Reddit reviews Prostitution: What's Love Got to Do With It
We found 1 Reddit comments about Prostitution: What's Love Got to Do With It. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
I read the first two pages, then skimmed another two looking for a hawt sex scene, or anything interesting. I became frustrated and gave up.
The prose has already been dissected at length here, so I'm not going to get into that - I did leave some line edits, but a lot of it was agreeing with things others had written.
What I'm going to talk about is character development, because that seemed to be the most glaring, and most difficult-to-fix problem.
Your characters are seriously weak. They are not interesting at all. Not the nervous dude (even when he turned out to be a girl: which I only learned in the comments, not the story). Not the shit-hot prostitute. Have you ever met a prostitute? Do you think this is what they say? Have you ever been a woman paying for sex with another woman? No you haven't? That's cool. You can still write about it. But for the love of your readers, do some research first.
This is what I think happened. You imagined a scenario where there's a brothel, then a shy character going in pretending to be a customer, and then you just wrote the first thing that came to mind. MC's nervous, so she's going to stutter. The whore has been around the block a few times, so she's going to be confident.
Don't write the first thing that comes to mind. Flesh out the story more. What if, when MC walks in, instead of being perfectly draped in silks partially revealing her full bosom, Summer is taking a whiff of her own armpit to make sure that she doesn't stink? What if, instead of being seductive and confident, she whines about how she doesn't "do" other girls and why doesn't that incompetent receptionist ever get it right?
MC's nervous. What do nervous people do? Well they stutter. Great, first thing that came to mind. Let's set it aside for a moment. What else do nervous people do? What about if MC was so nervous he got a raging hard-on just standing there with the receptionist? Oh wait, he's female, not going to work. Ok, what if MC was so nervous, she started making stupid jokes - "It's cold outside, so I'll have Summer," I said, pointing to the girl with the reddish-orange hair.
What if MC's so nervous that she can't talk at all and just stands there staring awkwardly at the receptionist? What if she wets her pants? What if she starts laughing for no reason? What if she starts hitting on the receptionist? What if she becomes rude and outspoken? Etc.