Reddit reviews The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself (Fawcett Book)

My abusive partner did escalate to hitting. But frankly, that was a relief. I know that doesn't sound like it makes sense, but hitting was something that other people would understand. Hitting made the situation clear and easy to define as abuse.

And... hitting is just physical. I find it really hard to explain to most people, but I would take a solid beating (especially with the actual apology and honeymoon period that would follow) any day of the week over someone trying to reach into my head and verbally convince me that I'm worthless again. The verbal and emotional aspects were absolutely the worst parts for me. Bruises heal in a week, but it's been three years and I still stammer when I speak, because I was trained so thoroughly to expect that I'd be interrupted and berated for choosing the wrong word (or speaking at all).

What helped me the most, especially at the beginning of being free from him, was thinking of myself as injured. If your leg was broken, your doctor would inform you that you'll experience pain and immobility, and itching under the cast, so you wouldn't blame yourself somehow for feeling those things or refusing to take the cast off. The emotional symptoms you're feeling now are no different. Read everything you can on the psychological damage that you may be dealing with, and try to get that information from your therapist as well, so you can be informed enough to say to yourself "that's a normal thing to feel while I'm healing." It does get better. You just gotta give yourself time.

I didn't have access to therapy, so these were the most helpful things for me:

The Verbally Abusive Relationship - Evans

The Emotionally Abused Woman - Engel

http://www.drirene.com/verbalabuse.php

This sounds scarily close to what my best friend was married to. Putdowns and insults (both public and private), locked in his office gaming most of the day, low self-esteem translating to "everyone else is a dumbass."

It finally ended with him waving a gun around in a drunken rage, with their 5-year-old son in his bedroom hearing everything and being scared that "Daddy was going to kill me and Mommy."

Get the fuck out of there now.

Edit: Read "Why Does He Do That?" and possibly "The Emotionally Abused Woman." You need to understand that pretty much every abused woman has made the same excuses for her partner that you do. What he's doing is not okay.

Hey OP. Congratulations to you, your sister, and your mother for moving out and to your mum for filing for divorce. I'd love to say that it'll be easier from here on out, but no promises. I can say, that despite everything that happened afterwards, my parents' divorce was the best thing that happened to me.

Speaking from my past, my parents' divorce caused a whole slew of issues, most likely since it was the first time we were all "free". There was this huge disconnect from my sister and my mom at that time because we were all trying to find our own way after being forced to manage and comfort each other and make do for so many years. I'm sorry you don't have therapy readily available to you; it took me several years of very intense therapy to get back on a stable road. There are some online resources that can maybe help you out: Sam Vaknin's YouTube Channel or this book that helped both me & my mum

That hollowness is to be expected. You've probably been so tense and in "fight or flight" mode for so long, that this change may not have registered yet. Or, maybe you're waiting for the panic moment where you'll need a reaction. Either way, try to just do go through the motions like sleeping, eating, and breathing. It sounds silly, but you may start to notice how it feels different. Also, I imagine your Ndad made you constantly feel like a problem; that conditioning doesn't go away. For a long time, I was angry at him. Sometimes, I still feel that anger. Then, I remind myself that my experiences, even the absolutely horrible ones, made me and shaped me into the person that I am...and that's good.

You deserve a healthy, happy life. You deserve to be happy. And I wish you all the best in your route in life.

EDIT: Sam Vaknin is a narcissit, however he is a self-aware one and as such studies the personality disorder. It does not make him someone "nice" to be close to or deal with on an interpersonal level, but he does have an insight into the personality disorder that is hard to find elsewhere. I am not suggesting trying to get close to him or work with him; just check out some of his videos and see for yourself if what he's saying makes sense. It did for me.

The Gifts of Imperfection Brene Brown
Codependent No More Melody Beattie [with these books, be cautious there is some victim-shaming, but the advice holds well to avoid being codependent and people pleasing.

This book probably saved my life in my 20s, it's older, wish they told me of no contact but it was good for the time.
https://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Abused-Woman-Overcoming-Destructive/dp/0449906442

Get this book. Read this book. It forced me to face the relationship with my dad. It's not ok.
Sorry on phone and can't remember how to link.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0449906442/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?qid=1398009204&sr=8-7&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70et this book. Read this book. It severely forced me to re look at the relationship I had with my dad.

Try This and therapy... Allow yourself time to heal. This will take time, but that also means you don't have to get over it overnight. You can do this thing one bite at a time.