Reddit Reddit reviews The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating

We found 14 Reddit comments about The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

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The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating
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14 Reddit comments about The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating:

u/sporkubus · 9 pointsr/Buddhism

There's a book by a BPD sufferer who found some help from Buddhism.

u/killthecucumber · 7 pointsr/BPD

A great book is:
The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating https://www.amazon.ca/dp/157224710X/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_T6a.wbP07B1Q4

Don't know if anyone is into Buddhism or not but the basic mindfulness skills are helpful. Both my psychiatrist and I own the book, and he's Jewish so you don't have to believe in Buddhism to like the book. It's mostly something nice to relate to and find hope. It's kinda triggering though so be weary!! But that's because it's relatable!

u/chameleon_souls · 4 pointsr/BPD

Hey there, I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time. I'm 30 and was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago and I'm going trough something similar.

First, you are not your mom's boyfriend. Being an abusive asshole is a choice and as you said a diagnosis is not an excuse to do bad things. That being said I also currently struggle with viewing myself as a monster. I realized I've really hurt people in the past and right now I'm struggling to forgive myself. I'm working on self compassion and gathering courage to apologize to those people. I have also made a promise to myself that going forward I will do my absolute best to not hurt anyone else with my words or actions.

Regarding things getting better...yes they do, but it takes time.

I was crazy unbearably symptomatic in my early and mid twenties but at that time lived in a country where mental health was non-existent, so I got no professional help whatsoever. The general consensus and also my personal experience is that BPD gets better with age. For me, without treatment, this has meant that I have more self control in not letting my emotions destroy relationships. I don't lash out so often, I'm more hesitant to cut people out, etc. The intensity of the emotions is still the same, but they have less control over me now than they had in the past.

In the past 6 months I've been in an outpatient program that does DBT and it has gradually made my life easier (I was admitted there per-diagnosis, after a suicide attempt). My emotions are still intense, but it takes me less time to calm down. I still dissociate, but I can tell when I'm starting to do so and take action. I don't self harm and drink myself to sleep anymore.

The emptiness is still there. I try to fight it with hobbies and activities, but haven't made much progress yet. I'd love to hear other people's experiences on this one.

I also struggle with knowing who I am or what I like, but I've come to view myself as a collage: I take pieces of other people-likes, hobbies, interests and adopt them as my own. Some of those pieces I keep, some I discard or replace when I meet new people but slowly over time I'm constructing a personality.

Lastly some things that I've found helpful:

The Buddha and The Borderline This book gave me a lot of hope that recovery is possible even late in life, even for severe cases.

Some videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhOotNCqg2E

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Is-kXJiOaLc&t=41s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZdjbLFPr5k

The Migghty's articles on BPD (not all of them but it is interesting to read about other borderliness experiences)

This Discord server was super helpful for a mini crisis situation yesterday. It is not BPD specific

And most importantly look for a DBT group or therapist. It is really helpful. Or you can start working though a workbook on your own.

Feel free to message me if you want to chat or share info on BPD, I'm also figuring all of this out.

And obligatory English is not my native language, sorry if this is difficult to read.

<3

u/8bit-meow · 3 pointsr/BPD

This book is what helped me really understand that I wasn't alone. You can read about BPD criteria all day and still feel like you're alone but this was a trip through it though someone else's eyes. DBT and Buddhism were what really helped me.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Buddha-Borderline-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X

u/parakeetpoop · 3 pointsr/booksuggestions

You sound EXACTLY like me. It's always hard to live like we do, and I'll give you some book recommendations, but I want to give you some pointers too that have basically kept me alive.

I saw so many therapists who did next to nothing for me. I ended up committing myself to a 100% voluntary psychiatric hospital. Everyone was basically in the same boat; we weren't crazy but we weren't healthy either. The treatment plan that they gave us was based on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which is I guess somewhat new. It's meant for borderline personality disorder, but as someone who has PTSD, general anxiety, and clinical depression, I would HIGHLY recommend any books or workbooks or videos you can find on it. I like it because it helps you treat yourself rather than making you dependent on therapists, etc. It's all about reshaping the way you think and the way you handle certain situations. It's the best thing I've ever found that helps (and I spent 15 years in near-useless therapy before that!)

I also found that reading people's memoirs and even some fiction books really helped as well because they reminded me that I wasn't alone. See, it's hard with mental health because it's not like any other "diseases" that you can see. I think we often feel alone because it's so hard to tell when somebody is like us since depression and anxiety aren't conditions that are readily visible to the human eye. It's a sneaky illness that creeps up on you like a parasite and getting it to go away is a process, but it's still possible.

Just think about any positive thing you can, and don't let yourself find cons to it. There may always be negative aspects to things, but there are almost always pros as well. No matter how you feel, there's always somebody out there who could use your help. If you're feeling really bad, try volunteer work. It helps me sometimes. Also try going outside your comfort zone with things. Give yourself a thrill and discover something new that you can enjoy. I know it's hard to get the motivation or energy to do anything like that when you're depressed, but you have to force yourself. (It's called "opposite to emotion action" in DBT. Life saver.)

Anyway, here are those book recommendations:

u/[deleted] · 2 pointsr/BPD

That's good that you asked because I was going to open a similar thread, asking for good books about BPD.

I did a quick search on eBay and found this book and this other book that had good reviews. Do you know if they're any good?

It's strange because there doesn't seem to be much material concerning BPD, I was hoping to find much more. I suffer from BPD and would like to gain some insight on my problem, to understand exactly how this invisible problem works and to understand my own limits using this knowledge.

I don't really give a fuck about what other people think about us, and neither you should care... Don't lose your precious time over other people's opinions, you should already know how ignorant the general population is by this time.

PS: I'll check your blog when I have some time, there seems to be good information there! Thank you for the effort, we need more people like you.

u/Corrina2017 · 1 pointr/AMA

I have been diagnosed with BPD officially for a year now. Prior to that I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar 2. Honestly my experience with medication hasn't been great. I totally hear you about feeling like a lab rat. Currently I am on Guanfacine, which is normally an ADD/Autism med meant to curb impulsivity. I have been on anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, and anti-depressants all of which were minimally effective and had shitty side effects. However, I HAVE SEEN MARKED IMPROVEMENT since I have started a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy program. DBT is similar but different than CBT, and was specifically designed for BPD. It is essentially Buddhism meets Western psych. I CAN'T RECOMMEND IT HIGHLY ENOUGH. I went through an intensive CBT program before starting the DBT program and didn't see any results despite a lot of effort. The entire point of DBT is learning skills to manage your reactions to triggers. You can control your brain not the other way around. I linked to the wiki page about DBT in another comment, but here's kind of the run down. A PROPER DBT program will consist of two parts, group therapy and individual therapy. In group therapy you discuss and learn skills meant to help you regulate emotions, increase stress tolerance, decrease vulnerability to triggers, and improve interpersonal relationships. You use a textbook, current edition here: https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=FY8PYY4YF8P0KGPYH603
and you work through the worksheets and diagrams as weekly "homework". Mindfulness exercises are also a part of group therapy, often in the form of a guided meditation. In individual therapy you work through problems you are facing in your life and see when/how to apply the skills you are learning in group. Focus is on how to deal with current issues and triggers rather than digging really deep into why you have BPD, so if you have co-morbid PTSD you should be ok ( although it does deal with how to apply skills to thoughts/feelings brought up by past trauma). Again, I CAN'T RECOMMEND IT ENOUGH. Also, be careful of half-ass programs. Like I said a proper program with have both Group and Individual therapy. Often, there are Group programs floating around on their own, which are more support groups than skills training. Do your research on a the place providing the therapy before diving in to ensure it is the full skills training. I also recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X it was very inspiring.

u/SushiAndWoW · 1 pointr/AMA

> may I ask why you are so curious about BPD?

I haven't been able to move on from having feelings about a person who cut off contact with me in circumstances I haven't been able to make sense of. The whole time we talked, there was a come closer / keep away dynamic to it. We were crazy about each other, we exchanged a bunch of messages and texts, but she remained reluctant to meet. She was anxious and afraid; she seemed concerned about what I might think of her if I met her, but didn't want to explain. I know for a fact that she exists and looks like her pictures, so that's not it. We told each other our life stories, I never once caught her in a lie - yet she insisted I don't know her, and that I have no idea who she is.

There was a real obstacle that prevented us from meeting. She's married, and not in an open relationship (I am). I was forward and reckless, and destroyed her husband's opinion of me. So yes, that's reasonable grounds for termination of contact... Except that, for the longest time, she couldn't do it. She wanted me in her life, perhaps as much as I wanted her, until...

I still can't tell if she manufactured the conflict, or if it was real. Perhaps both? We had a couple of big misunderstandings where I was admittedly being an ass; but no attempt to explain myself helped, it only seemed to make things worse. I had no idea how to deal with it. Then the final straw was the most banal thing... She argued Romney would have made a better president than Obama, whereas I argued they're both different flavors of the same thing. I called her young and inexperienced. She told me I have one chance to apologize, or that's the end. I refused. She'd had me groveling the past few days, and I felt I had to stand up for myself. So that was it.

I thought that this would last a week. Nope. She said forever, and meant it.

That was in August 2013, and I'm sorry to say she hasn't left my mind for a day since. I can't explain why it must be her I can't forget, why she must be the one who's meant this much to me. It's not just that she's attractive. It's not because she's "crazy". I've been with a number of women before her and after, so I have something to compare - yet I can't point to any individual aspect of her and say, "That's it."

So I've been left with all these unanswered questions, trying to make sense of what she never revealed. What did she mean when she said she was crazy? Why her obsession with routine? Why does she have this rigid, rule-based approach to relationships? She seems to care about people deeply, so why does she so often seem to flunk basic empathy? Where do her panic attacks and anxiety fit in? What of her tendency to drink, the self-harm in her past, her impulsivity? What of her erratic mood swings? Why did she see insults in observations that meant nothing of the sort - and was seemingly completely unable to handle criticism? Why did she tell me everything about herself - and then claim I know nothing about her?

At first, I felt cruelly betrayed and angry. I grew convinced she was a narcissist. But she isn't. If she manipulates, she doesn't do it on purpose. She claimed she lied to me, but I never identified a lie in any detail. I suspect the "lie" was her presenting herself as more "together" than she really thinks she is.

So I figured, she must be suffering from something; perhaps she doesn't even know the diagnosis. I suspected Asperger's at first. It would explain her need for routine; her reliance on rationality and rules instead of empathy in relationships; her caring about people - yet simultaneously having trouble comprehending their feelings; her need for safety; and last but not least, her tendency to burn bridges. (I was not the first with whom she did this.)

So I read several books on Asperger's, especially in females, but it didn't explain everything. I sort of knew there must be something else - or at least, something in addition to this. I suspected bipolar or borderline, but it felt intrusive for me to keep looking further. Throughout this time, I still try to reach her by writing her letters at 1-2 month intervals. I hoped, one day she would reply, and I might learn from her the rest of the story...

But then you posted this topic, and... I saw a lot of her in what you wrote. The article you linked to led me to The Buddha and the Borderline, which I am reading now, and it's just so... striking. This is it. She is not Kiera, but a big part of her is like this:

I have all the symptoms: I have chronic feelings of emptiness and an unstable sense of self. I'm suicidal and self-harming, and I frantically avoid abandonment and rejection no matter what the cost. My relationships are stormy and intense, and my perceptions can shift between black and white at the drop of a hat. My emotions are out of control, I freak out when stressed, and others often find my anger inappropriate.

It's probably coincidence - but in Chapter 8, I chuckled at that the author even has the same favorite music:

The only music that satisfies me is Nine Inch Nails and Trent Reznor's voice crying through industrial rhythms. In the August evenings, I lie on my bed with earphones, letting his laments roll through me like unrepentant thunderstorms. I envy the courage that carries his voice into the world. He doesn't berate himself for pain and anger; he howls. And this delights me, even though I feel ashamed when my own rage comes to the surface. My anger doesn't signify courage; it's just more confirmation that I'm bad.

I'm 17 months and 1,600 miles away from her, and lacking a couple of degrees, so - I can't diagnose her with BPD. But reading this may help me understand the pressures inside her. Why she kept insisting I don't know her. Why she felt she was hiding, and feared I would judge her if she opened up. It doesn't bring her back into my life. It doesn't explain why I can't forget her. But... It might at least provide some of the answers I seek.

You've answered some questions that I would like to ask of her. I thank you for this.

u/Jayaranii · 1 pointr/BPD

https://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X

This book is absolutely amazing. I'm almost finished; it is such a beautiful read 💫

u/rodandanga · 1 pointr/CFB

Thank you, I hope things start looking up for you. I just finished one of the best books ever about dealing with depression and mental illness. I think everyone could learn lessons from it.

The Buddha and the Borderline

u/CoffeeMeasurements · 1 pointr/BPD

Since your diagnosis was recent I'm assuming that you haven't looked much into DBT yet. I strongly urge you to join a group. You'll find solidarity with the others there.

>therapy and everything just wants to teach me how I can handle living in this dark and lonely world

That's the truth of it, really. But it will help you to see that the world isn't entirely bleak. I see from your post history that you're well-acquainted with Buddhism, so the mindfulness principles of DBT should come easier to you than most.

For example, one thing you will learn is how to check the facts on your assumptions about the people around you. Take "everyone hates me" for example: do they really? They do the best they can for you, and care about you, and that's more than they're obliged to do for someone they hate.

Allow me to empower you for a moment. You imply that a razor is the only thing that you can trust not to leave you. And I know how comforting it is to unzip your skin and let it run. But remember: you are the one holding that razor. You can be trusted not to abandon yourself, because you are the one performing the action. The razor doesn't have autonomy, it's just a tool you're using. And that tool can be replaced with DBT skills once you learn to tune into your Wise Mind; that little nagging feeling in your gut, just before you cut, that says "I don't really want this for myself". But until then, just hold on.

Hope is your greatest weapon in this fight. Try and find a little part of every day that you're appreciative of. Maybe pick up a new hobby, get a pet or do volunteer work. Keep busy. L'appel du vide is muffled when you find what gives you hope, and do it often.

So darling, just hold on, please. It's incredibly hard, what you're going through. Myself and countless people here are on the same journey. Loneliness is part of us, but don't let it obscure how many people really care and understand. Focus on the present moment, and when you feel lonely, garner hope in a way that works for you.

Good luck. My inbox is always open if you need it.

Edit: If you have a little cash, I highly suggest buying a copy of The Buddha and the Borderline, written as an autobiographical account of the author's recovery from BPD. It's an intense read, so pick it up on a good day.

u/LolaDavina · 1 pointr/SexWorkers

I just happened to be going through a list of books for a project, and I was reminded of Buddha and the Borderline-- it's a great book written by someone with BPD-- it helps you to understand where they're coming from: https://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1473873387&sr=1-1&keywords=buddha+and+the+borderline

u/chiguires · 0 pointsr/BPD

When I was first diagnosed, these two books helped me process it:
The Buddha and the Borderline, a first-person account of a woman's experience with BPD, provided some recognition into some of my own past and present experiences and helped me to understand them in a new context. I cried throughout the entire thing, as I recognized myself on every page. It was this book helped me see how the diagnosis fit. It's got a positive ending though :-)

The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide provided a lot of diagnostic and practical information in a non-judgmental and positive light.

I am also doing DBT, and that's been helpful, but for me, it's not been a source of info on BPD itself. They seem to avoid referencing BPD by name and instead refer to it "emotion regulation difficulties" or similar. In fact, I only found out I had the diagnosis because I needed my diagnosis code information for my insurance. Kinda weird.

It sounds like your boyfriend is really great. Mine doesn't know about the BPD diagnosis (just that I have been depressed, hospitalized and self-harmed). It's excellent that yours knows and is sticking by you.

Good luck!!!