Reddit reviews Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things

From NPR's web site:

For the past decade, psychologists Randy Frost and Gail Steketee have studied hoarders: people who compulsively acquire a lot of stuff, and then have difficulty discarding the objects they obtain. In their book Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things, the two researchers detail how compulsive behaviors drive sufferers to pile objects throughout their homes.

On when collecting becomes pathology:


Gail Steketee: "[It's] when it crosses the line from ... collecting things to the point where there's distress — either to the person who has the problem or [for] those around them. And [when there is an] impairment — when they can't do the things that they [would otherwise] do in their ordinary lives, when they can't socialize or have people into the house or work effectively, when they can't spend time with their children and on and on."


Randy Frost: "One of the questions we get all the time from people is, 'What's the difference between someone who has a hoarding problem and someone who is a collector?' What we've noticed is a couple of major differences between the two. First of all, when people collect things, they typically organize them in a pretty systematic fashion — and that doesn't happen in hoarding. The other thing is, when people collect things, they typically want to display them to other people. ... Hoarders want to keep things hidden because of the shame they have."

I'd say ask her first though. Also, if she is really a hoarder, she will need counseling to fix the issue. Hoarding will most likely have its own entry as a psychological disorder in DSM-5 (here). Also, here's a hoarding scale. And here's a very interesting book on hoarding. And the subreddit for it.

How bad is it? Can all your rooms still be used for their intended purpose? Can you have visitors over?

If it's not so bad, change is very possible I think, if you take baby steps. Even getting rid of one object is a good start and the more objects she manages to discard, the easier it gets, and it'll help her redefine the way she sees them.

Also I agree with kitsuko, zenhabits is an excellent site for developing organizing skills. And regarding the "keep", "maybe", "donate", "trash" system, if there are way too many items, perhaps it would help to simplify the system at first, in just 2 categories, "trash" and the rest (though that only truly works if there are a lot of things that are worth trashing, stained/old clothing, old magazines and such).

For donating things, I find that freecycle is excellent. It might also help her to know that some objects will still be useful for someone else. If you are in the US, I've heard there are charities that offer tax deductions for the things you donate to them.

Where do you get the idea that OP's mom is letting him/her do anything?

OP, do not clean the fuck out of anything, unless you want it twice as bad in a fraction of the time.

There are a couple books you might want to read to help you understand the thinking patterns of a hoarder, and might help you figure out how to best talk to your mom...

Stuff by Randy Frost

Buried in Treasures by David Tolin