Reddit Reddit reviews Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto

We found 22 Reddit comments about Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

Healthy Relationships
Interpersonal Relations
Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto
Popular culturePsychologyParty of OneThe Loner's ManifestoAnneli Rufus
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22 Reddit comments about Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto:

u/[deleted] · 18 pointsr/childfree

I'm with you on this one. I love my alone time. Sure, I used to party a little when I was younger, but I was always a wallflower and often left before the party ended. Two cool books I highly recommend for any fellow introverts Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto and Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

u/nitrousconsumed · 9 pointsr/news

you just may be a loner. take a gander at the book 'Party of One'

u/hipporama · 8 pointsr/introvert
u/mosaic2 · 6 pointsr/IAmA

Here, have a hug from me <hug>.
You might enjoy reading this:

u/party-of-one-sdk · 4 pointsr/cripplingalcoholism

SDK is my initials. Party of One is from a book about the wonderous world of loners by Anneli Rufus

u/KelsayGrammar · 2 pointsr/intj

Have you read Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto yet? You must.

Don't worry about whether you "appear" boring to others. They have no idea of all the thoughts and ideas that flood our minds. You just need to find people like yourself, people who don't need others for energy or to feel alive like extroverts do.

You're in college so you might think that if you're not hanging out at the frat parties or you're not hanging out in the popular people's dorm rooms shootin' the shit with everyone else, that you're being anti-social. Been there, done that. Find the club—or start one (get an extrovert to help you spread the word)—that organizes relatively small groups to play board games (the people who gravitate to board game nights are usually our type of people). There are other introverts at college who do want to spend some time around others—but not a lot (need that recharge time)—to have deep discussions, talk about current events in meaningful ways, or maybe get a pizza and watch a favorite movie.

We're loners, but that doesn't mean we're alone (big distinction!). You will find your soul mate who gets you, who understands what it's like to be you, and he or she will likely not be an extrovert.

u/tasteface · 2 pointsr/introvert

You know, you don't have to "fit in" or do anything you don't want to do. You want to be hermit? Be a hermit. You want to be a healthy introvert that has healthy, introvert-style social interactions? Then be that.

It sounds like you need some validation. I was there once. I recommend this book: Give it a read. It's written by an introverted woman who has been there, done that, came out on the other side, and can tell you that being introverted is what you make of it, and there are lots of us out here that live wonderful, introverted lives. It is very much possible.

Yes, if you try and pretend you're an extrovert and you try to act in an extroverted way, you'll end up being miserable. Yes, as an introvert, you will be the life of a party, the center of attention, etc. less often than if you were extroverted.

However, primarily, it sounds like you've got some social anxiety issues. I've been there and done that as well. You CAN work through it and learn to not be so goddamn anxious in social situations. Social anxiety is not forever.

You're young. Everything feels so urgent and immediate when you're young, and I know it seems like OMG IS THIS FOREVER?!? It's not forever, though. Hell, my teenage years were easily the worst in my life. Every year of my life since then has been WAAAAY better.

So you'll get through this. Be patient. You don't need to have all the answers right now. Just know that you'll figure it out when you need to. And really, don't worry too much about whether your mom really, truly understands you. You just need to understand you.

Finally, here's another way to look at things: Introverts might be in the minority on this earth, but LGBT people are an even smaller minority (maybe 1 in 10), and yet somehow manage to get through EVERYONE not understanding them. And many end up living long, fabulous lives.

u/deadlywoodlouse · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

As others have said, you are probably an introvert. I bought this a couple of months ago but haven't had a chance to read it yet. Maybe it'll be helpful to you.

u/cl2yp71c · 2 pointsr/INTP

Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto - Anneli Rufus

Gives a pleasant perspective on the extroverted world and provides comfort to introverts. Overall, a fun read.

u/GimmeSomeSugar · 2 pointsr/sociallyawkward

No, you are not alone.
First thing, I recommend you check out Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto. I recommend it often and I think the author will resonate with you.
Secondly, if you want to make some friends you're going to have to move out of your comfort zone. Join a club, or something like that which will initially give you a framework within which to talk to people you meet there who should share at least one common interest. How do you progress from 'acquaintance' to good friend? Fucked if I know, I'm still trying to work out that bit.

u/puppymeat · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Extroverts really can't appreciate this concept and often get aggressive to whomever claims it (as you can clearly see from the replies to this and other comments you've made) because it is so outside of their world view.

Theres a great book called Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto that has a great quote about this, but I unfortunately don't have it on hand at the moment. Trying to track it down using Amazon...
EDIT: Found it. Sorry its so long, but I feel it hits the nail on the head. I trimmed it some:

> Of all the ways in which loners are demonized, one of the most insidious regards our capacity for friendship. The crucial distinction fails to be made between a capacity for friendship, for relationship, and for companionship: the time actually spent in others' presence. Seeing us alone, the mainstream jumps to conclusions: that we have no friends, want no friends, are not capable of finding friends. They conclude that loners are either too mean for friends, or too unlikable. Too misanthropic, too angry to entertain the possibility of kindred souls. Too spaced out, too selfish, inane, inscrutable, withdrawn to attract any even we wanted to...

> ... Of course loners have friends. Fewer than most nonloners have, maybe. But loners, with our extra capacity for concentration, focus, our fewer distractions, make excellent friends. To a few. One, maybe, but a real one.

> But why do nonloners care? Why don't they cheer because the fewer friends we have, the more potential friends for them? They care because they need a universal currency by which to judge us. And friendship is something they all understand. A nonloner need not be smart, skilled, or in any way distinguished to have friends. Sometimes it seems the least distinguished acquire friends the easiest, giggling and jostling strings of chums. Instant collectives. All their lives, nonloners have dealt in this currency...

> ...And based on what they see, they say we lack friends. Thus we lack value. And by this standard alone, the friend standard, our characters are assassinated universally.

> It is all a mistake.

> For some loners, a paucity of friends is a matter of time. There is simply too much to do alone, no time to spare. Shared time, while not entirely wasted if the sharer is a true friend, must be parceled out with care... And time shared, even with true friends, often requires loners to put in extra time alone, overtime, to recharge. It is a matter of energy: As a rule, loners have less for the social machinery, the talk and sympathy. Our fuel runs out. This is what nonloners don't understand about us, what they cannot see. We do not choose to have such tiny fuel tanks. These can be quite inconvenient. They are why we seem rude, when we do, why we seem bored and often are. Spaced-out and often are. Running on empty.

> Not heartless. Not unappreciative. Not fools. We know the rest of the world has big tanks. We know they don't know.

> ...The average nonloner seems able to stand hours and hours with almost anyone. Sometimes it seems they would rather have anyone around than no one. The absence of friends, at least companions, is by their lights an abomination. The result, from a loner's standpoint, is that many nonloner friendships are matters of default. Of convenience. Such high tolerance for company, we might argue, makes for much lower standards. To say loners must be choosy sounds stuck-up -- the very charge nonloners always throw at us --- but regarding friends, it is true.

> ...Nonloners have a set of rules by which friendship is played... Loners play by a different set of rules. Ours is a smaller set. A simpler set. A purer set. Critics would call it rudimentary, unreasonable, skewed. They do not understand that what we have to give is not always what others have to give.

> We care. We feel. We think. We do not always miss the absent one. We cannot always come when called. Being friends with a loner requires patience and the wisdom that distance does not mean dislike.

> Troubles always ensue when assumptions clash, when expectations do not match. Nonloners who wish to be our friends --- and they do, it happens all the time --- arrive assuming that their rule book is the only rule book. We are aware of their rules, just as immigrants come to recognize words in the language of their adopted nations, yet speak their own languages at home. We are aware of their needs. Their idea of fun, their entreaties, their sense of time and how much is enough --- these are all too familiar. Not sharing them makes us outlaws and, before we know it, we are being called bad friends

u/ksandesch · 2 pointsr/depression

You might want to check out this book sometime:

When I'm feeling down about being extremely introverted, even just a glance through it can make me feel a lot better about myself.

u/harpo787 · 2 pointsr/gonewild

Socially awkward, introverts, loners....we are in good company. Isaac Newton, Anne Rice, Michelangelo, Haruki Murakami, Barry Bonds. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto.

u/bstrunk · 2 pointsr/TrueAtheism

That would be an interesting question for research, if one were so inclined. If you've not read Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto, I would commend it you. Amazon Smile Link

u/random_story · 1 pointr/Anxiety

College is especially tough for Introverts, almost as bad as High School! If not worse. You can't generalize about the behavior of an entire species like that, although I still wrestle with that thought myself from time to time. Go to libraries and cafes and maybe you'll meet an introverted boyfriend! It's essential for an introvert to have at least one person they are close to, but don't feel bad if you don't have that, he/she will come!

Check out either or both of these books, they spoke to me and helped me a lot:

u/Earl_of_Donuts · 1 pointr/books

Party of one: the loner's manifesto by Anneli Rufus. Really helped me come to terms with who I am and understand why I have never been good/ comfortable around large groups of people despite that I can be quite sociable in small doses.

u/roomofmyown · 1 pointr/lonely

This isn't fiction, but I really enjoyed Party of One: A loners manifesto

And this book on psychological defense mechanisms I read recently and found deeply facinating and helpful. Not all of it applied to me, but I found bits of it really insisive at helping me understand how I process things.

And lots of people recommend Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Which I haven't read, but think I would really like. I get frustrated too at the lack of representation in fiction.

Is there anything you've read on this topic you would recommend?

u/ihaveneverbeenhappy · 1 pointr/Anxiety

While not necessarily a "self-help" book and not specifically directed at people with anxiety, I've found "Party of One" (A Loner's Manifesto) a pretty good read, especially if you've been alone for most of your life.

u/saphiresgirl · 1 pointr/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu

Also, try the book Party of One the loners manifesto.

u/steralite · 1 pointr/books

I haven't read it yet, but how about Party of One by Anneli Rufus? I work at a B&N and I've thought about giving it a look a few times.