Reddit reviews The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD
We found 18 Reddit comments about The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
New Harbinger Publications
First of all, late happy birthday! I'm really sorry you had to spend it alone and for all the other things that you've been going through in the last few years. I just read some of your posts/comments and well... I suppose it's fair to say that you are really struggling. But it's also clear from your history that you are full of love and a willingness and great ability to help others. You are lovable, did you know that? Whoever you end up with, they'll be lucky to count with such a supportive and loving individual, even despite your struggles with BPD. I wish I could be more helpful regarding dating, but I've taken myself away from dating for the time being. I miss being with my partner of 7 years so much, so fucking much. But right now dating will only bring more chaos and difficulties that will most likely affect my life and health negatively. I can't deal with more instability. It's 2019, Danidinger, being single at 27, or 29 (my age) is no longer an sentence of singledom. There will be time for dating in the future. I'm telling you this because some of the more recent difficulties you've posted about relate to your dating life and maybe you could also benefit from taking a break from it all, and the instability and drama that dating brings. I don't know you enough to advice you to do so, but I want to leave it there for you to consider because that's what's worked better for me. And trust me, nothing hurts me more to the core of my being than the daily isolation of being alone in this world. But dating at the moment does not make it better, I still feel the pain of isolation, with the added chaos and instability that dating bring.
That said, the main reason why I stopped in your post and really wanted to properly reply is because I've felt the same way countless times, I still do constantly. But I want you to know that, even if we feel that way, it does get better. Like so many of us, I've suffered the worst of BPD and PTSD. The traumas, the constant stream of crisis after crisis, the loss of those I love, the self-harm, problems with colleagues at work, addiction, pushing away my friends, isolation, hopelessness. Trying to end my life. And I still feel all those things, quite often. And yet I can still promise you that it does get better. For example, I've actually been slowly improving during the last few years; slowly, almost without noticing it. I think the painful experiences we go through teach us more than we realise. For example, I'm learning about respecting boundaries because I've seen the consequences of not doing so, driving the most important person of my life to need to leave me for the sake of his own mental health. I'm becoming more patient with other people because I've seen that you lose them if you subject them to unreasonable standards. I've learnt to distrust my rage-induced negative thinking because I've felt inhuman levels of guilt when I come back to my senses. It takes time, but it does get better as you become wiser and more self-aware of your own behaviour and symptoms.
In addition to my own experience, I've read SO MUCH about BPD, from articles and books to the latest medical research, as well as other studies from the last 20 years. You don't have to believe me, just check out what the last decade of studies and research continuously prove and agree on: with age and time, BPD symptoms decrease in severity and frequency. We now know that the outlook of BPD, long-thought to be untreatable, is actually positive. If you are interested of sceptical please do let me know and I can direct you to studies, papers and clinical research from all over the world.
Lastly, without knowing you or your circumstances, I don't think I should attempt at recommending treatments, medications, therapies... however a book that's been really helping me with BPD is https://www.amazon.co.uk/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/. I have a spare copy and I'd be delighted to send it to you as a late birthday present. I'm in the UK as well, so it's no problem at all. Feel free to share your address or that of a near post office where you can go to pick it up.
I hope this helps bring a bit of perspective and comfort. Just keep going, one day at a time. Don't give up, you won't regret it.
Suggested:
I have myself recovered from BPD, severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's SP4T as the 9th of the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as REBT, collegiate critical thinking, several of the CBTs including CPT and schema therapy, EMDR, DBT, MBCT, ACT, MBBT, MBSR, SEPt, HBCT, and NARM in the fourth.
The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide by Alexander L. Chapman and Kim L. Gratz
Best book ever, imo:[Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide] (http://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077)
It's really great for family, friends, and SO's to read as well.
I can suggest three books for you that might be helpful. A Guide for the Newly Diagnosed (2013), next the "survival guide" (same authors as the first book--more in-depth, but older, 2008), finally, this book on Mindfulness is very good.
Of course, reading books alone will not "cure" you. But the books can provide good, non-judgmental information (they have helped some of my loved ones understand my struggles better), offer some skills that you can practice, and suggest treatment options.
If you want the take-home message, it is that drugs alone will not cure you of BPD. So much of what gives us trouble in our lives vis-a-vis BPD is behavioral in nature. That is to say, we need to learn new skills and behaviors that can assist us in managing our emotions better. Yes, the medication can help even out our moods a bit or relieve symptoms of anxiety or depression. But some of the core issues--intensity, fear of abandonment, difficulty with interpersonal relationships--these issues need targeted treatment.
DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) is the most well-known and popular treatment for BPD. It was created by a woman who has beaten BPD and is an esteemed psychologist at the University of Washington! There is so much reason for hope!
Yes, therapy is expensive. As for the health insurance...well, it probably wouldn't cover it anyway. I would urge you to contact clinicians who do DBT (which is not at all like traditional talk therapy--this is a goal-oriented, process directed therapy. One of the explicit goals of DBT is to get you out of DBT in about 10-12 months). Contact these providers and ask if they offer a "sliding pay scale". Many won't, but some do. And if you don't ask, you'll never know what you might find.
Finally, I want to recognize how frustrating and invalidating it must be for you to have your mother deny the reality of your situation. That must be tough and I'm sorry.
I found this book super helpful in shaping my own understanding of the disorder: http://www.amazon.ca/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077
It helped me to explain my diagnosis to my family. It also debunks some common myths.
I had a similar reaction when I found out and I first started to read about it. I haven't read "I hate you, don't leave me," but I did read "I act crazy sometimes" as celarcade mentioned, which I thought was good. The Borderline Personality Survival Guide is the book that was most helpful/least painful for me. I know it feels horrible, scary and hopeless right now, and those feelings won't last forever (even though it probably feels like it). Stick around this subreddit, it's full of people who are in recovery, doing well and supportive to others. It will be hard for sure, and it seems impossible now, but you can get through it.
These are the books I have, and if I've read them (as a lot are still on my To Read pile - uni keeps getting in the way of my reading!) what I thought of them:
Book, Author | Reaction
---|---
I Hate You, Don't Leave Me Kreisman & Strause 2010 (a later edition than the original) | Like many, I came away from this book actually more depressed about my condition that I was going in. It is based on older research, when the prognosis for BPD wasn't as good as it is now. Personally, I also found Kreisman & Strause had an assumption that the formative trauma or emotional isolation would come from the maternal figure, which isn't the case for me.
The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide Chapman, Gratz & Hoffman, 2007 | This book was really, really helpful. Not only does it have a more optimistic take on treatment outcomes than I Hate You, it's also (IMO) better written. Very good at navigating how to take steps forward when you are first diagnosed. This is the book I would recommend everyone get when they first receive their diagnosis.
Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder Aguirre & Galen, 2013 | Some people find the concept of mindfulness to be new age hippy dippy shit. Not me. I love it. This is how my brain works best at coping with BPD, and I've found this book to be extremely helpful as a self-help option. No, this is not full DBT - but it's a really good starting point and management mechanism to keep things in check. It's also really good to develop skills at realistic self-analysis, to be mindful of when your borderline behaviours are going off, so that if you can't stop them to begin with, at least you can recognise what you're doing, pull back and apologise where necessary.
The Dialectal Behavioural Therapy Skills Workbook McKay, Wood & Brantley, 2007 | This is not helpful, and to be honest when I showed it to my former psych and said I was struggling with it, he said that it wasn't the best DBT workbook. The exercises are very hard to do solo. I suspect it works better as a prescribed workbook to a group DBT course. Save your money on this one!
Coping with BPD Aguirre & Galen, 2015 | Yet to read this one properly, but from skimming through it so far, I think it will be good. Very structured, and very targeted at "when you feel X, you can do Y, Z...."
Sometimes I Act Crazy... Kreisman & Strause, 2006 | I'm reading this at the moment. In the foreword, Kreisman & Strause explicitly say "wow, we got lots of feedback from people with BPD for I Hate You that they came away very despondent and feeling negative about their treatment chances, which is not what we intended.... so this is a new version designed for patients, psychology students and professionals." It more constructive and focused on positive treatment options than I Hate You but I still find their style of writing a little ... blah. And it needs more case study examples than Princess Diana. That's not helpful. I mean, it kind of is, because like Marilyn Monroe she's a famous figure whose "dramatic" behaviour can be post-death explained by a diagnosis of BPD, so it helps people come to grips with "oh, THAT's what BPD is like" but personally? Not that helpful.
Beyond Borderline: True Stories of Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder Gunderson, 2016 | I haven't read this yet, so can't really give any feedback. But as you'll note from this and the next book purchased at the same time, I'm seeking out more than just "OK, so you've been diagnosed with BPD, what does that mean?" now and looking specifically for "this is manageable, you will be OK, it just takes work"
This Is Not The End: Conversations on Borderline Personality Disorder Martin, 2016 | As above - can't judge it yet as I haven't read it, but hoping for some reassurance that things might be OK in the future.
I think, unless I come across a really well recommended book, or a future psych recommends something, I might put the brakes on buying more books on BPD, just because most of them deal with the same stuff - diagnostic criteria, how BPD manifests in people, how to treat it, how to manage mood swings and maladaptive behaviours, etc.
My partner didn't really understand why I did what I did, but I found a great book (The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide ) which helped both of us make sense of things.
I know it is difficult, but the people who want to be around you aren't psychic. You need to effectively 'hand-feed' them information on BDP. With the help of therapy, you won't find their lack of knowledge quite as distressing.
Look after yourself.
Don't waste your time reading that crap. This book is much better.
Not sure where you can access it online for free, but I'm using this one, it's available on Amazon used for around $6 plus $4 shipping if you don't have Prime.
The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245077/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_LDZAyb4TRH683)
No this is not true at all please don't be discouraged. I have found BPD has made a difference in the few months I have tried it. I also find that some sort of talk therapy is also very helpful.
[I recently read this book and found it very enlightening as to the facts and fictions of BPD] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572245077/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?qid=1451950000&sr=8-4&pi=AC_SX220_SY330_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=borderline+personality+disorder&dpPl=1&dpID=51Y9BHtkgcL&ref=plSrch)
First of all, I need to say this: I am not a doctor, so please do not take what I say as medical advice. Also, my response is going to be a bit long, but please read all of it.
Now, with that being said, I will tell you what I think. First of all, how old are you? You sound almost exactly like me, and I am diagnosed with BPD. I was also diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 12. That was when I started to have problems. I have also been on countless medications (everything from antidepressants, to antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, etc.). I have also been to many, many therapists and psychiatrists. I was also misdiagnosed with Bipolar due to my mood swings when I was a young teen.
You said that you were abused as a child. Who were you abused by, and what was the extent of the abuse? Was it physical, psychological, or sexual abuse? Did you also experience neglect (such as not being given enough food or being given the cold shoulder frequently as a child?). Did your mother ever abuse you, or was it your father or someone else? Not everyone who has BPD has been abused. Having experienced abuse is not a requirement to having BPD. However, I would say that most people who have BPD have been either abused, neglected, or bullied in one way or another in their childhood. I am so sorry that you had to deal with the abuse. I, too, went through some childhood trauma. I wish I could hug you, but I can't. So here is a virtual internet hug: -hug-
I want to address some of the things you said that are typical to BPD (please remember, as I said already, I am not a doctor. Any advice I give should be run by a doctor first):
> All my life, I've been absolutely TERRIFIED of being rejected/ abandoned.
This is a huge part of BPD. Part of BPD is constantly seeking the approval of others. Many people with BPD, including myself, place a very very heavy emphasis on gaining the acceptance of others. For example: you are in a room with 1000 people. 950 of those people love you. The other 50 people do not like you. Most people with BPD will focus on those 50 that don't like them. Even though 95% of people like them, someone with BPD can get very upset about those other 5% that don't like them.
> This has been a recurring theme in most of my relationships. Even the smallest action, like my friends going out to get lunch without me, convinces me that I am worthless and they hate being around me.
Relationship problems (or "people problems" as I like to call it) are a central part of BPD. In my experience, I have had WAY more people problems than the average person who doesn't have BPD. You stated "this has been a reoccurring theme". That is something that almost ALL people with BPD can relate to. Paranoia, insecurity, and relationship problems are all reoccurring themes in BPD. In fact, all personality disorders are reoccurring themes. According to the American Psychological Association, the definition of personality is: "individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving." BPD involves a disordered way of thinking, feeling, and behaving in regards to relationships.
> The other night, I was visiting family and ended up calling someone that I used to hook up with back in the day.
Impulsivity is another characteristic of BPD. Please correct me if I am wrong because I don't personally know you, but it sounds like your decision to hook up with this person was an impulse decision that you had not truly thought through. I did the same exact thing you did. When my boyfriend and I broke up (and we had a very rocky relationship due to my paranoia) I was so upset that I called someone up and had sex with them. This was an impulsive decision. Also, are you promiscuous? Many people with BPD are. This is a problem that I have had. I have finally gotten this problem under control, however, because I am truly scared that I may become pregnant. On an unrelated note, you also mentioned drugs and alcohol. I have had problems with those as well. However, my drug/alcohol use is not consistent. I don't consistently use drugs.
> ...about my suicide attempts and cutting
Self harm is something that almost all people with BPD struggle with at one point or another. You said that one time, you punched yourself in the face until you bled. I have had similar problems. I have slammed my head against the wall, punched myself in my arms, cut myself (I have scars all over my arms and one time I needed stitches), and stuck needles in my arms as well. Self-harm is a very serious symptom of BPD.
That is great that you are going to start DBT. I have some experience with DBT. It works much better than traditional talk therapy. It gives you real-life solutions to handling intense emotions. It also teaches you "people skills".
There are a couple books that I would like to recommend to you. I have both of these books and I think they would really help you also. The first one is called "The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD" You can get it on Amazon for about $15: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572245077?pc_redir=1404943244&robot_redir=1
Also, I REALLY recommend "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, And Distress Tolerance". If you are going to get any book, get this one. It's a self help book that has worksheets in it and it tells you how to do the DBT skills. You can either do the workbook on your own, or do it in therapy with a therapist. You can get it for about $13 on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572245131?pc_redir=1404818033&robot_redir=1
There are also a few websites that I highly recommend you check out: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com (once you are familiar with DBT, you can check out this website for extra help with practicing your skills and tools). Also, are you familiar with NAMI? It is an advocacy and education organization that assists those with mental illness. Here is a fantastic self help workbook they have created: http://www.nami.org/Content/Microsites316/NAMI_PA,_Cumberland_and_Perry_Cos_/Home310/Education27/WSM_English_Workbook.pdf
Anyway, I know that my response was very long. But I hope you read all of it. I remember before I was officially diagnosed, I felt lost, hopeless, and confused. I hope that I at least helped you a little. Please keep us updated on how the DBT goes. Also, here is a list of hotlines to call if you are ever in crisis: http://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-referral-resources/
Hey, I'm in a pretty similar situation myself, I haven't been around the disorder long myself so like you, I'm trying to get a better understanding of it. I haven't read it yet, but have had this book recommended to me, might be worth checking out: http://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077
Best of luck :)
I'd suggest these two, the first is more of a "here's what BPD is and is not" educational book, it's the first one I read after my diagnosis. The second is a book full of different DBT exercises, it's a pretty good sized book so there's tons of different things to try out. I picked up both from my local chapters store.
https://www.amazon.ca/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077#productDescription_secondary_view_div_1481504174484
https://www.amazon.ca/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131
Welcome!
I would suggest this workbook and this book for yourself. Then I would suggest this book for your loved ones.
Here is some good information on the different therapies for BPD that they say are most effective (DBT being one of them).
I follow a bunch of accounts on Instagram with inspirational quotes and relatable content that I find helpful. My favourite hashtag being # bpdrecovery - if you use Instagram, I highly suggest checking it out.
I think the most important thing to remember is to be active in your recovery and to be kind to yourself.
I hope this helps!
I also recommend this book for borderline. The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245077/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_LPt3xb0AN14TA