Reddit reviews Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem
We found 20 Reddit comments about Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Used Book in Good Condition
Oof, that's a hard one. I spent a lot of my life there, through bad times And good I could never shake this sense of shame, or self loathing that had built up over years and years and years. Once I started to get my head out of that fog I started to notice: That's not a rare problem at all. So many people are having to fight that fight, you're not alone.
A couple of things:
You're going to want to find a therapist. For some people that's very daunting, those first phone calls can be tricky, and you may not find the perfect fit the first one you see. Keep trying. They're trained to help you walk the path to a better self. In particular, though, you're going to want to look for a counselor who does "CBT" or "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy". You explicitly talked about a refrain in your head that beats you down? That happens a lot. CBT is a psychological approach to deal with that, to help turn that down then off. It's made a huge difference in your life.
Second: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1572241985/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1469891037&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=self+esteem <-- My therapist recommended this book to me and it made a big difference. I've been giving copies of it out to my friends with self esteem problems. It covers, in part, why you've built up that voice inside that cuts you down, and how that voice used to protect you, but how it's really held you back. And it talks about ways to build Real lasting self esteem from within, how to counter the negative thoughts and build good ones.
These thought and behavior patterns aren't easy to overturn but it can be done, there is a path, and many have walked it before. You're not alone. You've already made the post to reddit for help, you can keep going from here.
I hope this was some help.
That's amazing!
Therapy is always a good idea but it's not possible for everyone. I can vouch that these books/workbooks contain accurate, helpful info. & tips. DM me for help finding digital copies.
Toxic Parents
Self Esteem (3rd Edition)
The CBT Workbook for Depression (2nd Ed)
The Mindful Way Workbook for Depression
Other good books:
The Dance of Anger
Kid Confidence
On the topic of self-love, totally recommend this book. I've only just started it though, but I'm very impressed.
Find an interest and find others with that interest and join groups that support that interest. Hiking groups, dog walking/dog park groups, meetups, etc.
You may not be a church type (I'm not) but join a church just for practice. I do enjoy Quaker meetings, that's a progressive group. There are progressive churches if you look (assuming that's to your tastes, if not, it's easier to find conservative places). Quaker meeting is also good.
I (an introvert, check out /r/introvert, it helped me) like meditation and there are Buddhist Vipassana groups around the country and these groups are often filled with non-monastics types like me and they are very welcoming. If you let me know what city you are in I can find one.
If you are brave enough, Toastmasters is good.
Perhaps volunteer at an animal shelter. Volunteer somewhere.
Reading books can help. Books on self-esteem from your library or Amazon, like this one by Matthew McKay can help. Self help books helped me a lot.
More power to you!
you should check out this book- http://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1572241985/ i was in a similar situation and it helped me feel a little better
Putting yourself out there is probably the hardest part of all of this, and I think it's the most effective. Good work on that. Keep working at it. The extreme emotions will eventually calm down as you learn more about yourself and others.
That infatuation doesn't sound too healthy. Another SA trigger is a fear of rejection. This can lead to some of those extreme emotions when actual rejection does occur. I know dating is really personal, but try not to take it too personally, if that makes any sense. She wasn't into you. You were into her, and it would have been nice if that had worked out, but it didn't. It doesn't really make much sense to keep carrying those negative emotions around, right? What good are they doing you?
Now you're free to keep working on your SA. If you had shacked up with her, maybe you'd be resting on your laurels at a time where it'd be better for you to keep pushing yourself to grow.
Don't feel bad about getting compliments, dude! If they're complimenting you, they mean it sincerely. What were they saying about you? Saying you're handsome? Funny? Well-dressed? Charming? Whatever they were saying about you, it's true! Accept it! It sounds like you have some real strengths. Own them! It can make you feel so good!
Going by the concert thing, it sounds like you've made some progress recently. That's really great. Keep working hard.
This book has a great self-esteem building exercise that I think would benefit you. Basically you take the different aspects of your life (your physical appearance, your job, your interpersonal skills, etc.) and assess your strengths and weaknesses in those areas. It will give you an honest evaluation of what kind of person you actually are. What you're good at, what you need to work on, etc. I think this could help with the compliment thing most of all.
Your parents have probably faced adversity in life, too. If you're not on bad terms with them (ie if they're not abusive), I'm always a fan of talking with ones parents about their problems. They may surprise you by how receptive they can be. Remember that they've known you for all your life and had a whole life before you even existed.
In the meantime you can always practice mindfulness/meditation, that might help you with that. I'd also recommend doing some reading into cognitive distortions, which are ways of thinking that cause anxiety, and learn to recognize and address them. I'm also a fan of the book called "Self Esteem" (and more words) by McKay and Fanning. You may be able to borrow it at the library, though it's often checked out here in Nova Scotia. This is the book I used to work with my therapist through my own anxiety. Having a therapist will help give you a different perspective on situations and also keep you on track/monitor your progress, but these are things you can work out on your own.
Anyway hope you have a good end to your school year! Take care to actively acknowledge and appreciate the positives in life.
Is this depression or a self-esteem issue? There are treatments for both, and I hope you look into them.
Some books that helped me with a very low self-esteem/self-worth are:
Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay, PH.D., and Patrick Fanning
Your Own Worst Enemy by Kenneth W. Christian, Ph.D.
This one: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1572241985
It’s provided more benefit to me than any other book.
It seems that everything you talked about comes down to one thing: your self esteem. Being a happy woman is more about being comfortable with yourself than anything else. You can have whatever style you choose, but if your attitude shows that you love yourself, you'll pull it off and be spectacular. A book that has really helped me is Self Esteem by McKay and Fanning.
Just remember there's no one right way to be a woman or be feminine. If anyone tells you that you have to do your makeup a certain way, or dress a certain way to be "perfect," tell them to fuck off. :)
Also, use hand lotion to get rid of hangnails. I like Eucerin because it's very rich and has no fragrance. You can use it on your legs too, and that may help with the bumps you mentioned, if they are what I think they are. For your face, you may want to try a cleanser like Cetaphil, which doesn't foam up and doesn't dry your skin. I like to use an exfoliating pad like this. It's like a Buf-Puf, but it's a lot cheaper. I use the same lotion on my face that I use on my hands, but sparingly, and it's worked out pretty well. I have moderately oily skin.
If you want to change your clothes a little, you may want to consider changing one or two pieces at a time. What I mean is, instead of a hoodie with your jeans, you can wear a lacy camisole or sparkly tank top with a sweater. Or you could wear a skirt with your usual T-shirt. Or you could wear a T-shirt, jeans, and a pair of cute flats with some kind of neat detail. I'm a big fan of sparkly stuff. :P Check out places like Target, H&M, or Forever 21 for trendy things that you might like.
I really like your hairstyle. It's super cute. :)
You will get through it. Just be sure to stay away from him, he's a good manipulator if he got you to stay with him in the first place. Find refuge in healthy things, instead of eating ice cream and drinking booze, get a bike! Read a great book! Exercise a ton whenever you are sad or frustrated and the endorphins will take care of the bad mood, and in a month you'll be one month healthier and sexier!
And beyond that, what helped me most when I broke up with my, wait, there were a few, my string of abusive boyfriends, was finding this book
http://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1572241985/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1343599061&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=self-esteem+third+edition
READ IT! It changed every aspect of my life, the way I worked at my job, the way I treated myself, the way I loved other people. It is amazing. Even if you don't write out the lists or do the activities (I didn't), you can get so much out of it.
http://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1572241985/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1453949105&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=self+esteem
He actually let me borrow this and told me to read Chapters 2 and 3 (titled The Pathological Critic, and Disarming the Critic respectively). Even though those two chapters only comprise of 30 pages, they really hit hard at the core problems related to raising your self-esteem and you definitely get your moneys worth after reading. I'll try to summarize what I learned, but if I were you I'd definitely look into picking up a copy.
The pathological critic is the negative inner voice that attacks you and even though everyone has a critical inner voice an individual with low self-esteem as a more vicious and vocal pathological critic. The first thing you need to do to disarm the critic is being able to identify when he's influencing you. You might realize that he only comes in certain situations or perhaps he's with you all the time. Once you're able to catch him you can get to work, so to speak.
Once you do that, you need to start unmasking his purpose. When you unmask him, you start to expose his true purpose and functions. Some ways to unmask him:
self-talk
This one is going to sound a little strange, but it's helped me. The Howitzer Mantras are designed to help you talk back to him. Examples include:
Another way of disarming him is to determine the cost of the critic. Where in your life has he hindered you? Did you lose friendships because of him? Does he make you feel anxious and nervous around people? Are you afraid to try new things because of him? Do you lose commission money because he makes you less assertive in front of clients?
This one is tricky but it's important to be able to affirm your worth. Understand that you are a living breathing human being with an ability to perceive and experience. That is in and of itself very beautiful. The value of your life is that you exist; a complex miracle of creation. You were born into a unique set of problems, but yet you endured. You don't deserve to be pushed around.
I got most of this info straight from the book I linked above. To be honest this type of stuff really does help me out. I find that when I repeat those statements in my mind, it makes me feel like I have more power in my life, and that there's more to look forward to. It's really liberating actually.
I'd start with this: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1425566676&amp;sr=8-8&amp;keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy
This book has helped me: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1572241985/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1425600794&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=self+esteem but it may or may not be of use to you.
Once you know how your mind works, it's easier to work around it. It doesn't matter if you had abuse or not, what's important is now and how you can fix it.
As others have said, meditate in order to be able to adapt to whatever your mind throws at you, then you can try psychedelics.
Most of the advice given here is bad.
Just admitting your misdoings or changing lifestyle will not solve your problems. You gonna kick the dope, get in shape, get social, begin to progress in your career or academia, but you will still feel worthless. It will aid for sure, but it doesn't get to the core.
From your choice of words it's obvious that you suffer from low self-esteem, and it's a very deep and tricky issue to address. Negative conceptions about yourself may seem well-reasoned and unbiased, but they are very far from that and are a product of maladaptive thinking.
My advice for you is to seriously look into psychology. This book (it's also available for free on Library Genesis, the best way to get it IMHO) is very damn enlightening and I can't recommend it enough. You may also look into this one (a free audiobook on YouTube). I haven't tried actually seeing a shrink, but if you got the funds, I'm sure it may help too.
No problem! Sorry for the late response. I am getting much better. The worst is behind me now, hopefully.
Those are supposed to be three links by the way. I'm too lazy to fix them though :P.
Diet and exercise are very important though. I would say to get at least one to two servings of vegetables and one to two servings of fruit every day. Exercise at least thirty minutes daily. Get some sunlight every day. Ask your doctor about vitamin D supplementation. You will learn other things with a therapist such as identifying triggers and challenging negative and illogical thoughts. I forgot to mention that journaling helps a lot too. It's important to explore your feelings and it will speed up the recovery process along with giving you an idea of how you're progressing.
You've got a great attitude. It will help you immensely! Keep the questions coming!
I found this book useful:
Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning
Two books I read.
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How to fix a broken heart : written by guy winch
Self esteem 3rd edition: Matthew m Kay & Pattrick Fanney -Link ( After reading this book, I learnt to deal with self critic and managing myself. I spoke for myself. Learnt to setup boundaries, started believing myself)
Try this book: Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning. This book will dodge the cliche solutions like that and offer an approach that delivers self-appreciation without any silly "positive traits". To say things simplistically, love yourself as you are.
https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1572241985/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1499779538&amp;sr=1-2&amp;keywords=self-esteem+mckay
This might heal your self-hatred, because it professionally deal with that. Since depression "goes hand in hand", the book might lift you from it.
Unfortunately it's hard to tell ahead of time what medical professionals will be like. If you are up for the challenge, you can always try online or printed self-guided resources.
I had a Registered Counsellor get me to buy this book and then proceed to answer every one of my subsequent questions with "well it says in the book..." "and what does it say in the book?" and the like. Terrible waste of employer EAP assistance, though I didn't know it at the time.
My experience with family doctors has been that they don't really know the nuances of psychiatric medicine, but I have very little trust in family doctors due to how the system works where I am.
The knowledge that you are in control of yourself is empowering itself, just like the opposite is true.