Reddit reviews Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger

You're not alone, see quote below from "Rage" by Ronald T. Potter-Efron. Is it healthy? Heck no. You gotta figure out what makes you angry and work through it. Seeing a professional would be great, but there's also self help books like these:

Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger by Ronald Potter-Efron, a general Psychologist.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0054M068A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

the Anger Management Workbook for Men, by Nathan R. Hydes, a US Navy Psychologist

https://www.amazon.com/Anger-Management-Workbook-Men-Emotions/dp/1623157307

>Raging Can Get You High
>
>“I go looking for a fight. I seek out my rages. I like fighting, and I don’t like fighting.” These are the words of Demetrius, a twenty-five-year-old member of an anger management group. Demetrius has a long history of getting into trouble because of his anger. He’s been arrested several times already and is facing hard prison time if he doesn’t get a handle on his temper. The trouble is that Demetrius can’t talk about his past anger episodes without smiling. His eyes begin shining, too. Just thinking about raging seems to make him come alive.”
>
>“I’ve written before (in Letting Go of Anger) about something called excitatory or addictive anger. The fact is that anger can really turn some people on. And rage, the most intense form of anger, can get you higher than any other kind of anger. Just ask Demetrius. “Hey, guys, I gotta tell you. Rage is as good as sex. Maybe better.”
>
>Demetrius craves his rage. He can only go so long without raging before he goes looking for a fight. Anybody will do: his 95-pound ­girlfriend, his best buddy, or the 350-pound former pro football player sitting at the bar. They’re all the same to him. First he gets himself angry. Then he gets in their face, hoping they’ll throw the first punch. Either way, he’ll attack. Taste the blood. Feel the pain. Lose his mind. Yes!”
>
>“I call this anger “excitatory” because it triggers an adrenaline rush. But I also call it “addictive,” because it’s awfully hard to give up once you’ve trained yourself to feel good this way.
>
>Now Demetrius can challenge this addictive pattern. He can learn to live without raging, just as others must figure out how to get along without alcohol, or speed, or gambling. His goal would be never to rage. As desperately as he wants excitement, as badly as he craves that intensity, as hungry as he is for rage, he must find another path in life. He could find other, more positive ways to handle his excitement (such as a job as an emergency medical technician or any other career with frequent strongly emotional or physical crises). Or Demetrius could redirect his energy toward finding ways to enjoy calm activities. He might try relaxation or meditation, for example. That kind of feeling, serenity, won’t come easily to someone like Demetrius, of course. Still, he could discover that life is good even when you aren’t high.
>
>Do you get high by raging? If so, is it worth it?”

I find most books on anger cover the same basic things just in a slightly different way, so you can't really go wrong. It's probably a good book, just depends on your pet peeves about self help books. If someone recommended it to you it's probably fine and if you both read the same book you'll have more shared talking points come up so that's the benefit of reading the same thing. A common language after having read the same text.

Listening to the sample of the audiobook on Amazon it presents angry people as wounded and insecure. Well ok. I find it's better to take that approach when teaching people how to protect themselves from an angry person at work, but not for approaching the actual angry person.

It's fine for an introduction I guess. But I feel like it's blaming the victim for being angry. We're not angry on purpose, it's just where we happen to find ourselves right now. As a matter of fact, most of us are trying really hard not to get angry and still getting angry and that's the problem. But I've probably flipped through / skimmed too many books at this point so I'm really touchy about the intros. But the nitty gritty is usually solid advice.

The paperback is less than $5 if you buy used and it doesn't hurt to read more than one book for a broader perspective. You might find it cheaper (and with free shipping) on eBay.

I like Rage because it gets to the point pretty quickly. There are also workbooks like the Anger Management Workbook for Men, and for Women. Workbooks are great because you can just grab a pen and go through the exercises to pick up the skills as you scribble in the book. It's a good way to get the same benefit as journaling without the actual journaling. Hope this helps.

Congratulations on reaching out. Chances are, if your brother is telling you to come on here, your anger is something that you should learn to deal with, and not ignore. People talk all the time on the internet or on TV about depression and all kinds of mental illnesses, but anger on its own gets little attention. From my own experience, even a small amount of anger can lead someone to lash out and make a bad decision that changes their life.

One way for you to help yourself is to read a book about anger. These two are really good, because they are written by actual psychologists and in way that anyone can understand. (I suggest these because it can be hard to find books about anger, and most of the popular ones aren't even written by psychologists). I think the first one (Rage) might be better for you, because it has lots of examples of different reasons people get angry. It will give you a chance to see how your anger compares to others, and help you decide what to do about it. Spoiler: most of the time, you should focus on figuring out what makes you angry, and then learn ways to deal with that anger. Sometimes the solution is understanding that people aren't trying to be mean to you, even if they seem like it. Sometimes it's learning that you need to leave the area when you start to feel angry. By learning what makes you angry, you can learn to calm down before you anger gets really bad, and you insult or hurt someone.

Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger by Ronald Potter-Efron, a general Psychologist.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0054M068A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

the Anger Management Workbook for Men, by Nathan R. Hydes, a US Navy Psychologist

https://www.amazon.com/Anger-Management-Workbook-Men-Emotions/dp/1623157307

>Am I just taking out my frustrations on him?

It sounds like the answer is yes based on what you said. But like others have pointed out, we're missing a lot of details.

>What the fuck do I do? I don’t have any desires to apologise. I can’t express anything without feeling guilty, responsible or ashamed.

Let's assume your goal is to reduce your anger. To do that, first you have to understand why you are getting angry, and second, you have to come up with ways to avoid getting angry. Understanding yourself is all about perspective. Reading a book about anger management or seeing a psychologist are good ways to do that. Either will help you understand better why you got angry when you're dad asked you to do something. For example, you might discover that you got angry because you perceived being asked to do something by your dad was him indicating that he thinks you're childish and lazy. Or maybe you perceived it as him saying he doesn't respect your time. Figuring out the truth can be hard. It involves being honest with yourself, realizing what you don't like, and understanding how that makes you react to what people tell you. It might also involve asking the other person to clarify what they meant to say. Again, all that is hard, and it's helpful to have a psychologist or book to guide you. Some recommendations for books are Rage because it gets to the point pretty quickly. The Anger Management Workbook for Men, and The Anger Management Workbook for Women. All three are written by psychologists.