Reddit reviews The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade

I think it would be good to include some examples of subtle N abuse and break them down into why and how it is abuse. Have professional therapists explain how even though these behaviors don't seem so bad on their own as isolated incidents, when they happen repeatedly over many years, they undermine the self-confidence/-esteem of the abused parties, teaching them to deal with the abusers in certain ways that are inappropriate for dealing with normal people, which in turn sets the abused parties up for future relationship problems because they tend to try to read and deal with people the way they have had to learn to read and deal with their Ns.

"The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade," by Ann Fessler, is one of the best documentary-type books I've ever read (she also made a movie based on it, but I haven't yet seen it); she interviewed over 100 women who had been forced to give up the babies that resulted from their unintended pregnancies and used many of their real quotes throughout the text, with supporting statistics and facts in between (it's worth a read, even if you aren't part of the adoption community). I think the approach and format she used in the book would translate well to the subject of living with an N and the damage it can do, despite seeming innocuous to those who've never dealt with such people. Perhaps some dramatic reenactments of real stories of specific incidents would also help to drive the points home to those who haven't lived it.

I would definitely love to see something like this, and opportunity to contribute to it would be awesome!

Edit: Another good thing to include would be how hard it is for the victim to recognize that s/he did, in fact, live an abusive childhood - especially if all the abuse is mental/emotional and seldom witnessed by anyone outside the family and the victim has always been told what an ingrate or horrible child s/he was when rebelling against the abuse, even in subtle ways. I suppose this would fall under the isolation aspect of being raised by Ns.

If you have strong feelings about adoption being an easy solution please read The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade

This is probably an unorthodox suggestion but I have a book recommendation for you. The Girls Who Went Away is a collection of first-person accounts from women who were forced by their families to give up children for adoption, in the days when pregnant teens would be whisked out of sight to a group home. In many cases this was horrifically traumatizing for both the teen mothers and the children, who subsequently grew up thinking they were unwanted by their birth mothers. It also often caused irreparable damage to the relationship between the teen and her own parent(s) who caused the adoption to happen.

I say this NOT AT ALL to dissuade you from adoption--but to highlight how important it is to try to convince your daughter that an open adoption is the way to go, if she continues to rule out abortion. If she doesn't willingly make the choice, I think there's a good chance she may never forgive you.

I really don't know who is the best person to talk to about this. I do think therapy would do both of you good--because I think you have understandable unresolved trauma surrounding your wife's death, which is now being transferred onto your daughter.

Do you think she would agree to just talk to someone at Planned Parenthood or another women's clinic, just so they can lay out her options? They will not pressure her towards or away from an abortion, but I hope they would be honest about the risks of pregnancy and the pressures of child-rearing at her age. (Just make sure you DON'T go to a so-called "Crisis Pregnancy Center" which is actually a religious organization designed to lure women seeking abortions and persuade them to go through with the pregnancy instead.)

Also, I know that there are mentoring programs for teen moms where the mentors are former teen moms themselves. If there's something like that in your area, it might be worth checking whether one of the mentors would be willing to have an honest talk with your daughter about what she would be getting herself into. Her school counselor might know about such programs, or you could call United Way's 211 help line. (Or search the directory here.)

Good luck, I really feel for you both. :/

Many of the girls actually wanted to keep their babies, but were coerced into giving them up for adoption. This was in the days before open adoption, so a good deal of women never got to meet their children, or took decades to find them. Here is a very good book about the subject!

There is a really fabulous book that I picked up several years ago. Just pulled it off the shelf, because - as a 35 year old woman who lives in GA - I apparently need to brush up on what things were like 'before.'

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It is heart-wrenching to read, but I highly recommend it to anyone who wonders what life was like then. And why adoption isn't the panacea that it's described as by pro-lifers.

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https://www.amazon.com/Girls-Who-Went-Away-Surrendered/dp/0143038974

If anyone is interested, here's a really good book about homes for unwed mothers that were very common in the U.S. before Roe v. Wade: https://www.amazon.com/Girls-Who-Went-Away-Surrendered/dp/0143038974

http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Who-Went-Away-DecadesBefore/dp/0143038974/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1269575656&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/When-Abortion-Was-Crime-1867-1973/dp/0520216571/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1269575719&sr=1-1

These will give you a lot of reference to the pre-Roe movement. As for more recent history, other folks can probably help you more than I can.

How about you read this book, and then live with a mother going through that trauma untreated for 28 years and get back to me. http://www.amazon.com/The-Girls-Who-Went-Away/dp/0143038974