Reddit Reddit reviews Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

We found 137 Reddit comments about Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

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Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
Quiet The Power of Introverts in a World That Can t Stop Talking
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137 Reddit comments about Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking:

u/AceofToons · 345 pointsr/offmychest

You missed one.

Real mental health awareness means treating it like the rest of a person's health.

In Canada it blows my mind (pun unintended) that mental health isn't covered by our health care system.

I would like to recommend a book to a fellow introvert it's called Quiet, it's a very good book on introverts.

u/jwalgren · 100 pointsr/truegaming

In the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, the author Susan Cain shares and summarizes scientific studies that indeed prove you are born an introvert or extrovert.

A key difference between introversion and extroversion is that introverts recharge by spending time alone while extroverts recharge by socializing. While an unbalanced life or addiction to something can definitely be fuel for introversion, it doesn't cause it. I think the stress of daily life is what pushes many introverts to gaming or electronics in general since it's a way to recharge after your brain has been overstimulated for most of the day.

u/[deleted] · 54 pointsr/ApplyingToCollege

That's not just colleges, though. That's the world. It's obviously not fair to quieter students, but there are strategies you (I'm assuming you're more introverted yourself?) can use to still be a competitive applicant and many ways you can showcase your skill without being the stereotype of a leader that most people think of when they think of a good applicant. I'd recommend a book like this. It's not so much going to give you many of those strategies I mentioned, but it is a good way to start to look at the problem. If I recall correctly, there's a whole chapter on the extroverted ideal at Harvard Business School.

u/return2ozma · 33 pointsr/2meirl4meirl

Fellow introvert, this book changed my life. Definitely should read it.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

u/napalmthechild · 29 pointsr/socialskills

Being in the work force for 10 years I can say I started out that way too. At 18 I joined the Marines and to be honest, as an introvert, its not the place to be if you're really quiet. No man's an island and if you are the type that isolates yourself then the other guys are going to try break you off real quick. I had plenty of people pick on me and vote me in for the shittiest details for my first 6 months.. all because I was a "nice guy" and couldn't assert myself. It ended when someone finally pushed me to my limits and I stood up for myself (and a bit of help from underaged drinking). That moment I realized for a socially awkward introvert to make it in a heavily social work setting you're going to have to make an effort to take control of your environment.

Now, I'm not defending your coworkers attitudes because they sound pretty childish, but if you're making the workplace uncomfortable in such a way by being closed off I can see why your coworkers would lash out at you. My simple strategy in new work places is this, put yourself out there the moment you step in the door. Are you greeting people in mornings? If not then you should because it's the quickest ice breaker. Don't just make a B line straight to your desk and be in your own world. I try to pick up on other people's interests and bullshit with people every now and then, it's fake and its exhausting but there isn't a way around it until you move up the ladder a bit more. But even then as a supervisor you still want to be someone who is approachable so others can ask you for help, which means you'll need to be able to relate and open up conversations.

There are dicks in every workplace so switching offices may or may not really be that beneficial. You can keep moving around to find something that completely suites your personality (which is nice for short term but I guarantee it will never be permanent) or you can become someone who owns their environment and make any social situation work out in their favor.

Also, this book helped me understand my own temperament more when it comes to social work settings as well as tips for dealing with an extroverted work environment.

u/cartoon_soldier · 24 pointsr/india

The problem is in India introverts are shamed by teachers, by parents, by society. There is Nothing wrong with being an introvert

In fact read this book -

I am also an introvert, have always been one. And I love it.

u/reddit8421 · 22 pointsr/Empaths

I don’t equate extroversion with confidence.

Quiet by Susan Cain explains our culture’s overvaluing of extroversion.

I’m introverted and FIERCE.

u/graz2342 · 22 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with you. Speaking up in a group of people is hard unless you are comfortable with them and I don't believe that is the reason you struggle to develop relationships. Sure, if you're confident and witty, then it's a foot in the door, allowing you to start developing a relationship - if you are always on the edge of things then it becomes more difficult.

I was always on the edge of things in high school. I would sometimes try and insert a comment but it would be forced because I was desperately trying to get myself noticed. When you are in that frame of mind, you aren't relaxed and it becomes far harder to contribute to the conversation.

I used to think this was a fundamental flaw of mine until I got to university and developed a group of friends that actually valued me. I felt relaxed around them and my personality started to come through more.

There are a couple of books that I've read that have really clicked with me. You sound a lot like me, so I think they will help.

u/ttrraaffiicc · 19 pointsr/hiphopheads

Fair warning: this is only vaguely related

He discusses being very introverted, and that is definitely something I can personally identify with. If anyone out there struggles with being introverted -- or rather, how people perceive introverts, I cannot recommend this book enough. The author doesn't tell you how or why to be more extroverted, or that you should be...but instead she discusses the pro's of being introverted, and how to deal with the cons. There's really nothing wrong with keeping to yourself, even though society is constantly telling us (for some reason) that the opposite is something to be constantly championed.

u/theonewithoutapic · 16 pointsr/AskWomen

Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking was nice. It doesn't treat introversion like social anxiety or claim introverts are inherently superior, it just talks about how introverts should try to stick with working styles that work for them instead of forcing themselves to love things like group brainstorming. It also discusses problems introverts have in the current "extrovert idealism" of a lot if workplaces.

u/marksolomon32 · 14 pointsr/infp

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

u/aureolae · 14 pointsr/AsianMasculinity

You're short, you have acne, you dress poorly, you're no fun to be around, you have no friends/squad, you're shy/introverted/won't approach, you look like a boy and have no authority, you have no sexual experience ... why do you think you should have a girlfriend again?

I know I'm being harsh, but the earlier you learn this the better: you must offer value. Otherwise why do you think anyone would be with you?

Work on the things you can, accept the things you can't.

Short - no solution.

Acne - eat better, sleep better, see a dermatologist.

Learn to dress better.

Finally, learn to socialize. This will have all kind of cascading effects. You will be more fun to be around, you will have a squad, you will have authority based on your friends' opinions of you. It definitely won't be easy, and sure, it goes against what you think is your fundamental nature, but right now, your fundamental nature is also to be girlfriendless. How badly do you want to change the situation?

Some tips for being more sociable: Be generous with your time and thoughts. Compliment people. Listen to them. Think about what they need and offer to help them. Again, you must offer value. Sometimes you won't get anything back. That's part of the pain of the learning process. Let that unrequited kindness go.

Here's a book that may help you with your introverted nature. In part, the author recommends faking it until you make it. Make it into a game, so you can step away, and you can reward yourself for small bit of progress:

u/mrguy561 · 14 pointsr/AskReddit

It may sound crazy, but I'd rather stay home, surf the internet, listen to music, and maybe read a book instead of hanging out with someone all day.

EDIT: read this book

u/UnusAmor · 13 pointsr/socialskills

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susain Cain. Highly recommended. Changed the way I felt about my self in a very positive way.

u/Vampnemesis2 · 12 pointsr/introvert

Also check out this book:
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

It's a good read for understanding ourselves and hopefully help your Mom too.

u/akajimmy · 11 pointsr/introvert

This is something I've always felt, and had confirmed when reading Quiet. She talks about one of the common related traits of introversion being High Sensitivity, which sounds to me like what you're talking about. You're really sensitive to your "emotional surroundings" as it were.

The way I think of it is like this: if you had super-sensitive hearing, being out in the world all day would be a real trial. Hearing cars zoom by, constant chatter, etc would wear you out and you'd need to go home and get some silence to rest your eardrums. I feel that way about emotions/people. After a day or two of being around other people a lot, even just being in the office, I need some "emotional quiet time."

I also have the same reaction to awkward/embarassing things in movies or TV. My first strong memory of having that reaction was during the Mr. Bean movie, which I saw with my family. In many scenes, they were laughing uncontrollably and I just wanted to look away.

u/Nefari0uss · 11 pointsr/introvert

Those kind of people can fuck off. This representative clearly lives in a bubble. Don't be ashamed of what kind of person whom you are. If a person is a friend of yours then s/he will respect your introversion. Now, yes, extreme introversion is an issue (as is with any extreme), but there is absolutely nothing wrong with simply having an introverted personality.

Now in regards for something more productive, I would go and talk to your dorm representative and attempt to have an honest discussion on why her perspective is demeaning, misunderstood, and incorrect.

I highly recommend the book by Susan Cain: Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking. Introversion is something that is highly misunderstood and it is extremely important to have open discussion.

Edit: Spelling is hard. Added link.
Edit 2: Spelling is very hard.

u/TiVO25 · 11 pointsr/introvert

I try to remember that extroverts don't know how to handle us any more than we know how to handle them.

Then, you can be snarky and tell them "better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt", but that's not likely to endear you to anyone that doesn't already know you well.

Alternatively, you can keep a copy of Susan Cain's excellent book in your desk, maybe even on your desk, and offer to let anyone making these comments borrow it.

u/vladimirpoopen · 10 pointsr/unpopularopinion

introvert here but far from wimpy and quiet. I'm fine with people I am close to and my definition of introversion is not to be annoying outgoing. I don't need to speak to you just for shits and giggles and don't come bugging my ass when I'm in the middle of something. The power of quiet my friend.

u/omgtigers · 10 pointsr/infj

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking was a pretty good read recommended to me by another introverted INFJ friend of mine. Although it isn't specifically about INFJs, it is all about the "I", and I came away with some new ideas.

u/schtum · 9 pointsr/cogsci

I just read a book on introversion that argues strongly against "brainstorming" and other design-by-committee ideas using a different example from Apple: Steve Wozniak designing the hardware for the original Apple computer almost entirely on his own.

Perhaps crowds do best in answering questions with definite answers but limited availability of facts, but individuals do best when innovation and creativity are required, provided the individual is talented and knowledgable on the subject.

u/NoyzMaker · 9 pointsr/ITCareerQuestions

Check out this book.

Basically you need to start paying attention to how your body reacts to things. I learned that I can be “on” as an extrovert most of the day but it will wipe me out for at least 2-3 hours when I get home. So I just need to chill out with a video game or podcasts and recover.

If it is certain type of events try to find ways to “beat them to the punch”. For instance if you want to avoid unnecessary meetings then deliver the ask before the meeting so you don’t need to attend.

Troubleshoot yourself or find a professional to help. Because that is what I ultimately had to do to get someone to help me understand my limits.

u/DizzyUpTheWorld · 9 pointsr/ForeverAlone

Number one: For an extrovert, talking is a fulfilling experience for them that they enjoy. The fact that they're "making an effort," well, the effort for them is very small, and it's something that they will benefit from as well. They have their own "selfish" motivations, as well. They will feel better from the exchange at the end. Better because they had some kind of distraction and didn't have to be bored, and better about themselves because they did something that was "nice."

A shy person will very often not benefit anything from the exchange. They might feel worse about themselves at the end. Especially very self-critical people. And, as an introvert, you don't get your energy from other people, so the effort that it would require from an introvert is not the same effort that it would require from an extrovert. So the question is why even do it.

You're making the assumption that talking to another person that you don't know is the "nice" thing to do. Yes, if the other person wants to talk. If the other person doesn't want to talk, then not talking to them is actually the "nice" thing to do.

You give this example:

>And when that person is shy. When that person is fighting me and not engaging with me, well I can't help them; assuming that is what they want.

In that situation, you, as the extrovert, trying to talk to them is perhaps the "selfish" thing to do. Maybe you are being the "selfish" one when a person doesn't want to talk and feels that it is a disturbance and annoyance to them, and yet you attempt to talk to them.

My point is that neither one is really selfish. We can't read the minds of people that we meet to know whether they want to talk or they don't want to be bothered.

Additionally, people who are extroverted get rewarded from interacting with other people, so you can't say that what they are doing is the opposite of selfish. You don't know how much of an effort something is, how much more difficult it is for one person over another, and how much benefit each person gets in the end.

Have you ever read Quiet by Susan Cain? It explains a lot of the differences between introverts and extroverts.

u/roast_spud · 9 pointsr/books

Psychology (studied, but never practiced)

Here are a selection of interesting books:

u/merv243 · 8 pointsr/socialskills

Congratulations, you're an introvert.

Sorry if that sounded sarcastic, it's not. The most important thing you can do is accept that this is going to be a challenge for you, to some degree, probably for the rest of your life. But wait, there's hope! If you do this more often, you'll get more comfortable with it and it will be less effort.

Additionally, the better you get to know people that you force yourself to talk to, the easier it will be to talk to them. You'll also move past small talk into conversations that introverts are more comfortable with. So you could look at the initial discomfort and energy expenditure as an investment.

Knowing this about yourself is a big part of the battle - you just need to prepare for the fact that these situations are going to sap the energy out of you, and plan some time to recover on your own by doing whatever it is you like to do.

Right now I'm actually reading this. I'd recommend it for all introverts (and anyone, really). It's not a self-help book or anything, but it discusses the differences between introverts and extroverts and gets a little into how introverts can be effective at different things (work, relationships, etc).

u/Ember357 · 7 pointsr/AskWomen

I feel ya. Same boat, different paddle. Have you read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking It is helping me embrace my Ambiverted self.

u/psychoalchemist · 7 pointsr/Meditation

Introversion is not a 'problem', it is simply an orientation.

u/minikites · 7 pointsr/TrueReddit

I thought that too, until:

>Pete turned to me with a completely serious expression, an expression devoid of even the faintest flicker of a smile, and said, “This is the worst place on earth. We’re in it. Right now. No, it’s not even earth. It’s hell.”

I'm a pretty big introvert, but there's a difference in feeling tired around people and that kind of misanthropy. I've been to six weddings so far this summer (Seriously. And two more to go.) and when I start feeling overwhelmed, I take a walk in the hallways or outside for a few minutes. It's never occurred to me to think of other people the way Pete did.

You'd probably like this book; I did:

u/DrMnhttn · 7 pointsr/AskMen

> I just need my space

I always felt that way, but I could never articulate why. I couldn't express it without hurting my girlfriends' feelings. Then I read this: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

As it turns out, I'm not a bad person, and there's nothing wrong with me. Nothing needs to be fixed or changed. Introversion is not a character flaw. I just need to date someone with a similar level of introversion in order to be happy.

What it comes down to ultimately is that introverts need time alone in order to recharge themselves, while extroverts recharge by socializing. When introverts and extroverts try to date, their needs conflict. If the two of your are empathetic and can compromise, it could still work, but it's possible neither of you will be happy.

Personally, I finally found the introvert of my dreams. She told me, "We're going to get married and live in separate houses." We got engaged a couple of months ago, and sure enough that's exactly what we're doing. :)

u/vespaholic · 6 pointsr/introvert

Welcome to the club, also this book is awesome :
Quiet by Susan Cain

u/mikec4986 · 6 pointsr/confession

This book is a good read. I highly recommend it.

u/anarttoeverything · 6 pointsr/introvert

There's such a stigma around introverts, and it's really unfortunate, because *there is nothing wrong with you*. If you're happy, you do you. If your partner makes you feel really guilty about it, sit down and have a real conversation with him/her about how you feel and how introverts like yourself "work" and feel happiest.


Would highly suggest reading this book: I think it might help you feel a little more empowered and confident in being an introvert.

u/iamstevetay · 5 pointsr/infp

I'm an INFP as well and have gone through a situation that was very similar to what you are describing. It sounds like you're emotionally exhausted.

Like any kind of exhaustion you need to rest. And if everyday you are exhausted, then you need to make time to rest each day.

I have found that it is necessary for me to have time alone, away from everybody, to recharge those "feeling" batteries. That plus ensuring I have a full restful night's sleep. Whenever I notice that I'm feeling sad, as an almost default emotion, there's a 99% chance I haven't been getting enough sleep, and/or I haven't had enough time to myself.

It's really important to make this resting time a priority. I know that's the hard part because INFP's instinctively want to help others. Sometimes we give too much and we feel selfish taking time for ourselves. We need to take time for ourselves so that we can recharge. Once we recharge we can give our attention to others, but if we give too much then we become exhausted.

I found this book, 'Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking' by Susan Cain ( very helpful.

I also found seeing a therapist helped me better understand myself. Maybe that would help you too.

I hope this helps.

u/MunchyMcNipples · 5 pointsr/bodybuilding

Honestly, this is why I place importance on finding ways to be happy on my own without the need for physical strength like producing music or reading and learning something new, writing, meditation or any other artform along those lines. I feel like there are still many ways to live a happy life even if you aren't physically able to rock climb.

This is a great book if anyone is interested...

u/Echollynn · 5 pointsr/introvert

Reading the book Quiet, by Susan Cain really helped me learn about, understand, and accept myself as an introvert. It was so helpful.

u/EmergencyChocolate · 5 pointsr/SubredditDrama

Pretty sure "antisocial" is a personality disorder with a legitimate psychiatric diagnosis, while "introvert" is more of a personality type that's less defined.

greatest book I read last year: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, very nice last minute Christmas gift for the introverts in your life

the author even built a retreat based around the introvert concept! This was me when I read that article

u/optigon · 5 pointsr/introvert

Check out Susan Cain's book Quiet. If anything, it may make you feel a little more vindicated for being who you are.

With that, yes, the world is pretty well built around extroverts at the moment, but it is navigable if you have the tools. I recommend finding a therapist, not just for developing tools for your introversion, but also to maybe get some help with your social anxiety. If you can't afford one, and can't find a sliding scale one, a friend of mine with bipolar disorder highly recommended this book for developing some basic CBT therapies for navigating whatever kind of anxiety you have.

u/madcowbomber · 5 pointsr/Christianity

I just want to point something out real quick both for OP and everyone replying. Introversion is simply a way of managing social energy and processing information internally vs. externally. It is not synonymous with anxiety, depression, and lack of social skills.

For those issues, OP, I do suggest you get help. Talk to someone professional, whom you are paying to unload your junk on. They can help you get a different perspective on things and build social skills. They can also prescribe you medication if necessary for any biochemical contributors to your depression. I say all this because I've been there. Being depressed sucks, especially when you don't have friends. Medication for a time helped.

As far as being an introvert, I would say congratulations - I'm one too! If you haven't yet, try out the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test. It can help you realize more information about yourself - how you process information, make decisions, your priorities, etc. It was very helpful for me. Also check out Introverts in the Church by Adam McHugh and Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain.

u/npr · 5 pointsr/IAmA

I mean...yes! I think we’re in a real moment where people perform a certain kind of ease that isn’t really true. You scroll through social media and it can seem like everybody’s just breezin’ through their life without a care in the world but I would venture to say (and my reporting confirms) that people feel a LOT of anxiety and exhaustion with their social interactions. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the social things you have in your life, my advice would be to really evaluate and interrogate where that feeling is coming from. Have you given yourself the time to recharge? Are you participating in social activities that nourish you? Is there a way to hang with your friend one-on-one instead of going to the big party, if that stresses you out? My advice is to really evaluate the specific things that stress you out and exhaust you, and to not be afraid to opt out or change the dynamic of your social life so that it feels less oppressive. One book that I think could be a good read for you is Quiet: The Power of Introverts In a World That Can’t Stop Talking! I know it has helped many of my friends who were struggling to put words on their similar feelings of exhaustion. — Julia

u/Gazzellebeats · 5 pointsr/LetsGetLaid

>I don’t regret having one, just extremely ashamed of being sexual and communicating it to girls and also showing it to the world. Attracting girls’ attention and whatnot isn’t very hard but progressing things to dating, holding hands and eventually sex is impossible. I can’t even call them or message them on Facebook or Whatsapp because I just feel like an idiot for doing so. Making a move in clubs and bars is also difficult although I once got close to leaving with a girl but she didn't want to. I got made fun of a lot growing up for not having a girlfriend and this made me feel like i do not deserve one. It doesn't matter if I've got the green light to go ahead I just feel really ashamed do it. Even something like looking at a fit girl wearing a short skirt makes me feel bad for checking her out and that I shouldn’t be doing it.

I know what you mean. I've been there myself, but even when I was there I was entirely self-aware of my shame and I was skeptical of the validity of my emotional reactions; I realized they were ingrained. Being aware of your emotional reactions allows you to be emotionally proactive. Your sex-negative problem is mostly an emotional issue, and not much else, right? I've been there. I wouldn't doubt that you are also decent looking and have both latent and actualized social skills. Most intelligent introverts have a lot of potential to be who they want to be because they know themselves more deeply than others. You must use your introverted nature to your advantage and recognize the differences in others and yourself. In all honesty, there are an infinite number of unwritten rules; everyone's abstract/emotional logic is different. Many of them are foundational and predictable, however; including yours and mine. Like anything else, being emotionally predictable is not a black/white issue. It is a grey area, and you have to balance your reliability with creativity.

Being made fun of for not having a girlfriend is just as sexist as being made fun of for not having a boyfriend; gender equal too. Were you ever shamed for not having a boyfriend? It's clearly a matter of groupthink and extroverted style; not for everyone. Dating relationships, for extroverts especially, are often attention-getting and showy. They wear their relationships like trophies won. Usually introverts prefer a more private relationship because they have less social desire and are often shamed because of it. Introverts are “themselves” more often in private. Extroverts are “themselves” more often in public. There is no shame deserved either way, regardless of popular opinion. Both styles have their strengths and weaknesses, and you should try to introject some of the traits that you enjoy in others; regardless of type. That is how you become balanced.

>I’m receiving counselling from a pastor who advocates the whole “no sex before marriage” thing and believes that people should only date to get married and sex is only for making kids which is stupid IMO because I do not plan on getting married anytime soon.

Counseling from a Catholic pastor? Watch out, that is one of the most notorious sex-negative societies out there. They own the abstinence-only charade while they parade horribles. Marriage is not the answer to anything; it is an institution of the state. Anything else attached is sentimental.

If you haven't already, I recommend doing an in-depth study of animal sexual behaviors; especially the most intelligent animals. All animals have sex for pleasure, but some animals are only driven to have sex at certain times of the year; humans are on a 24/7 system.

>I’ve tried the no fap route and gotten very high days counts but that hasn’t really helped me at all.

Sexual frustration doesn't help anyone. If you are mindful, then you can use your libido to further your goals, but it is not an all-cure.

>Got any sources to help overcome sex-negative perspectives? I’m interested in recreational sex not baby making sex.

Absolutely. I recommend starting with actual sex science and learning about male and female psychology and neurology. Then work your way into reading about sex culture. You should also study developmental psychology as you will probably need the clinical context in order to objectively self-evaluate your childhood influences; it is necessary for self-therapy. The best therapy will always be self-therapy; no one will ever know you better than yourself.

Evolutionary Science and Morals Philosophy:

The Selfish Gene

The Moral Landscape

The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined

Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do?

Sex Psychology, Science, and Neurology:

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

The Female Brain

The Male Brain

Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love

What Do Women Want

Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between)

Sex: The world's favorite pastime fully revealed

Behavioral Psychology and Abstract Economics:

How Pleasure Works


Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking

Thinking Fast And Slow

We Are All Weird

Developmental Psychology:

Nurture Shock

Hauntings: Dispelling The Ghosts That Run Our Lives

Empathy Building:

Half The Sky

The House On Mango Street

Me Before You

The Fault In Our Stars

Also check out James Hollis' Understanding The Psychology of Men lecture if you can find it.

Movies: XXY, Tom Boy, Dogtooth, Shame, Secretary, Nymphomaniac, Juno, Beautiful Creatures, and The Man From Earth.

All of these things are related, but it is up to you to make the connections; pick and choose which material suits your interests best. These are the things that came to mind first, and they have all influenced my perspectives.

u/ftacos · 5 pointsr/advertising

This comment nails it: it's fine to be generally quieter as log as you exert your confidence at the right moments.

I'm a Planner/Strategist, and in my earlier years the one critique during my reviews was that I wasn't asserting myself in meetings enough. It was true: whenever there would be waves of (extroverted) people endlessly talking over each other, I tended to recede into silence, which is a problem when they were paying me to share what I think.

These days, when the room is rambling, I use that time to mentally hone the thing I want to contribute, so that I can really make the most of the eventual opening in that conversation. Doing that over time, you can develop a reputation for making the most insightful contributions to a meeting, as opposed to those who just talk the most.

(Oh, and if you haven't read the book Quiet by Susan Cain, you absolutely should. It's an excellent guide on how to use the strengths of your introversion in environments that are skewed towards extroverts.)

u/evilweebeastie · 4 pointsr/socialskills

Read this book: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

It won’t tell you how to talk but may give you a different perspective on yourself. I found it very insightful.

u/bumblefrump · 4 pointsr/funny

If you've ever wanted to understand introversion, I'm finishing the most amazing book right now.

It's called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain

u/elle_reve · 4 pointsr/ABCDesis

Yes, I can so relate to this. Good post. I was raised to be that way too-- speak only when spoken to, don't argue or talk back, be flexible and accommodating, keep private matters private. I would go so far as to say that my lack of assertiveness, guilt in wanting simple things (like respect) for myself, and questioning my instincts made my marriage/divorce drag on much longer than it should have; years beyond when I knew that it wasn't going to work out. Part of it was being very young but I would say I could have moved on and moved forward much faster if I had stood up for myself and had more confidence in my decisions (and if my family had supported me-- but that's another topic). Hopefully others won't have that extreme an experience.

In the workplace, practicing and faking it till you make it works for me, maybe it could work for you. You might feel like an impostor, but trust me, everyone feels like that to some extent. Try to figure out what it is that will make you more confident in those situations and work on that. For me, it's usually knowing about something inside and out so that I can speak confidently about it. True Desi nerd style! I still struggle with asking for things I want sometimes. It still feels really selfish, which I don't think will ever go away completely.

Some books that helped me: Quiet and of course Lean In. As others mentioned, therapy can work too in finding practical solutions to specific problems you might have. It's not just you :)

u/donust · 4 pointsr/latterdaysaints

It's not a negative thing if the scriptures are anything to go by -- I'd guess that most prophets were introverts because we're naturally better at introspection and meditative thought. King David was certainly an introvert. Moses couldn't even speak to the host of Israel without a spokesperson present because of his shyness. The First Vision happened because Joseph had an introspective moment.

We live in an extroverted society, though, so it's necessary sometimes to go outside of our comfort zones. The thing that helped me was realizing that it's 100% okay to be an introvert, and that we have skills that extroverts don't have. Introverts are naturally better at deep conversations and meaningful insights. We're more attuned to people's feelings and needs.

Let the extroverts greet people at the door, you should do what you're good at and what God built you for -- listening to people and having those meaningful and personal conversations that help us just as much as small talk and friendly greetings.

This book helped me as a missionary to realize more about my nature and how it's actually crazy advantageous in a lot of ways.

u/chillychinchillaa · 4 pointsr/lawschooladmissions

Regarding your introversion, I highly recommend Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.

Susan Cain, the author, is an HLS grad and gives her story of what it was like being an introvert as a corporate attorney.

u/caseinpoint · 4 pointsr/Freethought

Go google the history of our leaders regarding "Cult of Personality" vs "Cult of Character".

Also, go read (or get at your library/audible) Quiet: The Power Of Introverts.

u/with_his_what_not · 4 pointsr/Advice

The feelings / behavior you're describing is classic introvert stuff.

There's a really common misconception that introverted means shy or socially awkward or anti-social, but it's really not that way at all. Introverts can be, and often are, more social than extroverts.. it's just that we're wired differently and will have more aptitude for socialising in different formats than todays popular customs.

There's loads of books which I'm sure you'd find invaluable, but /r/introvert is probably a better place to start.. the discussion there might be a little intense for the moment but I think you will find the sidebar full of useful interesting stuff.

Reading the book I linked above was a particularly enjoyable experience for me. It basically made me a lot more comfortable in my own skin.. I don't mean less anxious or whatever.. I just mean that I realised I'd kindof been taught that certain desires (like a desire for solitude) was somehow wrong, but after learning more about what it means to be an introvert I learned to embrace that part of myself. It was very rewarding.

u/-godofwine- · 4 pointsr/INTP

> I was always embarassed to talk about my feelings

I'm one of the older INTP's here I think... 42m.

There are multiple issues at work here.

  1. You need to be convinced that your feelings matter. Spend a while meditating on that fact. Your feelings matter. This is a huge issue for us as people. For most of my life, I was treated like a bystander, so that's what I was. I eventually got tired of that "role", and decided to play a new one.

  2. You need to be able to "feel what you feel". We often have a REALLY hard time COMMUNICATING what we feel. This is closely related to issue #1. You CAN actually LEARN to feel... it just takes a little practice. When you can identify your feelings, you can communicate them.

  3. Medicine may help, but I would suggest finding a longer term solution. You might want to look into Bowen Family systems theory. It has been super helpful for me and help me find some peace. Another book, "The Power of Intorverts" was helpful in realizing some of my strengths ( You are a valuable member of society, but you're just having trouble finding your place. I've felt like an outsider most of my life, but I'm not.
u/Crankyoldhobo · 4 pointsr/unpopularopinion

You do have this magical social instinct. You're posting online.

If you didn't have it, you wouldn't be asking because you wouldn't even be able to conceptualize it. You'd probably be institutionalized, in fact. Not just a brief spell, either.

If you didn't have a social instinct, you wouldn't understand anything. You wouldn't be able to read because you wouldn't give a shit why everyone cared so much about some stupid squiggles. You wouldn't be able to drive because you'd literally slam into the tailend of someone stopping for some kids crossing up the road and get your license taken away.

You may have worse social instincts than most, but you can work on that. Also, introvert/extrovert is a thing. This is a nice book.

Good luck.

u/JohnCub · 4 pointsr/introvert

In the book, "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking," Susan Cain tackles this question in depth in chapter 8, "Asian-Americans and the Extrovert Ideal."

The short answer, from what I understood of the book, is yes. Different cultures value different things, and introversion/extroversion is one of those things.

u/southpawed · 4 pointsr/infj

I would also add to this, that her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking is also a thoroughly good read.

u/redditor_m · 4 pointsr/Stoicism

It is becoming more accepting and understood by psychologist and society as a whole that these differences is real. The innate personality that defines either introvert or extrovert is hard to ignore.

This book should get you the answers your looking for:

u/nopelette · 4 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

Not the best read, but this book discusses some of the benefits/drawbacks.

More modern society--Dale Carnegy-esque networking and less static communities/networks of people-- likely has shifted at least public opinion to prefer extroversion.

u/ImAtleastTwelve · 4 pointsr/malefashionadvice

Would you consider yourself to have some introverted tendencies? For a while I correlated confidence with being an extrovert, but Quiet really helped me realize that people don't all have to conform to one type of personality to be accepted by others. I found that I'm much more confident when I'm playing to my strengths and aware of what weaknesses I have. Some social situations are difficult for me, like going to a party full of people I don't know. If there's a friend of mine that can introduce me, or if I can bring one extroverted friend along I'm much more comfortable and can socialize better.

Hope this helps.

u/Whacker007 · 3 pointsr/LawSchool

There's a book you need to read.

It's called Quiet by Susan Cain. Susan is an attorney herself, and she gave one of the most meaningful, moving TED talks I've ever watched. The point of this book for you is to help you be OK with yourself in a society that values extroversion far too much, and how you can move forward in life with that new knowledge.

I also feel in hindsight I've had one of the strongest emotional reactions to her book in the first 15 pages that any other book I've read in my life. It was like she knew me better than anyone, myself included. This book made me feel 100% OK with myself, especially after spending more than a decade in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship.

u/FRANNY_ET_ZOOEY · 3 pointsr/StudentNurse

>Can a shy person excel in nursing?

Yes of course, as long as your shyness doesn't interfere with patient care and safety!

> Any advice for overcoming this?

I'm pretty shy and have some social anxiety and this mostly comes out in personal social situations. When at school or work - I just fake it. I know that sounds so simple but that's really all I do. I basically am an actress. Not being my "true self" relieves most of my shyness/insecurity/anxiety.
> I want to be good with people & dealing with their emotions & illnesses but as of right now I can't even do basic small talk. Any advice would be strongly appreciated.

If it is this debilitating - you should talk to a counselor/therapist. What you are dealing with is a VERY COMMON issue among humans and there are TONS of therapies/skills/books/etc that are for people in your situation. Therapist can help you recognize strengths in your personality/shyness and identify areas in which you could develop to reach your full potential. You don't need to become an extrovert to be a successful nurse.

I suggest this book: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking It really helped me accept myself and that my introversion was valuable.

u/Tall_for_a_Jockey · 3 pointsr/Advice

/r/socialskills + this book should help. To the extent that Social interaction is uncomfortable, /r/socialskills should help. But everybody has their limits in social settings, and there is nothing wrong with coming across as someone who lacks confidence. Instead of working with your girlfriend to change who she is, it would probably be helpful to accept and appreciate that most people--even those who are loud and proud--are not really good at communicating, and that the world has far too many good listeners.

u/hellectronic · 3 pointsr/Entrepreneur

Yes this exists and it is important that this type of people exist. Sure you can improve your conversational skills, but you do not have to try to be an extrovert.

One book that helped me a lot to see things more clearly is from Susan Cain - Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. She explains the differencies between introverts and extroverts, the situations they thrive on and the differences between introverted and extroverted leadership.

u/AviodaNinja · 3 pointsr/AvPD

I imagine many on this board are also introverts so I would recommend "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain. It's a popular science book about introversion, that helped me understand and better accept that part of my personality. There is a lot of misunderstanding about what extro-introversion actually is, and this can really help you and people around you understand.

"Gandhi: An Autobiography - The Story of My Experiments With Truth" by (you guessed it) Mahatma Gandhi. I read this many years ago, and it is a honest book based around Gandhi's philosophy of truth. His struggles both inwards and outwards are quite inspiring.
Incidentally, a couple of years ago there was a lesser scandal about him being a sex addict (how dare you be a non-violent activist synbol with a sex drive!), but he discusses that part of his life quite openly in the book. No fuss. He got it under control by meditating and trying different diets, if I remember correctly.

u/Anonymoose_wrex · 3 pointsr/MGTOW

Yep, I am definitely an introvert as well.

I found this book very insightful and taught me introversion has it's own strengths that are currently devalued/undervalued in our societies:

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Also, I just avoid crowds at this point. I simply came to terms with my introversion and that large crowds were not where I felt comfortable. Just the mere presence of too many people is oppressive. Unlike some other people in the world I chose to leave the party instead of demanding the party make me feel safe and comfortable.

For example; you go to a bar or restaurant and they were playing the music a little too loud. So, the guests talk a little louder to talk over the music and the table next to them talks a little louder to hear over the music and the other table, and so on, and so on. Eventually it feels like the entire place is yelling at each other just because they all want to be heard and I am over in the corner thinking "This is way too fucking loud..."

Now, make all that talking into emotion/ego driven posturing and shit testing common to mating rituals today and that is a bit of what it is like to be an empath at a party. There is a whole second layer of noise we have to deal with.

u/drwicked · 3 pointsr/hsp

I definitely prefer the voice and tone of Quiet by Susan Cain, it felt more relatable to me, but if you treat Dr Aron's book as what it is, one of the earliest results in the fairly recent field of HSP studies, it's a valuable resource, though I admit the tone might not be for everyone.

u/MEATWALL-FARTOPOLIS · 3 pointsr/leagueoflegends

my god building social circles and framing the academic authority as someone you share interests with raises student morale and grades? SHOCK.

big kudos mr. lenk. i especially appreciate what you said about an introverted quiet person taking on the role, i think that's an incredibly important point.

you should check out quiet, a book exactly about this point. it actually may give you some insight into the more introverted students and how to balance their strengths in the classroom where more often than not the extroverts and gregarious students take the shine pretty often.

anyway, well done.

u/testdrivethesky · 3 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Sadly, there are many self-centered people in all cultures who are quick to judge you based on the first five seconds of interaction. I'm having a similar issue at work, despite the fact that I work with librarians! The Introvert Advantage have a few chapters that deal specifically with workplace interactions. I also like Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.

Have you tried volunteering to organize extracurricular functions (e.g. parties, post-work happy hours, etc.)? Or joining an office pool/team?

u/Mylegiscramped · 3 pointsr/introvert

I disagree, tell people you're not interested in it. Be straight up, don't try to lie, if people want to pressure you then they don't deserve your time. If the person respects you, then they won't try to pressure you.. If they respect you, they won't try to change who you are.

This does take some explaining to them though.

For me I tell people, "I appreciate the invite. I'm not really into parties, but it doesn't mean I don't think you shouldn't or can't have fun at them, they just aren't for me. I'm an introvert. Large groups make me anxious and I feel too drained from them. I'm down with smaller groups though, so let's go to a park, or go long boarding some time. Hell we can even go skydiving."

There's nothing wrong with you, don't feel bad about not liking parties. I spend most of my time alone, that's when I'm most comfortable and most happy. Learn to love yourself, and know it's ok to be different from people.

The following books were really great for me to start accepting myself for who I am and to learn to love myself.

Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking

Mastery of love is specifically about relationships, but you should keep in mind you also have a relationship with yourself as well.

u/themorningmoon · 3 pointsr/Christianity

If you're an introvert, you should definitely read this book! I feel like I understand and accept myself much better now :) Even if you're not an introvert, I think it's a good read.

u/QueefSpecialist · 3 pointsr/confessions

So, I've never read this book, but you might be interested in the book quiet. The gist is that our society over values extroverts. If you're an extrovert, it's easier to express confidence and impress people socially and land an interview. Introverts have to be successful almost based on merit alone, and that's hard when you're starting off your career. So, my recommendation? Fake being an extrovert occasionally. It's going to suck. But it will make it easier for you to accomplish the job friends and girlfriend bit. Don't do it all the time, because you wants friends and a girlfriend who like you for you. But do it enough just to get yourself out there.

u/FuriousFalcon · 3 pointsr/NoFap

Everyone falls somewhere on the Introvert to Extrovert scale (To very broadly summarize, introverted tends to mean you enjoy quieter things, less excitement, smaller social groups, etc. and extroverted tends to mean the opposite). You might be more naturally towards the introverted side.

There isn't necessarily anything wrong with that. You just like different things, and feel energized from different activities. I tend to be more on the introverted side too, and I found a lot of comfort in a book I read recently:

u/nomotivationandtired · 3 pointsr/casualiama

You're welcome. I am an introvert and I see that even other introverts misunderstand what it means to be an introvert.

If you liked that link you're going to love this book .

u/12fireflies · 2 pointsr/TrollXChromosomes

You're an introvert.

Welcome to the club.

Read this book

Maybe your mom can read it, too.

u/erikadelrey · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

You should read Quiet: The Power of Introverts , the author talks about the role of introversion and shyness in society.

u/hucksterme · 2 pointsr/photography

Get this book. It's not an answer to all your questions, but will most certainly help you along. Did for me by a large measure.

u/annalisa27 · 2 pointsr/introvert

I get what you’re saying, though I’d modify it to “what other possible explanation could there be, from the viewpoint of a society that only values extroverts?”

There have been a number of excellent comments here, like about how dictionaries define introversion versus extroversion - that’s pointed out in “The Introvert Advantage” which is a really interesting read. However, the sad thing is that we even need a book like that! Would we ever see “The Extrovert Advantage” or books about dealing with being an extrovert? Hell no. And that’s absolutely infuriating. My extremely extroverted mother read that book, and she told me that it made such a huge difference in helping her understand me and why I did certain things. I guess I’m happy that she better understands my introversion, but it still pisses me off that that was even needed in the first place.

I’m 33 (34 in June) and the labeling truly has become less of an issue as I’ve gotten older, but that may also be because it was such a huge issue when I was younger. I have no idea what the average age is of other redditors in this subreddit, but I have a feeling that many of you are younger (though I accept that I may completely wrong). Even discussing introversion more (having successful books like “Quiet” or seeing articles in “The Economist” about how we deserve more credit, etc) is a step forward - though again, it’s so frustrating that we need that in the first place! But I think as we get older, people seem to care less, although I think the industry in which you work makes a difference.

Another reason I strongly believe that it gets better as you get older is that I decided to change careers, so I’m in law school now. The average age of a first-year law student is 27 at my school, but, as is the case with averages, there are plenty of 22- and 23-year-olds, and they are the ones - not the older students - who focus on labeling.

One final comment: part of it for me has been learning to care less. I don’t give a shit what those younger law students think. I hesitate to mention learning to deal with the labeling because it’s one of those things that you generally can’t force yourself to do - it just takes time. I know how annoying it is to be told that. What I’ve come to realize is that there are always going to be some people who try to label us as shy or stuck up or bitches, and you just can’t please everyone (nor should you try to do so). I only have so much energy (and patience), so why should I waste it on them? They don’t deserve my time or energy, so they sure as hell aren’t going to get it.

I apologize for the long post and also if it comes across as preachy - that is not my intention. I just wanted to explain further why I stand by my original statement: I truly believe it gets better as you get older. But in the meantime? Yeah, it fucking sucks.

u/d-cent · 2 pointsr/vermont

For anyone who is interested in introversion and alot of the history behind it. Check out the book Quiet

u/half_assed_astronaut · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Great post! But as an introvert, I'm going to have to take issue with you saying "so called 'introvert'."
Introversion is an aspect of human personality that is recognized by science. When you use the phrase "so called' it implies that you are suggesting that there is no such thing as an introvert. Because we live in a society that worships the extrovert and holds extroverts up as the ideal, I feel that I need to defend the introvert. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. It is not a character flaw.
Your point is correct, though. Introverts still need social interaction. I loved your post and I"m probably nit-picking here, but I just wanted to point out this part on introverts. There is a great book on introverts called Quiet by Susan Cain:
Info on introverts:

u/DrOCD · 2 pointsr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

Okay. I will do this later tonight or tomorrow. Looks like fun!

fear cuts deeper than swords

Edit: Here is what I have.

1.) Something that is grey. -Like WL

2.) Something reminiscent of rain. - Because it goes in a shower, which is like rain. -College Needs WL

3.) Something food related that is unusual. - They were unsual the first time I had them! -Want WL

4.) Something on your list that is for someone other than yourself. Tell me who it's for and why. - This is for my girlfriend because she can't afford it and, as a college student, it's sort of an essential. -College Needs WL

5.) A book I should read! - I haven't read it yet, so I don't really know that I have a strong argument for you to read it. :] -Want WL

6.) An item that is less than a dollar, including shipping... that is not jewelry, nail polish, and or hair related!

7.) Something related to cats. I love cats! (keep this SFW, you know who you are...)

8.) Something that is not useful, but so beautiful you must have it. -Want WL

9.) A movie everyone should watch at least once in their life. Why? - The soundtrack for this movie is amazing and I think everyone should be able to relate to the traumatizing death scene. -DVDs WL

10.) Something that would be useful when the zombies attack. Explain. - This is a survival tool, so when you need to escape from your house without advance notice you will (maybe) be able to survive! -Like WL

11.) Something that would have a profound impact on your life and help you to achieve your current goals. I just had surgery on my chest a couple months ago and the scars are building up and I would like to go away so I won't have people staring at me. -Medical Needs WL

12.) One of those pesky Add-On items.

13.) The most expensive thing on your list. Your dream item. Why? - I like to watch a lot of movies and play a lot of video games and right now I have a very small tube TV that cuts off most of the screen. -Like WL

14.) Something bigger than a bread box. -College Needs WL

15.) Something smaller than a golf ball. -Smoking Products WL

16.) Something that smells wonderful. -Smoking Products WL

17.) A (SFW) toy. -Want WL

18.) Something that would be helpful for going back to school. -College Needs WL

19.) Something related to your current obsession, whatever that may be. -Want WL

20.) Something that is just so amazing and awe-inspiring that I simply must see it. Explain why it is so grand.

u/UnicornStatistician · 2 pointsr/ireland

Here is one of the books

There is also an introvert subreddit but it tends to draw people who are also struggling so it can seem kind of whiney.

u/yeah_yeah · 2 pointsr/Entrepreneur

Would also recommend the book Quiet, even if you aren't an introvert; it will help you understand and mentor one.

u/YahwehTheDevil · 2 pointsr/vegan

> Introverts hide themselves and it's because they won't be accepted

That might be true -- I sometimes feel like I have to bite my tongue in order to keep the peace with someone. But on a related note, some family members had good things to say about the book Quiet. The gist I got is that it can be a good, healthy thing to withdraw from others and be reserved.

Also, m80, it's really difficult to take someone's claims of intelligence seriously when they don't know the difference between "your" and "you're":

>your fucking stupid as shit to call me arrogant over this

>Stop looking at any human as special then you can finally overcome petty little ego problems your expressing to me and this goes for the downvoters too. Your all just insecure and you think you can dominate me and show me how stupid I come off? Go for it

u/dotnilo · 2 pointsr/nudism

It's called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking (Amazon link)

u/czei · 2 pointsr/OkCupid

The problem is many self-help books and well meaning friends will setup the false premise that being "a sorority girl who is extroverted and affectionate" as some sort of ideal you want to shoot for. Nothing could be further than the truth. There's nothing wrong with being "unexcitable" or laconic or "aloof" or "weird" if that's the real you. This book has a good take on the subject:

Instead of feeling bad about who you are, why not hang out with people who are more like you or simply accepting of who you are? Find activities you like that are accepting of people like you and you'll meet someone who is a better fit.

For example, I joined a community orchestra called The Really Terrible Orchestra that was full of misfits and super accepting of everyone. Meetup has groups that cater to introverts. My local area has Bookworms Night Out, for example.

u/userdand · 2 pointsr/EarthPorn

You sound like an INFJ personality type and somewhat introverted like me. If so, you should read this book to better understand yourself and how you are not odd but different and you have a valuable place in the social and professional milieu:

u/Nixienixie · 2 pointsr/socialskills

Such great points here. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of getting some mental health support but also addressing any underlying medical issues. So many of us are deficient in important vitamins and minerals due to lack of healthy nutrition and soil depletion, other environmental factors. I echo all the comments that encourage you to work on becoming healthy in body and mind. Exercise, nutrition, counseling or even some kick ass books that help you to shift your outlook. This book is supposed to be awesome, even life changing :

And have you ever read Perks of Being a Wallflower? Or a book that explains and normalizes introversion? This one is great:

Depression is no joke. And we can’t answer why you feel this way. But please know that it is common, you are not alone, and it can and will get better. You are not getting dumb or disappearing. That is just the depression and once it lifts — through medication, therapy or other changes in lifestyle — you will feel better and back to yourself. You will know joy and you will have an easier time connecting with others. Promise. I speak from my personal experience. Hang in there.

u/z1991 · 2 pointsr/rant

Great post! I came to a similar conclusion, albeit in a much lamer way - what helped me a lot was this article was this article about how a quote from a fantasy series can apply to shyness/introversion (silly as that may sound, but I really like it. The quote's "Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.” )

There's also book called Quiet that's about how introverts are undervalued by society.

u/RandomePerson · 2 pointsr/changemyview

> I probably do. I will try my best to suppress all these weird nonsense thoughts and also get professional help as soon as I can.

There is nothing wrong with you! You probably don't need help. As one or two others have mentioned, you are more than likely extremely introverted. This is a legitimate psychological profile, not a disorder.

Ask yourself these two questions:

  1. Are you honestly happy with the number of friends you currently have?
  2. Do you genuinely desire more?

    If the answers to those two questions are a sincere "yes" and "no" respectively, then there is no problem.

    OP, I recommend you try reading [Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susain Cain]. (

    It's entertaining (though not particularly brilliant), and it literally changed my life. I am very much like you; I have few friends, and honestly don't want more, for many of the same reasons you gave earlier. I spent the whole of my life made to feel that there was something fundamentally wrong with me, that I was a loser, or pathetic, and had trouble with peers and coworkers because my introversion was often mistaken for elitism. Reading this book helped me realize that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me! After that, my life got significantly happier, as I no longer felt guilty about wanting to be alone. Not only that, but my mental and emotional stress in feeling like I always had to do damage control for preferring to read a book at lunch rather than to gossip with others completed dissipated; this book helped me come to the realization that if someone assumed I thought lowly of them because I politely declines to go to an event with them, it said more about their emotional immaturity, insecurity, and probable egocentricism than it did about me.
u/syntheticproduct · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

Have you tried books on anxiety, specifically social anxiety?

  • The Anxiety and phobia workbook is great
  • The worry trick is short and quite fantastic
  • DARE response
  • Feeling Good by David Burns is legendary

    All of those can be bought as books on Amazon or on Kindle for the cost of one hour of therapy.

    That doesnt mean you shouldn't try therapy.

    For a cost effective substitute, Udemy has an offering on CBT. Definitely check out CBT.

    Good luck!

    Edit: forgot this huely popular book on introverts. Haven't read it tho

    Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

    Edit2: I like a lot of the other responses. exercise is a must (so obvious I didn't mention it), Keto or Paleo (low/no sugar), lots of water, losing weight, no caffeine. Supplements like magnesium or at John's wart. CBD. Proper sleep patterns are key.

    I'm NOT a nofap person. Never understood it, unless you think yours out of control. But anything is worth trying.

    If nothing works, try medications. It's scary, but it might show your brain 'the way' for life.
u/sadibaby · 2 pointsr/NT_Women

Lately, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain...I'm sure on this forum it's well known, and I wrote about it on How did you discover MBTI?

I knew I was an introvert, but I didn't know that that meant, like how we process information, how we verbalize, that we NEED our alone time. So I began to embrace all these things, and better understood how to communicate with extroverts, which is really helpful. I think just this bit of self knowledge has sent me on a reading frenzy.

Currently, I'm reading The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell which discusses all the archetypal myths from different cultures and religions, and how they play a part for the individual and society. These stories/myths, which many of us discredit because they are not based in fact, actual serve the purpose of being example of how to live. Campbell argues that the loss of these myths in western society is an explanation for the misguided youth. People are seeking how to live their lives, but don't know where to find the answers...therefor it's taking much longer to learn how to grow up. Very fascinating. We no longer have strong adulthood rituals or rites of passage, so fundamentally, young adults still act like kids.
It also talks about some meaning of life stuff which is changing a lot of perspective for me and too deep to summarize here. I highly recommend it.

u/ProjectVivify · 2 pointsr/AskMen

> Interesting. So do you think that those traits are mostly all genetic and not due to environmental conditioning?

I think the genetic component is huge. Its neither 100% nature or nurture, but I think the genetic component is more than 50%.

I spent much of my life being uncomfortable doing all the things that guys 'should' be able to comfortably do. I was an infantryman in the army, I travelled the world, I got into streetfights, I was a pickup artist who operated on 6 continents. I could never figure out why many other guys were so comfortable and natural at doing these things and I struggled with them. I knew it wasn't through lack of perserverance and mental fortitude as I'd spent lots of time in emotionally unhealthy environments which on occassion drove other men to suicide.

After years of research, therapy and introspection, after investigating my childhood, my family of origin, my culture and events which may have shaped my personality, the only thing left is genetics. I can't think of any other reason for my high sensitivity.

A good book exploring some of the science behind this is 'Quiet: The power of Introverts'. I wish I'd been able to read this as a child rather putting myself through a range of completely unsuitable lifestyles because 'all guys should be able to toughen up if they just ..... more'

u/SamGill · 2 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

OP thank you for your question. I feel that this answers all your concerns and more, better than I ever could: "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" - i've read it: there is nothing wrong with being the way you are; people like you are very very valuable:

I seriously reccomend you have a look it it.

u/Willbo · 2 pointsr/introvert

Good on you, we live in an extroverted world so a lot of times you're going to have to act as an extrovert in order to be successful (socially, professionally, etc). There's times where you just have to be extroverted, but there's also times where you're allowed to be introverted. Just because you act as an extrovert at certain moments doesn't make you an extrovert, and it certainly doesn't mean you're not being true to yourself.

Being outgoing will come as second-nature, but you'll be comfortable with it over time, it takes practice. If you'd like to learn more about introverts and the world we live in, I suggest reading Quiet, you can probably find a PDF of it somewhere online.

u/kiln · 2 pointsr/Parenting

Although my husband and I are generally on the same page with parenting, we also have our differences. But we both know that it is important to be on the same page, parenting wise. I would also expect that your husband would actually like to have things more harmonious. Both between him and his daughters and between you and him. A babysitter is a short term solution. You need a long term solution.

In our house, we are both readers. And have found some really wonderful resources that reflect the approach to parenting that we both aspire to. I subscribe (both e-newsletters and on Facebook) to Aha Parenting and Janet Lansbury. I will share 1 article with him at a time and then we'll talk about the article, often when doing dishes after the kids have gone to bed. There are a few books out there that line up well with these philosophies. We have a shared kindle account so we can both read the same book on our own devices and highlight, etc...

The other thing is the understanding of being introverted. Both for him and for you. It can be tough to be introverted and a parent. Especially if you have an extroverted kid. But there are ways to embrace this and be proactive with your needs before lashing out at the ones you love. Some books: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World and Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength.

It really seems like you both could use some understanding of the situation and try to get to a better place with it. It's hard!

u/Yggdris · 2 pointsr/wholesomememes

Well, society's not telling anyone that. But yes, holy shit yes, it's ok not to constantly be talking.

There's this book you might like. I thought it was fantastic.

u/Dasmonkey · 1 pointr/offmychest

That's awesome you've working on the company. That's a pretty huge accomplishment and a great way to feel busy.

You asked if this was adulthood... like most things there's a range of "normal". I'm 38 and I've been like this as long as I can remember...sure I too miss the days of playing networked games till 2am in college but I'm happy with my life and where I am.

Have you seen this book on introverts? There's nothing wrong with seeking within...

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Finally, I know you said you don't like alcohol and I'm in no way telling you to start but I find that having a drink with friends tends to "loosen" me up. I'm one of those who never knows what to say or comes up with witty lines hours after they're appropriate. I don't drink at home alone and I hate beer. I usually have one mixed drink.

u/You_Donkey · 1 pointr/malelifestyle

I'd recommend Quiet for any reader considering themselves leaning towards the introverted side of the spectrum. It's a very good book for gaining a better understanding of yourself, (especially if you find yourself feeling guilt or inferiority at not being the idealized charismatic socialite that is so often espoused in Western culture).

u/noyogo · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals

Her book is great too. I'm reading it at the moment and as an introvert it has really opened my eyes.

[Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking](

u/danNYtrack · 1 pointr/funny
u/littledazed · 1 pointr/jobs

I would highly recommend the book Quiet by Susan Cain. It's not a long read, and I felt that it was really empowering. It really helped me come to terms with my introverted nature.

There is definitely an immense pressure to be an extrovert in our society today but as it is with all things, being balanced is the most important. Long answer short, not everyone is looking for a super outgoing personality. You can be an introvert and still be great with people -- I think you'd be surprised how many "outgoing" people out there identify as introverts. Long answer short, you'll be fine :)

u/ethertrace · 1 pointr/QuotesPorn

It's true that the story lionized Bilbo and mostly ignored the other hobbits. We tend to like weirdos and rebels in stories, but really, at a personal level, we often tend to prefer nice, predictable, friendly folks in real life. Those are the reliable people that we depend on.

But I think what people may overlook in the story is that not just any old hobbit would have succeeded at the quest or been fulfilled by the journey of it. If the story is intending to say that we're all Bilbo (which I'm not sure it is), I think it's wrong. Bilbo never would have grown into himself if he hadn't left his comfort zone, true, but the overlooked flipside is that not everyone becomes Bilbo when they leave their comfort zones, especially if you only limit the legitimate activities to be uncomfortable with to a very narrow band of things considered sufficiently "adventuresome." We can't all be Bilbo because we're not all the same. That make sense? That's kind of what I was trying to point out with my analogy.

Personally, I believe that growth requires discomfort, and I'm not fulfilled unless I feel like I'm growing. So while I might be momentarily amused to stay at a comfortable plateau, it drives me batty in the long run. But I'm willing to consider the idea that other people aren't like that and don't need to live the way that I do in order to be fulfilled. After all, I'm an introvert. I tend to push myself by studying and learning about new things or picking up new artistic practices and hobbies. More extroverted people go to crazy parties and live music and huge social events. I sometimes wish I could be more like that because--due to the way our society validates extroverts and pathologizes introverts--I sometimes feel like I'm missing out. But I can't change how I'm built, and that kind of stuff just doesn't fulfill me in the same way. So, I guess I kind of understand a bit of where you're coming from. Are you an introvert, too? Have you ever read a book called Quiet?

u/Dahija · 1 pointr/ENFP

Have you read "Quiet" by Susan Cain? She talks at length about about what you mentioned above.

u/EnhancedNatural · 1 pointr/ADHD

> I have a two hour limit around people before I need to shut off that kind of stimulation.

No way! I am the same. Have you read The Quiet? I urge you to read it if you haven't already.

I don't think it's a smart move to make your work less boring by means of medications. That would be a terrible way to solve the problem. This is precisely what leads to addictions and dependance on drugs in my humble and insignificant view. Your job doesn't seem stimulating enough for you. Are you sure that's what you want to do? Or if manipulating spreadsheets is only a small part of your otherwise rewarding job then I'd say it's a decent tradeoff perhaps. But looking for a drug that can trick you into enjoying your work should definitely raise red flags :)

I won't mind sharing my ADHD experience with the world by means of your blog. But that expressive style doesn't kick in without amphetamines which are in short supply as I don't have a script yet haha. So I am saving/using them for skilling up on the career front for the next few weeks haha. Also english isn't my first language FYI.

u/Somemorerobots · 1 pointr/Marriage

My wife's an introvert and I'm an extrovert. We went through a time where I'd read her needing time alone as rejection rather than a natural requirement for her personality type. She actually gave me the book Quiet to read (she'd read it for herself and found it really validated a lot of her introvert experiences), and it really helped. I saw you said PTSD was a reason you needed some space, and I'm not equating that with introversion, but perhaps there's some crossover in the principles?

u/whats_going · 1 pointr/self

I never read this but you might want to check it out. I need more reading time.

u/pssyched · 1 pointr/selfimprovement

Check out this book. Also a good Ted talk by Susan Cain as well.

It's great for introverts or extroverts who want to better understand their introverted friends or loved ones. Also there are some great mindfulness exercises out there that could help too. Best of luck. :)

u/GallifreyGhostbuster · 1 pointr/BirdsForScale

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

u/ThePrince_OfWhales · 1 pointr/Wishlist

Quiet - The concept is about the power of introverts. As a strong extrovert, it's helping me to better understand the introverts in my life...but also when to shut up :)

u/RoadieRich · 1 pointr/introvert

You might consider (anonymously?) gifting her a book such as Quiet.

u/Nogwater · 1 pointr/Parenting

There could be multiple things going on here and it's hard to get a good picture from just one paragraph of text. I agree with rachelnc that it wouldn't hurt to ask your pediatrician about it, even if it just helps put you at ease.

To follow up on makethescreamingstop point that this could just be a different personality type than what you are used to. You might find this book interesting . I haven't read it, but my wife did and she liked it and it has good reviews on Amazon.

u/throwcap · 1 pointr/CasualConversation

I was very confused initially as well. I did assume most people knew what extrovercy/introvercy are. Well, I almost finished reading a book on the topic but still.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

u/sweetyi · 1 pointr/CasualConversation

Since you're listing shyness and social anxiety, I'm going to assume you're introverted. You should spend some time exploring the strengths of introversion and help separate your shyness from your introverted nature, because they're not the same and it's helpful to understand the difference. I'd recommend this book, for starters.

u/makba · 1 pointr/norge

Enkleste ja, men velger man alltid den enkleste veien blir man som regel ulykkelig. Du har ingenting å tape på å forbedre deg. Vil anbefale deg å lese litt bøker.

u/suppohkram · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

I've started reading this at someone's recommendation. The author also has some Ted Talks on Youtube. It's pretty interesting!

u/gooseygander42 · 1 pointr/stopdrinking

Alcohol numbs out your feelings -- good and bad. Now instead of ignoring the things that are hard for you (getting irritated at work, doing extroverted things), you'll have to face them head-on. It'll be hard at first, but ultimately it will be better for you.

You might try reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking to help you understand your introversion better.

An immediate tip for the irritation at work. I also work at a university. The best tip I ever got was to imagine the students at 3 year olds when they're being particularly immature. It's amazing how much that has helped me let the irritation run off my back instead of thinking "they're adults, they should be able to do this."

Good luck.

u/icbike · 1 pointr/ADHD

That’s awesome! I’m glad you had a good night in. Hopefully your husband understands where you’re coming from as well.

If you haven’t already, check out Quiet, by Susan Cane. . Even ADHD aside, this helped me put a lot of my introverted personality in to perspective.

And this.

u/srsly_forever_alone · 1 pointr/ForeverAlone

I am extremely introverted and hate extroverts. I have tried to befriend people I pegged as introverts in the past, but was rejected. I have tried to befriend people I pegged as extroverts in the past, but was rejected. Now I've given up. But I still hate extroverts; they're so...loud.

A good book OP:

u/alpha_ninja · 1 pointr/introvert

No problem! And I recommend reading this book! It will help you understand yourself better!

u/3gm22 · 1 pointr/asktrp

I concur with this. We get all kinds of imbalances as a result of how we live and the shit we go through. Depressed people gravitate to nature hobbies like gardening, hiking etc. and I believe it is no coincidence. Sometimes you need to recharge, or you may be an introvert that can fake it as good as the best, but needs a recharge schedule. A great book on introverts is called "Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking"
Scientific studies and cases in here help you appreciate introverted habits. Its one of my must read recommendations.

u/AgrippaTheGreen · 1 pointr/introvert

There is nothing wrong with being introverted. I used to think there was something really wrong with me, but now I know I am just introverted and that is normal. I know reading philosophy and books about introversion helps. Here are some good one worth checking out:

Living with parents is tough. Have you thought of making a plan to get into your own place? The economy is rough right now, but there might be some options out there.

u/DinosaurOnASpaceship · 1 pointr/Toastmasters

Here are a couple of resources that I've transferred over to Table Topics (Impromptu Speaking). And to echo others, yes, practice is the key.

Quiet. The Power of Introverts in a world that can't stop talking
Fantastic advice for those that are introverts, basically 'plan' your impromptu speaking by having 2-3 ready to tell stories that work in almost any given situation (

How to talk to anyone.
Great book for social situations. Many of the lesson translate to impromptu (

How to win friends and influence people (need I say any more?)
Don Hewitt, Tell me a story (

u/zepfon · 1 pointr/intj

Susan Cain's Quiet is the most recent book I know that focuses on the science in detail.

You can get the kindle version for 3 bucks right now. Don't have a kindle? Just make an amazon account and read it online at (or on a phone, ipad, or just about anything else with Internet access).

u/meaninglessvoid · 1 pointr/portugal

Os psicólogos que achavam que havia algo mal contigo só porque és introvertida eram uns idiotas de primeira.

Já leste o livro Quiet? Eu identifico-me bastante com o que disseste. Tenho-o na lista para ler, supostamente mostra-nos uma perspectiva que não estamos habituados a ver, onde ser-se introvertido pode ser uma vantagem em inúmeras situações. Ser-se introvertido é visto de forma geral de forma negativa, este livro também acho que ajuda a "normalizar" a questão.

Vê esta Ted Talk (da autora do livro) para teres um cheirinho do que trata o livro.

u/fellInchoate · 1 pointr/booksuggestions

If you're looking for non-fiction you may be interested in Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking ...

I actually haven't read it, but have heard good things about it.

u/Judy_Jedy · 1 pointr/INTP

I believe the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts even names some countries where introversion is more accepted. I think they were mostly Scandinavia and Japan.

u/peronium1 · 1 pointr/introvert

Have you tried slapping them with a copy of "Quiet" by Susan Cain or her TED talk on introversion?

Can't guarantee results but it helped my parents shut up about my "problem"

u/x-auto · 1 pointr/introvert

Maybe this has been posted before here but this is so inspiring and we need to listen to this speech time to time in order to keep sanity with this loud world.

Here's her book which she mentioned in the lecture:

Thanks !

u/ShapersB · 1 pointr/changemyview

Social interaction is a skill, not a personality trait. Anyone can learn it, although extroverts might have a slight advantage because they naturally get more practice.

It sounds like you're not comfortable with being introverted. I would really recommend the book Quiet by Susan Cain.

u/Moundfreek · 1 pointr/booksuggestions

I haven't read this one, but my roommate (an introvert like me) LOVES this book:

u/IntrovertIN · 0 pointsr/introvert

Probably yes...
On a high level, I'd look on what actually drains energy from you vs how you recharge :-) but both would be very individual.

Especially that, everyone has some energy "store" and even a very introverted person, is able to handle most high stimulating situations in a way, nobody would notice it is sucking their energy. They will afterward need to take a rest for a while (knowing this preference one can plan their schedule accordingly).

Humans are more complex then only intro/extroverts... everyone would be somewhere in between of those two extremes - depending on how their brain and their nervous system reacts to external stimulus.

I think the most important is to understand yourself and build your life on what you have, and not to have a label. Knowing yourself, you can use a framework (like introversion/extroversion, or more detailed like MBTI) to add some structure to your self-awareness to make planning your life easier (I know I have like 90% characteristics of the INTP type and do plan accordingly).
Still, you shall be prepared that there won't be a 100% match with any type and, that you'll find in yourself, traits of several types.

To better understand what is introversion you may want to look into a book, explaining in more details how an introverted mind works and what suits introverts best... I'd suggest starting with Quiet by Susan Cain or The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney

Take care.

u/blablablas · 0 pointsr/ForeverAlone

Read this, this and this. Hope it helps :)

u/hgkeo · 0 pointsr/depression

This book has been helping me out a lot in understanding my introversion: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.

u/ItsDonEconomyStupid · -1 pointsr/The_Donald

Nah, I've been reading the book 'Quiet' and 'introvert' fits me to a T. Social obligations like parties exhaust me, and I don't feel the need to do small talk or socialize much. (I enjoy deep conversation with a couple of individuals.)

I have a customer service job where I have to talk to people all day long, so at every lunch break I have to take walks alone or take a nap or something in order to 'recharge', otherwise I'll just go crazy.

Also, every time I take a Myers-Briggs test, it starts out with IN. I don't remember what my results were back when I was in college, but the last time I took it a few weeks ago, it was INTJ.

I haven't needed to do any public speaking since I left college, so I'm out of practice. I'm sure if I had enough to talk about, it wouldn't be a problem. In college, they just had us make up speeches about 'whatever', and it was hard because I didn't know what my passions were at the time. Fast forward twenty years and I know EXACTLY what my passions are, so I don't think it would be too hard.