Reddit Reddit reviews The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now

We found 36 Reddit comments about The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

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The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now
The Defining Decade Why Your Twenties Matter And How to Make the Most of Them Now
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36 Reddit comments about The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now:

u/3ebfan · 35 pointsr/AskReddit

There are two growth spurts that occur in the human brain. The first happens when you are very young and the second happens in your twenties. The first growth spurt occurs during the first few years of your life and happens in the area of your brain that is closest to your spinal column. Billions of neurons are created during this time. This portion of the brain is responsible for emotions, sex-drives, hunger cravings, and feelings -- pretty much all of your primal instincts. The addition of so many neurons in so little time gives children's brains the plasticity to learn so many languages and words at a young age. The neurons that are not used during this time are killed off, but the frontal lobe of the brain has not yet developed. This is why kids are so good at remembering so many words, but are really bad at putting them into sentences. They'll be good at games, or putting square blocks into square holes, but they'll forget to tie their shoes, forget their lunches, or put theirs shirts on backwards -- because their frontal lobe has not yet developed.

The second growth spurt occurs in your frontal lobe and doesn't happen until your late twenties. The frontal lobe is the portion of your brain that is directly behind your forehead. It is responsible for rationality, criticalness, and forward-thinking. A lot of evolutionary psychologists think this happens to prepare us one last time for adulthood. If you're in your twenties, than for the last time ever in your life, billions of neurons are being added to your frontal lobe, with thousands of connections each to prepare you for decision making going forward.

People in their twenties are generally confused. They could have went to a good college, but don't know how to start their careers. They could have been valedictorians in high school, but don't know how to choose someone to date and don't know why. Or they feel like fakes, because they managed to get good jobs but cannot calm themselves down at work.

The brain doesn't develop itself into a forward-thinking, rational, complete brain until you enter your thirties. Many psychologists call twentysomething brains "uneven" because they are not fully developed yet.

For more information, you can read "Defining Decade" by Meg Jay. If you want, I can mail you my copy.

u/hitit213 · 27 pointsr/dubai

Throwaway time - yay. I feel so liberated with throwaways.

I can relate to this, went through a similar episode, schooled here, went abroad for uni, had the best 3 damn years of my life, and came back here feeling like I made a mistake coming back.

Also got my license late because of that moving around, so when I did come back I also found it hard to get around to meet friends, barely made it to the office (to a job I stopped liking or learning anything after 3 months). And also found it hard to reconnect with old friends as people mostly seem like here, out of sight, out of mind kind of nature. Saying no initially eventually meant you're forgotten. Can't blame them, gone for 3 years, back, and saying no to going out. Yeah I wouldn't talk to me either. But I also would never ever trade those 3 years abroad for doing them here, not only was it kick-ass awesome, it also taught me theres an entire planet and world out there.

Well that was 3 years ago, I've now changed jobs 3 times, started a company and closed it, on my 3rd job, got my license (obv), car that I like, etc.

Things can get better.

Here's the truth: there are 3 cornerstones in your life:

  1. Your job

  2. Your house (or apartment)

  3. Your relationships

    If you have those things in order, you can afford to take almost any "risk" you want.

    What got me through is this:

  • Always be pursuing your passion. Every year my passion and focus is a little different but in the same field, infact I realize its simply a career progression in a field that does not have clear 1-2-3 steps.

    So love what you do. If you don't, whatever you do, be the best at it. Or better yet, pursue what you love. Your career and job will lead your life, so make sure you absolutely have that one down right, otherwise your home and relationships will suffer.

  • Read. Read great blogs or books that focus on self-growth. The human brain develops its final phase of its personality in your 20's. By the time you hit early 30's your personality and future is completely directed by how you grow and what you do in these 20's. It's also very normal that people in their 20's to get so confused or lost specially getting out of grades and a clear track life of school to suddenly the work force where nothing is straight forward or graded. My personal recommendations are James Clear website, I could lose myself for hours reading his stuff, go to his best articles section. A simple good read is this article. There's also this book, and finally just sign up for the mailing list of this website, I know this site looks spammy as hell but trust me its got some solid content thats specifically relevant to people like you (and me).

  • If you live with family after living alone for a while, you probably want the get the furthest away as possible from them. If you can, find a way to live alone again. This might be tougher to do though depending on your family, and it might be one of those things you just have to haul it along.

  • Manage or clear your debts. There are many strategies out there, I like the clear the smallest debts first approach. Have a wants and needs list, wants make you poorer, needs (including investments) make your richer.

    I'm personally already drawing up my escape plan. Planning to move abroad for work in about a year once I settle stuff here and gain the right experience I need to do that. Let me know if you want me to share it.
u/wthomasm9 · 14 pointsr/suggestmeabook

I found a book called The Defining Decade to be hugely motivating, practical, and life affirming when I read it in my senior year in college. I hope it inspires you the way it inspired me :)


u/LurkFromHomeAskMeHow · 12 pointsr/UKPersonalFinance

Got a book recommendation for you: from your post it sounds like this might help you clarify your thinking. I hope you find a path you’re happy with.

u/hereforporn696969 · 11 pointsr/barstoolsports

Gonna go ahead and plug a book, The Defining Decade by Meg Jay. It's filled with case studies of people in their mid-twenties figuring out their careers, romantic lives, and mental well-being. I'm 25 and often panic about career direction and purpose. I feel this book gives a very informed look on how the sky isn't truly falling. It's a quick 200 pages and I walked away feeling a whole lot more confident about my position.

u/[deleted] · 7 pointsr/asianamerican

Honestly, I think independence > travel. Tons of AA folks I know that live with their grandparents/parents in their 20s do all the whatnot sassy traveling, which is cool and all, but they never really get that "breathe of fresh air" type-of-freedom as an emerging- and young adult.

Travel is only temporary/circumstantial and does not override 'earned autonomy', particularly if you lacked a 'secure base' and was bestowed a 'disorganized attachment' with parents. I mean if such is not the case, temporarily living or prolonging your stay with parents (caregiving) isn't entirely out of the pricture - we as humans aim to seek close proximity with family and our back-then so-called 'tribes'. However, the issue stems when we don't have appropriate 'boundaries' and respective from parents/that were once our caregivers to allow us to seek our own independence.

Like, if you want us to follow filial piety and all that shit, I don't think that means instilling/indoctrinating dependence in your children, at least give us some time to be independence and hone our talents (if you even care to acknowledge) in a manner where we can contribute to society/civilization - which hopefully we'll be rewarded handsomely to wake up everyday and enjoy life, to hopefully then be emotionally and financially empowered to take care of y'alls. But obviously, I suspect as with my narrative, comes with intra- and inter-generational transmission of trauma - where healthy, positive, and uninhibited motivation, does not get procured and passed on by parents despite how well-meaning they are.

But if them folks keep nagging their children, they very might as well cause their kid to float around with guilt-striken feelings of self-worthlessness and induce potentiality of suicide - or even I suppose in Japan's social epidemic given this innovative information-era; Japanese herbivore "men". And it doesn't sound like a pretty sight for Japanese elder/retirees nowadays either with the diminishing birth and marriage rates. In such interconnected global economic uncertainty, and such saturation demolishing the systematic factory-model/corporate hierarchical thinking, is becoming ever-increasingly something of the past. And tomorrow's world that is increasingly becoming today's reality invokes us to be evermore on our self-awareness, self-understanding, and self-knowledge, to procure collective intellectual and social savvy to collaboration in unison in innovative thinking that will paradigmatically shift us to the next economic revolution - just as the industrial age had expedited mankind to exponentially higher heights.

Two examples that I'm sure others can chime in to provide a better analysis: 1) Singapore has, not a bamboo ceiling, but a creative ceiling that stifles their innovation-enpowered technology sector, for which they are earnestly trying to change - with the government leading university partnerships abroad while partitioning for whatnot innovation campaigns. 2) And with the aforementioned Japan, despite their militant-orderly-society, their superior ways of everything-excellence is coming to a crushing defeat as globalization catches up with cheaper solutions (re China/Korea/Taiwan), just as more innovative solutions supersedes their longstanding industrial superiority this century ahead.

IDK about y'all but I subscribe to taking–as many fucking–risks when you can, as you can, which is as early as you can - if not now, when? To which, I would recommend y'alls to check out Meg Jay's book, "The Defining Decade". There is no other time to fail and forge 'weak ties' and gain independence other than your early 20s; it will shape who you are come in later parts/times in your life. If you are young right now, the steppingstone is right now. However, if you want to continue the family lineage with conservative values by Asian parents, then I suppose such investigation is moot, as adhering to Confucianism pedagogical doctrines would take you astray.

u/Masehead · 6 pointsr/UIUC

If you have some free time, it might be a good idea to take some time to read, journal, and learn new skills.

You can journal about the fall semester and try to brainstorm the reasons for why you got a 2.5 GPA. Were you taking time to study every day, were you spending too much time at Kams, or were you spending too much time alone on reddit and not developing a social circle? There's a lot of reasons that can lead to a difficult semester and identifying them is important to prevent the same problems from happening again in the spring. Also the act of journaling will help you process your thoughts in a more productive way than if you are just ruminating.

Reading would also be a great use of your time because for one, the act of reading helps to alleviate feelings of loneliness. You can also read different books about motivation, psychology, health, or success that can give you some tools on how to think about your problems. Some books that were beneficial to me when I was in a similar situation were, "Change Your Brain Change Your Life (before 25)," "The Defining Decade," and "Mindset." Here's the links to them on Amazon:

Lastly, learning new skills will help you increase your confidence and remind you that you are a capable person. Learn how to solve a rubix cube, learn to play a song on some instrument, take a coding class online, or teach yourself how to make an omelette. Honestly, you can teach yourself anything and it will be beneficial. Learning these small skills will make you feel productive and increase your sense of self-efficacy.

Try not to think of your failures as a sign that there is something inherently wrong with you or that you are a failure. You have an incredible capability to grow as a human in all areas of your life and failing is a good sign to show that your pushing yourself to learn. In the words of John Wooden, "Failure isn't fatal, but failure to change might be."

I'll leave you with one last quote that I found to be inspirational: "Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all." - Norman Vincent Peale.


u/BitchIAmBatman · 4 pointsr/exmormon

I feel this exact same way. Now that my future isn't set in stone of "Get married and make babies" and I can think and pick for myself, I have NO idea what I want to do. I know I do still like the idea of getting married one day, and I know that I do NOT want kids, but I have no idea what to do instead. I have no idea who I am.

I'd recommend reading "The Defining Decade".

It's about "making your twenties matter" and figuring out who you are, but I think it's very motivational and inspiring and extremely helpful for anyone in an identity crisis regardless of age. I spent a few weeks the last month crying because I absolutely have no clue what to do with the rest of my life. I very literally don't know how to think for myself, and this book is changing that, slowly but surely.

u/purgatoires · 4 pointsr/nfl

rereading this book feels so much more real and helpful now that i'm graduating than it did three years ago. would highly recommend it to anyone about to graduate college

u/how-dey-do-dat · 3 pointsr/offmychest

I read a book by a gal named Meg Jay about this. It was extremely helpful, a friendly read and practical. I don't read much but I loved it.

u/qualmic · 3 pointsr/polyamory

26F, married, known a long time, maybe not that experienced. I'm also not "living the lifestyle" - I don't do a lot of active dating, but we're defacto open and I don't need to ask for permission. I don't feel trapped or restricted. It's good.

I found "The Defining Decade" helpful in answer the question "WTF am I supposed to be doing?!". I'd recommend it, it's short.

I think you just have to make the best decisions you can with the information you have, that are most consistent with your values and long-term goals. Nobody knows those better than you.

u/SojuSojuSoju · 3 pointsr/relationships

Hmm. You seem to see a future with this guy, which implies serious decisions like co-habitation, marriage, children, etc. He sounds like he's more focused on living in the now, which is fine, for him.

Consider this: Is there any evidence he (and for that matter, you) is working toward achieving your future goals, or are they just sweet nothings to keep you satiated while he perfects his K/D ratio on COD?

You're not being a "heartless bitch." I'd say your concerns point to a very heartfelt feeling. You want your boyfriend to improve educationally for himself, and you want to keep things moving relationship-wise for the both of you. Unless you start making ultimatums and harranguing him without calmly explaining your reasons why (for example), you haven't nearly crossed into "bitch" territory.

Now, while he's working two jobs (how long can a man keep that up, btw?), smoking ganja, drinking the Dew, and gaming, what are you doing? You seemingly implied you're in Uni, and I'm guessing you're pursuing other things in your life, based on the overall candor of your post. In the next few years you'll start changing as a person, and if he stays the same, something's going to give.

I don't mean to frighten you or anything, but there's a good possiblity you're dating someone who's perfect for you right now,but, as you've rightly began to see, may not be the perfect guy for you to settle down with. That's okay. It's part of growing up.

Take some time to think about the future from a variety of different scenarios and decide if the real him can be a part of your ideal future.

Also, I'd highly reccomend you read The Defining Decade, or at least listen to author Meg Jay's TEDTalk. I think you're starting to grasp the issues that affect many 20-somethings, myself included, and it can give you a good perspective on some of the things you're clearly beginning to think about w/r/t your future.

Good luck!

u/all_reddits_are_mine · 3 pointsr/NonZeroDay

Hmmm. Stumbled upon this sub, like, 3 hours ago, and I'm hooked.

So, Monday was an okay day. I got up early enough and had some time with Rising Sun Bro and myself before my family woke up.

Around 3-ish plopped down on the computer and hunted for game soundtracks (Kirby Nightmare in Dreamland FTW).

After that I studied chemistry 15 minutes, and got bored, really really, quick. Walked in to the desktop and read up some Naruto until 7.

At 7:30 jogged about a half km and played some intense football and basketball until 10.

Ran up and down 7 flights of stairs and took a shower before sinking in with my Kindle and a nice read of Defining Decade.

I should really start studying harder.

u/erickcire · 3 pointsr/Existentialism

I've gone through bouts of similar thought processes and usually it's pretty difficult to dig yourself. There's no one thing that anything can say to brighten the situation or your outlook. Still, this book helped me find a bit of focus and perspective (, though it has nothing to do with existentialism.

It can be a bit corny at times, but overall it offers some pretty practical advice.

u/featheredheaddress · 2 pointsr/AskWomen

I don't know how helpful this will be, but check out the book The Defining Decade. It's by a clinical psychologist who has extensive experience working with people in their twenties and she talks about things to think about in your twenties, common traps in thinking by people in their twenties, and everything is accompanied by anecdotes from her former patients.

I found it crazy relateable and it helped me a lot. It might be worth checking out, just as a place to get started. But all in all, I'm sorry you're feeling that way and I hope everything will work out!

edit: I just wanted to add a link to the book so it would be easy to find/you could look through the reviews.

u/WalterBoudreaux · 2 pointsr/RedPillWomen

> My SO was very crystal clear that he'd never propose to someone unless he lived with them for at least a year due to relationship issues in the past.

Not sure any guy that makes an ultimatum like that is the right one. But I hope your risk pays off.

I highly recommend this book -

One of the topics it speaks in-depth on is the effects of premarital cohabitation on future marriage/divorce probabilities.

u/long_AMZN · 2 pointsr/wallstreetbets

if you're in your twenties, the one book that's guaranteed to make you slightly less retarded + reads like a TED talk is this:

u/LayBayHaySay · 2 pointsr/MultipleSclerosis

Hey! 28M recently diagnosed RRMS. I feel exactly where you are at in life, and a big thing that keeps me moving through this is Jack Osborne’s motto. “Adapt and overcome”

Life is a beautiful thing and having MS doesn’t mean anything different. We are normal people with just a little bit of bad luck and you WILL lead a normal life. Just always ask for help when you need it!

I had a lot of career and life realizations similar to you as I began my path toward treatment after diagnosis. I have a feeling you will also benefit as greatly as I did from the book below.

Be positive. Stay hopeful. Travel. Eat. Love. Use your diagnosis date as your lotto numbers. Put yourself outside of your comfort zone and SWIM. People are a lot stronger than they know when they face something like MS.

u/ssulim1 · 2 pointsr/ENFP

I feel you. I'm in a similar boat. I graduated in May with a Pre-Med Nutrition degree and a Biology minor. I never wanted to go to med school, but I switched from pharmacy to education to pharmacy to pre-med nutrition because I was interested in holistic treatment. But my love for nutrition died because the program at my school WAS TERRIBLE, so towards the end of my degree I hated school and was totally unmotivated and I was blind to the future. I considered med school but a life of diagnosing, treating, and saying bye to patients I wouldnt see for another few months or years was not really appealing to me. I had a mental breakdown my senior year of college because of all the adderall I was taking and it took a tole on my personal life too. I would LOVE to travel and chill for a while but the reality of being broke and in debt after college is way too real. I want to go into the mental health field, but that means Ill be broke and in debt for like a decade, but I would love mental health way more than medical school. I want to surround myself with more disciplined creatives too, but most of the people I knew like that are moving away after school. Its hard to not let anxiety overcome me some days, but at least I know there are other people in the same boat. I recommend reading the book

To be more disciplined and creative I suggest meditating daily. the app headspace is AMAZING, no hippie buddhism is involved, it just really works to help strengthen our pre-frontal cortex's, the part of the brain that adderall works to stimulate. I found meditating REALLY helped me handle the reality of my situation, and be easy on myself while going in a good direction.

but yeah I definitely feel similarly to you. Im babysitting for the summer to calm my nerves after school, but I have nothing planned for the fall yet and im freaking out. I really want to work in the mental health field but its been impossible to find a job and Im terrified of being broke come the fall.

u/gauchecamo · 2 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

check this book out: The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter*Version*=1&*entries*=0

they have a whole chapter on how you can choose your family when you're in your 20s - you can marry wisely and create the family you want.

u/Tamerlana · 1 pointr/DecidingToBeBetter

Do you have more recent papers? As kevinambrosia have said, the environment today is far different than it was even 10 years ago.

I found a great book on this - The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now by Meg Jay

u/dwolfy · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals

You're at a transitional point in your life. This is supposed to be the position you are in. May I suggest you check out the book The Defining Decade? It really helped me out when I was at your age and in the same position. Don't worry about girls, they are for later, building yourself should be your primary focus right now.

u/mascmusclesissy · 1 pointr/askgaybros

I’m not going to judge you. There’s something judge Judy says: Beauty fades. Dumb is forever. Not calling you dumb, but I hope you are gaining some intellectual capital (in school or something) so that you can bounce back when this ends, because will...and not likely in your favor.

There’s a book called “the defining decade” The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now

It is totally worth the 10$. I was in a similar (but not identical) situation. This book encouraged me to step out, go to grad school, and the rest is history.

Please, build something for yourself (heck, become a gay escort, a male stripper, or a model, if you plan to rely on your looks) that you have something to fall back on when this ends. It bears repeating. It will end...and most likely not in your favour. Much love.

EDIT: if this man and his friends are good people, they might be interested in mentoring you professionally. Can you at least gain some long term professional (eventual long term financial) benefit from this arrangement? You might need to ask creatively...and probably not of him initially if you don’t want to do additional acts. Perhaps one of his friends is in real estate and ...I’ll stop being officious. Good luck.

u/aGirlwithoutWDs · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes

Yes, this has been the worst time of my life. Who would have thought?


This is an absolute life-changer.

u/pitypartylikeits1999 · 1 pointr/BPD

>When she sometimes stay over in the town he lives in, she sleeps in his bed. They have a couch. I don't think things are platonic, and though he tells me that it is. God, his presences drives me int a speculative-crazydom.

DUUUUUUUUUDE. Dude.... Dude? I mean come on. If I was your friend I would slap you in the face. Just know that when you breakup she is doing to get another BF the next day and you need to be mentally prepared for that. She is going to hound you relentlessly after that. Dont look at her instagram/fb/etc. it will only hurt you

Its good that she is in DBT and it will be up to you if you want to completely cut her out of your life or see if she gets any bit better. A relationship should be mutual and this relationship is not.

>I feel like I let myself stagnate. I don't enjoy life.

Nothing more needs to be said. Get out before she destroys whats left of you. On your road to recovery, if you're in your 20's or about to be, I suggest this book, its helped me mentally a lot already even though I read it kind of late (I'm 27).

u/anon194029 · 1 pointr/TheGirlSurvivalGuide

Funny - I went through a similar transition when I was only a year or two younger than you.

What you need is a goal outside of your relationship - a driving force for yourself and your career, dreams about what kind of kickass life you want to be living, ideas on where you want to travel and live, and plans to make those things happen. You need to be fearless about deciding what you want in life, and all the assertiveness, confidence, and self-reliance that are inherent in womanhood will come as a result of that.

You need to think long and hard about what you want out of life, and then decide to make it happen. Nothing is too grandiose - do you want to live in the South of France? It can happen. Do you want to eventually own your own company? It can happen. The luxury of your age is that you have time to make these things happen.

To me, being a "woman" means you don't give a shit what other people think about you because you've got your goals and desires figures out (but you are still kind and polite). It means that you're life isn't dictated by fear - and it means that you are self-reliant. Therefore, any man, any career choice, any group of friends that comes into your life is evaluated by you according to whether it brings good or bad to the table for you. You don't settle for anything out of convenience.

It comes down to assertiveness, confidence, and a willingness to shamelessly ask for what you want. You already sound intelligent, you just need to learn to be stronger; with strength, you gain sex appeal. Lots of it. All of a sudden, you're a hot item, because you need to be won, you don't seem to just settle for whatever comes your way.

Know your value, know your worth. I can guarantee you it's much higher than you think right now.

Regarding your partner: if you want to still be with him, do so, but it would be a red flag for me if I hadn't had sex for months with my BF - especially at 25. Why spin your wheels at your age with someone who isn't setting you on fire with excitement? I'll tell you why: because you're afraid to leave him.

Don't live your life out of fear. Ever. Dive in full-on, take risks, and push yourself to keep growing.

Read this ridiculous book: Why Men Love B*****s - just get it! It's great, it summarizes the idea of being kind, but also prioritizing yourself first.

Read and complete the exercises in this book: The Assertiveness Workbook - a wonderful, scientifically backed-up personal course in being more assertive.

Read this great book: The Defining Decade

Get better at socializing: How to Win Friends and Influence People

In terms of motivational books to figure out what you want to do with your life? Jesus - there's too many good ones out there. Google any list of "top motivational books", "books about planning life" etc. To start - the books Willpower and Grit were useful for me.

Additionally, there's Brene Brown for a softer approach to finding what you're about as a human being. Braving the Wilderness is a great pick - and for something a bit more direct, read Unfu*k Yourself.

This is going to sound nuts, but read all of these. If you play videogames, stop. If you spend too much time on reddit, stop. Read to pass your time now, and keep growing. These books will help you learn to be strong, sexy, and give you control over your life.

u/cracksilog · 1 pointr/birthday

Rather than regurgitate what I’ve learned (and possibly take away credit for coming up with ideas), here’s a book I’ve read multiple times and a book I gift to every 20-something

u/smashingbumpkin · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

It's never too late, but the sooner the better.

And first off, I'm not coming for you! Just sharing some perspective I have really been thinking about over the past months.

In a sense, no there isn't a time limit or 'right path.' But we as a society have allowed ourselves to believe that we suddenly have an extra decade (our twenties) to 'figure it out.'

When our twenties are arguably our most critical years. For a majority of humanity, we have jumped from teenage adolescence straight into adulthood. Where has this extra decade come from? There's a problem where a lot of people put things off because they're "learning about life." By the time these people reach a certain age, they realize they should have been thinking about some major things way earlier in life.

Do you want to be in your mid thirties and struggle with worrying about: graduate school, building a career, having children, etc, all meanwhile our parents are failing in health? By waiting too long, you have to juggle with more challenges and it gets harder and harder.

Again, it's never too late, but the sooner the better. I really implore you guys to read a book titled "The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now"

I'm only twenty-two but this book has given me some major perspective and ideas about where I want my life to go. And to be honest, my goals, dreams, and paths are constantly changing. Especially since I'm in my twenties. But at least I'm being conscious of it and not putting it off like I see a lot of my colleagues doing.

Some background, I literally just finished putting myself through college. I mapped out what it is that I wanted and the actions that I needed to accomplish. Since graduating, I have moved to NYC and am an Analyst at a software company. I couldn't be happier right now. I have the rest of my life to "learn [more] about life."

tl;dr The sooner, the better!

u/ShawnaNana · 1 pointr/needadvice

If you can, talk to a therapist/psychologist/counselor/whatever. If not, you should at least read this: The Defining Decade

Also, you have to actually do something to have your circumstances change. If you keep repeating the same pattern every day, you're going to keep getting the same results and be stuck this way until you're 80. Try to do one small thing differently each day. Go for a walk. Talk to someone at work. Apply for a better job. Pick up someone's shift. Just anything to change the cycle you're stuck in.

u/mewanthoneycombnow · 1 pointr/entp

Just don't drink too much coffee ;P

Seriously though, after college I bailed out of the US to live in China for 3 years. I definitely wasn't ready for college and would have benefited from taking some time off. Key word here is "some." Don't burn your bridges under any circumstances. Make sure the university will let you back in. Read that last part again.

Also, read Meg Jay's "The Defining Decade"

Seriously though, read it. I accomplished some things in my 20s, and now I'm back in school for comp sci at a top 25 university, but man do I wish I had wasted less time teaching and working in China. Retail is just about the worst job for an ENTP. It will stress the ever living hell out of you long-term. Repetitive manual labor and meanwhile you're going through an existential crisis because you don't know what you're doing with your life. Been there done that. I didn't learn anything about myself. If you're going to take some time off, make it worthwhile and travel. Do the whole backpacking round the world thing for a year. Explore to the maximum. Let that Ne roam free, feel the wind in your hair. But come back after 1 year. I have a list of the top ranked ENTP occupations based on 421,000 MBTI surveys. PM me if you're interested. Choose something and then move on with your life.

The sage has spoken. LOL.

u/shinkeidash · 1 pointr/videos

awesome book that really changed my ideals and opinions about my age around.

u/zabloosk · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

Some real down-to-earth options (not happy-sassy, as you said)

The Defining Decade by Meg Jay - why your twenties matter and how to get the most of them

Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin - tackles habit formation, great for adulting/getting things in order

Who Are You, Really? by Brian Little - a short & sweet book that tackles personality theory, I found it useful at this point in my life

u/heroette · 0 pointsr/infj

former floundering 20-something now successful 30-something, here! I'VE BEEN THERE. and i read this incredibly helpful book a few years ago during the lowest point of my "quarter life crisis." the defining decade: why your twenties matter and how to make the most of them now by dr. meg jay. great overview here. the content is relevant to anyone at any age, but reading it in my twenties certainly helped light a fire under my ass to seriously consider who i was, who i wanted to be, what i wanted to achieve, and what i needed to do "get there." there's a wealth of really important concepts (the strength of weak ties, unthought knowns, crafting your narrative) that really opened my eyes and mind and heart so that i could see the possibilities instead of only seeing my failures. highly recommend anyone "figuring it out" to read this book. i swear i wouldn't be who or where i am today without it. anecdotally, a sensitive and sophomoric friend i loaned this book to found its insight and implications offensive, so temper expectations with a thick skin and an open mind.

u/StartWatch · -2 pointsr/cringepics

Once 30 hits you usually have a "wtf am I doing with my life" moment. I don't know from experience as I'm 22, but I did read a book about it. this one