Reddit reviews Taking Charge of ADHD, Third Edition: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents
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Taking Charge of ADHD The Complete Authoritative Guide for Parents
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Books and CBT
Barkley has two books about this and he is considered the leading ADHD book author on Adult ADHD. Barkley actually has far more than 2 books but the below two are the ones meant for normal people. He has 200+ scientific journals articles/medical textbook chapters to his name and his treatment handbook for ADHD has 6136 scientific cites of his treatment handbook for medical practitioners that came out 10 years ago (2005), and only 1 paper on his theory of Executive Function (1997) has 4898 scientific cites. A very old book on his about ADHD and self control (1997) has 2220 scientific cites. To put this in context there is about a 1000 scientific research papers each year on ADHD
The other authorative author on ADHD is Dr. Hallowell (Driven to Distraction, Delivered from Distraction) are considered the authoritative books on Adult ADHD
Barkley recommends 3 CBT programs by these people. They have books on amazon (I have not read them). I recommend you read these with a therapist for much of it is geared not to you but the therapist who then practice these techniques with yout.
I can't tell if your difficulty is trying to get him to regulate his own behavior -- i.e., you want him to pay attention more in school when he's there? or you are trying to get him to do homework with you at home? I think these things are different.
I have 8 year old twin boys, one adhd, one autistic. One thing I've come to realize recently is I've had a tendency to have inappropriate expectations. One book that helped me understand that was this one: http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-ADHD-Third-Edition/dp/1462507891. It is for adhd, but I found this aspect of it definitely applied to my autistic son also.
Dr. Barkley talks a lot about executive functioning, and how when that is impaired or immature, you can't expect your kids to fix certain things by tell them over and over or by punishing them, etc., because their whole problem is that they don't have the ability to "make themselves" do things. It was spot on.
I don't know why it was hard for me to see it, but my son has no ability to "make himself" do anything. this makes perfect sense, because my own ability is incredibly limited (I have ADHD), and he is only 8!!
So, I can teach him the rule, and he can know the rule, but he still may not be able to FOLLOW it. This is really key. This really does apply to both my ADHD and my autistic son. honestly, it applies even MORE to my autistic son.
He requires "scaffolding" I think Dr. Barkley called it. He only does well with immediately, on-the-spot help to do whatever it is he needs to do.
On top of that, Dr. Barkley talks about how our brains get exhausted and we just can't focus on something for very long. We require breaks, with some extra glucose etc. And then maybe we can come back and do a tiny bit more.
So long stretches of sitting and doing nothing or long stretches of forced work are not going to get you anywhere, I think.
Don't be afraid of medication. For most of us, they are the best and most important foundational tool we have available. I'm sure you've heard the horror stories, but those represent a very small minority of people with ADHD. For most of us, meds are very well-tolerated and if there are any side effects, they're generally mild and manageable. Just like there are people with missing limbs or paralysis that need prosthetic limbs or wheelchairs to help mitigate their impairments, we need medication. Medication is our prosthetic.
You should watch this lecture by Russell Barkley, one of the foremost ADHD experts of the past 40 years. He talks about what ADHD is, how it affects those who have it, how to treat it, and the consequences of not treating it. He's also written evidence-based books for parents and teachers on how to manage ADHD at home and school. They're based on his 40 years of research and clinical practice.