Reddit reviews No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children
We found 5 Reddit comments about No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
No this is a serious problem in the church right now, but few realize it. Any prudish christian should go read song of songs, much more racy than much of the litterature created before the last 100 years at least. It celebrates sexual intimacy of a married Hebrew couple. Christians should be shouting from the mountain tops the joys of sexual intimacy. The Church's battle on sex is a tragedy that is creating sexual confusion and a bad repuatation in today's culture. I was reading a book No more Christian nice guy that blames the church's constant pressure for men to be passive and meek "like Christ" only problem is that Jesus Christ was anything but passive and meek most of the time. Passive men lead to unhappy marriages due to fear, lack of confidence and husbands becoming unattractive to their wives due to these attributes. I am not doing a good job of describing what the book says but if anyone has further query please feel free to PM.
LDS culture has a tremendous capacity for putting out "nice guys."
Lets clear this up once and for all, Christ was anything but a "nice guy."
"No More Christian Nice Guy" is a book that helped push me down a better path of manhood.
Unfortunate Intro by Laura Schlessinger aside, this book may help a few people out on this thread...at least the male side of things. It helped me out when I was in my mid 20s and I ended up having a new perspective on who I wanted to be as a Christian and dating...
No More Christian Nice Guy
Yeah of course you can pray for this.
Heck, you oughtta pray for this. More people would be happier if they had prayed daily for a good spouse before they found and married one.
Here's a good old Catholic prayer for a young man to meet a future spouse.
Wait.....Are you talking about making a specific gal fall in love with you? I mean you can pray for that, but you should also just....work on making yourself more appealing to that person. Find out their interests, get involved with them somehow, and work on improving your appearance, manners, and conversational skills.
In the vein of personal improvement, I'd suggest reading maybe the Mindful Attraction Plan and....gosh, maybe No More Christian Nice Guy.
Two other little comments:
>almost no social life
This is certainly fixable
>and I don't exist in social media(except reddit and whatsapp)
Haha this does not matter at all, in fact being on Facebook 24/7 or getting sucked into the latest Twitter outrages are severely unattractive to good women.
OYS #13
Background/Stats: 34 y.o., 5'7", 187.6 lbs., 16.8% bodyfat (per Navy method). Married 9 years, wife is also 34, and we have 3 little kids.
Bench press PR is 285, deadlift PR is 440. Found this place spring of 2018.
Reading completed: RPC sidebar, MMSLP, Rational Male, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Biblical Masculinity Blueprint, SLSM by Bluepill Professor, The Game.
PHYSICAL: Ran 3x last week, once so far this week. Only one barbell lift since last week's post, but I’ve also done a couple of shorter kettlebell workouts. Barbell lift this weekend included bench press of 250 for 4 reps (failed halfway up on 5th rep) and 185 for 18 reps, and hex-bar deadlift of 375 for 5 (last week I failed on the 5th rep). Kettlebell workout yesterday was pretty fun. I did 50 clean and jerks using two 53-pound kettlebells. Double kettlebell clean and jerks usually make me feel really explosive and athletic.
On the downside, I woke up with a cold this morning. Nothing big, just a regular cold, but it slowed me down enough to not workout this morning (I might do something light tonight). I felt it coming, went to bed early and got great sleep, so hopefully it won’t last that long.
Also, my weight was up slightly today to 187.6 (from 187.0 last Wednesday). However, my waist size was also down slightly (around 1/8 of an inch). I think last night's dinner was just high in sodium, because I was under 186 the past couple days. I expect my weight to be back down again tomorrow.
MENTAL/SEX: Sex 2x since last week. I caught my cold from my wife, and being sick slowed things down in that department. However, both times were good, and she initiated the second time.
This has been something I’ve mentioned a couple of times here on OYS, but RPC has helped my relationship in a lot of ways that aren’t directly sexual. For example, as I’ve said before, I now act as my family’s leader. My wife and kids were sick this weekend, so I made pancakes, got out the running stroller and took my older two kids with me on two runs, grilled some burgers, got some groceries, and watched a couple of children’s movies with my family. In general, I actively took care of my family. My sick wife was verbally appreciative and (once she started to feel better) very physically affectionate. When I went to work on Monday, she texted me, “I really love you so much.”
This is not an endorsement for “choreplay.” (Link to study showing that doesn’t work: https://www.asanet.org/sites/default/files/savvy/journals/ASR/Feb13ASRFeature.pdf). In fact, while I might have done all those things pre-red pill, if I did, they would likely have been taken for granted.
I think the difference is largely due to a shift in mindset that I learned from RPC. Now I don’t do good things for my family because I’m trying to please my wife, in the way that a little boy wants to please his mother. Instead, I do them because it’s my Biblical responsibility to lead my family. I’m not saying that I don’t still slip up and do things to get validation or approval from my wife, but on the whole, that’s no longer the motivation behind most of my actions. And I owe that in large part to RPC.
Another reason that these actions are no longer taken for granted is that once you become more attractive, the things you do tend to be better received. u/Deep_Strength has a post that explains this dynamic: “The creep and romantic dynamic is thus: If an unattractive man gives a woman flowers, he is a creep. If an attractive man gives a woman flowers, he is romantic.” Link: https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2019/11/01/on-creeps-and-romantics-and-obedience-to-god/. Losing 4 inches around my waist, a better hairstyle, updated clothes, acting like I’m an attractive man – all of these things increase the value (in my wife’s eyes) of any acts of service that I perform. So thank you to RPC and the mods for helping me make this change. Now all I have to do is keep doing this stuff for the rest of my life, haha.
Another area where I'm starting to see some positive change is that my wife has expressed a desire to start working out again and to look better. She's still relatively slender and can look very attractive when she puts in effort, but she has been in "mommy mode" for the past few years and stopped paying much attention to her looks. I certainly appreciate her concern for our kids, but a future of mom jeans, baggy sweatshirts, and granny panties is not very exciting. She told me recently that she wants to start working out and looking better so that I will still want to have sex with her as we get older. Better yet, she actually worked out with me yesterday and scheduled a hair appointment for later this week. I've been working on my MAP for a year and a half, so seeing her finally take some steps in this direction is encouraging.
SPIRITUAL: I’m current on my Bible reading plan (actually several days ahead). We skipped church this week because my wife and kids were sick. Instead, we watched a children’s video about the birth of Christ.
The buddy from work that I’ve been reading Purpose Driven Life with has also been out sick, so no progress there. I’m thinking about reading The Biblical Masculinity Blueprint with him as our next book.
I’m listening to No More Christian Nice Guy on Audible. Link: https://www.amazon.com/More-Christian-Nice-Guy-Nice-Instead/dp/076420369X. So far, it’s been good. It may have flaws from an RPC perspective, but it talks a lot about the more rugged side of Jesus and about many of the “churchianity” issues discussed here.
GOALS for EOY 2019: Specific outcome goals and progress: