had Asperger's when I was 24, but it was only once I was 32 and revisited the subject that I found all the stories by other "under-the-radar" aspies, many of them women, and could truly connect with those experiences, learning from them and learning about myself more deeply. I certainly have some male stereotypes too, but the stereotypes have done a lot of harm, causing many people to go unrecognized for so long.
> And does anyone have tips for pursuing a diagnosis?
I just got done reading the book I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults, and I think it could be a useful read for you. Some of the details of the middle chapters are US-specific, so their usefulness will depend upon your location, as the diagnosis process differs quite a bit throughout the world. It's also a quick read. (I should have gotten this book a while ago; I had read the author's second book on the subject, Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate, over a year ago and loved it, as well as many articles on her blog Musings of an Aspie, and her first book indeed had the same quality.)
A somewhat longer book which I'd also recommend, with more of a focus on the reflective and emotional side of the diagnostic process, and less on the concrete details, is Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder): How Seeking a Diagnosis in Adulthood Can Change Your Life.
I'd also recommend considering finding a therapist/counselor who specializes in adult Asperger's/ASD, without necessarily focusing on an official diagnosis, at least in the short term. If you can relate to the experiences shared by adult aspies, and you feel like you are obtaining deeper self-understanding and highly applicable advice from books and online, it only stands to reason that you could find similar help from a counselor who is willing to approach your situation from that angle. I found a great counselor by very cautiously reading through the descriptions on the Psychology Today therapist search page. Might've gotten a little lucky that my first pick was a good pick, but it worked for me. Also, insurance might complicate this; I paid out of pocket, so I was free to go wherever for whatever reason.
So yeah, that's the essence of my advice: Self-directed research through books, blogs, and online communities, a sympathetic counselor regardless of current diagnostic status, and plenty of time and space for introspection. Also, be liberal with the self-love; when a person internalizes the perceived expectations of the society around them and feels like they are always failing to satisfy those expectations, it can be brutally debilitating, and can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Learning how to wisely choose and live by my own expectations was one of the best things I've ever done.
I got my Dx at 23. Until my therapist brought it up, I had no clue. I was getting MBCT for depression and he noticed a strong Aspie pattern going back through my whole life, so he referred me to an expert on women with AS/ASD.
I filled out a long questionnaire, took some tests, and did an interview (~2 hours). I got the formal results a few days later, but informally the psychologist who did the eval confirmed that I was an Aspie at the end of the interview. (That was when that was still an "allowed" Dx in the U.S.)
I was highly skeptical, mainly because I had a lot of misinformation about autism. It actually took me longer to accept my Dx than to get it. I had to learn a lot about women with autism first.
The key bit of luck for me was that my therapist had an Aspie sister-in-law who was a nurse. Otherwise he probably wouldn't have been as well-informed.
I suggest watching Tony Attwood's videos on his research about Aspie women and reading Cynthia Kim's blog, Musings of an Aspie, and her two books.
Here are the links:
Good luck on your journey of self-discovery!
So long as you aren't suicidal, nothing wrong with self-education. The professional community is lacking in ASD as a whole.
Being forced to NT standards, and then burning out because of it sounds common.
Here are some resources that I know of... I was just diagnosed, and some of these were recommended by the psychologist who made the diagnosis. I am a man, but I have mostly female stereotyped manifestation/traits of ASD.
Pretending to Be Normal: Living With Asperger's Syndrome by Liane Holliday Willey
https://www.amazon.com/Pretending-Normal-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849057559/
The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood
https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698/
And for free you can check out Cynthia Kim's Blog:
https://musingsofanaspie.com/about/
She has a book too:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1849057575/
48 yrs old female here. It’s all good :) there’s nothing to “face”. You now simply have a name for your wiring. You’re still the same person. & btw, autism doesn’t get caused by “childhood trauma”. You’re born autistic, so I’d question that statement..
Is this the only diagnosis they gave you? As if you’re doing EMDR, I’d assume you have PTSD as well or at least a severe anxiety condition. PTSD is brought on by trauma (or C-PTSD), but not autism, so there’s that.. & it would be your main cause for anxiety. I have a PTSD diagnosis, brought on by some events but also incl childhood abuse & it’s tough.
As for Asperger, just learn about it so that you can figure out your strength & weakness & how to best manage certain things. This book is brilliant: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nerdy-Shy-Socially-Inappropriate-Asperger/dp/1849057575 or you can read her blog https://musingsofanaspie.com/about/. Also: https://theaspergian.com/2019/07/25/is-it-trauma-or-autism-or-both/ (this site is very good).
I know it’s all a bit much now, but try not to panic. I have a long list of “stuff”: ASD, PTSD, GAD, PDA, dyspraxia.. & yet, I’ve learnt to manage it & I’m ok, happy even. Attitude is important, as well as self care. Look at the WRAP method too, many find it useful: http://www.cwp.nhs.uk/about-us/our-campaigns/person-centred-framework/recovery-toolbox/wellness-recovery-action-plan-wrap/ - Yoga & meditation really help as well. Take care.
Sure sounds like it. Check out these books. I'm an adult but they still helped me a lot:
https://www.amazon.com/Asperkids-Secret-Book-Social-Rules/dp/1849059152
https://www.amazon.com/Nerdy-Shy-Socially-Inappropriate-Asperger/dp/1849057575/
Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate: A User Guide to an Asperger Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1849057575/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_sSEGAbARNZ9DZ