Reddit reviews Shepherding a Child's Heart

Here are two books I would recommend.

1. The first one is a bit controversial (in fact, some people get angry about this one), but it's made a world of difference in our life.
   
   
   
2. The second one is a bit dry at times, but the overall concept is something really valuable once you grasp it.
   
   In short, we parent to modify the heart.... not their behavior.

Masculine Mandate by Richard D Phillips
Manhood Restored by Eric Msaon
Family Shepherds and Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham
Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp

My small group is going through Shepherding a Child's Heart right now by Ted Tripp. We really like it so far.

I read Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp last year and very much enjoyed it. It really challenged my thinking in how to deal with children, not just my own. If two kids fight over a toy the automatic response is "who had it first?" but that puts the kid who originally had it automatically in the right, even if they were being unkind to the other child. The point of raising children is to, as the book discusses, aim the child's heart at God, and not at themselves or you.

I didn't agree with every single detail he discusses, but I can certainly recommend it as I learned so much.

When trying to convey more complex and abstract concepts people will often use poetic language. I don't think you could say it's popular belief that people literally think with their heart. It's an expression, a shorthand to convey a much deeper meaning. Terms like "he has a hard heart" or "winning the hearts and minds of people" or "a change of heart" are all expressions that use poetic language to communicate broader meaning. I've never met somebody who believes people literally think with their heart.

> In short, we parent to modify the heart.... not their behavior.

I don't speak for /u/MrPennywhistle but I would say this means that as a parent he isn't so much concerned with what their behavior is as why it is they are behaving in such a way.

For example, a boy hurts his sisters feelings by calling her a name. The parents, seeing this, make the boy apologize. The boy, knowing he would get punished if he doesn't, apologizes to his sister. The boy isn't really sorry though, or if he is sorry it's only because he was rebuked by his parents not because he hurt his sisters feelings. His "heart" wasn't in the apology.

Alternatively the parents could try to get him to understand how much he hurt his sister by calling her names. They could try to get the boy to feel sorry not because he was in trouble, but because he loves his sister and he realizes that he hurt her. The boy would apologize because he wanted to not because he was forced to.


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Of course /u/Mrpennywhistle was just asked a simple question and probably didn't feel it warranted a massive in depth 4 paragraph answer. So he went for the shorter slightly more poetic answer because he assumed most people would understand the poetic meaning of "heart" and get the basic concept he was trying to relate. Any body who wanted a more in-depth understanding of what he was talking about could always read the book he linked to

Congratulations! Fatherhood is incredibly sanctifying. Beeke has already been mentioned, but I can make a few other recommendations that are broadly reformed. Don Whitney's Family Worship is worth reading for its encouragement more than anything. I'd also recommend Paul Tripp's Parenting as it centralizes the gospel in parenting. There's also Ted Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart. You might also enjoy some of the blog posts on parenting at CCEF. Finally, a number of good resources are available down the road for catachesis if you plan to do anything like that, but for now enjoy these early days.