Reddit reviews The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith

I’m so sorry. This is my worst fear. It’s a very real possibility for all of us and no doubt it’s a huge part of what keeps a lot of us in the abusive cycle for so long.

I hope you find peace and comfort somehow. I’m glad you’re doing what you can to take care of yourself.

Since you can’t afford a therapist right now, I’d like to make a suggestion. There’s a book that guides you on the grief process; the main focus is death of a loved one though it can be used for just about any kind of loss. It has been a huge help for me. Link and title below.

The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061686077/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_oKz8BbBH3A1YT

I want to say that while you of course have zero blame in this, I think it’s completely natural to feel guilt - however misplaced. I battled guilt and pity for my ex for so long. I still do actually. It’s a daily struggle to maintain acceptance and distance in my head from him. The best thing for me has been to acknowledge and accept my feelings rather than fight them. Guilt is just a feeling. You can’t control your feelings and shouldn’t try. It doesn’t mean the guilt is right or deserved, it just means letting yourself feel it so it can run its course and leave your body eventually.

Writing has been hugely therapeutic for me. Maybe start to journal about it. Make lists (why I feel guilty, things I wish I did differently, reasons I shouldn’t feel guilty, things he did the necessitate me leaving). Write poetry. As my grief process intensified I found I had a dormant poet living inside me. The more you write, the more you’ll find you have to write, to process, to purge out of yourself. This process might last a month, 6 months, or 10 years. But confronting it and reckoning with it is the only way to overcome it.

My heart truly goes out to you, and to your ex and his family. Please feel free to message me any time for a sympathetic ear.

It's terrible, I've been through it, as have many others. The silence is stifling not feeling a winged breeze against your cheek. Over time the house became the bird's, it will be the worst feeling--and, you're right, most people don't understand birds to begin with... don't be mad at them for not "getting" how deep your loss runs. They just don't have your perspective, it sucks, we've been through it.

And don't question it or blame yourself. I lost my best friend, a grey, a few years ago while he was under observation at our Avian Vet. He passed of hardening of the arteries--nothing could have be done. I tortured myself wondering "what if" and "should I have kept him here?" It was a total shock as we thought he had a skin issue (he was a naked plucker).

Life happens whether we get the results we want or not. This book helped a lot:

https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482805924&sr=8-1&keywords=grief+recovery+handbook

One of the first things I did was I made a sizable donation to a parrot rescue in memoriam. It was surprising how good it felt to give to help other birds. It helped me a lot.

After a long while, almost a year, I had rescues and sanctuaries wanting to get me a bird. I've been active with local parrot communities and greys just "click" with me. I wasn't ready so I decided to force myself to go hold a bird... that was it.

We have a local long-standing family-owned pet store that had some greys. I went there just before closing to hold a bird. A CAG got onto my finger and wouldn't get off. He's my bird. I have a picture of that first night home with him asleep on my shoulder his head tucked under his wing.

Give yourself time, if and when you're ready to open your heart to another bird I hope you choose each other. So sorry for your loss--it's not that most won't understand, it's more that they just can't.

When you first lose a pet/when will it start getting better
https://wokesloth.com/old-man-advice-about-dealing-with-death-anthony-bourdain-kate-spade/noah/

Grief recovery book
https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077

Helping children with petloss
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/well/family/when-a-pet-dies-helping-children-through-the-worst-day-of-their-lives.html

Memorial ideas
https://www.thehonestkitchen.com/blog/interview-coleen-ellis-dealing-pet-loss-mourning/

Stages of Grief
https://www.thehonestkitchen.com/blog/pet-loss-the-5-stages-of-grief/

Petloss links (membership costs money, but they have good resources for non members)
https://www.aplb.org/

Petloss experience
http://drandyroark.com/5-lessons-learned-losing-pet/

Hey, so sorry for your situation. I went through something similar in July. I wrote a LONG post as part of my healing. You may find it helpful. https://www.reddit.com/r/Petloss/comments/92k19h/sharing_my_peace_after_a_week_of_losses/Check the links at the bottom, too, there are some great resources. If you want a guide to help with grief, this is really good: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536347988&sr=8-1&keywords=the+grief+recovery+handbook+20th+anniversary+expanded+edition. Also, I found it really comforting to post a memorial on "mydogjustdied.org" when I was ready, which was about a month after he passed. https://mydogjustdied.org/post/177317363990/mr-chango-the-sweetest-dog-ever-you-were-loved Hope this helps. Hugs.

I’m sorry to hear that, OP. You’re going to have a lot of emotions as you process all of this, and it’s ok to let them come, feel them and then let them go. I read a book after a loss called The Grief Recovery Handbook, which was super helpful. If you like to read, I would suggest it for you.

The Grief Recovery Handbook

Sorry to have misunderstood you. My 4 year old has been getting up at the butt-crack of dawn for the last few days, and since I'm always running on an energy deficit because of my MS, now my reading comprehension has taken a bit of a hit. He's back in school today, so he should be pretty worn out, and I'll get some freaking sleep.

On Death and Dying is the number one resource that I recommend. If books on grief had a gold standard, this would be it.

Healing After Loss is another good one that I often recommended.

I wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is one I wish I'd had during my brief time doing grief counseling, because almost all of my patients lost someone suddenly and tragically.

How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies is another old one that's still relevant)

Getting to the Other Side of Grief is one that is specific to losing a spouse.

I personally used The Grief Recovery Handbook and I recommend it so often I should really put it on business cards, but your friend might do better with the workbook that goes with I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye.

A Grief Workbook for Skeptics is brand new and I haven't had a chance to flip though it at the library, but it's nice to see a book address the grieving process for atheists/agnostics. Not that the other books I recommended are religious-y, but atheists (like my husband) do have different grief needs than theists, and it's good to see those getting addressed.

Incidentally, I'm not a social worker anymore. I quit this morning. Not my job, I quit my career. I have MS, and it has finally come to the point that I can't work in any capacity, whether as a social worker or a dog walker or one of those people who dress up in banana suits and stand on busy streets spinning signs to get you to go buy a cellphone or something. I'll be applying for disability tomorrow. So henceforth, take my opinions as that of a former social worker.

Please give my condolences to your friend. They say that losing a child is the worst kind of grief imaginable. And it was (and sometimes is) pretty fucking horrible. But despite going through that, and two traumatic pregnancy losses, the thought of losing a spouse is terrifying to me. I can't wrap my brain around how I could function after that, and I'm saddened to hear that your friend has to live that nightmare. I hope one or more of these books is helpful. The only thing I think I can contribute is something someone once told me after my son died, when I was drowning in grief and wanted to know when it would go away. It never goes away, but one day you wake up and find that you don't mind carrying it with you anymore. It becomes a part of who you are. If you think that your friend would be helped by hearing that, pass it along, but if not just tell them that I'm sorry for their loss.

As others have said, there's no set answer for everyone. Grief is different depending on the survivor's emotional makeup, how they were raised, and the particular relationship they had with the deceased.

One thing to remember is that even the hardest days end. Every day will present a different level of difficulty, but it's just for a day, then you start again tomorrow. Sleep will be invaluable; don't neglect it.

It's probably a bad idea to "just keep yourself busy" and hope that your grief will clear itself up. It's like leaving for work one day and hoping that your house will be clean when you get back. There are things you can do, and should do.

Face your grief head on when you can. Don't avoid the thoughts that pop into your head. Think about them. Turn them over and examine them. Ask yourself why you may feel a certain way. If you're in a situation where you can't give your grandfather the mental time you want to, file it away and deal with it later, preferably before the day ends. Emotions are energy and that energy has to go somewhere. Grief has a lot of energy and you don't want that flying around in your head with no direction.

Be realistic about any guilt that may come up. E.g. when my father died I had to fight not to feel guilty about our relationship, but I constantly reminded myself that the state of our relationship wasn't only decided by me. Remember the good things about the person you've lost, but don't idealize them. Try to have a sense of humor about their shortcomings. If ever there was a time to forgive someone (for your own sake) for their mistakes it's after they die; you can't confront them about it, so you're only holding on to bitterness.

Grieve with someone if you can. Share your grief with other family members if they're willing to be open about their feelings.

Don't be embarrassed about your feelings. You have every right to feel them, and you don't always have control over when they come up. If you need to cry, cry. It's not weakness. Having tender feelings for someone you love is a strength.

I'm very sorry that you can't be with your grandfather anymore. It sucks. It really really sucks. But admit to yourself that you can't be with him. At the proper time remember to say goodbye. It can be very hard when the time comes, but there is a great feeling of relief when you've reached the point when you say, "I love you, but you're not here anymore and I have to let you go."

I highly recommend reading The Grief Recovery Handbbook. It has a lot of very practical, very balanced advice. A friend recommended it when my dad died and I got three chapters in and bought copies for the rest of my family.

I wish you all the best in the days to come. They'll be difficult. But they'll get bright again. I promise.

It sounds like it helped. I'm glad.
I'm sorry that you've had some difficulty in your past. Take free advice for what its worth but try this book: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1525806750&sr=8-1&keywords=the+grief+recovery+handbook&dpID=41kRq5y%252BFTL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

I'm using it to fully grieve my divorce but to also map out my relationship with my parents and other family. The book directs you to make timelines of relationships and give you a process to uncover what unresolved emotional issues you need to resolve. It's really helped me and I hope it helps you.

OP, I'm sorry for what is happening to you. I don't have any financial advice, but I recently also went through the death of someone I loved and I found this book very helpful, maybe you will too: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077

So sorry for your loss. Having been through a few losses, what you're feeling seems normal--it completely sucks, but it's to be expected suddenly losing your best friend. Here's a very helpful guide to accept and work through it: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077

With my therapist, we worked through The Grief Recovery Handbook. It requires a LOT of introspection, and I had to do some pretty painful soul searching, but it was very much worth it. It MUST be done in order- don’t skip to the end since the last assignment won’t have as much weight. It actually reaches into every kind of loss in your life (loss of childhood, loss of relationships, ect.,) and I made some unexpected personal breakthroughs as buried memories came to light.

If you’re dedicated you don’t necessarily need a therapist, but they really, really stress having someone else to go through it with you in your personal life. There’s a lot of stuff you need to share out loud, and it makes a huge difference in your recovery. If you don’t have someone you’re comfortable sharing difficult emotions with IRL, a therapist would be a great choice. I know a lot of them use this, and it’s probably something you could call around and ask.

The book is very practical and matter-of-fact, which I needed. I’m not a fan of spiritual mushy-gushy stuff, if that makes sense!! It’s homework that really changes things.

I’m so sorry for your losses- that’s too much for anyone to bear. I hope this book can help bring you peace like it brought us.